I just got off the phone with one of Alec’s college buddies who had a first son the same time we had Milo (our #2) and he said that they are expecting TWINS.
But I’m jumping the gun to make that part of my story. The real story here is my absolute inability to pretend I didn’t want any more kids last week. Theoretically, when randoms ask me, “so, do you want more kids?” I should have answered, “heck no” in keeping with my game. But instead, I went through the long explanation over and over and over again.
Of course, now that I’ve switched gears in the game, I’m just as likely to give the whole spiel, so I shouldn’t make it mean too much.
When I think about having more children in our family, I get excited to think about the future future and having joyful holidays with tables full of laughter; I imagine three crazy but loving teenage sons (yes, I can’t bring myself to imagine we’d have a daughter most times — it’s either be cool with 3 boys or don’t play ball); I picture staring stupidly at a newborn and finally letting myself enjoy each phase because it does go by so quickly.
But then my mind leaps quickly to the downsides of more baby: fewer hours of sleep, less sanity, no me time, another 5 pounds of blub that I may never shake shred. I try to ignore pragmatic worries about money because I don’t think these kinds of life-altering decisions can be made so rationally as all that.
And then I’m stuck all over again.
The sick thing is that phone calls with Alec’s friends make me obsess all over again (self: “oh wow, they’re going from one kid to three, we should totally have another”). When annoying people ask me if I’m pregnant (WHICH I’M NOT!!!!), a small part of me wonders if I should just go for it so I can say yes. WTF is that?!
I’m not sure that this weekly goal will be any easier to execute than last week’s, but I’m open to evaluating the experiment and checking back in.
Am I overthinking this? Don’t answer that. Just tell me your story. Cuz that will help me make my life choice.
Related: last week’s weekly goal: pretending I don’t want any more kids.
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I have 2.75 year old twin boys and do not want any more children. When I read about your experiment, I tried to imagine my life with another kid and it always filled me with panic. When I actually think about being pregnant again, having another kid in the house, going through the baby stage, dealing with twin toddlers plus a newborn etc… I literally feel like throwing up. To me, that is the sign that I truly do not want any more children.
Well, you know my story.
All of those downsides are very real. But generally temporary.
The ones that are roughest on me are the greatly reduced “me” time – I’m rarely without at least one kid – and the chaos. The sheer noise of it all makes me want to hide under the bed sometimes.
That said, check back with me on Monday when I’ve written my “happy first birthday” letter to Oliver. The good stuff is pretty darned awesome.
I agree with MGM. I think it’s more chaotic, but in waves. And honestly, it’s not AS crazy as it was when I had the two because my husband is home more now and with three, there’s just no way you can’t chip in and help.
The “me” time is decidedly less – but I’ve got 3 under 4 with only one in school. I am almost always with a child, too, which can be hard. And I leave the house in things I never would ever wear otherwise – like yoga pants, no make up (in like MONTHS), etc.
My only challenge is figuring out how to have individual time with the kids, especially my son, who sort of got the short end of the stick. But like most of my issues now, it’ll get easier as they get older.
I love having three — I’m sort of proud of it, in a way. And for god sakes, you’re so organized, together, and in tune with what you need, you’ll be fine.
I think it’s wonderful that your yearning for another child isn’t about gender. My MIL tried so hard to have a third child and when it didn’t happen she spent the next 30 years lamenting that she didn’t have a little girl. Her sons are wonderful people and it makes me cringe every time she brings it up, like somehow they weren’t good enough.
We also know a family who had two little boys and their third kid turned out to be twin boys, so there’s always that possibility as well!
This is so, so timely. (Doesn’t it seem like everyone is pregnant right now? Or is it just me?)
I will have to try this approach. I do fear the down-sides. Money, stress, time, sleep. But, then, I grew up with a large extended family, so I also have happy thoughts about family get-togethers and holidays and all of that.
We’ll see how it goes. My husband is quite pleased with our matched-set of boy/girl twins. He things the “plan” (ha!) worked out smashingly. Me… I’m not so sure. Maybe I want to try this again?
I have a confession to make: My firstborn (a boy!) is 2.5 months old. Ever since he was born, I’ve missed being pregnant. Every single exhausting day. I do hope to have more kids, and even though my life right now is diapers x10, ’round the clock feedings and trying to console a sometimes-inconsolable little person, I know that these moments won’t last forever.
He smiles at me, and my heart melts. He cries, and then I hold him and he stops because he feels safe in my arms. He shows so much promise for the future. I can’t wait to teach him all that I know about life.
And I hope I get to do this at least a few more times!
Even if I have all boys, I won’t feel sad for not birthing a girl. I’ll just have to be patient, since I’ll have daughters-in-law eventually!
I’m a little late to this discussion, but it’s so relevant to where I am right now, having just given birth to my second child. I now have the “perfect” nuclear family–a 2-year old boy and newborn son. Yet, already I’m wondering if we’re really done.
For the record, I would have been just as thrilled with two girls or two boys, or a girl and twin boys, or any other combination you can imagine. But every relative (and stranger) we meet seems to think we have the perfect family and should stop here. Part of me wants to keep going just to spite them!
I had an AWFUL pregnancy the second time around, and that alone might be the deciding factor. If I could skip pregnancy and just give birth again (I love giving birth!), we’d go for 3.
Where’s the Magic 8 Ball?
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