Our friend Deborah offered to tell you the bittersweet (mostly sweet) story of weaning her second child minus the part about cabbage leaves. Thanks Deb!
“I’m never gonna nurse again. Guilty boobs have got no pumping…” is what I sang this morning, to the tune of Careless Whisper by Wham!, when I nursed for the very last time. OF MY LIFE! I’ve struggled with this moment for the past few months, but after weeks of gradual weaning, I am more than ready.
I nursed my first child until she was one. The kid didn’t have an ounce of formula until she was 11 months old. Flash forward to kid number two who turns nine-months old next week. He had formula at eight weeks, and as of this morning, will never nurse again. I have been ready to throw in the (burp) towel – and throw the pump out the window –for months but I was hanging on because I felt guilty that I wasn’t giving kid #2 the same treatment as kid #1.
[Related: How to introduce formula]
Well, when my son doesn’t get into the college of his dreams and his sister does, he can blame me for depriving him of three months of precious breast milk. Yes, I know this sounds ridiculous and that is why I finally felt comfortable quitting. But there are other reasons, too.
I am ready to take my body back.
I have been pregnant or nursing for the past three years straight. I got pregnant with number two within minutes after I stopped nursing number one. I have gone from small to big to small to even bigger back to small again too many times. I don’t want another human being dependent on my body. I want to wear a regular bra. And yes, I want to buy some new clothes.
I am ready to be less scheduled.
We are militant about naps in our house, so between two kids, two nap schedules, two breastfeeding sessions and two pumping sessions a day, I could barely find time to eat a sandwich in peace. I am fortunate to have private rooms accessible at my office to pump, but it was getting more and more difficult to find time to escape twice a day. It was even harder on the weekends because I was always rushing back home to pump or trying to find a semi private place to do it while out. I’m exhausted just thinking about it.
I want to spend more quality time with my family.
Trying to play with my toddler while nursing was never an option because the baby got too distracted and trying to play with her while pumping just wasn’t fun. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry when my daughter started dancing to the rhythm of the pump. And maybe I’m weird, but I actually enjoy giving my son a bottle more than nursing him because we can make eye contact and it makes me focus on him. Reading email while nursing doesn’t feel like quality time.
So, that’s it. I’m done. We are not having any more kids which means I will never nurse or pump again. And I’m never looking back. Unless, of course, my son ends up being a few points shy of genius on an IQ test. Because we all know the formula is to blame.
Was weaning cause for tears of joy or sadness for you?
I needed to start supplementing with formula when my daughter was 4 months old because I did not make enough milk no matter how hard I tried -I cried. My daughter started refusing the breast all together when she was 8 months old, I was only pumping about 3 oz/day at that point but I wanted to still nurse twice a day -I cried again. She was ready to move on but I wasn’t; it was hard for me at the time.
I’m still nursing a 10 month old and not planning to quit anytime soon, but I do long for the end of the invisible sting holding us together. I love the connection of nursing, but after so many months having more than 3 hours to myself without worrying about her (stubborn girl refuses a bottle) sounds like absolute nirvana.
I nursed my son for 20 months. Weaning was hard for me because I hadn’t learn other coping skills. I nursed to put him to sleep I nursed him to comfort him if he got hurt… Nursing was my fix all so yeah it was hard to give up.
@Kat, I remember when I was nursing my firstborn after he was screaming his head off at the pediatrician’s office and another mom said, “Oh yes, it used to be so simple to make him happy.” At the time, I was sweaty and didn’t think it was so simple.
@Jennifer PM, my boy also refused the bottle and I think I’m still scarred for life. If you read my last post, you know that he’s almost eight years old, but I still worry that he won’t eat if someone else is preparing his food. (Typing that made me realize how crazy it sounds. He does go to sleepovers and day camp and such…)
I am one of those moms where I failed at “natural”. I couldn’t “naturally” have my sons, one resulted in emergency c-section and so was #2. I never produced enough milk with either. I could pump for 20 minutes to get an ounce. So yeah, 100 years ago my sons and I would have died in childbirth and if we had survived that, they would have had a wet nurse… but who cares? I naturally kick ass as a mom in other ways. I’ve got nothing but love & support for any mom whether she nurses for one minute, one year, four years or never.
@Christa, I’m so glad to read you “naturally kick ass as a mom in other ways”, I can tell!
@Christa, I am the mom that failed at “natural” too. My daughter was breech so I had a cesarean and I never pumped more than 2 oz from both breasts combined. She has been formula fed since 6 weeks old and she is amazing and thriving! Seeing you say you “naturally kick ass as a mom in other ways” makes me smile
I feel the same way and as hard as it was not breast feeding or delivering her naturally, I know I am a fantastic mother no matter what!
Thanks for your story, Deb! I’m like you- I was very ready to be done with breastfeeding when it came time to wean my second boy. By that time I had been pregnant and/or nursing for 3.5 years and I was REALLY ready to have my body back! I was ready to keep my boobs inside my shirt ALL day and not feel like public property. I was ready to buy nice bras and lose weight and enjoy my whole family. I had a hate/love relationship with breastfeeding and now I’m glad I’m done. And I’m a mother-baby nurse now, so it’s my privilege to help Mamas who are just beginning their journey!
@Renee and @Deb, I was a back-to-back pregnant-nursing-pregnant-nursing for the first few years of my marriage. You just made me remember that I wrote about it 5 years ago, : http://www.rookiemoms.com/only-six-weeks-not-pregnant-or-nursing/
I am a full time student at UT and I’m still nursing a 22 month old boy and am really not planning on quitting any time soon. I would like to believe that he will wean himself but it really doesn’t look like that will be the case. And I really enjoy our nursing sessions as well. It brings a wonderful and comforting connection. I really don’t anticipate our weaning to be an easy feat.
@Christa, I am sorry that you feel that you failed at “natural”. I really dislike that you are making a whole other category for mothers who under their own personal circumstances are abled to achieve this “natural” choice for their child. I do not believe that my vaginal delivered, breastfed, co -sleeping (till fourteen months) boy is any better than your child. We as mothers need to unite and break down these rules of whom is better for doing X,Y,orZ. At the end of the day we all love our kids and have made the choices we believe are best for them.
Congrats on your success with your “natural” goals, @Carol.
I feel your pain or joy whichever it might be. I’ve been nursing my 3 month old since he was born. Except for 3 days in which I waited for my milk to come in. It was a challenge in the beginning not being able to produce enough. I supplemented with formula but now I’m full force breastfeeding. I enjoy the connection and bond we have but I also miss the getting up and going wherever whenever. I plan to nurse for 9 months so I hope I have the mental strength to keep going. At times I feel like a dairy factory. You have to find humor in times of frustration and exhaustion. The day that I wean off I will be glad to sit back and enjoy a nice martini.
I cried. And my daughter was three! I never ever dreamed I would nurse that long — I used to think moms who did that were crazy;). I went into it with “I want to make this work for a year. If we can make it to two, that would be incredible, but she will probably self-wean before that.”. Ha! My girl had no interest in solid food until about one year old and preferred nursing over eating for ages after that.
By age three, we were just nursing at bedtime, but she was still very sad when I told her that when she “got three” (her term for it), we would be done. I walked out of her room that night and sat down and cried.
I was also grieving never doing it again because we weren’t planning on having any other children — I’m pregnant now with our surprise baby, and I am so looking forward to nursing again…and absolutely not planning on it lasting three years this time, but who knows?:)