Dear Rookie Moms,
I have had 4 glorious months of maternity leave and am returning to full-time work in the first week of January. We have child care arranged and a steadily growing stash of pumped milk in the freezer.
I would love to know what other rookie (and veteran!) moms did to ease back into the working world. Feeling really sad that this time with my daughter is almost over, and guilty that I won’t be with her everyday.
Thank you!
Sierra
Hi Sierra,
I feel you. We both returned to work around the same time as you, and it was not easy. Studies do show that your baby will be fine, and thrive, as long as she is well cared for but your guilt is another matter. The first two weeks are especially challenging while you find your new groove and try not to lactate at work every time someone asks you casually, “how’s motherhood?” or something else impossible to answer. I’d love to open it up to our community for tips and tricks for you as well. [See below!]
Even after doing it for a while now, I do not know how people eat dinner with two working parents. It’s a constant source of amazement to me. I dedicated a section of our site to work/life (as in balance but more like juggling) and also getting dinner on the table FAST.
Hang in there,
Heather
We got a ton of helpful suggestions from our virtual community on facebook and twitter. Thanks, ladies! Here are several favorites:
Set some boundaries
- @beeteljooz: Focus on work while there. Leave work at workplace, go home and enjoy baby! Only your children and your husband will remember time missed with you. Learn to say no! Let dad and grandparents help Take time out for yourself. The old saying goes: If mom ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!
- @civil3diva: Own your decisions. If something is making you feel guilty, chances are you need to change. Be brave, do what you know is right!
Master the logistics
- @beeteljooz: Use a crockpot for meals. Throw one more load of clothes in washer before leaving for work and one before going to bed at night. Keep two diaper bags ready to go to save on time when you are in a rush.
- @esanchez6 Lay out as much as you can the night before, maybe even try to prepare bottles for night feedings.
- @HowVeryGranola: Exercise after baby goes to sleep, find another mom to talk with, journal/blog, breathe, get a crockpot, accept the messy house. If you can, get a housekeeper to come 1-2x per month. Not as expensive as you might think.
- @meetmoe: Mostly know that it’s HARD and it’s OKAY and let go of perfection.
Ride the emotional roller coaster
- @HotMessMommy: Returning to work is hard and no one will truly understand how you feel about it. It’s so personal.
- @Beckytwogirls: Be prepared to want to call the day care provider all day. If you have a good provider, she’ll indulge you a little.
- @hikerkira: I found that having too many pics of my baby was distracting and made me miss him even more.
- @lizzieoeltjen: I set aside time each week for mommy time with kiddo, no exceptions. Let the dishes sit in sink and make time for play.
- @HBWMoms: Get a routine every morning that’s special just for you and your baby. Mine was an eskimo kiss and 3 hugs and then let go =)
- @lesleytweeters: Don’t beat yourself up if you quit cloth diapering! [or any of the other things that you need to let slide]
- @abourland: Don’t let stay at home moms get you down or make you feel like you are doing something wrong by going to work. [ahh yes, the proverbial mommy wars]
- @maggieKTVB7: Know that the tears will pass! It takes a few days though. Soon, you get in a routine and baby does too.
Sierra, after you get in the groove, please share some of your tips back with us! Good luck.
And readers, we’re always open to your tips. Please add to the list!
[photo via flickr by Hammer51012]
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Rookie Moms.
Rookie Moms said: What to do when your maternity leave is ending
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readers who helped! [...]
My tip: if at all possible, don’t start on a Monday. Start on a Wednesday so that you can ease back into the routine without having to do a full work week at once. Good luck!
I want to cry right along with you. I’ve had three babies
and three maternity leaves and going back was the hardest thing
I’ve ever done all three times. But I didn’t have a choice.
Financially I had to go back. If you ever need a virtual shoulder
to cry on – I’m here for you. (((HUGS)))
Let’s see . . . three babies, three maternity leaves. There
were tears, feeling sick to my stomach, and thinking I was one of
the worse moms on the planet.
Do a practice week before you return. That way childcare won’t be such a huge shock for your little one or for you
I am quitting my job and reading this still tears me up as I’m in turmoil over my decision to stay at home. There are no easy decisions as a mommy. But, I’ve heard a lot of the above advice more than once and I think it’s all good. That advice to go back on a Wednesday is one I’ve heard all over the place. Ease back in slowly. And it’s okay to cry in a private area at work if you need to get it out.
Just reading through the tips provided makes me tear up. I’ve been back at work for 4 mos (after a year long mat leave-in Canada we receive benefits up to a year) and I still find it hard! I’ve tried many of the suggestions posted here and while they are fantastic and helpful, I still feel sad when I drop my toddler off at daycare. I kept hearing “it gets easier, it gets easier” and when it didn’t, I thought maybe something was wrong with me. I finally just accepted that no matter what, no matter how old my baby will be, it will ALWAYS be hard to leave her behind. She’s my world. Somehow, accepting the sadness made it somewhat easier.
Best wishes to you and all moms heading back to work!
This is one of the best posts I’ve seen on Rookie Moms in the last 2-3 years (I don’t remember when I started reading, I just know it was when I was rookie-pregnant!). I’ve been back to work for over 1.5 years, and although I’m very happy with the arrangement and my life as a whole (and the fact that my son is thriving), it still isn’t easy. I still doubt working. So I guess my advice is to try to get comfortable with the fact that you may never be 100% certain or satisfied with whatever arrangement you have, whether that’s being a SAHM, working part-time, working full-time, etc. (I will say I worked part-time for the first year after my return to work, and reluctantly decided to come back to full-time… and I’m happier than ever. It works for my family. So don’t be afraid to experiment!)
@beetlejooz is absolutely right. Maintaining the divide between “work” and “home” will be very tough at first, but it is essential in your transition. Sometimes learning to change gears like that is tough, but it is very rewarding in the end.
I still struggle with this every day, and we don’t even have to put my son in daycare! He stays home with daddy, who quit his job 1.5 years ago to be a full-time “manny.” I think there’s just something built into a woman that makes her feel like SHE should be the one staying home. It’s really hard to go to work, but I have to do it! *Hugs*
My tip: keep an agenda for work matters, for me it was really hard to concentrate and keep focused at work. After several months of mistakes I now write everything I do so I keep a record and don’t forget things. Be aware that now you worry about your baby’s day and your day as well, plus all the housework waiting for you after work. So your brain is quite full.
Also, housework other than making dinner waits until baby is sleeping. I give her all my attention after work until bedtime. The rest can wait.
Good luck! Don’t feel guilty, you are doing it for her in the long term.
This is my second day back a work. My son is with my mother in law who loves him more than anything, but I can not stop crying. Sobbing at night and before I leave. While Im working Im ok (as long as no one askes me how I am). I feel like when I got home yesterday he didnt even look at me or want me to take care of him! I just feel terrible. Will this ever pass?
I agree with a previous comment, I found it a lot more difficult to focus and keep track of everything when I went back to work. I was working 3 days a week at first so I didn’t have day-to-day continuity. I felt very sluggish, like I had “mommy brain,” and couldn’t bounce back at my previous level of productivity or engagement. It’s hard when you are pumping a few times per day and have to keep interrupting your flow of work to go and do that. I guess my advice would be to cut yourself some slack when you first come back. Hopefully your bosses/co-workers will be understanding of that too. It’s a big transition. I found that I just didn’t care as much about work as I did pre-baby (which could be a good thing).
@Thea, I hope you’re not still crying.
@AKD, I wonder how long your “mommy brain” lasted.
The first year of work after having my baby has been the worst in terms of performance. I was so distracted thinking about the baby, new logistics, sleep deprivation, etc. I’m sure all this is normal, what I do know is keeping a diary at work and keep track of everything so my baby brain doesn’t play fool on me. It has helped me a lot. I don’t think my brain is as sharp as it used to be before kids but with a bit of extra help from diaries and calendars I’m as good as I was before wih work.