Yes, I’m talking about your baby’s other grandparents.
It seems like there are only two ways to go: the high road and the low road.
High road: Become bff’s with your mother-in-law and never ever put your husband in the middle. Learn how to defuse even the most irritating situations with your good humor and self esteem in tact.
Check out the new book The Daughter-in-Law Rules: 101 Surefire Ways to Manage (and Make Friends with) Your Mother-In-Law! for ideas on that path. Heather read the whole book in one sitting and is eagerly awaiting Carol’s next visit to kill her with kindness.
Low road: Bitch to your girlfriends and turn to the Internets for anonymous support. I might be inviting criticism here, but may I suggest that one way to deal with someone who annoys you is to complain about them to others who do not know them.
Either way, venting to your partner is a really bad idea when it’s his parents you’re bitching about. That’s, as Dionne Warwick would say, what friends are for. And today, that’s what the Internet is for.
A friend asked me to start this thread because at 8.5 months pregnant she is aware that everything that’s annoying her now really could send her over the edge when her post-partum hormones kick in. She has given me the example that her mom told her mother-in-law in advance that she was going to buy the new baby a nice stroller, and then her mother-in-law went and bought that stroller herself, annoying my friend and clearly stealing her mom’s thunder. Who does that?
Use the comment link here as your opportunity to complain to someone who won’t send this URL to your mother in law. If you’re too shy, visit M.I.L.D.E.W. (Mother-in-laws do everything wrong – HA!) or Motherhood Uncensored for a feeling that your grass may in fact be greener.
The thing is, she’s here to stay, so get used to her. I sort of want to remind you that she did raise at least one child, and did a pretty darn good job. You must agree since you married him. But I’m not taking her side; I’m taking yours.
Be petty. Be irrational. Just don’t be Dear Abby. Let everyone who wants to complain wallow in her self-pity.
{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
My mother in law is fine, but I could write a book on my sister in laws.God don’t get me started, they are a psychotic pack of harpies who undermine me and criticise my babies at every opportunity. Thankfully my husband doesn’t like them either, so it rarely causes tension!
I stumbled across the perfect site for anyone looking for a little anonymous venting! MILDEW stands for “mother in laws do everything wrong”
Hi Lisa,
I read your blog on your sister-in-laws and am very interested in knowing how you deal with them! I have one from hell and I am at the end of my fuse. Any suggestions?
I borrowed your picture which brought be to your blog because I was blogging about my in-laws. It is comical to an outsider when my mother kicks me under the table because I am starting to loose my cool with the in-law. Or the mass consumption of wine that occurs on my side of the family just to get through a meal with her but from the begining I have told my new husband that his mother will not be allowed around our children (which we haven’t even had yet). I try my damnest but the woman is evil…and I can’t tell my poor husband because that isn’t nice. SO I will just paste it on the internet. Thank you.
I hate my in-laws!! THey are trying to convince my husband that I am taking drugs! When I heard that it really upset me. I can take the other comments but false remarks like that upset me. Another thing that pisses me off is that she talks about me in front of my kids. They are only 2 and 3 so I am sure they dont understand but thats not right!! Anytime we have a problem andshe finds out her answer to him is get a divorce. I really hope that he will see that it is her!
Hello, My mother-in-law is always in and around my husbands butt! She is always talking about me behind my back and is trying to make my husband not want to be with me anymore. Is it because im filipino? I have been married for 15 years with him and it never has stopped. She has even called the police on me because she thought i was hurting my husband. Can you please give me some advice abou this situation? My mother-in-law lives next to me, so she is my neighbor and, and i am about to move on the other side of town or even move to another city! Please Help.
When I asked my mother in law to tone down the advice a little bit she told me that I was zero to her, that I was a waste of her time, that she would rather have relationships with strangers, and that I had a lot of work to do to make it up to her. To make matters worse, she told me this when I was 9 months pregnant at 11pm when I had just driven a moving truck 3 hours to move closer to her. It gets worse…I had to be induced and the night before I was to have the baby we went out to dinner with her and my father-in-law. They didn’t even wish me luck and I was to have the baby the next day. Then, when they came to visit us in the hospital they didn’t even ask how I was doing after I had just given birth. I think my mother-in-law takes the cake.
My MIL is an alcoholic, and a mean drunk at that. When she’s sober, she’s fine, but she can be terrible when drunk (which is every day after about 5 pm).
Luckily, my DH sees her disease for what it is, so he knows why I would never allow her to babysit our DS. Which is sad, since they’re the only grandparents close by.
I’ve had to bite my lip many times over the years, but I have to say our relationship has slowly improved. I wish the same for all of you!
I am an equal opportunity complainer about mothers. I complain openly about my mother and stepmother, so I have no problem complaining about my husband’s mother!
The MIL is hysterical.
I don’t have a terrible time with my MIL. She’s neurotic, phobic and a hypochondriac but she means well.
I’m like Damselfly, I’m and equal opportunist.
My mom is the wacko that is sending my pregnancy hormones flying.
Like the stroller story my mom and MIL started chatting it up and now my mom has tried to implement ‘her ideas’ to my MIL. It’s extremely embarrassing to me to hear my mom try to coax my MIL to do things because my mom thinks they are what you are supposed to do.
I’m of the low road. Sometimes just letting it out makes it more manageable.
I completely agree though you shouldn’t bitch to your partner. I learned that the hard way. My DH took my side and that lead to some uncomfortable conversations with my moms.
I just had a baby 7 weeks ago. My mother in law is very controlling and plays mind games with her sons. She has tried everything to split us up before I was pregnant and now that I’ve had the baby, she cries if we don’t let her see him enough, even though she choses not come and visit very often. I don’t trust her because of everything she has done in the past, so now how can I trust her with my son? She still talks shit about me and tries to control and play mind games with her son. I am going crazy and think she might be sparking on some postpatum depression. I can’t deal with this woman anymore, and I don’t know where to turn. My husband is oblivious to the fact that the way is mother acts is not normal and childish and insane. How can I subtley let him know that he needs to stand up for me against this bitch, but not cause a fight for talking bad about his mother? I need HELP!
i have the worst in laws in the whole galaxy…i hate them both alot. when we got married that father in law told that husband of unfortunately mine that he’ll give us three years before he’ll accept me into his family. ever since i found that out i resent him since. when i was preg with our second kid those in laws were scoulding us told us not to have so many kids and so we had a third and they got mad at us. now that they want to spend more times with my three kids i remember how shitty they treat me and i don’t want my kids to be around them. my stupid mother in law always take things from our home even took the spare change in the jars that i use to buy my son’s hotlunch at school…….isn’t that a big thief? my father in law picks his nose sitting in the living room at our place.gross me out…
don’t think everyone is stupid except themselves even tried to teach his wife’s own be-lated sister how to read a road map who happens to be a nurse…for crying out loud.
they always cause alot of fights between us all the time. and i hate them so much each time i see them. those idiots bought a car and they don’t want to drive it but instead want me to drive them to grocery shop instead…………..oh my god.
I just have a grudge towards my mil. She seems to be i know it all very arrogant and pretends to be nice.. i just feel for her trap. i don’t know whats in her mind every time she mails me nice.. i feel she scans my mind and thoughts.. i literally fear having conversation with her.and she keeps praising my husband brother wife.. from the time i entered my marriage she kept saying there were better proposals which used to come for him . i cant stand the way she loves herself. and her fake smile and laugh .. we both know we dont like each other. I hope things change.. i have this very bad feeling when i have to talk to her or mail her however nice she may seem tto be..
Glad to hear I’m not the only one with in-law issues!!!
My issues are with my brother-in-law and his wife. They are 2 of a kind…selfish, scheming and untrustworthy! Over the years I have biten my tongue too many times to count but my patience with their nonsense is running out. I hate having to spend any time with them, and avoid them whenever possible. My mother-in-law is great, but when it comes to them they can do no wrong…it is kind of scary because my MIL is not well, and they seem to be trying to take advantage of her and her sickened condition. They would screw family over for a penny. My husband is great, but like his mother, he may be too nice for his own good. He lets things go, and it is very hard for me to see how they try to get over and then have to put on a fake smile. My SIL is the queen of fake, when it is to her advantage she pretends to be so sweet and nice, all while she tries to get over on you for her benefit. I don’t want my children anywhere near them, as I want my children to have some morals..unlike them. Thanks- I feel better already!
I’ve had so much grief from my MIL and suffered so much that I have been reduced to har-harring at such trash and crudity as the forum listed below provides:
http://www.voy.com/221045/
Since I can’t talk to my family and lack the guts to complain, I live vicariously through such ilk.
My MIL has lied to me, abused me, belittled me and stolen from me, yet somehow she still manages to convince everyone that she is the poor, pitiful victim. I’m so amazed at her ability to do this that I can’t even mobilize my defenses to effectively stand up to her. How sad is that?
Thankfully I can get along with my MIL, but my FIL I absolutely detest!!! I’m in my first trimester with my frist pregnancy. My husband and I decided to tell our parents early but asked them to wait until I had passed my first trimester to tell the news to everyone else. I find out on Thanksgiving Day that my FIL told of all people, my husband’s best friend. I’m so angry at him for not only disrespecting our wishes, but for also taking away that moment from my husband to be able to tell his friend about OUR news.
This was the straw that broke the camels back! In the past I could barely tolerate him, but now I can no longer hide how much I hate him. He is bipolar and diabetic but chooses not to take his medication nor follow doctors advice, yet expects my MIL to still take care of his every whim and need- even in the midst of her battle with cancer.
He belittles my husband in front of me and my family or whoever is within earshot to hear his rambling. He tells my MIL to “shut up” when he doesn’t want to hear anymore of what she has to say. And when he gambles away their fixed allowance, and she confronts him about it -he reverts back into his “non-speaking phase”, blaming it on his bipolar disorder. (Which by his doctors standards, can be controlled if he took his medications.)
I used to keep quiet about it for the sake of peace with my husband and his family, but now with a new baby on the way and with the fear of exposing my baby to this dysfunctional and disrespectful man, my tolerance level with FIL is down to ZERO!!! ERRRRR!!!!!