Why does it always seem like other moms know what they’re doing?
Hooray! We’re happy to share our fourth Fearless Friday post. This one is from reader Amy in Columbus, OH and some of her fears and realities of becoming a stay-at-home-mom to baby Milo (good name!). She blogs at mamaincolumbus.com and amygirl312.blogspot.com.
Way back in my college days, I heard the advice to do something each day that scared you. I tried it for a few days and it was fine, but I quickly petered out on that plan because at 21 not enough things had me shaking in my boots to do one each and every day. Besides there was beer to drink. Flash forward 10 years to the day I am staring at a positive pregnancy test and I realize life is about to get way more interesting. With way less beer.
Being a Mama scared me from the day we took our sleeping little bundle of Milo out of the hospital. He looked so small and the world seemed so large. We soldiered on getting past our first kitchen sink bath, conquering the Moby wrap, and surviving those first eight hours of day care. After three months of working full time, we decided it was best for me to leave my job and reinvent myself as a stay-at-home mom. This was my decision and I was very comfortable with it, but goodness if it didn’t terrify me, also. What would my days be like? Who would I be if I didn’t have a title on a business card? When would I get to shower each day?
One day, not long after I left my job, Milo and I walked into a baby story time at our local library. I shouldn’t have been nervous, but being faced with a whole group of women who knew the words and movements to the skidamarink song had me panic-stricken. These were my new peers and I needed them to accept me as one of their own. I took a deep breath and plopped Milo and myself down on the floor. We listened to the stories and sang the songs. Afterwards we played with communal toys and chatted with the other moms. And the more we participated the better my attitude became.
I was no longer scared to be staying at home. Sitting on the library floor, I realized who I was could never be (nor ever was) measured by a business card or Outlook account. I would be able to figure this all out. Our days would take shape around parks, new friends, and smooshy hug fests on the living room floor. Some days I would even dry my hair. More importantly though, each day we would do something that would thrill us.
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Good job, Amy! And why is it that everyone else always looks like they know what they’re doing?! This post is part of Fearless Fridays, a series of rookie mom adventures.
I’m facing the same thing – especially around veteran mommies – mommies that are my mother’s age. I wonder how I come across as a mom – am I too sweet? too tough? too whiny? Do I breastfeed properly? Do I hold my LO correctly?
I haven’t joined any mommy groups yet, but when I do I know this will be an issue. Just have to remember they’re all probably fearing the same thing I am.
It all really comes down to my baby – he’s happy and smiling, so I must be doing something right!
I remember what a relief it was when I realized that most moms were concentrating so hard on their own kids that they really didn’t have much time to pay much attention to yours.
Just last night I was lying awake wondering if my “defusing” and “distraction” tactics for my volatile two year old actually came across as coddling and giving in to other moms. Actually, my mom’s group has been really valuable because I get to see them having the same issues and the same doubts. Maybe we don’t all do the same thing but we are all trying to do our best, and very sympathetic toward each other. As long as everyone makes an effort not to judge, you don’t all have to be in lockstep when it comes to child rearing.