I was recently reading Amalah’s pregnancy countdown and it struck me: we, rookie moms are frequently lamenting that Nobody Ever Told me this or that about momdom. Somehow, despite the long history of motherhood and friendship, we manage to be nearly completely shocked by some (or all) aspects of having a baby.
I know I was shocked despite the fact that I had obsessively watched Whitney with baby Julian for the 6 months leading up to Holden’s birth. Somehow, she made it look “easy.” I came away thinking that a newborn only needed to eat about 3 times a day like the rest of us. Hmmmm.
Seriously, how many people have been shocked at the challenges of breastfeeding, or the surprise of incontinence, an absolute lack of sex drive, or the body “betrayal” of saggy boobs? Like, ummmm all of us?!
And then I got to thinking about the other side of the coin.
Yeah, how about all that unsolicited advice that Other Mother’s are always trying to dust off and pass out? Outdated tips like putting your baby down on their belly to sleep (it works!), sneaking some rice cereal in the bottle (never tried it), or trying a dream feed to encourage longer sleeping… or feeding tips like which bottle to use or how to make breastfeeding more productive (fenugreek, constant pumping, single-side nursing, tandem nursing twins, join a support group (YES)).
So, isn’t that people trying to tell us all that stuff? Discuss.
I tend to think that the only difference between the advice offered and the advice desired is timing. Exact to-the-second when-I-want-to-know-it timing.
Yeah, I basically have decided that people only hear what they want to hear. As a new mom (and the first mom of all my friends) I had so many “why didn’t anyone tell me this??!” moments. But when I tried to share some of those things with my friends, it was in one ear and out the other for the most part. The only time they actually listen to anything I have to say is when they ASK for advice first. So I’ve just stopped volunteering too much info. They can figure it out on their own. LOL
so true and there’s so many differences of opinion it only helps if it works AND it’s something you’re willing to try and like mama k says, if you asked first.
SO TRUE! I’m among the first of my friends to have a baby so I don’t know yet whether the tidbits of info I have given out are being internalized, but I do know that I try and tell any of my childless friends who will listen about the “untold aspects” of pregnancy/having a baby. The separated stomach muscles months later, the CHORE of breastfeeding if it doesn’t come naturally, the weight gain, even the gory parts of labor that not even the Girlfriends Guide Book tells you about.
Plus no matter how many times you were told pre-baby how difficult, draining and also amazing it is, you never can know until you experience it. I’m only 6 months in and I know I still have plenty to learn. Maybe I’ll try and keep my ears open for advice more now.