I was very lucky to meet Dr. Harvey Karp at a conference last year, and he gave me a copy of the Happiest Toddler on the Block DVD. Since I had so many specific questions for him, I didn’t confess that I’d already seen it thanks to the library.
Let me cut to the chase, you must buy this video and watch it. Yeah, sure, the book is good, but the video is IMMEDIATE. Like, click on this Happiest Toddler instant video link and start watching Dr. Karp appease savage toddlers before you even finish reading why I think you should.
The Internet is awesome like that.
The concept:
The first thing you need to do is buy into the premise that toddlers are like neanderthals. Then you can apply Dr. Karp’s secrets of great communication to get your messages across in their primitive language.
The Fast Food Rule
“Whenever you’re speaking with someone who is upset, they get to go first, and you acknowledge their feelings before doing anything else,” Dr. Karp says. My experience at a fast food restaurant is not that they utilize this system of customer service, but I have tried it in my house with great success. “You want to have a treat right now, and you’re mad at Mommy.” The key is to say this out loud before “Sorry, but we’re having dinner in just a few minutes.”
Toddler-ese means to simplify your language and repeat.
Rather than say, “I see you wanted that cool toy that your brother was playing with, yes, it looks fun,” you grunt, “You want it, you want it. That toy, you want it!” and repeat it over and over. And don’t forget to match their level of intensity with your words and body language. If the tone isn’t right, it won’t work. (This is another way in which the video nails it but the book can’t quite do the job.)
In the DVD, Dr. Karp offers other clever hacks for encouraging good behavior throughout the day (like stretching out patience, gossiping, and playing the boob) while real parents reflect on their experiences.
Is it any good?
I find it supremely helpful to think of my small person as a neanderthal for the purposes of communication. While you won’t hear me talking baby-talk (“wa wa” and “ba ba” have no place in my home), the cave-person grunts of Toddlerese feel right.
Having watched this video seven years ago and meeting Dr. Karp in person, I realize that I’m practically fluent in Toddler-ese by now. Last night at bedtime, I comforted my crying son, “You are SAD SAD SAD; you want the cookie; Mommy said NO NO; you want the cookie; you want it” until he looked at me with that, “She really gets me” look and chilled out.
Now that I’ve taken a refresher, by re-watching the DVD, I’m eager to test some of the other techniques on my toddler when I see him after daycare today .
What’s bad about it:
It takes 38 minutes and you might want answers NOW NOW NOW. Also, the book, while fantastic, lacks the human demonstrations to clarify tone and body language.
Bottom line:
Same as my top-line, people: Just buy it. If the streaming video is more practical for your lifestyle, super. If not, then buy the DVD. Or check them out from Netflix or your library.
Disclosure: Not sponsored, but I received a free DVD.
I was sadly disappointed in this book especially considering how much I loved the Happiest Baby on the Block. I thought that the neanderthal thing was a little over-the-top and didn’t give my toddler enough credit. I might try watching the video to see if that helps change my opinion.
All children are different, of course, Stefanie, but I find my now-two-year old to be the MOST emotionally present and connected child of my whole gang and I wonder if its because this methodology was already so ingrained in my approach.
I will also say that my little guy is remarkably verbal, and I don’t feel like we’re talking down to him.
I wish I could loan you my DVD and you could see if about 20 minutes of watching clarifies some of the stuff the book leaves out.
Ten years ago when my son was an infant and not the easiest to console, we bought the Happiest Baby on the Block book but couldn’t find the time to read it fast enough – we needed quick answers! We ordered the video and had it shipped over night!
I literally cried when we watched his little technique calm those babies – that’s what I wanted for my child! The stuff works too! It’s crazy and I still don’t get it but it works.
I just finished the book and I have two simple questions, I was wondering if you could help.
First, my 18 month old won’t take a lovey … He has no favourite toy, plush animal, blanket, etc. I have tried many times to encourage him to have one and he simply doesn’t seem to care. Should I keep pushing?
And second, clap and growl is as far as I get. I have never had to put him on time out. The book says to use time out since the first birthday, many times a week for him to grab the concept. Should I go straight to time out? It doesn’t feel right, but I also feel that I am skipping that part of the book and maybe it is necesary?
Thank you for your help.
Hi Marysa, Time Out is no fun for kids or parents… and not effective for many children so you ought to be happy if you don’t need to use it. Maybe I’m misunderstanding your question, though.
As for the lovey, our kids were/are very attached to stuffed animals and blankies. Is there another comfort object that your child does like? Sometimes it can be a little bit odd like a washcloth or a toy truck… or maybe it is just a favorite pillow. As long as your little one has a sleep routine with sleep queues, it is ok if there’s no lovey.