Pregnancy > Parenthood
Photo: Janko Ferlic
Someone told me not to try to make a happy baby happier. Deep thought, eh? I interpret this to mean that a person blissfully staring into space does not need her mother to shake a rattle in her face.
Don’t be afraid to give baby some alone time in the crib. Do you need to do some online research, uninterrupted? Put away groceries or talk to a friend?
Put some music on in baby’s room, or turn on her mobile and let her be for a while.
[…] I refer yet again to rookiemoms.com on this great thought for the day. So many times we think that we have to entertain babies every moment, they need stimulation constantly. Well, have you ever watched a baby stare at a ceiling fan for an hour? It is not hard for them to entertain or stimulate themselves. And it is ok to take a few moments for yourself while baby is content with herself. As rookiemom said herself, “…… a person blissfully staring into space does not need her mother to shake a rattle in her face”. Check out their blog on this subject at rookiemoms.com Participate! Leave your comment. […]
What smart advice! I remember a friend telling me that she had not gotten a shower for days because she didn’t think that she could leave her baby for long enough. We all need to remember that some (safe) alone time is a good thing for baby and for mom.
Yeah, we’re definitely talking about a few minutes of safe time here and there… not like the couple that went out to play video games for a few hours.
Hey ladies,
Just wanted to say GREAT job on what you’ve done and are doing here. I really wish this had been around when I was a first time mom! I shared that sentiment this morning at: http://www.hollyscorner.com/blog/2006/08/23/wish-id-had-this/ Here’s hoping it drives some new moms your way!!
Hugs,
Holly
For sanity’s sake, I totally agree!
Hi, I loved this tip. SO many do not realize that it is a good parent who teaches a child that he can entertain himself. There is a reason they call them “pack and PLAYS” ,because they are not just for sleeping.
And I love this site altogether, definitely one I will refer to. I love that some of the other ideas (i.e. taking your child to look at the fire engine) are fun activities that are FREE!
~ Angel Cope 1smartmom.com
So glad I found this!!! I have just put little Liam down in his crib to fold some laundry and do some surfing on the Internet when it happened…again. The overwhelming feeling of guilt that I perhaps leave him alone too much, whether it’s in his pack-and-play, crib or jumpy seat. Liam is more than capable of entertaining himself for extended periods of time, but I can’t help but worry I am not playing or stimulating him enough intellectually. Time to take a deep breath and know that he’s more than able to let me know when he wants/needs me to do something, including a cuddle or play time, no?
Yes, Elizabeth. I too am a first time mom and have had the same worries you have. I do believe that they are capable of letting us know when they need more. Remember, take advantage of these moments. They will go through clingy phases too. (such as when sick, teething, or just simply needy). Enjoy each phases and keep in mind that it will pass and return…good or bad. Also, it’s good to have time to “miss” your baby. If you’re busy cleaning away, your baby is perfectly fine alone, and you feel the need to cuddle…take that time. Look at it as a reward for both you and baby. Enjoy every moment! 🙂
I cannot believe it but after googling for 20 mins this is the only advice I have found on leaving your little one alone for a period of time and whether or not its ok. I keep thinking this must be one of those major taboo subjects. My 8 month old is crawling everywhere and we live in a cabin that has so much wood, we could only get one room sanded down and sliver free so far-
so my question was is it ok to put him in his room with his toys and books on the floor and everything non-baby gone- I have really gone to great lengths to make this room as fun and safe for him as possible. I don’t mean for long periods of time, but I have a bread baking business and I would like to be able to take a break here and there to slice apples or do dishes etc… Any thoughts on this? So far every time I have put up the gate he goes straight up to it and cries pitifully until I can’t take it. And I don’t feel right just leaving him to cry, but I also know were not supposed to train them we’ll come running every time they cry. Where’s the middle ground? Thanks for being out there and reading this Mom’s!
Up until now, I suffered great guilt trips that if I didn’t spend ALL my time with Zahra (my 4 month old), it meant that I was neglecting her or putting my leisure ahead of spending quality time with her… and that it was my whole duty to make her play and I have to talk to her all the time!!!
My son is almost three months old, and he will not let me put him down without shrieking unless I am playing with something in front of his eyes. I am home alone with him all day, and I feel like I can’t get anything done. I feel terrible leaving him to cry, but I don’t know how else to even have enough time to get the dishes done. He will not stop crying until he passes out ten minutes after being put down, and I don’t know if it is healthy for me to let him “cry it out” or not?
@Sabrina, like the commenter @Umme I also felt like it was my duty to be engaging my baby all the time, and like you, my daughter was fussy unless held. It’s really hard!
One idea is to use a bouncy seat or your baby’s car seat or even bring the stroller indoors and move the baby around the house with you so that you can talk to him and keep him near you while your hands are free to do other things. Or, wear him in a baby carrier and begin to master the art of kitchen-duty-while-baby-wearing. You are in a very difficult phase, and it will definitely get easier in the next couple of months.
@ sabrina. at 3 months your baby is still ajusting to life outside of the womb. he is still needy but as he sits up and and starts to craw that all will change very fast. I am also wondering if it is ok to leave my child in his room alone or in his crib. i dont have a play pen or a sit n spin or walker. i go to school so i have to get homework done, cook and clean for my family. i feel so guilty but i just want to know if it is going to hurt him intellectually? i spend all the reast of my time talking and reading also playing with him. so i dont see why it’s bad…but yet i feel so guilty.
Yup. My husband and I always say this is the BEST piece of advice Whitney (or maybe anyone) has ever given us. True for toddlers too – if he’s wrapped up in playing, there is really no need to intervene – he will want your attention soon enough anyway so take a mini-break while you have the chance!
PS to @Sabrina – I had my infant in a Moby wrap or Ergo front carrier a lot at that age. I even figured out how to get him to nurse while I was walking around with him, and cover his head so no one knew what was happening. I was not trying to do attachment parenting or anything, it was often just the easiest way to have my hands free to do things and have him be happy. I can’t tell you how many times I made dinner, ate in a restaurant, went on hikes, did chores etc. like that. He is 2 now and not at all clingy FWIW! 😉
Yes. This. Both of my kids needed alone time and needed to “reset” and I had to remind myself of it once I finally realized what was happening. They would get super fussy and cranky and you’re jumping through hoops to figure out what’s wrong and at my wit’s end one day I put my baby in her crib so I could walk away for a minute…and she played happily and babbled away. Voila! She needed some space just like me:)
Right now I escaped from my 12 month old who is super fussy this week and honestly so much happier when I’m not in the room! He fusses and cries and wants food and to go outside and food and “ah put my shoe on so I can take it off!!!!” If I’m not in the room he’s finding ways to entertain himself — I hear happy babbling and a block or two tumbling to the floor.
So this is a really good reminder for me to not feel guilty about it! He’ll want me back in there soon enough and I’ll go — and for now I’ll enjoy a couple of minutes of quiet:)
For anyone looking to hear more reassurance that “independent play” is a good thing for babies, check out Janet Landsbury’s blog. I’ve been reading it for a few months now and as an expectant mom really appreciate the advice. Janetlansbury.com
I completely agree with these words of wisdom. To develop a true sense of self one must be left alone in happy solitude, circumnavigating all the reflections that are unique to each individual. Walden applies to infants, perhaps more than to anyone, as these first introductions to one’s own spirit will serve as the true corner stones of a healthy identity in year’s to come. Bravo to Whitney for reminding us that as much as we so want to be our child’s favorite companions, it is the greatest gift of all if they can find their most beloved companionship in themselves!
My mom told me something similar when my daughter was a couple months old and it was life changing. My mom said to just let my daughter hang out on her play mat a bit, that giving her some time to just play by herself was very important, and all of a sudden I had a few minutes to myself too. My daughter is a year and a half, and I still follow this advice.
I got this advice before I had my daughter and was careful to follow it. I think it helped her develop independence and a sense of self. She loves hanging out with me, but she is also perfectly content to sit and draw quietly or read a book.
To develop a true sense of self one must be left alone in happy solitude, circumnavigating all the reflections that are unique to each individual. Walden applies to infants, perhaps more than to anyone, as these first introductions to one’s own spirit will serve as the true corner stones of a healthy identity in year’s to come.