The irony of my position on this topic is not lost on me. I was a kid who never cleaned my room or helped with the dishes. When I babysat, I didn’t pick up toys or probably even clear the table unless I was asked to. It just didn’t occur to me.
I wrote a Sociology thesis about the relationship between mothers and the caregivers they hire. My feeling at the time was that babysitting did not include housecleaning. But now….
I have a sitter on retainer. Every Friday night she comes right after I have given the kids dinner. Her job is to give the kids a bath and put them to bed. They love her and so do I. She is a mother of two and we pay her $18 per hour.
After my kids go to sleep, two or three hours pass before we come home. So we have started pushing a cycle of laundry through before she arrives so that there are clean kids’ clothes to be folded while she’s watching tv.
Watch my video and let me know what you think of my expectations. How do yours line up?
We have do have two rules. The TV has to be off while DD is awake and we expect that the house will be found in the same or better condition than we left it in. Plates, cups, and utensils from meals or snacks should be loaded into the dishwasher and toys and books should be put back in order.
I believe those are basic aspects of caring for my child and my home in my absence.
To me, I’m paying the sitter to care for my kid, NOT to care for my house. I guess if you lay out all your expectations for non-childcare activities before ever hiring the sitter and s/he agrees to them, fine. But I wouldn’t slip in added duties later–to me that feels like taking advantage of the sitter. You know the price and if you agree to pay it, I don’t think you shouldn’t try to work in extra duties to get your money’s worth. You’re paying them to stay in your house and care for your kids, and as we all know sometimes caring for kids involves simply being the responsible adult in the house while they sleep. I don’t think it’s appropriate for the sitter to have to fold your laundry, clean up messes that were there before s/he got there, etc. Some sitters certainly go above and beyond, in which case hold on to them! But I would never look down on a sitter because they didn’t do those things. I think it also depends on the sitter. Is it a teenager with only a couple years experience? An older person with kids of their own who maybe knows better? Do your kids love the sitter? Are you completely comfortable trusting your kids to that person? I personally feel lucky if I have the chance to go out and am more concerned with having a sitter I trust and my son loves than one who “keeps busy” every moment I’m gone.
Oh, and I should add that I think it’s important if you’re not happy with a sitter, talk to him or her or find a new one. Wishing the sitter would do XYZ won’t make it happen, and it just makes you frustrated. If the sitter isn’t meeting your needs, find a new one. It’s not a happy situation for anyone if you’re dissatisfied, and eventually your kids will pick up on it!
We don’t have a babysitter, but I will have the same expectations. I don’t expect them to clean my house, but I expect them to put toys away, not sit in front of the tv the whole time, and at least put the dishes in the sink or clear them from the table.
I used to babysit for a few families. One family had three little kids, the youngest being about 18 months or so. I would be there for about 5 waking hours, and about 3 sleeping ones. The mother had a list of chores for me to do while I was there and was ticked if they weren’t all completed. I vowed to never be “that” mom. I had three children to take care of and play with and feed dinner to, I didn’t feel like I needed to be her made too.
I have been a full time babysitter, or nanny, before, and definitely not paid $18 an hour for it either! I think I charged $10, and then if I did one day a week jobs for other people I got $12 or $13. And i was definitely expected to do more than watch the kids, I did laundry, swept the floors, dishes, meals, picked up, made beds, vacuumed occasionally. granted it was a full time job, but the mom was there a lot, she didn’t have a job, she just did as lot of “errands” and stuff. Shopping, getting nails done, lunch with friends and what not. So it wasn’t like I was holding down the fort while she worked and she needed someone to clean so she could work. That’s just what I did because that was part of the job.
i think no matter what your expectations are, you need to share them with your sitter before they accept the job.
i think it’s commonly expected that the house will at least be in the same condition as when you left it.
when i had a nanny when my son was small, i told her i didn’t expect her to do any of the other household chores. i wanted her to focus on my son. however, she did chores that were “caused” by my son. if he spit up profusely, she bathed him and changed his clothes. she cleaned the kitchen after feeding time, things like that. i felt that even though she wasn’t doing big chores around the house, it always seemed a little tidier by the time i came home and i really appreciated that.
I hire sitters all the time – in fact, it is my business. My mother and I discussed this very point you are raising and we ended up on either side of the issue. I’m a softy and my mother wants to lay down the law!
http://www.sitterpals.com/blogmoredetails.aspx?blogid=60
I haven’t had to hire sitters yet, as I’ve just used mostly family, but when I was a sitter during high school and college, I’d always clean up while I was watching the kids. I’d pick up toys, straighten beds and put everything away that we’d done, plus load dishes, wipe counters or get the kids to help me dust. I made it a game, and the kids loved it, plus the moms did too. I just considered it job security!
I love what Sunny said: “she did chores that were “caused” by my son”. That is the expectation that I hold to a sitter. I did not hire sitter/maid. It is absurd to expect laundry, mopping, and other “deep cleaning” chores to be done by a babysitter UNLESS you have those terms set up prior and are paying them for those extras. It is your choice to go out during your child’s sleeping hours….and your sitter should not be given “extras” just b/c the children are sleeping. if you want your money’s worth out of her, then go out while your kids are awake!
We do not yet have a sitter for our daughter, but I think the factors vary from situation to situation depending on the age of the sitter and the age of kids (plus time of day). The basics should be that all of the kid stuff should be done–dishes from dinner, kids washed up, no TV (in my house at least, unless otherwise specified), and toys put away. After that, it depends on the situation–if you prearrange with an adult to do some light housekeeping then great, but I wouldn’t expect it of a teen. I would probably not leave my computer availabe for use (although I’d let them use the wireless on their own device). The only housework I can, at this moment, imagine asking is to (maybe) move the laundry, but not fold it.
Whit- you train them the best! Erin is my cousin Whitneys old sitter. She does everything, even things you hadn’t thought needed to be done. She is one of a kind though and I’m happy if bedtime is adhered to and that nights toys etc are put away.
Question is, how do I get the nanny to do anything extra?
I currently work as a nanny(which is why I joined this wonderful website). When the child/ren are awake, I dont do housework. My job is to educate and care for them first and foremost. However I think that when the children are asleep, any carer really should do some light housework. It makes such a difference to the parents to come home and not have as many chores to do. I dont vaccumm or change beds but I will pack dishwashers, do ironing, do washing, pick up toys and any other little jobs. I am still being paid the same rate when the children are asleep- I should earn that money.
To all mums, if your babysitter doesn’t do any chores, just explain to her that once the children are asleep it would be really helpful if they could do some light housework. It is a reasonable request.
I live in Chicago and sitters here are expensive as well. We have a sitter every Tuesday for 8-9 hours while my husband and I are both at work. My expectations for the time that she is with my toddler are that my child is happy and has all her limbs when I get home. While I wouldn’t be happy if I came home to a huge mess every week, I have no expectation that she clean my house or fold my laundry. I am paying my sitter to care for my daughter- not clean my home. In fact, I make sure to tidy up before she comes over on Tuesday mornings so that she will feel comfortable in our home. That said, I do expect that she cleans up after messy projects such as play dough or painting, but those types of activities are totally optional, so if she doesn’t want to clean them up, she doesn’t have to do them.
As for the hairwashing/bath issues with your sitter, perhaps bathing at her house doesn’t always involve hairwashing so your assumption that you implied hairwashing may be incorrect (this is especially possible if she is not caucasian and she or her children have a different texture of hair than your family members do). It may be helpful if you said in the future “please give the kids a bath and wash their hair.”
I have two children, ages 18 months and three years and have found the most amazing 16 year old to be our babysitter. My expectations are that my children are fed, healthy, safe and asleep when I get home and that the house looks like it did when I left. I do not expect her to do any housework and for our arrangement would think it unreasonable to do so. If the expectation to do so was arranged beforehand, that might be different…perhaps.
I see a night with the babysitter as something fun for me and my husband as well as my children. That might mean that they get to watch a movie longer than they normally would, eat something fun or not take a bath.
I think it depends on how much you are paying the babysitter, and how old the babysitter is. For example…I pay our adult sitter $20 an hour to sit my two boys (5yo and 6mo), and she does fold laundry and do dishes – without being asked. However, if I had a babysitter I used on a very regular basis, I think a get-together to go over what was expected and acceptable for both of us would be in order.
When I was a teen and baby-sat for a family with two little girls, I would wash the dishes the family left (sometimes I think it was a couple days worth : ) and generally pick up around the house while the kids slept. They usually went to sleep after the first hour or two I was there, so I felt it was important to earn the money doing what I could around the house. The parents didn’t expect me to do much but were always appreciative.
Now that I am a mom and have a nanny for our 10 month old daughter, we agreed with her before she started working for us that it was expected that she clean up after herself and our daughter but any other household chores were appreciated but not expected. She will load the dishwasher once in a while and clean up the kitchen while my daughter sleeps, which is nice.
I think it’s important to be clear up front as to what the expectations are. Overall, I am really happy with our nanny, she takes great care of our daughter. That said, even though I don’t expect our nanny to do any more, some days when my daughter takes an uncharacteristic 3 hour nap, I wish she would take the initiative to do a bit more around the house : ).
Well my main concern for what your expecting your sitter to do is mostly the bathing. One i think that there should only be a few people that should be able to bathe your children , one of which consist of the parents and or the closes ones to the kids. I as a mother personally do not allow anyone to bathe my son. I just think that its something that is really private to me as to my child. Second hygienically not everyone cleanses and or does the same.
Another things, is if at the time of hire you are frank and up front with the person whom you are hiring to watch your children and tell them what you expect then it’s different, but if you just expect it to be done chances are it won’t.
Many people are too involved in their social networking that in a way it is a good way to get your moneys worth if your asking the person to do some “chores” while you are paying them, but at the same time a babysitter is not a maid and nor hired full time to come home to something clean and ready to just relax.
$18, $20 an hour? Wow. The last time I was a sitter was back in the 80s. I made $10-15 a DAY. Wow. At the time I did it as a full-time job and I was hired to do both childcare and light housekeeping. There were routine things I did each day and if there was anything else my employer wanted, they would let me know.
Personally, I don’t think it matters so much what duties you include, just that they are agreed upon in advance and that you pay accordingly.
For example, on you asking your sitter to fold clothes: If this is a new development, I would ask her if she minded doing it and pay her a bit extra for it. If it was understood when she was hired that some “chores” would be involve, then I would just let her know what I needed her to do.
Oh and the hair washing thing, I wouldn’t necessarily consider hair washing a given at bath time. My kids did not get their hair washed at every bath. I would say, in the future, if you want their hair washed, tell her.
I hire college and high school kids to babysit so my expectations simply can’t be that high. In fact, I’m sometimes lucky if the kids are in bed when I get home.
When I had a full time nanny extra chores were expected – but they all revolved around the child. Keeping the toys tidy, washing the dishes they used, preparing lunch, and occasionally folding laundry.
I think in the future I will be more clear to my young babysitters about what is expected from them. Maybe they just don’t know how to put away the toys or clear the table. *insert sarcasm*
We have a tiered system. Just watch the baby and you will be paid $15 an hour, do light chores and it gets bumped up to $18 an hour, but if you vacuum and do other Heavy cleaning it is $22 an hour plus tip if you really impress my picky husband. It is amazing how motivated college babysitters are to get extra money.
@Yoli, I had not thought about bathing as private, but am starting to think that you might be right. Thanks for your comment. I am not sure what you are referring to in connecting social networking with wanting to get one’s money worth. If you wan’t to explain, feel free to take another shot.
Jessica – you have a great idea going there. That way it is up to the sitter as to where the expectations bar and pay is set!
for $16 -$20 an hour they should be able to be mary poppins for your kids and leave the house better than they found it. We call this role a “Nanny” and our lives wouldn’t work without ours. A babysitter is the teen down the street and I generally don’t leave her alone with my kids.
when I was a teenager, I cleaned the house while babysitting. If I cooked anything for the kids, I would clean up everything – even dishes that had been out before I arrived. I had the kids clean their rooms, I never left anything out. As a parent, I would expect the same version of cleaning up kid-related stuff/sitting/playing. I would not expect anyone to fold my laundry or bathe my kids. Kids need to have some expectation of privacy with their bodies and I think only mom/dad and the doctor with some other random people (grandparents?) is a good lesson to teach. Definitely not babysitters. Laundry is one of those chores that has nothing to do with the babysitting and therefore would not strike me as the babysitter’s job. Just staying awake and being alert for my kid waking up and needing assistance is job enough for me. If they would pick up whatever they played with, then that’s a plus.
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I think your crazy lady. I would not let anyone bath my kids!!!\
New research suggests girls can and do molest as mush as the males. Why would you even consider allowing anyone to bath them but you? If you in such a hurry the bath can simply wait until your home.
No wonder kids get molested-sheese
If the sitter is watching the kids during the day (while they are awake) then I think it ‘s about the kids – however I would expect the dishes to put in the washer or cleaned up. I find nothing wrong with asking a sitter to fold some laundry after the kids were in bed – I wouldn’t feel comfortable asking them to wash it tho. As for the kid’s bath, when I sat (in my teens years ago) I use to bath the kids before bed… I would find out first if it included hair washing or not.
For $18 an hour… I’d clean your house after the kids were in bed for you
I am a teenage babysitter who babysits for a family of four young girls ages 9, 7, 4, and 2. In my experience with them their parents expect me to feed them, help them put away their dishes, bathe the two youngest ones, and send them off to bed at different times after they have cleaned up. If for say the Mother wishes for me to fold some laundry or get the dishwasher going after they have gone to sleep she will pay me a tad extra, but her philosophy since day one has been that I am there for her kids, not her house, and I agree with this. I am there to watch her kids, and keep them safe, though after they are all asleep I have no problem with a few extra chores.
I found this after you mentioned it on 510 Families because I was curious what your expectations were!:). I agree that I wouldn’t have a sitter give a bath — kids really really need to know that their bodies are private and that no one other than a parent or doctor should see it and only in the appropriate circumstances even by those adults.
As for housework, no problem if you make it clear ahead of time.
I was hired as a nanny before Brooklyn was born and was old “I’ll want you to do her laundry and wash any dishes you and she use.” No problem! However I was quickly doing all of mom’s laundry too and would arrive on Mondays to both sides if the sink piled high with dishes and a full dishwasher to empty. I had no problem actually doing the tasks and did them without comment, but I did feel it was a bait and switch that wasn’t fair.
I’m still great friends with the mom and go back to TX to visit and the last time I was there she commented that we were having the same unspoken fight we alway had where we waited to see who would cave on taking out the trash first;). I replied “I don’t work here anymore! I’m visiting!”:)
@ Whitney, agree on not being self-conscious (being naked in our house is A-OK for B as well) but that is different from making them aware that running around naked in front of other people would not be appropriate, plus the added component of touching that actually bathing a child entails crosses a line I wouldn’t be comfortable with if I were just hiring a sitter, as you said. Friends of ours babysit B and I’m totally fine with her having a bath if she wishes when they are with her, so it’s definitely not a black and white thing. Just something to consider if hiring a new person:)