When I first discovered RookieMoms.com, it must have been by googling “What to do if you are a mom” at 3:45 AM. And hallelujah, the clouds parted. A list! A challenge! A saving grace! This would help me get back on track. This would help me figure out what to do with my new-momhood. This would get me back to myself. I gobbled up the list – save one. Nasty ol’ Number 17.
Good GAWD, I have been putting this one off.
I am so happy that I stumbled upon Rookie Moms and their 52 challenges. SO glad. It couldn’t have happened at a better time. There I was, beginning to sink. I don’t know if you could call it depression – maybe it is just coming to terms. Staring into the mirror, I barely recognized myself. And it wasn’t just the slightly disheveled, unkempt hair, new mom “look”, because honestly, I had plenty of those days before I was a new mom. This was something deeper. This was the mantra that I have been repeating for the last 4 months “I can’t believe I am a mom” personified. This is the mantra that unknowingly was echoed by friends and family “I can’t believe YOU are a mom.” Maybe it was about to hit me like a ton of bricks? I am a mom. Holy shit.
#17 – Become a Cruise Director
Plan out your week and write up the schedule. Pick an activity and a time and tell everyone who might be available that they are welcome to join you.
You see – this challenge is my jam – this IS who I am (was?).
I was a tour guide in Europe for 10 years. I am a travel consultant: I started an international adventure company with my husband last year. I do and I direct and I schedule and I organize for a living and because I love it. But all of that is on hold. I feel like all of what I am has been put on hold.
Getting on board for all of these challenges has been fun. While what I really feel like doing is hiding away, these weekly duties keep me marching on. And even I, the one who has become the ultimate home-body, can make it out once a week for the gratification of checking off a challenge. But #17 – this is too much. Sailing this ship is a bitch. But come hell or high water we are ending this here and now. Time to come to terms. Time to ride the storm.
- 1 super-ego
- 1 (10) glass(es) of wine (I wish)
- Pen and paper
- My phone
- Sheer will and determination
Am I ridiculous that this one little challenge has become my arch nemesis? (Don’t answer that.) I have thought on it for weeks – put it off for weeks. It’s been lurking in the corners.
Get on board, Suzanne. This isn’t so hard. Call your friends! Organize some fun outings! Get your life together for the love of god! I even thought about faking it.
“Oh yeah, my week as cruise director was simply fabulous” “I wore heels, danced ’till dawn, went to museums, sailed the bay, marvelous dahling, marvelous.” But no, I’ve been battling my demons, duking it out in the trenches. Really, really, trying. Come on girl, your ol’ self is in here somewhere, get on with it!
And you know what? I’ve made progress. Not a ton. I haven’t come out the other end nearly as chipper as I hoped. But through all the writing, list making, scheduling attempts, a genuine effort to get out and socialize, I can see the shore. This whole new mom thing isn’t harder than I thought it would be — it’s not easier either — this was a transition that I expected. I knew a big change was coming, I’ve been prepared. But all of that knowing and mental preparation doesn’t make it easier — or harder — I guess it’s just something I’ve got to get through.
So, in the end, my schedule of events didn’t amount to much. I don’t think anyone wants to hop aboard and set sail with this mothership. What I did do was make some long overdue phones calls to some great friends. I spoke with my grandmother (a mother at age 21 with five children to follow) about anxiety and how it is to be a new mom, I talked to myself…a lot. I cleared off my workspace and cleared out my head.
Instead of trying to save face, telling everyone how busy I am, or what a huge stack of work I have to deal with, I’ve switched gears. I’m focusing on being able to fully enjoy my job as Riley’s mom, directing drool, scheduling snuggles, and organizing onesies.
- When I say I have been putting this off for weeks I ain’t lyin’ I’ve HATED and DREADED this challenge.
- I’ve even written this post twice. Twice! My first draft magically erased itself. Just when I thought I was nearly done, I was faced anew, with a blank page.
- Sheesh, talk about taming your inner demons. Those little buggers have exhausted me.
- The best thing about this challenge is that it is over- HA!
- #17 you got me asking the big questions. And while I may not have all the answers, I am on course for finding my way.
- This challenge will make every other challenge look like a cakewalk. Thank god – I love cake.
Find more baby activities with the 52 weekly rookie mom challenges.