Sleeping with the enemy

by Whitney on August 18, 2010

in Making me grumpy,Momoirs of a Rookie Mom,Preschooler

You know what’s probably really good exercise for a mom? Sneaking out of a toddler bed six times in one night. Slowly lifting one’s head from her sleeping daughter’s pillow, raising chest to the ceiling, wiggling arm out from under said child, keeping that core steady, holding a side plank position while taking a deep breath. Next lower legs to the floor, contracting abs so that feet do not make a sound as they make contact with the rug. Push through the heels, working those glutes as you come to a stand. Walk slowly to your own bed.

Do not fall asleep. Listen for over-anxious child to wake again and pitter patter into your room. This takes about twenty minutes. Pretend to be asleep when you hear your name, “Mommy”. Get out of bed. Take child firmly by the hand and bring her back to her own bed. Deliver quiet reassurance, followed by threats, pleas of desperation.  Stretch out next to child and wait ten minutes or so to hear heavy breathing, while making a mental list of things to use as bribes. Then, repeat exercise described above, alternating turns with partner to ensure maximum workout time for both parents.

a d v e r t i s e m e n t

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Jennifer August 18, 2010 at 11:30 am

LOL… Oh we mothers have this mastered! One other thing you forgot to mention is the stepping on a random toy in the middle of the room with your heel then silently screaming in agony all the way back to your bed.

jessyz August 18, 2010 at 6:12 pm

I thought I was the only mom who had to do that

Zom G. August 18, 2010 at 9:10 pm

The Do Not Fall asleep portion of this maneuver is the most difficult and only recommended to 10th degree mommy black-belts who have recently consumed coffee. I bow to your advanced skills.

Meagan Francis August 18, 2010 at 9:36 pm

With five children, I have done this particular exercise routine approximately 1,345 times. Unfortunately, I still do not have the tight, firm abs I hoped for.

Vira August 19, 2010 at 2:49 pm

That’s too funny :) ) I have to admit that this is exactly why I love co-sleeping so much. Though we have only one in our bed, if it were two I’d probably be a little on edge :) )

berrygirlusa December 10, 2010 at 9:55 pm

This thread and all contributing mommies are hilarious..esp Jennifer…I almost woke the little one, but I loved it!

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