Longtime reader, Laura Case, has twin boys who are five. She is on the other side of new parenthood and when you see her amazing (she’s a professional!) photographs of her sons, Nate and Alex, you can see that it MUST get easier, or at least a lot more fun! We are so grateful to her for sharing her story.
Let me be honest – when my husband Jon and I had twins, we got our butts kicked. I had NO IDEA how many different ways our butts would be kicked. First there were all the inhumanities of a twin pregnancy, as well as the difficulty of carrying 12lbs 4oz of babies around. I experienced the unique joy of 15 weeks of modified activity and/or bed rest, and Jon didn’t get off easy since he was my personal servant.
Then there was our one week NICU stay, which sucks no matter how long you are there. Those first three months home were a complete blur of feeding babies, changing babies, pumping, and very little sleep. And the crying, THE CRYING! The biggest secret of twin moms is ALL THE CRYING.
Jon and I both telecommute so when my maternity leave was over, we chose to put our boys in day care. While a great choice for our family, the boys were SO SICK all the time for the first two years. Add in Alex’s torticollis (due to twin pregnancy) – months of physical therapy and his resulting plagiocephaly ended in a helmet. Add in Nate’s reflux (due to prematurity) – endless vomiting, endless ear infections, and finally ear tubes. And did you know sick babies don’t really like sleeping?
My million dollar question through all of this was – when does it get easier? When do Jon and I get some of our life back? Newborn twins = FREAKING HARD. Twin toddlers = double dose of CRAZY. Potty training two boys at the same time = we deserve a freaking award (and new carpet) like you wouldn’t believe.
Then something really amazing started to happen when our boys turned 4. In addition to being able to walk, talk, feed themselves, sleep all night, and wipe their own butts, they started to play together. TRULY play together for long periods of time. Suddenly I could read a book for an hour while the boys were awake. At first we didn’t know what to do with ourselves but quickly we started doing more things for ourselves.
Now we sit back and watch our friends have new babies. They have sleepless nights. They learn how to juggle two mobile children. They have to referee. Meanwhile, we’re done with our kid transitions and we have reached what I believe is the Golden Age for twins. In just the past few months I almost hit my personal record for a half marathon, Jon was gone overseas for two weeks and I didn’t call for ANY backup, and I’m in the process of launching a photography business… yet I still spend a lot of quality time with my boys. I finally feel like the mom I was meant to be. I finally feel like I can breathe again.
As hard as those first few years were, I would go back and do it all over again in a heartbeat. Without all of those difficult years, I wouldn’t appreciate how much easier it is now. As for our marriage, after going through a twin pregnancy and the twin parent rookie years, I feel like there is little life can throw at me and Jon that we can’t tackle together. And seeing our twins’ relationship blossom over time has been one of the most special experiences of our life together.
All photos by Laura Case. Follow along with her life as a working mom of Kindergartners-to-be at her blog.
It’s good to hear that the 4th birthday is the magic moment. We have just about had it with our 3.5 year olds. Any twin mom tips on preschooler sleep regressions?
Love this post! The pictures are priceless! I always tell people who ask about how hard it is with my twins that the first three months were so terrible that nothing seems that hard after that – ha!
Thank you:) My guys turn 3 in a couple weeks and your post gives me so much hope: we’re on the potty training stage right now and it is a mess. Love the pics and you totally summed up being a double momma so beautifully:)
Having twins is quite a journey. We had a very high risk pregnancy and fortunately now have two healthy little girls to show for the endless weeks of worry. Although I’m looking forward to that day when they are more independent like my 6 year old daughter, I know I will miss the squishy, loveable baby phase they are still currently in now. It’s all so bittersweet.
Is it bad that I had tears in my eyes at the end of this?? We are only 9 months in and I also constantly ask myself that question- when does it get easier?! Sometimes I feel like a terrible person for asking that question, and I’ve pretty much stopped saying it aloud as other, veteran moms will kinda laugh knowingly and tell me it never does. I don’t think those moms know what it means to have infant twins…
Thank you so much for this post! This was so much nicer to hear than the typical responses I get when I ask when life with twins gets easier. I love the smirk followed by “oh, my twins are 25 years old and I STILL haven’t gotten over it!”
I wonder if this will help convince my husband to have a third child.. 
Our b/g twins are 25 months old, and he’s convinced it’ll be this crazy forever!
I love this! I have 17 mth old twins. It has been the biggest blessing of our lives..and the most challenging. I have learned things I never thought I would have to (but I excel at them now :O) I think you have to be a twin mommy to truly understand what goes into being a twin parent. I am now volunteering at our hospitals NICU to “give back” we were so fortunate with the care we got. It does however make me really appreciate how blessed we are (times 2) it makes all the hard times a little easier seeing and remembering all the scary uncertain times…I even try and appreciate the crying and sleeplessness…I TRY!!
) Good luck to all you twin moms! We are in this together and it does give me hope and faith knowing that this 1st year sadly flew by but more exciting and “easier” times are to come.
Laura!!! Is there anything that you DON’T rock at? This is an awesome post! It really puts it into perspective. I am constantly saying these days – now that the girls are 4.5 – is: “I never thought I would ever say this, BUT, having twins is MUCH easier then having a singleton!” They play SO well together that it actually allows me time to try to remember what I used to like to do in my “spare time.” Of course, chasing after Jackson means I’m not TOTALLY out of the woods yet! But since I first “met” you on your blog you have always been 6 months ahead of me and I love reading and watching as you cross each rookie milestone a little bit ahead of me. It constantly gives me faith that this is do-able!
Also – to a few commenters above:
Sarah: sleep regressions….STICKER CHARTS! This has worked wonders for us. Especially our Baby A is an awesome sleeper. Baby B’s competitive drive keeps her sleeping well to earn stickers and eventually rewards as well as her sister does.
Leslie: having a singleton after twins is CAKE. Sure there are time when you and your husband will be totally outnumbered and your home will be 10x the circus it is now but my girls were the same age your twins are now when I found out I was pregnant again. Not only will it be EASY but you will love the guilt-free snuggle and feeding time you will have with a singleton. No worrying about the other baby that’s fussy,etc… I HIGHLY recommend it!
agh!!! We’re at 16 months and it’s a long way til four years old. I LOVE my boys, of course, but I can’t even do the dishes without someone collapsed at my feet in tears because they want mommy to play with them…to sit and read a book would be heaven.
Krista, your words reminded me of just how utterly consuming that first year is. It’s not a terrible question; having two babies at the same time can be overwhelming.
My twin sons are 7 now and I would disagree with the moms that say it never gets easier. Changing all those diapers, making all of those bottles/meals, engaging with two small children who are both struggling with separation anxiety, etc. — those are particularly effort-intense times. As twins age, the challenges of parenting changes and can become more subtle. But I can say that it’s a way different world when my boys wake up and choose to play cars with each other instead of crying for a parent.
I will say that looking at baby pics of my twins over the past week, I’ve got a little nostalgic for their chubby little legs and faces. When the boys were little, all those older parents would tell me “enjoy this while you can!” as I’d smile wanly but now I get it. Especially for those of us who are only parenting one set of twins, as the children age and move through their developmental stages, when it’s gone, it’s gone. No getting to re-live it with a younger child.
So, if you can, take a moment and smell your babies’ heads and feel those squishy little thighs and try to memorize all their sweetness!
Ha! I am trying to go through the potty training two boys right now (they just turned 2, I know wishful thinking on my part), with my third on the way. I am happy to hear that the third will be easy compared to the twins. I still don’t really remember the first 3 months of their lives… sleep deprivation. It did get somewhat easier after 4 months, and then again at a year, but then they are mobile and you have other problems. Right now we have the two wrestlers/climbers and trying to keep them from jumping on each other and me is tiring.
Now that is the cutest bromance picture!
Thank you! Thank you for this post. I have 7 month old twin boys. This blog entry gives me hope and brings tears to my tired eyes.