An editor from Parents magazine called me recently and asked “What’s the perfect playdate?” Since I have focused so much on the mantra of this site (and it’s companion book), I wanted to immediately respond, “One where the moms are having fun.” But no, she was interested in more of what Parents magazine readers want to read, so the follow up questions were more about what the children should be doing. What time is ideal? What should the host do if the guest child acts out? Tattle when her mom arrives? Discipline her?
For me, and probably for most readers of this site, these questions are a little hard to field. We are still playdate rookies, really. We haven’t had much experience with the drop off playdate.
Since Heather has recently complimented me on my ability to set boundaries, I thought I’d share a related tip with you. If you are hosting someone, whether it’s a whole family for dinner, or a mom/kid duo for play, be clear when you make the plans about what time you need them to leave. It is completely reasonable to want your guests to depart so that you can make dinner, get to the gym, return phone calls, or get to SLEEP if you have a baby who DOESN’T!
Today in fact, I need to be using Scarlett’s naptime to work, so I told our playdate that she couldn’t get to our house before 11 am. If I don’t do this, my playdate is on her own schedule, because it’s the visitor who announces she needs to leave. It’s harder for the host to kick a guest out. If her kid doesn’t need to nap or she’s got no one to make dinner for, she might lollygag at my house, leaving me with only one hour free before I go on full mommy duty with both kids, inadvertently stressing me out. So, take a lesson from me. When you invite someone over for a playdate (even if it’s just a pretend playdate for the mommies to talk while the babies sit in their infant seats) say, “We can’t wait to see you. I can hang out until 3 pm and then I need to do other things.”
Oh, and a bonus tip for preschool playdate havers – meet at the park so that no one has to host, feed everyone, clean up, etc. Then you can leave whenever you want.
Great idea for a playdate. I honestly dislike cleaning up too. LOL. 🙂
Thanks for the advice.
I’m just really glad that Norrie has just, in the last couple months, gotten old enough that she can have a friend over and pretty much disappear into her room for an hour. Yes, when I check on them they will have taken every single item of clothing out of her dresser and turned her closet into a “washing machine,” but I get a lot of time to cook dinner or whatever else needs to be done. Mind you, I have just one kid at this point, and she’s 3.5 years.
I can not agree more! There is nothing more stressful than a playdate that will not end. Open-ended playdates only work with certain close friends.
Great Advice! This goes for all events I host at my house. You will know the start and ending time BEFORE coming to the event. I refuse to feel uncomfortable in my own home.
2 hours is PLENTY of time to chat, snack, play and go home!
FWIW, I’m a Parents Mag reader – and I would love to read an article talking about playdates where “mom’s have fun!” I think that pretty much sums up the existence of playdates!
The best playdates that happen are where the other mothers and I sit around with some hot drinks and adults-only-snacks, and the kids disappear on some grand adventure.