Weekly goal: pretending I totally want more kids

I just got off the phone with one of Alec’s college buddies who had a first son the same time we had Milo (our #2) and he said that they are expecting TWINS.

But I’m jumping the gun to make that part of my story. The real story here is my absolute inability to pretend I didn’t want any more kids last week. Theoretically, when randoms ask me, “so, do you want more kids?” I should have answered, “heck no” in keeping with my game. But instead, I went through the long explanation over and over and over again.

Of course, now that I’ve switched gears in the game, I’m just as likely to give the whole spiel, so I shouldn’t make it mean too much.

When I think about having more children in our family, I get excited to think about the future future and having joyful holidays with tables full of laughter; I imagine three crazy but loving teenage sons (yes, I can’t bring myself to imagine we’d have a daughter most times — it’s either be cool with 3 boys or don’t play ball); I picture staring stupidly at a newborn and finally letting myself enjoy each phase because it does go by so quickly.

But then my mind leaps quickly to the downsides of more baby: fewer hours of sleep, less sanity, no me time, another 5 pounds of blub that I may never shake shred. I try to ignore pragmatic worries about money because I don’t think these kinds of life-altering decisions can be made so rationally as all that.

And then I’m stuck all over again.

The sick thing is that phone calls with Alec’s friends make me obsess all over again (self: “oh wow, they’re going from one kid to three, we should totally have another”). When annoying people ask me if I’m pregnant (WHICH I’M NOT!!!!), a small part of me wonders if I should just go for it so I can say yes. WTF is that?!

I’m not sure that this weekly goal will be any easier to execute than last week’s, but I’m open to evaluating the experiment and checking back in.

Am I overthinking this? Don’t answer that. Just tell me your story. Cuz that will help me make my life choice.

Related: last week’s weekly goal: pretending I don’t want any more kids.