Pregnancy is magical and beautiful and truly one of life’s greatest miracles. On the other hand, though, the whole 9 months is actually pretty much one big struggle. So we’re calling all you mamas who might just need a little humor to get you through it to read through some of our very favorite funny pregnancy quotes.
After all, we could all use a little inspiration sometimes. Take a trip down the 50 funniest pregnancy quotes we could come up with– you’ll be sure to get a good laugh out of it!
Funny Pregnancy Quotes that Every Mom will Relate to!
1. “Everybody leave me alone. I’ve had a busy day being pregnant and I have to do it again tomorrow.”
2. This one is pretty much the summer motto for us all; “Bra off. Hair up. Belly out.”
3. Pretty accurate meme featured below…
4. “There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it” -Chinese Proverb
5. This pregnancy quote… because it’s always a good time for a cupcake.
Funny Quotes about How Long Pregnancy Lasts
6. “Months have an average of 30 days, except the 9th month of pregnancy which has about 1,000 days.”
7. “I was told there would be glowing.“
8. For the superhero in us all – “Growing a baby makes me feel like a Superhero. A really tired, weak superhero who wants to eat all the time and isn’t allowed to lift heavy objects”
9. For all of us who are so over the questions here’s one for you. “Yes I’m positive there’s just one baby in there. Can I throat punch you now?”
Celebrity Pregnancy Quotes
10. “It’s a great thing about being pregnant, you don’t need excuses to pee or eat” –Angelina Jolie
“Having Kids feels like that first seventh-grade crush that overwhelms every molecule in your body, but it’s permanent. – Kristen Bell
12. “I have two brains in my body, but I’ve never been so dumb” – Modern Family
13. “Think of stretch marks as pregnancy service stripes” -Joyce Armor
14. Okay, maybe it’s not the best pregnancy quote but #relatable
15. “To pee or not to pee? That is never the question. Pee.”
16. “Peezing; sneezing and peeing at the same time,” enough said.
17. “When people congratulate me, I like to say, ‘For what?’ and watch them panic”
18. “ Being pregnant has made me realize it takes talent not to pee yourself when you sneeze”
19. “Not a waddle. Just pregnancy swag”.
20. I guess this is the anti-pregnancy joke?
21. “Parenthood is the scariest ‘hood’ you will ever be in.”
22. If this were true, I think there would be a few more Chewbaccas out there. “If heartburn during pregnancy means you’ll have a hairy baby, I’m about to give birth to Chewbacca”
23. Just cause it’s funny.
24. “You don’t realize how many people your friends hate, until you have to name your baby.”
25. Someone get this through everyone’s head. “I am not Buddha. Rubbing my pregnant belly will not bring you good luck.
Funny Quotes Straight from the Top
26. “Being pregnant is an occupational hazard of being a wife” -Queen Victoria
27. “I’ve been to war. I’ve raised twins. If I had a choice, I would rather go to war.” -George W. Bush
Quote for Moms on their 2nd, 3rd, or 4th pregnancy.
28. “Yes, please whine to me about how tired you are today. Are you growing a human? I don’t think so. Now shut the hell up.”
29. “For the 9 months I am pregnant with a boy, shouldn’t I be paid 1.78x my salary?”
30. Note to all moms, sleep makes you cooler not lame.
31. “Stop saying, ‘We’re pregnant.’ You’re not pregnant! Do you have to squeeze a watermelon-sized person out of your lady-hole? No. Are you crying alone in your car listening to a stupid Bette Midler song? No. When you wake up and throw up, is it because you’re nurturing a human life? No. It’s because you had too many shots of tequila,” -Mila Kunis
Hilarious Quotes About the Struggle
32. “Pregnancy is 9 months of cheat days.” (HALLELUJAH)
33. “My baby’s body fat is 2 to 3% this week. I’m so jealous,” -P!nk
34. As if the airport isn’t anxiety-inducing enough
35. “Ask me the gender and due date one more time”
36. “There’s a whole birthing plan, but what is the plan other than to get it out? I mean, there isn’t an option to kind of keep it in, is there? So I’m assuming my plan is to get it out. But apparently, there’s more to the plan than that. I don’t know what that is,” -Keira Knightley
37. Getting through the first trimester struggles can be like:
38. “Peeing on a stick and preserving that stick is the start of the many disgusting things you will do as a mother.”
39. “Belly rubs; $5.00”
40. “You know you’re getting old when your friends start having kids on purpose.”
41. If you didn’t know, you’re allowed to eat as much as you want. “My daily meals include breakfast, lunch, pre-dinner, dinner, pre-dessert, dessert, dessert #2, & a post-dinner snack”
42. “Prenatal yoga focuses on breathing and stretching. So does napping.”
43. At 8 months pregnant, one does not simply “roll over in bed”
44. A little inspiration for post-pregnancy “So I asked around and apparently I have a baby bump. And I’m here to tell you that I do! I am not pregnant, but I have had three kids and there is a bump. From now on ladies, I will have a bump. And it will be my baby bump. And let’s just all settle in and get used to it. It’s not going anywhere.” Jennifer Garner
Every Expecting Dad NEEDS to Know…
Here are some pregnancy quotes that dad’s need to know.
45- “A tip for expecting dads; never, ever eat the last anything”
46- “Don’t ask me why I am crying because I don’t know.”
47. “Giving Birth is an ecstatic roller coaster ride not available to males”
48. “The only productive part of me today has been my bladder” (Hey, that’s something!)
49. “I’m proof birth control is 99% effective.”
50. “Being pregnant finally helped me understand what my true relationship was with my body” “meaning that it wasn’t put on this earth to look good in a swimsuit,” -Amy Adams
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