When I was a little girl, I had a dolly I took everywhere with me. Her name was Annie and I held her by her hair.
Over time, her hair transformed into dreadlocks that pointed upwards, away from her permanently surprised eyebrows. I’m sure this was a topic of concern for the adults in my life, who worried that I was holding my beloved doll in a way would ultimately spoil her good looks, which were perhaps what they assumed attracted me to her. My three-year old self may have thought, “They just don’t get it.”
My parents had divorced, and I lived with my dad for a long stretch of months. Due to the absence of FaceTime, he sent my mom hand-written letters which I dictated to him on a regular basis. I have one of these letters, in which my dad’s careful printing on a piece of notebook paper reports to my mom, in my words, “Annie still has her hair up in the air.” It is signed with some marker scribbles, my own penmanship of the time, vaguely resembling the letters of my name.
My dad and stepmom sweetly saved my favorite doll for me, and I was quite happy to see her again when she showed up again. I was already in my thirties. I was working in the toy business at the time, and I realized for the first time that Annie was a Fisher Price doll, which gave me the idea to look her up on eBay, as vintage Fisher Price is “A Thing”. And there she was, “Ann Lapsitter Doll”, from the seventies. A like-new version could be yours for $55 or highest bid. It was startling to see what Annie looked like new. I did not have a sense of familiarity with this flat-haired, clothed Annie. Mine was dirty and naked with threads emerging from every seam.
Here’s what I asked myself about my tattered object of affection: What am I saving her for?
So that I can see her again when I grow up and feel sweet memories of being a little girl? Check.
So that I can show her to my own daughter? Check.
So that I can pass her along to another generation? Um, have you seen her?
Here’s the reality, friends: preserving every memento from the past is not sustainable. I wonder about the memory boxes I keep for my own kids. A couple of times each year, we add something — a special personalized tshirt, a certificate from a teacher. When I recently showed my eight-year old his favorite lovey, to which he was deeply attached until age four, he shrugged, uninterested.
So while I was doing a major purge of my kid’s toys, I decided to let Annie go. Scarlett has no interest in including her in playdates with other, newer dolls. Her head, barely attached to her body, hangs at an angle. I placed her in the garbage.
The truth is my childhood is over, and that’s okay. Annie served her purpose — as a security blanket and as a memento — but there are other special treasures in my life, and there will be more to come.
And I will not be a hoarder!
The sparkling truth is that I’m not done making memories just because I’ve grown up.
Oh my Gosh! I can’t believe you let Annie go!! I wanna go dig her out of the trash :-). I love the story, I love the history she must hold for you. That being said- I’m not a hoarder, but my husband, his parents and my oldest are hoarderish. They want to keep EVERYTHING— My husband’s parents still have all of his toys and boxed up stuff from his room back home. They are saving it for when we move to a bigger house so we can have it. Ummmmm NOT HAPPENING. But a few key things I think we will keep. I would love to have handed down to me a super well loved doll from my Grandmother/Mother that had a significant note with it that really held the person’s spirit, especially in youth. Sorry- hope I don’t send you running to the dump!
@Rebecca, I think most people will disagree with my choice, but I’m okay with it. Our kids have so much more materially than we did, and we had so much more than our parents did. I think the amount of STUFF is overwhelming and I don’t want to burden my kids with the stuff that’s still in my mom’s house from my youth. My grandfather just passed away and who knows what’s in his house. I want to have room for some of those framed photos from the ’40s and not be already full up with my own stuff!
What I am loving is that your mom looks like YOU in that photo and your dad looks like your BROTHER. Dang, those genes are strong.
I wish I had the will to throw out so much of what is cluttering my own house so I’m happy for Annie having a commemorative blog post and moving on…
Oh my God, Whitney! Your “Annie” doll is *my* “Baby Chrissy” doll. I have that exact same Fisher Price doll and she held the same place in my heart when I was little. My girl looks like she’s in a little better shape than yours was, though her hair sticks straight out to the sides. She is also in home-made pajamas that matched a set one of my aunts made for me. When I read that you threw her away, I wanted to die a little bit. I totally understand and respect why you did it, but the thought of throwing out my favorite doll makes me want to cry. For me, holding on to something like that has nothing to do with my kids and everything to do with me. I love the ache of love and nostalgia I feel when I pull these sorts of items out of storage boxes every few years. I admit that I’m a bit of a hoarder, but to me it’s worth it to have a two or three boxes filled with these sorts of tangible reminders of my childhood.
Oh gosh, I couldn’t do it! Your daughter saw her but your granddaughter hasn’t yet!:). I have bins of stuff at my parents’ house, and Brooklyn loves to get it out and play with it when we’re there, and yes, there is even a doll there that was my mom’s when she was little. I love that. I’m glad Annie got lots of pictures taken and a blog post dedicated to her:)
I applaud you for trashing Annie! She was a waste of space. The memory of her and the impact that she had on you are everlasting. I agree–we need to resist the urge to accumulate. All we need is love…and a good bottle of sauvignon blanc. Cheers to you, cheers to Annie!
I had this same doll too! I clearly did not play with her as much as you though. I have mixed feelings about your story. It can be a burden to pass all these things down to your children if they don’t appreciate them. I have many things from my mother and other relatives. Some I cherish, some I don’t But at the same time, it feels like you are throwing away a significant artifact of your youth. I have a bear that was as important to me as your Annie. I couldn’t ever throw him away. He was my best friend.
You were really stinkin cute missy.
Hoarding is for suckas. that said I’m still kind of bummed that I passed on all of my daughters little baby dresses and saved none to give to her own daughter.
Interesting to read people’s viewpoints on this. I had a large doll that was custom made by my older half sister. Her name was Brenda and she was the size of a 3 year old – she could wear my old clothes. My mom gave her back to me a few years ago and she sat around for a while. My husband thought she was really creepy (she kind of looked like the older girl on “Bob’s Burgers”… she had a black wig for hair) so I eventually threw her away… which was a bit heart-tugging. She wasn’t my favorite toy or anything. And it was hard to store something that big.
Whitney, my mind is still reeling from your son shrugging over his old lovey. My son is SO attached to his (multiple) lovies that I just can’t imagine that. Will there come a day when he too will shrug at his old lovies? Waaah!
@Annika, on second reading of your comment, I sort of thought your older sister was named Brenda and that she was the size of a 3-year old. Ha!
Really? Do you expect a kid to pay respect to something you saved (and savored?) that early? ….holding onto that stuff is so sweet…this coming from a mom who had nothing saved, and now hoard all that comes my way! Overwhelm them with it?…then they can discard that which doesn’t resonate, but at least they have the choice…..you may or may not be that sentimental- but the same goes for the person that is being formed before you!
I love love love that you trashed her, so much that I left this post unread for a couple of days so I could come and comment when I had time. You have photos and you have the memories, why keep the actual doll forever? We only have so much physical space to keep certain items.
I have one box where we keep things of the kids, one for each boy. It will be fun for them to have a couple of outfits but they have so.much.stuff!
I know this post is old, but I just stumbled upon it in a random search, thinking about the toys to which my daughter currently holds dear. I had a Baby Ann doll as well…and did the same thing to her hair by holding her improperly!
I had 2 favorite dolls as a young child. A Madame Alexander Pussycat doll & the other my sweet Fisher Price Baby Ann. I received both from Santa Claus while in the first grade. I took very good care of Baby Ann, I couldn’t even bear her hair being out of place. I still had her until the age of 34. She was still beautiful & very loved. I suspect she was mistakeningly thrown away during a moving trip. I’m almost 50 now & my heart still aches for my Baby Ann. My parents divorce devastated me & life after wasn’t a bed of roses. I always had my Baby Ann to hold & love and comfort me. Wish I had taken better safety precautions while packing & moving… I would still have my cherished doll.