Comments on: Momversation: Does Facebook make you jealous of your friends?

By: rl777

rl777 — Wed, 29 Aug 2012 20:47:13 +0000

Love this topic, thanks for posting! I’ve been having struggles with (not me) but my friends being incredibly jealous over what I post on facebook….I’m just being me, doing my own thing, visiting friends, posting my status updates (both happy, sad and in-between) and recently my friend got incredibly upset with me and didn’t speak to me for four months because there was a misunderstanding b/c she saw photos of me and other girlfriends out one night. Because FB is such a minute, small snapshot and one dimensional side of our lives, others do not have the whole picture and context of what is really going on. and a lot of times, they assume incorrectly and then hurt feelings, jealousy and misunderstandings arise. I had to clear the air with her letting her know that she was a priority, a good friend and what she was seeing was out of context and that if she needed explanation, to please ask directly rather than relying on FB to do the explaining.

I use facebook as a means for keeping up with friends whom I could not otherwise keep up with because I have a full time marriage, full time job and full time mother-in-law and family responsibilities…therefore, I like to post a few photos, see what’s going on in my friends’ lives and be happy for them…

But when people get all dramatic on FB it just gets ridiculous, what are we? In highschool again?Please!!get over it!

One final thing I’d liek to say, is something of encouragement thatI’ve heard before that’s helped me tremendously and can help anyone who might be experiencing jealousy or be comparing themselves to someone else….

There’s always going to be someone prettier and uglier than you, faster and slower than you, taller and shorter than you, smarter and dumber than you….but there’s ONLY ONE OF YOU….that’s the beauty…..don’t run a race against anyone else because you’ll never win….if you eliminate “the competition” and just run your own life making up your own rules, trust me, you’ll feel a LOT better….Try it…the fact is, who even knows where we’re all “trying to get to?” we all end up in the same place anyways and happiness is such a subjective thing that means something differnt to everyone. Be happy for what you have, not jealous of what someone else has….

By: Sedge | noob-dad

Sedge | noob-dad — Sat, 25 Feb 2012 06:29:26 +0000

Facebook is mainly used for two things:

1. “1-upping” other people. Posting your triumphs and benefits to show others how good you have it (and likely invoke jealousy)

2. Creating drama. Bickering, passive aggressiveness, starting problems…. blah.

For these reasons, I cancelled my facebook and haven’t been happier since. I did not want to set a social networking example for my future son (to be born in 5 weeks). The wife still tries to tell me about what’s going on with others, but I have to tell her to pipe down because I left for a reason.

Cut the cord – figure out how much good facebook is really bringing you.

By: Emily

Emily — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 18:40:27 +0000

yes. yes and more yes. When we were struggling with fertility – fo shizzle. When we struggled with breastfeeding and then everyone posts on FB about how breastfeeding is the best. When I decided to be a SAHM and my career friends with kids were getting promotions and posting all the fun things that our career was offering them. When my daughter is evaluated as under her age for speech and the other girl is posting about how advanced her son’s vocabulary is (same age). So yes. Facebook contributed to all sorts of pain and depression. And my solution has been to get off of it for awhile when I need to. And to read a book that’s helping me to remember that my story is unique. My life is unique and I need to be authentic to it. Don’t puff up in defensiveness, don’t shrink away with shame and guilt. Just remember that I’m me. My life is my life. And my life is pretty great.

By: Joanna

Joanna — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 01:17:24 +0000

I think FB and other media can sometimes create a false perceptions of people’s lives. I had a discussion with one of my friend’s today about the blog that we both follow and she said that she likes it a lot because the mom-writer shows the good, the bad and the ugly side of her family life. Do you think people like to read about other people’s problems more than they like to find out about their successes?
I don’t compare myself to others, but I think some of the good stories people share can be inspiring.
BTW: great topic!

By: Jacquie

Jacquie — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 20:12:22 +0000

To echo a similar comment – Don’t compare your insides to their outsides.

It was especially true after my miscarriage last summer. I had to remind myself that I didn’t post about my miscarriage so it is likely (20-25%) that it has happened to others and they didn’t post about it.

By: Laila

Laila — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 18:41:26 +0000

Totally agree with Meghan – Facebook makes me compare myself to other moms and wonder if my baby is developing alright or if I’m doing enough as a mom. (Example thought: She’s so crafty – look how cute her party decorations are – wonder if I will ever be that together – where does she find the time? Blah Blah Blah.) I also just had my baby in July and as a first-time mom, and a life-long neurotic, I don’t need the fodder for my anxiety! I’m mulling over giving up Facebook. It’s mostly pretty silly, and I’m wasting time reading about people I don’t interact with in real life.

By: momnerd

momnerd — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 23:09:30 +0000

I don’t do FB. I am not somehow missing out with my friends. I am in contact with them on a weekly basis.I hate the “look at me” attitude. No one cares about that anyway! I mean, how many people actually CARE that you are going shopping right now. It is just another way we put walls between true meaningful relationships. It is a giant contest on who can say the funniest, most spiritual, most wise, best thing. Who has what. Who does what. We pretend to be celebrities. We have it all together, see people that I don’t really like? Again, who really cares that you do have it all together? And how could they care? Say you have over 100 friends. Can that many people actually care about you, enough to truly want to know the honest you? Do you WANT that many people knowing the real you? LOL! I am so glad you are putting this out there. You aren’t the only one, for sure.

By: Meghan

Meghan — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 17:27:14 +0000

I’m so glad someone is addressing this topic. I thought I was the only one who felt this way sometimes. I wouldn’t say I get jealous of other people’s lives, but I do a lot of comparing. Its awful and I conciously try not to, but sometimes I can’t help it.

I had my first baby in July, along with about 6 of my other far way friends. I can’t help but “compare” the stages that my baby is at, to what other people’s baby’s are at, who are younger than mine. For instance, one of my friends baby is a whole month younger than mine and her baby has been lifting her head, enjoy tummy time, sitting up and almost crawling, long before mine. Its so stupid because I know that all babies progress at different rates, but sometimes I just can’t help it! So silly!

By: Lisa

Lisa — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 16:44:57 +0000

Following two miscarriages over three years of trying, I am 5 1/2 months into my first so-far successful pregnancy. Remembering how Facebook pregnancy updates once made me weep, I have deliberately not mentioned my status online. In fact, I’ve gone so far as to untag myself in a photo that outed me as pregnant (though not before my ex’s sister saw it – oy).

Jealous is not the right word for the way I used to feel. It was pain, soul-searing pain that often lead me to ignore or unfriend people I genuinely like because their success was too much to bear. I wouldn’t wish that experience on anyone, so for now, my pregnancy is only for those in the real world to share.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 21:38:58 +0000

I just came across your website on Pinterest, and I love it! I am I guess what you would call an “expert” with a 5 month old son, but yeah I don’t feel like it! Anyways, yes I always feel bad posting about my son on facebook because of my friends that are having fertility issues. I pray and hope that they are blocking me actually, so they don’t feel bad. Great website…I will visit often!

By: Stephanie

Stephanie — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 13:53:22 +0000

The only thing that gives me a twinge of jealousy is seeing my friends and acquaintances posting about their pregnancies. We recently went through a miscarriage and they often remind me of the fact that I should be such-and-such weeks along. At the same I am so glad that I can share in the joys of friends lives. If it weren’t for this season of life I really don’t feel that Facebook makes me jealous of my friends.

By: Jo

Jo — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 09:26:40 +0000

A very clever frends a book status ths week was “we compare our behind the scenes to others highlight reels” which I think is the crux of it.

I look wistfully at the photos of single friends having carefree nights out but wouldn’t trade my family for it. I suspect some of them feel the same but it doesn’t stop me feeling envious of them checking in at swanky bars while I’m stressing over a weekly budget or holding a teething baby.