What not to wear

Once upon a time I met Alec and we dated and never fought. I was cute but not very trendy; on our first date I had the cutest shoes that were shiny, boxy, red loafers. And that was five years ago.

Since being sucked into the vortex of baby then children, I’m lucky if my clothes are clean.

For the past almost-three weeks, I have been back to work. And I just have to say: I have nothing to wear.

Here are some examples of my semi-tragic state of being:

  • Just yesterday, I tried on my (very thin) friend’s maternity 7 jeans. They finally fit me. My youngest is seven months old and I am not pregnant. They’re the cutest jeans I own.
  • Shoes. All my shoes have to be kicked off to get in and out of the house and in and out of the preschool (sometimes while wearing a baby). I have very few options and they’re not very fashionable.
  • My maternity clothes (jeans notwithstanding) are probably the most current things I have right now since almost everything else is a good five year’s old.
  • All my normal shirts are still half-shirts.

Ok, confessions aside, I kinda don’t know how to solve the problem. I want to be cute and stylish but I don’t want to spend a ton of money. I like Susan Wagner’s The Working Closet column but even that seems like too much reading.

Can someone please turn me in to a makeover show like What not to wear?