We cannot emphasize enough the importance of hanging out with other women who are doing what you’re doing. Swaddling, nursing, trying out bottles, using front carriers, swings – these are some of the things you’ll discuss. But there are also the sensitive issues of body image, careers, and relationships. It’s quite likely that you and your partner are experiencing parenting a little differently. Finding other women with whom you can share your experiences is important.
Furthermore, it is an excellent motivator to get you out of the house. Mom’s group outings can give some structure to your week. You will make a commitment to meet up on Tuesday morning at 10 am and by gosh, you better be there, no matter how many times you have to change your shirt before you leave the house.
Your challenge this week is to find a group to attend.
We each were in a new mother’s support group that met with a facilitator that helped guide us through group discussions. If you don’t have a facilitator, here is our simple suggestion for a format:
- Meet twice a week. One day is more focused on talking, and might take place at someone’s house or a picnic area. The other day is an outing. Take turns organizing the outing.
- At the beginning of your discussion gathering, go around the circle and let each person tell one “high” and one “low” for the week.
- Connect online to facilitate discussion throughout the week.
- Vary your outings. Use this website to inspire you to try new things together.
Some people to ask about mom’s groups: your childbirth educator, a lactation consultant, a church or synagogue, a prenatal yoga class instructor. Or, visit an online resources for finding moms in your area, like MothersClick.com or MeetUp.com.
We know that at this point, any other women you see walking around with a stroller looks like a “real mother,” but believe us– everyone is learning and struggling on the job. Being a new mom is like being a freshman in college. The people who live on your hall are likely to become your best friends, even if you had little in common to begin with. Find some strangers whose babies were born the same month as yours and turn them into friends, or at least companions. Tell your birth stories in all the gory details, and you’ll have nothing left to hide from these people.
This is our third weekly challenge. If you complete this challenge, give yourself a gold star and please let us know how it goes. Coming soon: more tips for connecting with other new moms.
I second this suggestion!
Mom’s group friends are also a great resource for sharing or trading childcare.
In San Francisco, You can try GGMG.org which is the Golden Gate Mother’s Group – $55 annual membership fee gets you a monthly newsletter, invitation to monthly meetings (with speakers), playgroup affiliation, LARGE email group for advice/info, discounts to certain area venues (SF Zoo discounted membership/museums), holiday parties, tons of area activities for parents/kids/families, etc…
Also the Day One Center has similar stuff. And their store is awesome! http://www.dayonecenter.com/
In the Boston area I would recommend Isis Maternity in Brookline – anyone having their baby at Brigham and Women’s will already know about Isis for childbirth classes, but if you haven’t seen their store or attended their classes (which are basically mother’s groups with a knowledgable leader) I’d highly recommend it!
I LOVE my mommy’s group so incredibly much. It did take a while to break into it though. Not because they weren’t completely welcoming, it just took a while to come out of my shell.
I would have to say even if you don’t feel like you “fit in” right a way, give it a few more tries. Besides as your infant gets older you will have more funny stories to share other than “uhhhh, bobby jr. pooped today”
Mommy’s groups do not necessarily even have to be that formal. Ours meets at night every other week, and on opposite weeks someone hosts a playgroup. When just the mom’s meet, we just chat (and eat of course).
My wife joined MOPS (Mothers of Preschool Students) and she loved going to it, even though our son had just been born. When she was home from work, she was going stir crazy and it was good to get out with other adults and have real conversations.
http://365parents.com
I agree! I just don’t know what I would do without my mom’s group. Without that support system, I would probably be lost! I belong to Mothers & More and the group is available nationwide. Thanks for this great post and encouraging mothers to be connected!
Along with the other posters, I don’t know what I would have done without my mom’s group! They were such an incredible support group during that confusing, sleep deprived first year. We used to meet at a coffee house every Wednesday when the babies were tiny and talked about everything! No one else will understand what you are going through like your fellow mommy friends.
I would not have survived motherhood without my MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) Group! Find a group at http://www.mops.org
[...] WEEK THREE: Join or start a new mom’s group. [...]
I found a New Mom’s group through npn.org in Chicago. NPN helped to form our group so all of our babies are born within eight weeks of one another. We are still a new group as we have only been meeting for about two months, but the conversations are invaluable. We hashed out the birth stories week one, and have been sharing every milestone, worry, and question once a week ever since.
http://www.npnparents.org/index.asp
I would have not survived being a military wife without all the groups I joined…..not just mom groups, but groups that we can connect….even without our children. 5 states and 3 different countries in 13 years can get pretty lonely if you don’t have girlfriend support….but I think you can say that even if you live the same place forever. Do it! Be a JOINER!
Nothing is more important than finding other moms to connect with after you have kids. Someone else that truly understands how isolating and horrible….while still being wonderful this whole experience can be.
Twice a week though? That’s a big challenge. If you can find somewhere and get out once to start with, you are doing great.
I found my best stay at home mom friend by literally running after her in a dog park to ask her how old her son was and if she wanted to have lunch. If you see another mom, don’t be afraid to be a total idiot, they probably are as desperate as you are for someone to connect to during this crazy time.
I agree that this is super helpful – but even AFTER I’ve been back at work, I need the support of other moms. I have found a group of support in coworkers and at La Leche evening meetings that is INVALUABLE.
I started attending a playgroup when my daughter was five weeks old. Then I became the coordinator for her age group. It’s super easy and those parents have become some of my greatest resources in her nearly two years.
I love my moms group so much, I started to help organize it! Now our group, Baby Talk Moms, is expanding even more to bring other moms the opportunity to connect. I don’t know where I’d be without my mommy friends! Even though I’m back to work full-time, I count on them for everything – my social life, my support system, my children’s playmates, my advice center, etc.
[...] Find a playgroup. I cannot overemphasize how important it is to find other mothers with whom you can share birth stories, compare spit-up, and just generally get used to your new self. (Editor’s note: We agree!) [...]
[...] challenge for this week is to find a pal (or a whole moms’ group), choose an easy hiking trail, put your baby into your favorite carrier, then just [...]