Reclaiming custody of ourselves as individuals

by Heather Flett on July 10, 2007

in Blog,Having 2+ kids,Rant

It started off as a rather routine argument about when it would be ok to start hanging out with his friends more when we came up with a revolutionary idea.

You see, my husband has been almost saintlike in both his get-home-from-work-at-sixness and his willing-to-let-me-go-outness since we had our second baby. He really wants me to be fun and happy (“happy wife, happy life,” we’ve heard) so he encourages me to go out after the boys’ bedtime and has even put them both down a handful of times without help.

I, on the other hand, have been clinging desperately to Not Wanting to Go it Alone during the witching hour. Fearful that I’ll run out of hands, steam, patience, or all three, I really look forward to him providing me some evening relief and have been reluctant to say, “sure babe, why don’t you grab a drink with the guys tonight”. Sometimes I count the minutes until his bus arrives in Berkeley. Sometimes, Holden and I wait for him on the front porch as an afternoon activity (Coming soon: “Rookie Moms Activity #752 Wait for Spouse on Porch”).

Before this new idea, we had agreed that he could come home from his job in the City, do his share of the bedtime routine, and then go back out with his friends. But it seems that his friends don’t roll that way, so it was time for a new plan.

Thursday night is now Alec Night.
He can do what he wants where he wants and opt out of the evening excitement at home. New and exciting possibilities might include — but certainly are not limited to — working late without guilt, happy hour, scintillating lecture series, action movies, or fantasy baseball.

That also means…

Tuesday night is now Heather Night.

But that’s not all. It also means that on Thursday nights I have the flexibility to pack picnic lunches and stay at the playground late with mom pals. Or I can host Wii parties after bedtime with my single friends.

And of course, it hopefully means that our relationship will be enriched by greater freedom to do fun things on a regular basis.

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RookieMoms co-founder & mom to 3 boys in Berkeley, CA. Bossy big sister and project manager turned blogger helping moms enjoy their first years of motherhood. Find me on my other site on 510families.com or hiding in my minivan eating dark chocolate.

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