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Activity #336: Deal with your in-laws
Yes, I’m talking about your baby’s other grandparents.
It seems like there are only two ways to go: the high road and the low road.
High road: Become bff’s with your mother-in-law and never ever put your husband in the middle. Learn how to defuse even the most irritating situations with your good humor and self esteem in tact.
Check out the new book The Daughter-in-Law Rules: 101 Surefire Ways to Manage (and Make Friends with) Your Mother-In-Law! for ideas on that path. Heather read the whole book in one sitting and is eagerly awaiting Carol’s next visit to kill her with kindness.
Low road: Bitch to your girlfriends and turn to the Internets for anonymous support. I might be inviting criticism here, but may I suggest that one way to deal with someone who annoys you is to complain about them to others who do not know them.
Either way, venting to your partner is a really bad idea when it’s his parents you’re bitching about. That’s, as Dionne Warwick would say, what friends are for. And today, that’s what the Internet is for.
A friend asked me to start this thread because at 8.5 months pregnant she is aware that everything that’s annoying her now really could send her over the edge when her post-partum hormones kick in. She has given me the example that her mom told her mother-in-law in advance that she was going to buy the new baby a nice stroller, and then her mother-in-law went and bought that stroller herself, annoying my friend and clearly stealing her mom’s thunder. Who does that?
Use the comment link here as your opportunity to complain to someone who won’t send this URL to your mother in law. If you’re too shy, visit MILDEW (Mother-in-laws do everything wrong) or Motherhood Uncensored for a feeling that your grass may in fact be greener.
The thing is, she’s here to stay, so get used to her. I sort of want to remind you that she did raise at least one child, and did a pretty darn good job. You must agree since you married him. But I’m not taking her side; I’m taking yours.
Be petty. Be irrational. Just don’t be Dear Abby. Let everyone who wants to complain wallow in her self-pity.
by Whitney in Mommy, Month 2 |
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April 21st, 2006 at 2:31 pm
My mother in law is fine, but I could write a book on my sister in laws.God don’t get me started, they are a psychotic pack of harpies who undermine me and criticise my babies at every opportunity. Thankfully my husband doesn’t like them either, so it rarely causes tension!
May 1st, 2006 at 1:19 pm
I stumbled across the perfect site for anyone looking for a little anonymous venting! MILDEW stands for “mother in laws do everything wrong”
June 26th, 2006 at 8:41 am
Hi Lisa,
I read your blog on your sister-in-laws and am very interested in knowing how you deal with them! I have one from hell and I am at the end of my fuse. Any suggestions?
November 22nd, 2006 at 3:09 pm
I borrowed your picture which brought be to your blog because I was blogging about my in-laws. It is comical to an outsider when my mother kicks me under the table because I am starting to loose my cool with the in-law. Or the mass consumption of wine that occurs on my side of the family just to get through a meal with her but from the begining I have told my new husband that his mother will not be allowed around our children (which we haven’t even had yet). I try my damnest but the woman is evil…and I can’t tell my poor husband because that isn’t nice. SO I will just paste it on the internet. Thank you.
December 30th, 2006 at 8:44 am
I hate my in-laws!! THey are trying to convince my husband that I am taking drugs! When I heard that it really upset me. I can take the other comments but false remarks like that upset me. Another thing that pisses me off is that she talks about me in front of my kids. They are only 2 and 3 so I am sure they dont understand but thats not right!! Anytime we have a problem andshe finds out her answer to him is get a divorce. I really hope that he will see that it is her!
February 2nd, 2008 at 2:16 pm
Hello, My mother-in-law is always in and around my husbands butt! She is always talking about me behind my back and is trying to make my husband not want to be with me anymore. Is it because im filipino? I have been married for 15 years with him and it never has stopped. She has even called the police on me because she thought i was hurting my husband. Can you please give me some advice abou this situation? My mother-in-law lives next to me, so she is my neighbor and, and i am about to move on the other side of town or even move to another city! Please Help.
April 25th, 2008 at 9:01 pm
When I asked my mother in law to tone down the advice a little bit she told me that I was zero to her, that I was a waste of her time, that she would rather have relationships with strangers, and that I had a lot of work to do to make it up to her. To make matters worse, she told me this when I was 9 months pregnant at 11pm when I had just driven a moving truck 3 hours to move closer to her. It gets worse…I had to be induced and the night before I was to have the baby we went out to dinner with her and my father-in-law. They didn’t even wish me luck and I was to have the baby the next day. Then, when they came to visit us in the hospital they didn’t even ask how I was doing after I had just given birth. I think my mother-in-law takes the cake.
May 7th, 2008 at 12:41 pm
My MIL is an alcoholic, and a mean drunk at that. When she’s sober, she’s fine, but she can be terrible when drunk (which is every day after about 5 pm).
Luckily, my DH sees her disease for what it is, so he knows why I would never allow her to babysit our DS. Which is sad, since they’re the only grandparents close by.
I’ve had to bite my lip many times over the years, but I have to say our relationship has slowly improved. I wish the same for all of you!
May 8th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
I am an equal opportunity complainer about mothers. I complain openly about my mother and stepmother, so I have no problem complaining about my husband’s mother!
May 13th, 2008 at 9:41 am
The MIL is hysterical.
I don’t have a terrible time with my MIL. She’s neurotic, phobic and a hypochondriac but she means well.
I’m like Damselfly, I’m and equal opportunist.
My mom is the wacko that is sending my pregnancy hormones flying.
Like the stroller story my mom and MIL started chatting it up and now my mom has tried to implement ‘her ideas’ to my MIL. It’s extremely embarrassing to me to hear my mom try to coax my MIL to do things because my mom thinks they are what you are supposed to do.
I’m of the low road. Sometimes just letting it out makes it more manageable.
I completely agree though you shouldn’t bitch to your partner. I learned that the hard way. My DH took my side and that lead to some uncomfortable conversations with my moms.