Tragedy, crisis, tsunami, earthquake, war.
While I’m excited to be a panelist on Momversation, this was a scary topic to start with. How do you share world events and tragedies with your kids? Or do you keep your heads buried in the sand completely?
I was talking with Mr. Lady and Redneck Mommy — both with older children — and came across as the frightened mom shielding kids from everything that might scare them. Am I the only one?
Do you shield your kids from tragedies? How honest are you about some of the terrible things that happen in life?
My kids aren’t old enough yet but I think if the times comes and they ASK; that I would explain as simply and as NOT scary as I could. And if I didn’t want to explain it at all, I would answer that I don’t know. There are just some things that kids to do need to be aware of too early in life.
Heather — I think you came off as very reasonable in the video — not as a frightened mom who shields her kids from everything. There is a big difference between allowing the media to explain tragedies to your kids and doing it yourself in an age appropriate way and it’s obvious that you’re addressing your childrens’ questions in an honest way as they arise. NPR and the evening news are not targeted to 4 and 5 year olds and they’re not going to present information in a way that children who are your kids’ ages can process very easily. I feel like one of our many jobs as parents is to act as interpreters of the world for our children. I’d much rather explain that there was an earthquake and a big wave in Japan in a non-scary way to my 6yo than just sit him down in front of the news and let him wrap his mind around those horrifying images on his own.
My kids aren’t old enough to understand these things as of yet (I have 19 month old twins), but when the time comes and when they start asking questions, I’ll likely revert to the old Mr. Rogers’ quote:
“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”
I think the key is to explain and describe in a way that is suitable to their ages. How we put this into action is something I’ve yet to learn.
In the interest of full disclosure, my only daughter is only 19 months old. But I feel like the reality of the scary world should be approached like, let’s say, talking about sexuality. If they bring it up explain it to them in age-appropriate ways. Children are often stronger than we think they are. And even as adults, the scariest things are often the things we don’t understand.
What Wendy said.
I explain to my 8 & 6 year old in age-appropriate language. Also, we tend to offer information on a need-to-know basis. We don’t offer too much, but we also don’t withhold–especially if they ask.
I know I’ve come to this quite late but just felt compelled to add my bit! I think you looked very normal, not overly scared at all in the video. I am not a fan of watching much news, I read the headlines on the BBC website and sometimes a bit more and thats enough for me. But as my daughter reached adolescence I realised I needed to teach her how to be better informred about the world so we watch the news together and talk about the events–how or why they happened, how they can be prevented, how people can help, etc. I think discussing news in this way helps her feel less scared about all the scary stuff out there and more able to cope both emotionally and on a practical level.
Shielding kids is insulting to their intelligence. Really. Children are natural geniuses.
Tell. The. Truth.