Comments on: On having a second baby (discussion continued)

By: Guest post: Christine Koh on having a second child

Guest post: Christine Koh on having a second child — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 00:55:23 +0000

[...] in Having 2+ kids,Link love If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to our RSS feed. Our posts are always more fun than wiping someone's tushy!We are delighted to share our space with Christine Koh today. She is our second guest blogger on the topic of having a second child. [...]

By: tobasco

tobasco — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 03:25:05 +0000

I think one could write a book on the pros and cons of having one child or not. Lord knows I spend hours debating the minutiae in my head.

But for me right now the deciding factor is PPD. I struggled with it for 15 months with my daughter. I was a different person. I cannot imagine my life, 10, 20, 30 years from now having only one child. But I also can’t imagine going through that hell again, especially when it would so directly affect our daughter at an age when she wouldn’t understand what was going on.

By: Pam

Pam — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 01:39:38 +0000

Ghanimatrix- i am making a blind assumption that your children are still small and i bet that it is intoxicating to watch them grow as siblings.
I have this huge innate fear of having a second and that the relationship between #1 and possible #2 could go from what you describe to terribleness. I have an awful relationship with my own younger sister. We are both at fault in many ways but so are our parents. We were buddies as very small children but by the end of our elementary years had created a huge rift. As parents, can we stop this from happening? Is it fair to create this gamble for your 1st? Do you have at least 3 kids so the odds are more in their favor of having at least 1 sibling in their corner? No one likes to talk about having “dysfunctional” siblings and how sibling relationship affect your entire life- in fact, its a completely ignored subject in psychology. I have friends who have amazing, best friend relationships with their siblings, some friends who don’t like to discuss their siblings, and a husband who’s an only child. Should my own fears about sibling relationships be the reason for keeping my daughter an only child? Is that fair/rational? Am I thinking too much into it all?
Sorry for all of the rambling- I am curious to know if others have these type of fears about #2.

By: Emily

Emily — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 21:34:31 +0000

this is where we are. I love my daughter. It was difficult to get my daughter. We are very much enjoying giving her the world. #2 would take time away from her. There’d be so much I wouldn’t be able to do with her. On the other hand, #2 could greatly enrich her life and offer things that she wouldn’t have otherwise (Not that it’s all about her, obviously #2 would benefit from #1 as well).

Right now, we’re saying we’re open. We aren’t using any birth control. But with how difficult it was to get pregnant the first time, I don’t have a lot of hope in anything ‘just happening’ without atleast some timing assistance.

I want her to have a sibling. but I’m also very open to adoption. So, I think she will have a sibling and we will have another little person to love. How she gets one and at what age, well.. God only has that answer.

By: The Mommy Therapy

The Mommy Therapy — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 13:23:08 +0000

I had a very difficult time adjusting to baby life with my first, so much so that I am often shocked that I ever got past it enough to continue on to have TWO more kids.

I am amazed by how much our children all love and enjoy one another. I was pretty far apart from my own brother so I felt like I grew up as an only child. I feel as though I have given them a gift in one another, a gift that they at times fight with passionately over the most insane things, but a gift all the same.

I can not wait to see how their relationships with one another grow and develop over the years. Our youngest is only one so we are still in a slightly difficult stage for doing a lot all together, but I know we are going to have a blast once she catches up a bit more on vacations, dinners, holidays, etc.

The author is right though, you can’t make a wrong choice here though. It all depends on what feels right for your family. I think trusting your gut is definitely the way to go, weighing only the logistics of it all can be misleading. Things work out exactly as they are supposed to either way you choose.

By: Ghanimatrix

Ghanimatrix — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 17:59:04 +0000

One of the amazing things about having a second baby is the interaction between the two kids. You get to see the first kid shower the second with true unconditional love – the baby is not buying them things, taking care of them, or prioritizing them like you do, and yet they receive buckets of love. Wow. And then there is that look in the baby’s eyes when they see their older sibling – hero worship. It’s amazing to watch their relationship develop.

And maybe it’s just me, but that second baby is like cheesecake. It’s intoxicating. All the love and a fraction of the worry/obsessing.

By: Amanda

Amanda — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 17:09:23 +0000

I’m glad I came across this article…we too have been talking about #2. I have felt like I would be “cheating” on my daughter if I wanted a second baby…sounds ridiculous but it’s true! She would get half of my attention, half of our financial resources, half the love? I’m unsure on that last one. Parents of more than one say that’s not true, but I can’t wrap my brain around anything more than one right now. And my daughter is the most amazing baby i’ve ever met…well behaved, charming, super cute. If the second baby was more difficult to handle, would I compare them, maybe even resent just a little? But in the end, she will want someone to go through life with, especially when we aren’t around anymore. My daughter will need to learn to love, instead of ONLY being loved on. She will need to learn to share, to wait patiently, to resolve conflict before mom and dad have to get involved. Siblings take care of each other, they stories and games only a kid could appreciate, and bring out the best AND worst in each other. So for that, I will learn to focus on and love the individual differences in my kids, instead of comparing them, and remember the benefits will outweigh the temporary stresses. I think I can do this

By: Veronica @Thrifty Cupcake

Veronica @Thrifty Cupcake — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 16:36:38 +0000

My husband and I just welcomed our first little one into the world seven weeks ago and we are already starting the discussion on second baby-ness. Thanks for the post, it is helping me sort through my own emotions on the topic!