There are so many things I want to tell you while they are top-of-mind: how to throw a non-Pinterest-worthy first birthday party without feeling like a huge loser; my thoughts on attending the BlogHer conference; and finishing breastfeeding forever.
Since my experience with weaning is a current obsession, I’m going to start there.
Breastfeeding goal, thwarted.
First — to get it out of the way — know that I am beating myself up for not reaching my breastfeeding goal. Please be kind.
My little guy and I were trying to get to one year, because I made it to 12 months and 12.5 months with my previous babies. Though we had a bumpy start, our routine of nursing and supplementing with 1-2 bottles of formula per day was going well. I thought we would get through a few more months without incident.
But then the pain started, intense burning pain on one side that began during nursing and would last for several hours following each session. Nursing five times per day, I was in severe pain during most of my waking hours. Though I tried many things: visiting doctors and lactation consultants; taking prescriptions; and googling symptoms, my pain only got worse with no sign of going away.
I was literally biting down on chew beads to get through a feeding while my baby often lost interest and would try to crawl away. After six weeks, I had to ask myself, What kind of martyr keeps going? When a four-day trip presented itself, I decided to seize my opportunity for a clean break.
- Sawyer crawls away
It has been six days since my last nursing session and two since my last pumping and this is what I have learned:
- Expect to be emotional. Weaning is bittersweet: Yay! To have my body back, but Boo! So long snuggles and special mommy-baby time. In addition to the roller coaster of feelings, hormonal ebbs and flows are part of the deal. I try to give my baby extra snuggles, but he often climbs down and crawls away. I feel proud of his independence and rejected at the same time.
- Cabbage leaves are our friends. Did you know that cabbage leaves have magical properties to soothe plugged ducts and help slow down breastmilk production? I don’t know how it works, but I can assure you it does. Install them into each bra cup until they wilt.
- Seek out hot water. Hot tub, hot shower, or hot washcloths will make your boobies feel better. One day, I took four showers. But that’s because I was the dummy with no pump on a four-day trip away from my baby. Which brings me to…
- Pumping may be required. I own a terrific electric pump that I have used regularly for 11 months, but I decided not to bring it to my conference because I was weaning. BIG MISTAKE. HUGE. I was aching and crazed to find cabbage leaves from every bodega in midtown until my friends Andi and Isabel suggested that I buy a pump from a drug store. Duh. A hand pump made the crazies and the pain go away. Just pump for comfort (rather than to amass a stash of milk). A few minutes ought to do the trick.
I would love to hear any advice or encouragement from other weaners out there!
[Updated: My husband would like me to expand on the "expect to be emotional" bit. Fair suggestion, but usually when I sit down to write, I'm feeling fine again and it's hard to access those complicated feelings.]
But maybe he means some of this stuff:
- Things that have made me cry in the past 24 hours: reading tips on how nannies can support breastfeeding, waiting for my coffee, selling my house.
- Things that have made me laugh: the idea that donating money to the Obama campaign will make his team stop emailing me, Louis CK, Sawyer trying to eat my new watch.
- Things that have made me happy: Selling my house, reading Harry Potter with my big boys, watching Sawyer chase balls.
- Things that have made me snippy and mean: Choosing a paint color for the back porch, when my husband got Sawyer out of the high chair while I was making more plums, my oldest son talking like a baby endlessly.
Related links
- Still nursing? Here is a great post about breastfeeding resources for rookie moms.
- Introducing formula.
[photo of my too-good-for-the-boobs baby from: Alex Cave]
I had to stop Bfing at 6 months unexpectedly with #4. I was on several medications–one was basically benadryl. It dried me up so quickly that I hardly knew I was weaning. I’m planning on using it when I wean #5 for a little extra support and relief! Hey Heather–be kind to yourself!–Think about your situation and your decision in the way your best friend would–she wouldn’t want you to beat yourself up–that’s my advice.
Don’t beat yourself up. Any breastmilk a mother provides her child is a tremendous gift! You may have been dealing with Raynaud Syndrome. Instead of taking showers, I would fill a sink up with hot water and lean over.
Hey Heather, Glass half-full? Three lovely boys, all breast-fed and Sawyer almost 11 months old. That’s what it’s all about, not the 1 or 1.5 months that you are thinking about.
You are amazing for being who you are.
@carriem Your tip made me cry. Thanks!
Okay thanks ladies, @Erica and @Padmini now I’m crying even more.
It’s so hard to let myself off the (nursing bra) hook!
But if I think about YOU, gentle readers, I want you to feel good about your every choice.
I weaned my second baby at 4.5 months because I was a postpartum wreck and needed medication. I’ve made my peace with it. It sucks to fall short but remember that “failure” teaches you a great deal more about yourself than success. Remember that you will both be OK and this is where you were going anyway.
I remember crying into the sink as I was expressing milk, feeling like a failure. But it all turned out OK.
You have done SUCH a good thing for your little guy by breastfeeding him for as long as you did. Plans are good, we need them. But we mommas are nothing if not flexible. I empathize with your pain having had (and still having) issues with recurring clogged ducts and mastitis with my now 7 mong old. So I echo the previous comments: be kind to yourself, you are a better mom than you think.
Thank you @ghanamatrix I *know* these things with my brain, of course.
@Rachel, Thank you. I feel *your* pain. I recommend cabbage leaves (in moderation) can be very helpful for plugged ducts. Too bad you can’t buy it by the leaf.
I fought like crazy to establish my supply with my oldest. I thought I was doing okay until we went for her one-month checkup and the pediatrician told me she hadn’t gained any weight since she returned to her birth weight… Which was only a little over 5 lbs. We started supplementing, and she tripled her birth weight by 4.5 months. With my second, I also had to supplement, and even with pumping and galactagouges, my supply dried up by 4 months.
This time around, my youngest is 4 months old and he’s never had formula. Yet I’m still not saying out loud that I’m shooting for any particular time, because I don’t want to feel guilty if I don’t make it.
You have done an amazing job- you’ve breastfed for what, almost three entire years of your life?! That’s amazing! You should be proud of what your body (and your mind) have accomplished. He’s obviously thriving. Try to focus on the joy of the freedoms not breastfeeding allows, instead of dwelling on the fact that you didn’t reach a certain date. And remind yourself that you’ve given him a gift many of his peers may not have received at all. Congratulations on a job well done, mama!
Oh Heather! I’m so happy and sad for you. Weaning is so very bittersweet but I think you did it just the right amount of time because both you and Sawyer were ready to move on.
Also: Yay! You sold your house!
And: Yay! Harry Potter!
And: OMG! Baby voice makes me want to rip my ears off!
@Wendy, your message made me LOL. I’m glad that even without the hormones, baby voice can drive a sane woman crazy.
I’m so sorry it was so difficult for you — you’d think that the third time around it would be easy, but I guess feeding never gets easy. (I thought the second time around would be easy, but it wasn’t either.) You did better than me, and you tried a lot harder too — when he self-weaned at around eight months, I just accepted it and felt a little regretful, but also relieved that I wouldn’t be exhausted all the time anymore.
Your post actually reminded me of women who feel sad because they had a C section, because they wanted so much to have a natural birth for their baby. That feeling is all about our expectations and hopes for ourselves. The reality is sometimes different, and we just have to do what we think is best for ourselves and our babies.
Re: birthday parties, I am all for the non-Pinterest-worthy party! We’re all about pizza, cake, running around in the backyard, and no opening of presents. I am grateful that all the other daycare parents have been on board with this type of party. We’ll see what the kindergarten parents are like!
@Kimberly Thank you for your kind words. Sniff.
Wonderful post! It has been 7 days since I last nursed. I weaned down to 1 nursing a day and then stopped completely. Cabbage has been my friend. Haven’t had to pump yet, and no plugged ducts, thank goodness. I also wrote about weaning and my frustrations-emotional and otherwise. It is a tough thing to do and so wrought with mommy guilt! Thought I’d share, in the spirit of community.
http://thelifeofhmv.blogspot.com/2012/07/gentleweaning.html
Thanks so much Hannah, I’ll go visit your post. My emotions are really all over the place, still: guilt, elation, short temper, relief.
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