Truth be told, I don’t know if we want more children. And not knowing really drives me crazy! I pride myself on being a decisive person.
When I got married, my husband and I both knew we wanted kids, so when Holden surprised us, we were blessed (and on track with the life plan). We knew we wanted more than one, so even though motherhood kicked me in the ass, we went for it again “before we could lose our nerve” and thus begat our baby bunch.
But beyond that… I have no idea! Well, I have many ideas, but no answer to the burning question.
… which brings me to the experiment and weekly goal. According to a pregnant friend of mine, if you’re wrestling with a difficult decision, Dr. Phil recommends living with each of the choices for a week and seeing how you feel at the end. Sounds like good advice.
So, here we go. In the totally indecisive state we’re in, we had to flip a coin to decide which week came first. Week One: “We’re totally content to have a family of this size”
Here are the advantages to capping our family at 2 kids [as if we have control over everything anyway]. We can:
- fit into our same car, same house.
- get rid of baby and maternity stuff that we’ve been keeping Just In Case.
- start traveling as a family and as couple. Sooner. Now?
- all fit into a roller-coaster car.
- have a better chance of sleeping through the night and getting babysitters now and affording things like college later.
Ok, so there you have it. My true confessions. I’ll check back in next week when I’m all baby-crazy and so excited to pursue a bigger family. Hold me.
The momversation about having more kids really spoke to me (spoke to me just like the many many conversations I have with friends and strangers alike who touch off the topic whether or not they intend to).
If you’re wrestling with the HUGE life-altering question of whether to invent another person, have a watch. It won’t solve the problem for you, but it will give you a laugh and some companionship. I see that it’s one of the most watched momversation topics, so I must not be the only one.
Anyone else care to admit they’re wrestling with this situation?
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Here’s our strategy: We’re pretending we don’t want anymore forever. We gave away all the stuff, got long term birth control in place and don’t talk about imaginary future children the way we did in between our two. If one day we change our minds, then we can change our minds. We’re open to that. Since the previous two times I was all “oh, I want a baby, I want to get pregnant,” and I don’t think that now, it seems clear to me what the answer is. For now.
Heather, you and I are in exactly the same spot! However, I have one huge (HUGE!) thing I want before we have No. 3 (if ever): I want to be able to stay home. Right now I need to work full-time to help support our family, but I see the light at the end of the tunnel, and if my husband and I can keep up the pace (ie, no layoffs in the near future–fingers crossed), then I think we may be able to swing it in three years. I’m 32, so I have some time to work out the No. 3 issue, but, like you mentioned, we’d need bigger cars, maybe a bigger house, etc., and we take those things seriously.
Also, in three years, I’ll have an 8-year-old and a 4-year-old, so considering spacing is on my mind, too. I love the 4-year difference in my daughter and son now, but I’m not sure how I’ll feel about it with two older ones. Lots to think about. But it helped to hear your logic and know I’m not alone!
After birthing #2, I started purging the maternity wear and baby gear. I’m quite sure 2 is the right number for us, so I was unprepared for a new development in our family: my 4 year old asking EVERY DAY if I can add another baby to the family. Pleasing a preschooler is the last reason in the world anyone should get pregnant, but it melts my heart to hear her ask.
I will turn 40 this year. I have two children, boy and girl–4.5 years and 19 months, respectively. Ten years ago, I would not have imagined myself having one child, and definitely not two! I just never thought of myself as a mother figure, and I was terrified of giving birth. But motherhood changed me. Oh, I hate the drudgery of it; but my two sleeping babies are the best sight in the whole world. My husband comes from a family of 3 children; so he feels that he should have 3 children. (Why?!) His siblings feel the SAME way.
The financial considerations and just plain fatigue issues aside (I’m too old for crawling on the floor!) I don’t know. Part of me wants that 3rd baby, and it surprises me. I talk about it with my husband all the time; at the same time saying its not the right time.
I can hear the clock ticking–it took me a year to get pregnant with the first child and another year to get the second; but I’m torn. The boy is feisty and a handful; the girl is getting there. I wouldn’t trade them for the world. But, I honestly don’t know if I have it in me to do it again. I’m hoping that I have some epiphany that will settle the matter and I will know once and for all.
I can’t even convince my husband to consider #2. We have a fabulous 17 month old and I don’t want them any closer than 3 years apart, so I have a little time to work on him. I am a little scared of the mind-set that if your first is easy your second will be a terror. We also struggled with childcare early on, so I hope I can feel better about our care choices if we have a second baby.
We are trying to decide if adding a number 4 is right for us… now? ever?We have three little boys and I can really relate to the woman who mentioned looking around the table and wondering if we are all here. And its tricky being an odd numbered family, who does ride the roller coaster next to a stranger? Our kids are all a year and a half apart (3.5, 2, 8mos) and I am not sure I can handle 4 kids 4 and under but i don’t want the last child to think they were an opps…
We decided not to have anymore children. I have 3 from my ex husband and he has a daughter with his ex wife. We know have two son’s together. Our youngest wasn’t planned. But when I went to get my tubes tide I found out I was a month along. I got really excited about a new baby. I miscarried the baby at 8 weeks. It stop growing at 5 weeks. Now my husband is back on for me to get my tubes tide and I am not sure if I want to now. I have days where I would love another child and days where I don’t. I am so confuse of what I want. My husband is getting upset and I don’t know what to do?
I feel like I want more kids but my husband feels like a second child most of the time. I see how selfish he is and I don’t want to put myself in that situation with 2 kids. I would love to give our daughter a sibling mainly for the company now and after we (mom & dad) have past away. That can’t be the only reason though I know. I am a year & a half away from finishing my degree & I want that more than a child.