We are at a conference for the rest of the weekend, so I am re-posting this one from a couple years ago.
Heather and I both live in Berkeley where houses are small, and expensive nonetheless. Our neighboring city Oakland is pretty much the same. If you’ve seen the show Parenthood, which is set here, well, let’s just say that the houses in which those characters live would be in the top 5% for spaciousness.
The other day I went over to my friend Karin’s house for the first time since she’s been married and had two sons. When she opened the front door, the first thing I saw was a queen-sized air mattress taking up her entire living room floor. I asked if she had weekend guests, and she sheepishly explained that she and her husband actually sleep on the air mattress and let their baby sleep in their room while their toddler hogs the room that is intended to be shared by the brothers. Eventually.
They were struggling to figure out how to put two kids in the same room such that they would allow each other to take their naps and sleep at night.
I had no advice for her, although since my kids are older and have been sharing a room for a long while now, I could hardly register the situation as a problem. I remember letting Scarlett cry it out and Julian, age 3, just slept right through it. I now realize every toddler does not sleep as soundly as Julian, who could be carried into a playdate if he had fallen asleep in the car, plopped on the host’s couch, and be jumped on by his excited little friend, and sleep through the whole thing. As I drove home from Karin’s, however, I suddenly remembered a few scenarios that may have comforted her.
Documenting a lost battle: Scarlett naps on the floor in my room
When Heather’s baby #2 Milo was born, she worried that his night wakings would disrupt Holden’s sleep, yet she and Alec had learned from their rookie parenting stint that they prefer not to sleep in the same room as the baby. Therefore, baby Milo slept in his infant “bucket” carseat in the office area just outside their room. Every night. For four months.
When my own second child was born, we made half of our bedroom into a babycentric space, expecting her to stay with us for a couple months. She tricked us by being a good sleeper for about a month, but then lost her knack for staying asleep past midnight. Taking a cue from our good friends who called their children “swing babies”, we set up the automatic swing in our bedroom, and there she slept, swinging at full speed, all night long. For three months.
And Julian? He slept swaddled and strapped to a changing table pad on the floor when we visited our parents for the first few months.
My point is that we do a lot of crazy shit as new parents. We sing potty songs, attach electric pumps to our breasts, and read books to kids who can barely hold their heads up. Sleeping in your own living room is the least of it. (That reminds me… my second cousin’s husband used to sleep on the porch.)
If you’ve got two children who share a room, tell us more. How did you do it?
My second son slept in his Phil&Ted’s infant insert on the dining room floor for several months! And then, he graduated to a pack & play in the hallway. Finally, we bit the bullet and put him in the room with his big brother and while they play together for a while before they fall asleep, it’s perfect. (Note: they are separated at naptime – lil bro gets the hallway again, and big bro gets the bedroom!)
My twin boy’s started off in the same room and they share the same room at night but I have them separated during nap time because otherwise naps would not happen. I have one who needs more time winding down than the other and it is problematic. I think I will be separating them all together soon. Luckily I have the option of a guest bedroom!
Can’t wait to hear what everyone has to say about shared rooms. My stepson is 9 and my son is 19 months and now have separate bedrooms. As we consider another baby, it will mean someone will have to bunk together – The two boys together if baby is a girl, or the two little ones together if baby is a boy. Either way, I have some real concerns about how to enact the changes. I currently have a GREAT sleeper with my 19 month old and would hate to mess that up.
[...] Two kids in a two bedroom home — there’s just no easy solution, especially when the babes are infants or toddlers. Here are some tips on making the most of your space without dragging your own mattress out into the living room. — Rookie Moms [...]
I am fortunate to have enough space that my kids each have their own room. When I was a baby, however, my parents were not as fortunate and so brought me home to a one-bedroom apartment. What they did was have a porta-crib (the current equivalent would be a pack-and-play I suppose). During the day for naps, etc. I slept in their room. At night, the crib got wheeled into the hallway so they could sleep in their bed. I turned out okay.
My son sleeps in our walk-in-closet. He is now 14 months and was meant to share a room with his 3-year-old sister. I’ve tried to switch him a couple times, but he seems to like the complete darkness. My daughter is a great sleeper, but he is really light…so I still haven’t figured out how to get them to share a room.
Our sleeping situation has changed a lot over time with our twin boys.
* In cribs, they shared a room. We cried it out in the same room at the same time.
* When one climbed out of the crib at 16 months, we still kept them in the same room. That was insanity. For a year!
* We split them up for two years (ages 1.5 to 3.5) otherwise they were exhausted and overtired because they played too much. We gave up our guest room, so when we had guests, my husband and I slept on an air mattress in our office and gave our bed to guests.
* At 3.5 we finally moved them back together to force them to not nap. It’s working now and we have a guest room again.
Alex has always been a light sleeper so even with these arrangements, at age (almost) 4, he is up once a week crying about something.
Well I’ve only got one right now but we’re in the same boat with limited space. The difference is that we co-sleep. My son is 2 and he is in the process of moving into a double bed at night time. When his future sibling is a bit older and ready to move out of our bed then he/she will move into the double bed with our son. I’m thinking they’ll both sleep better with someone next to them. Yes there will likely be “giggle nights” but kids get tired and go to sleep. Once the novelty has worn off I expect things will go fine.
My sister and I are two years apart and shared a bed and a room for many years since we were quite young. We slept better because of it because if we woke in the night for whatever reason, we could snuggle up and go back to sleep.
I have a couple friends who did it the same way that I’m planning to and the one friend’s 2 boys (9 & 6) share a room just fine. The other has 2 daughters and a son (5, 3, 2) in the same room and they’re just fine. Kids adjust. Especially if you raise them with healthy attituds about sleep in the first place.
I put my two together when my daughter was 4 months old, but then she started waking up a lot at night, waking up my 2.5 year old, and it just spiraled down from there. Now I have my 9 month old in the pack-n-play in my room, and the toddler gets the master bedroom to himself. Not fair.
I will be moving her back in there soon, but when it woke up the toddler, I had two screaming babies all night, and it was miserable.
What a timely post! We’re close to making the transition to both kids in one room, so it’s nice to hear what others have done. Our oldest son just turned 2 and our youngest is 3.5 mos. Youngest isn’t sleeping through the night yet, so we haven’t transitioned yet, but I imagine they’ll be in one room this summer. My plan is to get the youngest sleeping through the night before they share because the oldest isn’t the greatest sleeper and he would DEFINITELY NOT sleep through a crying baby (heck, he can hear him in the other room sometimes). Wish us luck – I’m sure it’s not going to be the easiest of transitions, but I’m sure the boys will enjoy it eventually.
I have had my twins in the same room for all naps and overnight for over two and a half years. We went through some rough spots of them keeping each other awake, but I’m a firm believer that, nine times out of 10, if you can stick with it and rough it out, they’ll figure out how to share the space. We did CIO with them together, and I’m glad we did. They largely sleep through each other’s noises and have for a while.
As they’ve gotten older and more interactive, the playing-instead-of-sleeping has become more of an issue. And now that we’re going to make the transition to toddler beds (at about 2yrs10months), we’re going to give them their own rooms. I’m not sure I could handle the games plus freedom. I’ve been lucky that neither has ever climbed out of their crib.
I put my two boys in the same bedroom when the baby was five months old and the big boy was just over two years old. We did it in anticipation of sharing a hotel room later in the month. It seems that we need deadlines and external reasons to force big changes.
Anyway, I remember the first four nights as being somewhat tricky, but they went for it and we wondered what was the big deal.
And, we also kept them apart for naps until Baby Milo was past one year. Keeping a semi-permanent pack n play in our office.
We have 2 children, a girl and a boy, and they each have their own room – but when we go on holiday they have to share a room and sometimes a bed. We find that the giggling and playing isn’t any worse when we are away than it is at home. They knock on the wall between their rooms or even run from room to room, but then they go to sleep when they’re tired. Whilst away in a shared room it is the same. Whilst away in a shared bed it is a nightmare (to begin with)! They complain about the other kicking etc and take ages to get to sleep but when they eventually drop off it is usually with arms wrapped round each other.
There isn’t really a right answer. As with most parenting choices we each do what works best for us. Our 3 rooms are very different sizes and if I had 2 children of the same gender the would share. When we win the lottery we will buy a bigger house with equal sized bedrooms. In the meantime we cope just the same as everyone no matter what their circumstances.
I have to say, this is something my husband and I have talked about a lot as we contemplate having a third (not that that will be happening anytime soon, mind you)
Our first son slept in a pack n play in the living room/kitchen for 5 months because when he was born we lived in the tiniest apartment ever (like, a studio) and there wasn’t room for a crib, so I understand totally that we all have to be creative with sleeping scenarios!
So, I am enjoying all the tips… makes me feel like we can have another one around at some point and maybe it really will all work out!
We have two boys in one room and it works great! Of course the youngest is actually a better sleeper than his brother who is nearly 3. For the first few months our youngest slept in a pack n’ play on the far side of our bedroom for the first 4 months and then we stuck em’ together in the room. It was a few nights of strife but after that they both seemed to get into their own rythmn. I so enjoy hearing them now at night talking back and forth to one another before the youngest drops off to sleep. Our older son just reads stories or plays with some toys until he follows behind.
We just have one kid so far, but I have to say this is another “you know you’re a parent when…” moment, because all the description of alternate sleeping spots nearly made me cry with giggles. Hilarious and so true.
I have a 3YO daughter and a 14 month old son, who are supposed to be sharing a room. We have tried 3 times to move my son into the kids’ bedroom, with no success. The first two times we tried he would fall asleep fine but then wake the whole house at 5am. Our latest attempt he decided to scream bloody murder when I tried to put him in the crib. Which then made my daughter start screaming. We tried that for five nights and gave up. He is now currently sleeping in a pack’n'play in our master bathroom. I am hoping that somehow the housing market will improve and we can buy a 3 bedroom before he outgrows the pack’n'play. *sigh*
we put it off for the same reasons as you mentioned. around 18 months we decided enough was enough. plus it was my 35th birthday and my husband thought that having our room back would be a lovely birthday present. and it was! the transition was rocky for a couple of days but then they got used to it. i felt kind of lame that we hadn’t tried it sooner. as you said, we do all kinds of crazy stuff for our kids!
My husband is the oldest of six, and the four born during his father’s med school years shared a room until he was TEN. And they all have fond memories of it, including his mom!
I was considering taking the shelves out of our big linen closet and turning it into the teeniest nursery for #2 on the way, but now I’m less worried. It’ll work out!
I’m so relieved (& inspired) to read of others’ solutions to the Small House Problem. We want to put #2 (8 mos) in a room with her big sister (3YO), but the little one’s still up 2-3x at night and #1 is both super-excitable by her sib and almost demonic when short on sleep.
Right now, #2 has a crib behind a screen in our room, and DH sleeps about half-time on a cot in our walk-in closet (since he works late often) to get uninterrupted sleep. I can’t wait for this phase to be over.
Thanks to everyone for the tips on making the transition.
We have two bedrooms upstairs for 5 of us, so the plan was for our three girls (one toddler and twins) to share after a few months of the babies sleeping in a co-sleeper beside our bed. Ha! From day 1, it was a failure. When the twins were newborns, the babies shared a pack-n-play in the family room while my husband and I took shifts on the couch at night, and they napped in their co-sleeper. Once we were able to stop taking those shifts, we moved them to the co-sleeper until they were about 4 months old and outgrew it. Then we tried, and miserably failed, to get them all in their room. The twins had gotten used to each other crying at night so we figured our toddler would too. She didn’t. We also figured that if we waited to put the twins in their cribs until our toddler was asleep, she wouldn’t wake up and prevent them from sleeping. She did. The final straw was one night when a baby woke up, started crying, and before we could get into the room our toddler had climbed into the crib and was holding her hand over the baby’s mouth saying “sush baby!” Yikes. Now the twins are 14 months and our toddler is 3. She has the girls room all to herself with the added fun of two empty cribs to jump in and climb on, and the babies sleep in portable cribs in our (thankfully, large) closet. I always wonder if someone is going to come after us for making my kids sleep in a closet.
We’ve not lost hope, and we’re planning to try again with all three in one room at the end of this summer.
This is a really late post, but I had to laugh out loud as I am awake at 4:30am for this exact reason. We are trying to get our baby (8 mos) to sleep in the same room with our toddler (26 mos). It’s obviously still a work in progress. But I found that our tot is a much better sleeper than we originally gave her credit for. At first (about a week ago), she would wake up and try to comfort baby sister. A few nights ago we actually woke up to both of them laughing and giggling (at very high pitches, I might add) to each other. But mostly, the baby cries because she is just so attached to mom (and I have coddled it way too long). So here I am, awake at 4:30am (and I’ve been awake for almost three hours at this point) because I just can’t fall back to sleep as easily as I once could. The babe is doing better, though. I can almost see the light at the end of this tunnel . . .
we have three kids the two boys shared room for awhile, the youngest boy didn’t seleep vey often he slept in a crib of which he would climb out of. we found out after awhile the oldest waswas waking him and letting the side of his crib down and helping him climb out,until one night the oldest got upset cause his brother got hung up and the oldest couldn’t help him out
I was just searching the web and came across these posts. We live in a 2 bedroom house and my 2 kids, 3 year old daughter and 15 month old son have always shared a room. He was 2 months old and sleeping through the night so we decided to try and have him sleep in the same room as his sister. I couldn’t believe how well my daughter adjusted! She is a very sound sleeper and still sleeps through his crying. The odd night he still wakes up. Our problem now is we are expecting the unplanned 3rd child. Lol. We are not sure if we should set up a crib in our room or try to make room in the kids room. My 2 kids get along great and play a lot in their room. If I was to put a crib in there they would lose a lot of space. We are firm believers on the kids sleeping in their own room once they sleep through the night, but due to lack of space we are not sure what to do. We have thought about a bunk bed but I am worried that my daughter is to young for the top bunk. She will be 4 months shy of 4 years old when the baby arrives. She also has a nice twin bed with drawers under it so I didn’t have to take up room with 2 or 1 large dresser. Not too sure what to do and would love some input!
amanda, I am not the one to really know what you can do- I only have two. But I am responding to you because we have a similar situation (but with just two) and we are thinking about #3 in the near-ish future. So I came across these cute little mini bunks with built-in drawers. They aren’t as high off the ground as a normal bunk and the two I was looking at have a bed sticking out under the upper bunk (so it would be a soft-ish landing for the one falling). Lol. And they both have rails, so really no one will be falling. I just tore the picture out of the magazine (my hubby can make them) so here is what I found: Knight’s mattress and furniture: kidz room (I was looking at the jr loft beds and loft beds). And here is a phone # for them 801-225-5363. You can see the brochure online at:
http://www.knightsfurnitureonline.com/index.html
Some of the similar websites come close to their products, but the ones I saw in their ads are much more child friendly (like enclosed stairs instead of a ladder up to the top bunk). I really don’t know about quality I was just looking for ideas along the same lines (my oldest is 3 in May). But look into them- definitley space savers.
Good luck!
We have 3 kids a step son who is 3, my son who is 1, and a new baby girl 5 months. Both boys are learning how to share a room and it’s hard because the step son is the only child at his mothers and has his own room, he comes over every weekend. My son wants it to be his room only, the step son wants to play all night because he’s alone most of the week, and my son it entering the terriable 2′s. Trust me it’s not fun, but i’ve come up with the idea of some how making a room divider that doubles as storage and beds on either side that way they are seprate but still have thier own space. I’ll let you know how it works out!
Thank you for the input, its GREATLY appreciated
A friend of mine actually suggested trying to figure out something to use as a room divider at night, but I really love the bunkbeds that you mentioned Laura. Thanks and I am open to more suggestions and ideas. I look forward to hearing how things work out for all of you :0)
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As much as this seems like a parenting issue it is truly an early test as a couple with two kids, and should have nothing to do with space, or what your kids needs are at this point, that is still your job to determine their needs from a logistical standpoint, and that should always be in the best interest of Mom and Dad. Consider gender role evolution and maybe let Dad handle this one.
Thanks Family Spirit, but not a very helpful or pleasant response. I can handle it just fine and don’t need to pass it off to my husband. He’s away at work most of the time anyways so it falls on me. We have it figured out now and the main reason I posted on here was to get some helpful input and insight on what other parents are doing
Family bed! We all sleep in one bed, parents and two kids, and we enjoy it all. We have an extra mattress besides our big mattress (everything on the floor). Later kids will share a room.
Due to space limitations, we have just moved our 3-year-old son into a room with our 5-year-old son a few days ago, and let me tell you it is not going well! We are about to lose our minds. We were so excited to redecorate a room for them, and they loved it! But in the course of the last few days we have ripped out every stuffed animal, every book, every object they could conceivably play with or talk about, and STILL they stay up half the night talking, playing, shouting even, jumping on the beds – it’s insane. We have punished, threatened, bribed – nothing has worked, and we are all losing sleep because of it. This has literally been going on for just the last four days, and they have been at school each day, so we are dreading the issue of naps (or lack thereof) over the weekend. We have no choice but to have them share a room, but the four of us may never sleep again. They are light sleepers – neither one can fall asleep somewhere else and then be moved because they wake up at the slightest touch. Any advice is greatly appreciated! I can’t tell you how jealous I am of all these parents whose kids do “great” with a shared room! We do not find the late-night chats, giggling, and mischief cute at all – especially not in the morning, when we have to go to work and they have to go to school and no one has slept. Help!
I have two girls, age 2.5yr and 15mths. old. Initially we tried moving our 15 month old in the same room as her sister at 8weeks old but our older daughter would climb in the babies crib (very scary for this mom). So our solution was to keep our baby I have her pack in play I have our bedroom, we then moved her to the living room when she was 10 months old. Last week she moved back into her crib in the same room with our 2.5yr. old. We sat in the bedroom until both girls fell asleep for the first five nights. We slowly moved farther from their beds until we were completely out. They still will not nap in the same room during the day, so our 15mth. sleeps in her crib while our 2.5yr. old naps in our bed.
We’re waiting for our new bunk bed to arrive as we speak – our sons are 7 and 2. They’ve both been sleeping in our room since they were both sick this past winter, and we’re kind of dreading the impending bed-time woes that we know are coming when we move them from our room. That being said, we’re also hoping that the transition won’t be quite as difficult as it could be were we putting them in their own rooms as our oldest has told us he wants his younger brother to sleep in his room, and our toddler has climbed in bed with his brother in the past. Our younger son’s bedroom is soon to become a play-room (hopefully curing momma of the insanity caused by toys ALL OVER the house). Our oldest could sleep through anything, so I don’t think our little one waking during the night will be a problem for him – but he’s been waking me up around 1am for a week now. I’m burning a CD with soft music that I can put on loop in their room so hopefully our little guy will have an easier time falling asleep. Wish us luck!
How about four boys in a room? It (crazily enough) works although bedtime (since it is a slumber party every night) can be great or awful. Once they’re asleep we’re good to go, and they’ve even learned to sneak out without waking the others up! So, although it might not be ideal it works for our tiny house. p.s. They rotate beds (besides the 17 m/o in the crib) between the top bunk and the queen (2 in it) next to it.
We’ve got 5 kids in a 3 bedroom. (10, 9, 4, 2 and 8 months) Once the baby needed to move out of our room, he kind of had nowhere to go. He sleeps in his sisters’ walk in closet. It’s going okay…sometimes it is musical beds. Luckily they’re older, so naptime isn’t the problem. (2 nappers in the same room seems insurmountable to me!)
I have been reading your blog for a while now, I totally understand that all parents have their own way of doing things. However, I would like to point out to other moms that read this blog for advice. Letting your baby sleep in a swing or bucket seat for an extended period of time is incredibly dangerous and should not be done. Letting an infant sleep in that position for extended periods of time can lower oxygen levels by 20%,, cause suffocation, and also damage the spine.