In a fit of “I want to get to 50/50 and have a perfectly balanced life in which I work 30 hours a week, my husband works 30 hours a week, and we’re totally sharing raising the kids and maintaining the house” I ordered Getting to 50/50: How Working Couples Can Have It All by Sharing It All by Sharon Meers and Joanna Strober.
After inhaling the book at regular intervals in the hopes of discovering the secret formula to work and life BALANCE, I learned that I may already be at 50/50. Oh shit.
Are you already at 50/50?
- Do you work at something that gives you personal satisfaction and pays at least 10% of the household income?
- Does your partner put the children to bed once in a while?
- Does your partner know how to make a decent kid’s lunch?
- Does your partner trade off times to stay home with a sick kid?
If you answered YES to 50% of these questions, you may already be at 50/50.
If you answered YES to 100% of these questions, you are probably at 50/50.
But seriously folks, I don’t earn 50% of the household income. So, I’m not at 50/50, right? There’s the loophole. That’s why they call the book Getting to 50/50 because it’s a continuing process of making trade-offs and valuing each other’s chosen profession and working together as a family unit and team.
Oh crap. We do that stuff already.
So, are you 50/50? How can you tell?
I stay at home with our boys while my husband goes to school full time working towards his Masters and works full time. Since he’s only home really from 930pm – 630am (throw in an hour or so a couple days a week for dinner), and then most weekends he’s home all day, most of the “work” falls on my plate. I don’t feel it’s extra work though. We both knew, understood, agreed that having children while he was still in school would mean more than a “normal” amount of ‘domestic’ work on my part.
If he’s home, he helps get dinner on the table (or plays with the boys so I can do it without stepping on little toes!), bathes the boys (while I clean up the kitchen), gets one or both down. Our 2.5 y/o thinks early morning is the best thing ever, and my husband is quick to jump out of bed to get him and our son breakfast and plays with him quietly so I and our 1 y/o can catch some more Z’s. Some days I feel like I don’t do enough, knowing that he’s getting up at the butt crack of dawn to get started on the day, but he insists it be that way
I figure as long as ‘ground rules’ are laid out, everyone is in agreement of these rules and things are getting down around the house – no matter who is doing them, and everyone is “happy” – it’s working.
Can I argue that it is impossible to be 50/50 all of the time?
I would say in general, we are 50/50, almost to an insane degree. We alternate who gets up with the kids in the morning and gets them ready. We trade off nights putting them to bed. If one person cooks dinner, the other cleans up.
But my husband travels for work so when he’s gone, it’s more like 90/10. But because he travels, he gets paid more. In the last four years we went from making the same amount to him making twice as much as I make since he travels. I consider that my money too since I do the kid/house stuff while he does work stuff. When he gets home, he picks up more of the kid/house stuff.
We only do it this way because it makes both of us happy. I think communication is at the heart of dividing up the chores& kid stuff.
yes, what do you do when you appear to be at 50/50 and it’s still SO MUCH WORK. I’m going to think about that and get back to you.
There are days where I feel like my “share” is more than 50%, but then I get up the next morning and the car is packed, the car seat has been moved, and breakfast is being served as I am still getting dressed. We have a 50/50 balance in our home, it’s just that each of our 50′s are different. A great reminder though– and makes me thankful for having a baby-daddy who helps out so much!
[...] originally posed the question, “are you already at 50/50?” a few weeks ago. Here’s my nitty gritty book [...]
HI- I just posted a question on my blog that kind of relates to this. I would love if you or any of your commenters might like to come and comment on the division of labor in your house. The link to the post is http://suddenlystayathome.blogspot.com/2009/10/division-of-labor.html. I am also going to link back to this post. Thanks!
Ha! I am a single mom so I guess I am at 100. Cheers!