When our babies were about 8 months old, my mom’s group (10 women with babies born in October 04) began having a monthly Mom’s Night Out. At least 8 of us attended the first few and it was super fun. Attendance began to dwindle, although we keep our monthly date, and at least a few people have gone out each month for almost three years now. We usually go to dinner and stay for two hours.
Then, people began having second babies, other commitments, working late, and having late-working husbands. Meeting at 7.45 became our standard. That’s when most people could arrive, whether they had to put the new baby to bed, wait for their partners to get home from exercise class, or something else. I started to get frustrated. I found myself being the die-hard MNO advocate (I went out with the moms seven days after giving birth to #2. Of course, #2 came with us…), but I am fearing that we’re doing it wrong.
My personal situation is that if I don’t have to go out until 7.45, then I am available to feed my kids and get them ready for bed, and even be a little helpful with my husband’s dinner. This, I find, does not feel like a night off. (Maybe I misunderstood and the idea is not a night off, simply a night out?) It feels like a very regular night and then when Julian is having his books read by Daddy, I go and say “Good night, I’m going out.” I think I’m missing out on about 10 minutes of child time. Scarlett has already been asleep for 30 minutes.
Just this week, I started up a MNO with my preschool moms. As much as I hate to do it, I suggested 8 pm as the meeting time, because I would rather have high attendance at a later hour than low attendance earlier. From experience, it seems like 7 pm is just unrealistic for so many people. There are not capital letters large enough to express how much I would prefer to eat dinner AT 7 PM THAN 8 PM! Hmph.
Internets, do you go for MNOs with friends? What are the schedules? What are the excuses??!!
We’ve gone out as a group several times over the last 6 months or so, but have the same issue with the timing. We started at 7:30, but people drifted in when and as the kids finally went down–sometimes not until almost 9. I don’t have any suggestions, because we’re pretty much in the same boat. As for it being a night free of childcare/dinner duties… I have to admit I am a bit alpha when it comes to getting things set and organized, and I always kinda feel like the fella wouldn’t get things together without me. He’d be fine, I am sure, but he tends to let me know at the last minute that he’s uncertain with how things (like bathing the kid on his own) will get done. Not sure this is helping, but maybe I just wrote this to let you know you’re not alone.
My friends and I have done an official GNO just once, although I’ve tried to do more informal ones in the past. It was a Friday night and my husband (along with many husbands) never gets home before 7 or 7:30 during the week, so it was hard to get there very early. This month we are doing Saturday at my suggestion, and I am really looking forward to it. I think it’s going to be earlier, like 5:30ish; it’s easy for several of us because we just have 1 toddler each–everyone’s weaned and the kids are a little more independent. It might be harder for those with new babies. But I think once I have more babies I’d rather continue to do it earlier and let my husband deal with the bottles (or refusal thereof).
One thing that has been helpful for me, that makes it easier to leave, is that I “let”
my husband do all the bedtime routines on the weekend, and also during the week if he is home in time. From the time my son was 2 months old until he was about 10 months I worked 2 nights a week, so this evolved naturally, since he had to pick him up from the babysitter, feed him, bathe, put to bed, etc. I definitely recommend it though; I feel like my husband is a lot more confident with the baby’s routines (both night and day) than he would have been otherwise. I’m sure it will get harder as we have more kids.
my group does a mm’s night out once a month and we meet around 7:30 as well. traffic sucks in the bay area and people have crappy commutes i think. i would totally prefer to meet at like 6 but my husband has a flexible schedule and so do i.
it is really nice to get out with the moms at night sans babies. that way we can totally tyalk about the babies or not and at least we do not have to wrangle them.
We go out about once every two months and usually meet at 7 or 7:30–late enough that newborns can be nursed down but early enough that we don’t have to put our older kids to bed.
Regardless of how much childcare I do or don’t get out of, I still LOVE those MNOs.
Sister, I hear you but I’m also sad for ME in reading your dilemma. You and your posse have consistently have better turnout than my pathetic attempts at an MNO. Maybe if I’m really nice, your group can adopt me?
My Qualifications: husband gets home at 6, can meet whenever, I’m generally nice, can’t hold much liquor, and like to plan Julie McCoy style for anyone who will let me.
Disadvantages: I don’t have an October 04 baby and Thursday is *his* night out.
I am involved in a very very large mom’s group, so this is a little different since we have a large pool of women and some always come. But I’ve never heard anyone complain about our 7:30pm time. Sometimes women show up a little late, but there’s no issue at all. No one’s ever come on our forum to say that they can’t make it because of the time. I guess if I’m going to suggest something, it’s finding a mom’s group like mine. I’m a part of The Mommies Network, Union Co Mommies to be specific. Is there one or something similar near you? It’s been a life saver for me because of the online presence, so even if you can’t get out, you still can be a part of a Mommy’s group.
[...] Sometimes it can be hard to be a ringleader for a group of sleep-deprived and busy women trying to keep to nap schedules. We’ve both tried it. For years. With mixed levels of success. [...]
I am part of a moms group in which we do monthly spa nights. A mom hosts it at her house and the rest of the moms come kid free. Usually we start at 8 pm so the host mom can get her kids in bed first and then we serve wine and snacks, instead of eating a full dinner. We do natural facials, pedicures/foot massages, vision boards…whatever sparks our interest for that particular night. We usually have 8-10 moms at each and that is perfect. At the last one, one mom who was a massage therapist before her daughter was born, brought her massage chair and gave us each 10 minutes!
Although it is not a “night off” so much, it is a pampering, fun, relaxing, hilarious and the best part- FREE night. I love it. It keeps me sane