When my babies were about five months old, I gave them soft mini-security blankets (aka a lovey) to sleep with. It seemed crazy that a baby so young could link an inanimate object to sleeping, but it was so effective that I want to shout it from the rooftops: LINUS WAS RIGHT! HAPPINESS IS A SECURITY BLANKET, CHARLIE BROWN!
How it works:
While some children do develop their own attachment to favorite blankets or stuffed animals that they drag around with them for years, that won’t happen organically as early as what I’m suggesting here. By helping your baby develop an association with a transitional object and sleep, you can benefit from her attachment to the blanket.
My kids — and Heather’s kids — all used variations of this lovey made by Angel Dear. (Around $10 on Amazon.com and comes in many animals and colors.)
We encourage you to buy three at once so that you have back-ups. Not that your child won’t have a strong preference for one of them, even if they look identical, but if you store them together and wash them together, they might be able to have similar smells and textures over time. (In fact, Angel Dear is hip to this parent hack and has begun packaging three of their animal blankies together, calling it, “A Pair and a Spare.”)
Getting started
First, the loveys should sleep in the parent’s bed to absorb their smell for a while. If mom is breastfeeding, scratch that; the lovey should be absorbing her smell specifically by riding around under her shirt for a few nights. I walked around my house with a lovey in my ample nursing cleavage.
Then, when the baby is going to be put down for a nap give him his lovey to hold. If the baby is not going to be put down but is chillin’ in a car seat or Ergo, the lovey can be given to him as well.
The whys of a lovey
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends transitional objects for children and notes that if you don’t offer one, your child will probably choose one before the end of his first year.
Your child may not choose a blanket, of course. He may prefer a soft toy or even the satin trim on Mom’s bathrobe. Chances are, he’ll make his choice between months eight and twelve, and he’ll keep it with him for years to come. If he’s tired, the lovey helps him get to sleep. If he’s separated from you, it will reassure him. When he’s frightened or upset, it will comfort him. When he’s in a strange place, it will help him feel at home.
My experience is that within a few weeks, handing my baby the lovey made him relaxed and sleepy. When my kids needed to begin napping at daycare outside the home, they had their loveys with them. Julian’s was a yellow duck named Mr. Quackers, or Quackers for short. So when Scarlett came along and had a pink giraffe lovey, we call it Pinkers.
Scarlett refused to accept the backup Pinkers we offered her for daycare, but I was very worried about letting the original Pinkers out of the house. I finally confessed to my bossy 2-year old that Real Pinkers had to stay in the crib, but Car Pinkers could come in the car and School Pinkers could be with her at daycare, she’s totally fine with that. I suppose the problem is my false representation of Pinkers.
Julian has lost all attachment to Quackers, but Scarlett still sleeps with Pinkers. She started first grade today.
What’s your security blanket status? Does your child like to hold something soft?
Pin for Later – Unsolicited parenting advice: Give your child a lovey
We had one of those loveys, with a lamb’s head. We called it “Lamb Bat.”
Baguette’s lovey is my hair. She cannot tolerate any substitutes.
My kid (3 yrs old) has 2 brown monkeys and 2 gray-and-white dalmation dogs. He sucks on them, which make them smell horrible. I would second the advice to have multiple loveys, but in our case he wants them 2 at a time (and having all 4 together is the holy grail), so it hasn’t been a huge help. Our policy has always been that the loveys don’t leave the house (except for sleep-away trips) but that doesn’t keep him from asking all the time if he can bring a lovey. In recent months the loveys have started to take on personalities of their own (part of his imaginary play) which is pretty adorable.
My 2 year old prefers me(specifically 2 parts of me:/) or any stuffed animal….he will cuddle all stuffed friends:)
A lovey was pretty much all we needed for sleep training. My 18 month old’s is a little blanket with a rabbit head. We have two so, once a week, I swap them out to be cleaned. I’ve been very careful to never let him see two loveys at once as then, of course, he’d want both “yoveys” at the same time. The problem now is that he worries the tags so much that they’ve become transparent and I’m afraid when they’re gone we’re going to be in trouble…
My twin boys (almost age 4) have sock monkeys. They have many of them, but their favorites for my guy James is “Stumpy” (he had one of his paws nibbled on too much when James was a baby) and my husband named him “Stumpy” (I know how very PC of us). My other son Liam named his favorite sock monkey “No-Stupmy” (his monkey has his arms intact). They have been everywhere with them – we even let them take them to pre-school if they want (they stay in their cubbies). They always sleep with their sock monkeys – it was a disaster one night when we couldn’t find Stumpy (he was under the couch)! They do have their car monkeys … and James calls them Stumpy’s best friends.
My son (18 months) has attached to a stuffed monkey (Child of Mine) that I got as a shower gift. I put a couple small stuffed animals and a taggie blanket in his crib when he was around 5-6 months old. The monkey has been his favorite all along, mainly the tail. He chews on the tail still. I only had one and couldn’t find this exact monkey anywhere to find a back up. Luckily, a girlfriend who has a son a couple months older than mine had the exact monkey that her son didn’t use. With a little trickery, my son now takes whichever monkey is out… and the other one stays hidden. He doesn’t know there are 2. 🙂
Our oldest (5 yrs) has 3 lovies, though one is her favorite and it looks absolutely gross at this point since she’s had it since she was 3 mos and has slept with it every night since. Our youngest (3 yrs) HAD 2. We lost top tier lovey at the doctor’s in LA on vacation. She had to settle for second string lovey which she hated prior to losing #1 (even through they were the same). Now we are down to 1. I should get myself to a store!! Thanks for the reminder 🙂
Little O has just begun daycare this month after spending last year with my mom while I went to work. We send him with a plush Ernie and he carries it around most if the day for comfort and to share experiences with (O is two). I was stressing about something happening to Ernie (being forgotten somewhere, not making it through his “bath time” or some other such disaster) so we picked up a spare on sale the other day. Luckily, O doesn’t seem to care which one he snuggles. Phew!
North American Bear Company makes some great ones called “Cozies” and “Flatso”… and you buy them in packs of 2!
Yes on Loveys!!!! As a sleep consultant, I encourage them from day one, and that you keep having it in bed, car, bouncy chair even if your baby doesn’t seem interested. Lots of times, as a toddler a child will need some transition help and that lovey that’s been there all along will suddenly be essential. The marvelous child psychologist Donald Winnicott advised us many many years ago to embrace the lovey, and see it as our child’s first expression of imagination and play.
My 5 year old has a little blue stuffed dog. When it became clear that this was the lovey he latched onto, we bought a second, and we alternated them to keep them at the same level of wear and washings. But he eventually wised up to it and not needs BOTH of them at all times. What is it that they say about good intentions?
My 2 year old has two monkeys. They aren’t exactly the same, but close enough that he’s ok with it. (By the time he demonstrated that the monkey was his favorite, we couldn’t get a second one…).
Not only are the loveys great for sleeping, they are great for anytime we need soothing. When my 5-year-old gets upset and starts melting down, he’ll say “I need Spot and spot’s mommy [the two dogs] to settle down.” He gets them, and is able to settle himself down and be reasonable again.
when i was a nanny in college the family i nannied for used handknit washclothes – the girls had dozens and didn’t seem to mind there wasn’t ‘one’ but rather several at a time. the genius was that grandma would knit up several from the same colour and any one of them could be available while others left in the car, the backpack, and eventually the washing machine…i’m planning on doing something similar with our baby.
I have 21 month old boy/girl twins and around 5 or 6 months we gave them each a lovey (the mini blanket with animal head) and a stuffed animal for their crib. My son has loved his lovey from the begining, but I always keep it in the crib so he associates it with sleep. My daughter didn’t care about anything in her crib for a while and then around 11 months old when we gave them blankets in their crib she started clinging to that and now she is a blanket and stuffed animal lover, she always has 2 animals/baby dolls that she hugs in each arm as she goes to sleep and snuggles with blankets too.
I swear those loveys by Angel Dear are what saved me and helped my twins learn to sleep. They are a Godsend! A friend had given them to me as a baby gift – her sister had recommended them. Both of them snuggle up to them and go right to sleep. My son chews on his a lot more than my daughter and it does get super stinky, but he is very agreeable to having it washed.
Because the baby I nannied for was so attached to her Angel Dear lovey, that’s what her mom gave Brooklyn when she was born, and we then bought a spare — and when she was two weeks old my husband dropped it somewhere between the car and apartment. He was distraught. She was two weeks old – she didn’t care, but he was all “It’s the one security thing she has and I lost it!” Thank goodness we had a spare;). She never got attached to it though and when she found out she was going to be a big sister at age 4, she immediately offered that the baby could have her lovey. She had never used it for comfort — my nipples were her comfort, to be perfectly frank.
Baby boy does have his own lovey (and a spare) – hers was a brown giraffe. His is a gray raccoon. I really should take this advice and try to get him attached to it for sleep – I don’t put things in their cribs until age 1, but I read an article by a pediatrician who recommended these be the item given at that age due to their small size.
The tip to wear it inside my shirt is genius — totally going to do that.
I’m 37, happily married with 3 children of my own and still sleep with my baby blanket. Rock on, lovey lovers!
My son is almost 3 and never got attached to a lovey. We tried, but it never worked, I think maybe it failed because I didn’t get my scent on it…oops. Now he’s using my ear as a lovey and it’s driving me nuts (it was cute, at first). It’s also not portable, so I’m feeling bad now that he doesn’t have something he can take with him when my ear isn’t around.
I totally understand this idea but haven’t yet done it with my 8 month old because I thought babies weren’t supposed to sleep with anything lose? Also, we are working on her transition out of the swaddle so at this point she wouldn’t be able to have it yet anyway.
Hi JessicaJ, My rule of thumb is that once your baby can roll over and move his or her head away from stuff that bothers him, a lovey is fine. I’m no doctor, but I feel that way about *controversy alert* tummy sleeping too. Once he can get that way on his own, he’s fine by me.
I want to offer a lovey but am nervous about putting anything in the crib with my baby. He is 6 months. Any info on the risks of this?
Hey Cris, If you’re nervous, talk to your pediatrician. As for me, I feel comfortable offering a small lovey when the baby is able to roll on his own. Once they can control their little bodies to move a head toward and away from stimulation, bat their hands with intention, and roll… I think it is ok in my book. I wouldn’t feel the same way about giant stuffed animals or a lot of pillows though because I think a baby could be trapped.
Just last week we started offering a lovey to our Daughter (4.5 months) regularly and she took to it. Now it’s a sleepy time and car seat staple. It seems that she does fall asleep easier and quicker with it.
As my wee son is just 3 months old, I’m just looking into getting him a blanket or a lovey. I may be 36 years old, but I dearly remember my own blankie. I still have a few pieces of it in my memory box, and I remember how rubbing it inbetween my fingers always comforted me. When I was 17, I found an exact replica (but blue, meant for my brother but he never took to it) in the back of the linen closet. I knew what it was just by the feel of it before I even pulled it out. First thing I did was rub my fingers over the little bumps and rub it on my face. I have to admit, I slept with it that night and had the best night’s sleep in years.
Hi there
We are doing a bit of sleep training for our 7 month old and he is doing great. Part of it is giving him a lovey or a blankie to sleep with. We have a bright yellow one with a bumblebee and we are giving it a red hot go for him to attach to it. When I give it to him in the cot he tends to play with it and it sort of wakes him up. is this all part of forming an attachment to it? Or perhaps it’s too stimulating?
Does anyone have any suggestions?
Emma, I’m not sure how to answer because I don’t know what a red hot go is. Any sort of soft small blankie (often with a tag) will do the trick. We’re particularly fond of the Angel Dear lovies but many many other things will do the trick.
My child has a 9 year old boy who is fine without his snuggly but the MOM keeps insisting he have and or needs it.. I am afraid it will cause him a great deal of imbarrisment in the future, if she doesn’t retire it. HELP she is very touchy about it this is her only child and will be her only child.
added to last comment. The snuggly has been at my house since before Jan 1st… he has been without it for over 3 weeks and she insisted I send it home tonight… when I made a comment as isn’t it time we retire this… she said YOU ARE not his MOTHER…
she’s right. You’re not his mom and that’s not your decision to make. I hope you sent it back.
What do you do when your 2.5 year old still has only wants to nurse as her lovey. I have been giving her a stuffed puppy to attach to, as a baby she had the mini blankets shown in your post. She just wants me, and I’m tired! She said the other day through her upset tears, “I want to calm down, I need to NURSE!” I was trying to calm her by holding her with the puppy. She really likes the puppy, but she doesn’t care if it goes missing. Help! Ideas? I’made ready to start weaning, but want it to be gentle and not traumatic. (I nursed her by the way after she asked like that.)
@AKD, that is too funny. Our little one had the same habit with his lovey. It just smelled terrible in fact so much so that my wife quit our jobs as social workers and started this business. We make the only modern, organic baby products with NuHemp made with naturally germ resistant fibers. Take a look, and let me know what you think. (I realize this post is from 2013)
My 14 month old has had a ‘lovey’ since he was born (it was a shower gift) we gave it to him around the house when he was tiny. It always helped relax him and as soon as he could babble he would talk to it constantly. When he was about 5 months he moved into his own room so the lovey was a perfect way to transition him. Once he had snuggled it into dreamland we would lay him in bed without it. Now that he’s gotten older he has a new lovey he adores. It’s a owl with only the head stuffed and the rest is like a soft blanket. The lovey only stays in bed which is a perfect way to learn bedtime habits. As soon as mr. Owl is in his arms he’s ready to sleep. No other work needed. And leaving it in bed removes the chance of losing it and makes it more special. I too agree on multiple loveys at the very least to wash them!
Stephanie, thanks for sharing your experience. My daughter is now 8 and still sleeps with “Pinkers”. Though she has a different stuffie that’s her sleeping companion now, something about her infant lovey still comforts her.
I’m am going to show my new worries here. What about all the safe sleep practices that are now recommended? I am not negating this as possibly helpful, but I am scared to try it. My daughter is 9 months and has been wanting to be held for hours while asleep. As soon as she touches the mattress we begin the cry it out method.
@Elizabeth, If you’re nervous, don’t let us talk you into anything. I’d suggest a quick call with the pediatrician to allay (or confirm) your worries. In my experience, when a baby can roll over with intention, a lovey is not dangerous.