Comments on: Twins Week: bonding with each child http://www.rookiemoms.com/twins-week-bonding-with-each-child/ Two geeky girls' guide to the first years of motherhood. Wed, 22 May 2013 23:24:13 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.5.1 By: 30 of the Best Blogs for New Moms of Multiples | Nanny Babysitter http://www.rookiemoms.com/twins-week-bonding-with-each-child/comment-page-1/#comment-173952 30 of the Best Blogs for New Moms of Multiples | Nanny Babysitter Tue, 12 Mar 2013 13:33:47 +0000 http://www.rookiemoms.com/?p=9008#comment-173952 [...] Twins Week: bonding with each child [...]

]]> By: roxanne http://www.rookiemoms.com/twins-week-bonding-with-each-child/comment-page-1/#comment-157118 roxanne Mon, 18 Jun 2012 15:52:49 +0000 http://www.rookiemoms.com/?p=9008#comment-157118 Gina – so awesome to read about your early days with your twins. I just really appreciate your honesty as always. Our twins are 3 now and life looks different from when those 6 week preemies arrived. Our son was so small at 3.15 lbs and had trouble eating and needed to be tube fed for a few days. We were fortunate to take them both home healthy after only 8 days in the NICU but knew that if he didn’t keep eating we would return to the NICU. So I definitely spent more time feeding him those first weeks and felt extremely protective. Their dad was amazing and was right there with us feeding whichever baby I didn’t have. I did feel guilty about it and as I weened them from the bottle and they started latching I could feel myself working harder with my daughter at that (I am sure in order to bond). It was slightly frustrating and very exhausting work as neither of them latched easily. In the end both our twins thrived (quickly) got on the growth charts at 4 months and I was able to balance my time and the bonding all out. My pregnancy, labour & delivery and first year (home alone with them and no help) was so challenging and difficult i didn’t feel a really calm bonding with either of them until 11 months to be honest. And it has only grown since then.

]]> By: What’s the best advice your mom has given you? http://www.rookiemoms.com/twins-week-bonding-with-each-child/comment-page-1/#comment-155956 What’s the best advice your mom has given you? Wed, 09 May 2012 04:10:40 +0000 http://www.rookiemoms.com/?p=9008#comment-155956 [...] Bonding with each child by Gina Osher [...]

]]> By: The Mommy Bond http://www.rookiemoms.com/twins-week-bonding-with-each-child/comment-page-1/#comment-154849 The Mommy Bond Thu, 12 Apr 2012 17:19:27 +0000 http://www.rookiemoms.com/?p=9008#comment-154849 [...] Gina Osher’s Rookie Moms twin post, she offers her own account of bonding with her boy/girl twins, and how at first, she [...]

]]> By: Gina - The Twin Coach http://www.rookiemoms.com/twins-week-bonding-with-each-child/comment-page-1/#comment-148256 Gina - The Twin Coach Thu, 15 Dec 2011 04:31:23 +0000 http://www.rookiemoms.com/?p=9008#comment-148256 Thank you so much for your note, Heidi. I’m sorry the beginning has been a little stressful. I totally get what you mean about projecting your fears on to the kids. I had a client that had a very hard time bonding with her daughter because the baby looked like her mother-in-law who she hated! There is something so different about the mother/daughter bond for so many women. I find it really fascinating. Please be kind to yourself and keep in mind that having babies in the NICU can make it so hard to bond the way you imagined. I am sure you are doing a wonderful job and that she knows you love her. Don’t discount that you may also have a lot of hormonal imbalances having just given birth so recently. I’m so glad the post helped. Please feel free to email me if you want to share more (or stop by my Facebook page & join the wonderful community there)! Congratulations on your delicious babies. :)
- Gina

]]> By: Heidi http://www.rookiemoms.com/twins-week-bonding-with-each-child/comment-page-1/#comment-147880 Heidi Fri, 09 Dec 2011 05:40:02 +0000 http://www.rookiemoms.com/?p=9008#comment-147880 Hi Gina,
Thank you so much for this great post. My b/g twins are 11 days old and in the NICU (born at 32w 4days but really doing great) and I keep having overwhelming feelings of fear that my little girl and I aren’t bonded or that she doesn’t like me. Of course I think I’m having a world of feelings around them having been premature and being in the NICU..like its my fault or I did something to cause it, even though, again, they are totally thriving and will be out soon. Plus, though its hard to tell at this point, I am projecting that she looks like her dad and also likes him better. My husband is great and relaxed with both of them! I feel more at ease with my son, like I trust our bond…but with my little girl I keep feeling afraid, which makes me feel horrible. I really try to put my best foot forward each day and spend time alone with both of them and try to get to know them but by the end of the day I feel all twisted up again. Anyway-your post helped me and I really wanted to thank you.

]]> By: Gina - The Twin Coach http://www.rookiemoms.com/twins-week-bonding-with-each-child/comment-page-1/#comment-146151 Gina - The Twin Coach Tue, 22 Nov 2011 00:06:40 +0000 http://www.rookiemoms.com/?p=9008#comment-146151 Oh Tawny, I can totally feel where you’re coming from. It really does change, but in my experience it doesn’t change on its own. We have to do some work to get to the root of things. Alone time really, really helps. Make sure you have ruled out any post partum depression (which is even MORE common among moms of multiples), and then it may help to dig a little deeper. Even now as my children are almost 5, they are still very much the same as they were when they were babies. Our son is more laid back, more compliant…easier to deal with. Our daughter is feisty, opinionated, emotional…so much like me. :) I have done a LOT of soul searching and questioning about why her behavior triggers me so often. I will say though that I adore my daughter and I have learned so much from her. I really believe children choose their parents and that they are our best teachers. Give yourself some time. It’s only been 4 months. Having twins is so overwhelming on so many levels. And last, trust your instincts…if you really feel like you are having trouble bonding with her, find someone you trust to talk to about it. A good therapist can really help uncover what may be blocking you. And if it’s helpful, I am always happy to talk more about it with you – as a mom who’s been through it. :)
Be well,
Gina

]]> By: Tawny http://www.rookiemoms.com/twins-week-bonding-with-each-child/comment-page-1/#comment-146134 Tawny Mon, 21 Nov 2011 19:04:49 +0000 http://www.rookiemoms.com/?p=9008#comment-146134 I must say this was the best thing I have found online about having a hard time bonding. my twins are just about four months old now. My little boy and I bonded right away even though he was gassy in the first few weeks. My little girl is a little more fussy and I have not been able to bond very well with her. My littles sound just like yours.. boy is very chill and girl is more high maintenance. I feel aweful. If I was not at work right now I would be a crying mess. Thank you for the suggestions. I am going to try to do more alone time so I can bond with her. It just breaks my heart that I am having a hard time. … :(

]]> By: Gina - The Twin Coach http://www.rookiemoms.com/twins-week-bonding-with-each-child/comment-page-1/#comment-138828 Gina - The Twin Coach Tue, 19 Jul 2011 02:22:22 +0000 http://www.rookiemoms.com/?p=9008#comment-138828 Hi Stephanie, first of all, I think it’s so brave to voice that you feel that way. In my experience, it’s very normal. You’ve had 2.5 years alone with your older daughter and it’s not surprising that you are strongly bonded. One of the things I’ve learned over time is that a lot of the bonding also has to do with personalities. You twins (or one of them) may have a personality that is harder for you to relate to than your daughter’s personality – just like any adult may have a personality that requires more work. It’s not a negative thing – it just means making an adjustment.

For example, I have a friend who easily bonded with one twin son because he was very much like her, so she understood him. The other son was very different & she had to work very hard to find common ground. But when she did, it made all the difference.

Your babies are so little that I think giving yourself a little time with each and seeing EACH of them as a singleton (even for a few minutes a day) would really help your bond.

So glad you signed up for my blog, I look forward to chatting with you more!
-Gina

]]> By: Stephanie http://www.rookiemoms.com/twins-week-bonding-with-each-child/comment-page-1/#comment-138600 Stephanie Fri, 15 Jul 2011 03:08:56 +0000 http://www.rookiemoms.com/?p=9008#comment-138600 Thanks for the interesting post. I just subscribed to your bog, too. I have 11 week old girl/boy twins. My babies seem a lot like yours did. I do feel lucky though that I am getting in more bonding time with each, as they are now on completely different feeding schedules from each other. The biggest issue I have been having is actually comparing the bond I feel towards the twins with what I feel towards my 2.5 yo daughter. I am very bonded with her and I get very concerned that I will never be that connected to either of these children simply because they will never experience things on their own with me (I mean in terms of developmental things). Does that make sense? I see now that I need to make space for all three of my children to feel that special bond with me. And I guess each bond will naturally be different.

]]> By: Gina - The Twin Coach http://www.rookiemoms.com/twins-week-bonding-with-each-child/comment-page-1/#comment-138583 Gina - The Twin Coach Thu, 14 Jul 2011 20:08:43 +0000 http://www.rookiemoms.com/?p=9008#comment-138583 Thank you each for your wonderful notes. I am so glad my post helped or resonated for you all. And thank you so much to Rookie Moms for including me in Twins Week! :)
- Gina

]]> By: Rosstwinmom http://www.rookiemoms.com/twins-week-bonding-with-each-child/comment-page-1/#comment-138572 Rosstwinmom Thu, 14 Jul 2011 11:10:37 +0000 http://www.rookiemoms.com/?p=9008#comment-138572 So great. You said what I felt but couldn’t name. I love the tips. Wish I’d found you three years ago!

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