Comments on: How much childcare do you deserve?

By: Amanda

Amanda — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 18:20:24 +0000

We have one toddler at home, and both of us work full-time. He goes to Montessori school 8 hours a day. He started day care when he was 6 months old, even though I didn’t need to be back at work full-time yet. I occasionally felt guilty then, but not enough to be a stay-at-home mom all day. He has had wonderful teachers throughout, and being a very social only-child, the school time has been great for him. In addition, we still go out once a week on date night and probably every other weekend or so for a few hours. My parents both worked when raising me and my siblings, and they still made time for themselves. We loved having babysitters on the weekends when they went out. So maybe that’s why plenty of me and us time has always felt natural. It takes a village, and we are so so lucky to have a great one!

By: Susan H

Susan H — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 14:54:07 +0000

My daughter just turned two and I’m a SAHM. We took help from our parents when we could get it, but they all work and are a couple of hours away. We are very lucky to get the occasional Saturday afternoon to go out to eat or the two or three times a year my mom will take her for an entire weekend. Mom even kept her for a long weekend so I could go with my hubby on a work trip back in the summer. The week we got back from that trip we found out we were pregnant with #2. My husband is so awesome, he insisted I put our daughter in Mother’s Day Out two days a week (9-2) this fall so I could get some rest while pregnant. She LOVES it, and we’re all a little sad that she’s going to be out for 2 1/2 weeks for the holiday break! It’s a budget stretcher at $120 a month, and I don’t know how I’ll survive next summer break, but for right now it’s a sanity saver and I couldn’t be happier. It helps a lot that she loves going every week, has a chance to socialize with other kiddos, and has access to different toys and an indoor playground on days when the weather’s yucky or when I’m too exhausted to chase her around the yard!

By: Amanda Armstrong

Amanda Armstrong — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 19:26:18 +0000

Interesting discussion. Sally, it seems you have struck the perfect balance for what works for your life. I think that is key – no matter how may hours you work (for money) or not. Finding the time to be alone and with your spouse is a necessary luxury. Even in the childcare industry, I feel the sitter guilt sink in if I’m getting out of that balance for me.

By: Julie

Julie — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 18:06:36 +0000

This prompted me to write a blog post (linked it to your article) and do some self-reflection. I “finance” my SAHM-ness by watching 3 of my friends kids… not every day, but I have at least one extra kid every week day. Hmmm… I DESERVE childcare too! Luckily, hubby is on board and it’s time I start taking advantage of him (uh, not in that way… I’m too tired

http://koskersidlewild.blogspot.com/2011/12/finding-balance.html

By: Nicole

Nicole — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 17:00:30 +0000

Both my family and my husband’s family live on the east coast and we live clear on the west coast. So, essentially, we have no help when it comes to free babysitting. We have two kids under the age of two and our first born is extremely trying. She is classified as hypersensitive so very minor things set her off. When I had my first daughter the plan was that I would stay home with her and whatever kids followed. However, I fell into a huge depression after she was born. I didn’t realize it and the first year was terrible because I didn’t have any help in the way of childcare, I didn’t know what I was doing as a new mother and I didn’t seek medical attention. To make things worse, I became pregnant again just 5 months after the first was born. I needed help but didn’t want to admit it because I thought I was supposed to do it myself. My mom stepped in and got me a therapist and a babysitter, and sent me to a doctor. After being on medication, talking it out and sending the kids to the babysitter three days out of the week I am a much better mom. I understand now that I can’t do it all. Even though I’m not working the babysitter isn’t really all that expensive (we get a good deal) and I can get other things done that save us money in other places. I really need the time away from my kids and I don’t think it’s too much. Not only do things get done but the kids are happier to be out of the house, they are entertained playing with other kids and mom is happier when they get home. Besides doling out the $ it’s a win-win situation. I say take the time. You know yourself the best and if you really can’t handle it all then get some help.

By: Melissa

Melissa — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 16:26:05 +0000

Reading this with a napping nine month in my arms who refuses to sleep anywhere else, I have to admit tearing up. A sign I deserve a sitter? I never thought of a break from him as something deserved. Thanks for a new perspective.

By: Emily

Emily — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 16:04:58 +0000

My daughter spends the day at her grandmas house a couple of times a week while I’m at work (if my finace has to be out of tge house and can’t keep her home). My girl naps sometimes until after I get home, so I come home alone, start dinner, clean up and get ready for the next day while she’s still sleeping at grandmas. Then my fiancé goes and picks her up so I have more time alone. It’s really nice to be able to get thing done quickly, and it means I get to bed earlier those nights because I’m done with my “chores”.
Also, every once in a while my 2 year old asks to sleep at grandma’s house, so we have occasional nights home with no child. It’s decadent!
Three cheers for living in the same town as my
Mother in law!!

By: Katie

Katie — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 14:06:31 +0000

I work in a daycare center! I work with the babies, and we have all kinds of parents – parents who have their kid with us from almost open to close, parents who have their kid with us a couple days a week, and parents who come immediately after work to pick up their kids.

I have no problem with any of these parents. The only thing I dislike is when parents, who have kids in day care 10 hours a day five days a week, get a day off of work and put their kid in day care ALL DAY. Not just for the morning, not a pick up at 3, but 8-6 ALL DAY. That upsets me, because your child is only a baby for so long, and you’re missing out.

By: RookieMom Heather

RookieMom Heather — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 07:46:13 +0000

As Whitney knows, I recently hired a mothers helper for 6-8 hours per week to get me through the screamy hours before dinner. I appreciate the help so much; yet, I have to fight the guilty feelings that I should be able to do it all.

By: Emily

Emily — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 22:01:46 +0000

I’m with Lmurwood. We’re military, so there’s no family nearby. And I’m not comfortable leaving my child with anyone except her father. But, I admit I do get jealous twinges when I see facebook posts of people who have grandparents to help for an afternoon or are comfortable with getting a sitter and having things like datenight.

By: Amber

Amber — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 21:45:30 +0000

I can totally relate…though right now not having any childcare is more about not having the money to pay for it. (I lost my graphic design job when I was 4 months pregnant, and became a freelancer. Starting a business, then taking maternity leave, then starting again has been, um, less than profitable.) It’s incredibly difficult to get my work done with a 3-year-old and a 5-month-old at home, but I somehow manage. And once the finances improve, a childcare day will be a top priority. It’s amazing how efficient I can be in a single day and cram in work, errands, haircuts, etc. when I have no kids along!

By: Sara

Sara — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 21:21:43 +0000

Agree that this is a great post! I’m a freelance designer, so I’m a WAHM, and have been for about 4 years. I had everything nailed down with my oldest in preschool full time (with the option for all day care if needed), THEN we had our second in May. We’ve been relying on a babysitter for the infant regularly so I can work, grocery shop, etc. Still, I’m so excited for the day when I can actually be at home ALONE, with both in school. I too feel weird getting back in bed with our sitter here