Comments on: Having your own last name is an imaginary problem

By: KTG

KTG — Sat, 05 Jan 2013 00:33:08 +0000

I hyphenated my last name. Basically, in my family all the girls got the family name and all the boys got married names. So at 22, when I got married. I kind of liked my last name, but i am a traditional person. So I hyphenated. HOWEVER. I am still Mrs. (insert husbands last name) and we are the (insert husbands last name) and I don’t correct people. I have no reason to, and in a family unit sense I see no problem with it. In other words I don’t correct people. Keeping my last name in my name was for personal reasons and I still have people use it for professional reasons too. Anyways… my question really is.. why can’t you have your families last name on an address label?

By: CCRiot

CCRiot — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 21:29:53 +0000

As for return addresses/stamps? We just have one that has LASTNAME/LASTNAME, since each of the adults has one, and the child has both with a hyphen.

By: Marcela

Marcela — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 19:18:34 +0000

I am originally from Uruguay, South America. It is unthinkable that a woman would change her last name in my country, and I feel the same way towards what I do with my name. Even my grandmother, who would be 90, kept her last name.
History and tradition play a big role in this decision and I wish people would be more understanding and tolerable.

By: Melissa

Melissa — Sat, 18 Feb 2012 10:35:40 +0000

I never intended to change my name for all the reasons you have said, but then my husband asked me too. It meant something to him to have me take his name. So I did. For a little while I talked about how I missed my old name, and occasionally I feel like my friends and colleagues who didn’t change their names are judging me for taking part in an outdated and unequal custom, but the truth is that it’s just a name and it doesn’t really matter. I’m still the same person and I’m still an independent, successful woman. My last name doesn’t define me or my family. So either way, it doesn’t matter. It’s the person and the family that counts, not the name(s) they have.

By: Karen W.

Karen W. — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 16:17:55 +0000

I took my husband’s name because it is sort of the traditional thing to do I guess and I wanted us to have the same last name (Team W….), plus my maiden name is hard to spell and hard to pronounce but my married name is easy to spell and pronounc and only moderately common (I’ve never personally met another that was not related to my husband at least distantly). I guess these days it doesn’t make too much of difference, partly because of the prevalence of divorce and women wanting to keep the names they started careers with. However, i think it is different for men then women. Women having a different name than their children are not generally questioned but I have a coworker who is male with a different last name (not originally from the U.S. and there was some surname issues when they became citizens) and he has a hard time traveling with his children unless his wife is present, he’s been asked by airlines to provide a notarized document from his wife to travel with his own kids to prove he isn’t kidnapping them or something.

By: Imogen

Imogen — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 18:48:33 +0000

I kept my name, and while it helped my MIL understand my choice that I had some published articles under my name, the fact is it had nothing to do with my career, just my identity. I like my name, I’ve had it for a long time, and it felt disorienting to consider changing it at this stage of the game.

While I definitely notice when people address mail to me under my husband’s name, I try not to get too bent out of shape about it. I figure they’re either relatives who don’t happen to know I kept my name, or that they themselves prefer the traditional Mr & Mrs John Smith and assume I prefer that, too. A lot of my older relatives would be offended NOT to be addressed that way on the front of an envelope.

By: Becky

Becky — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 17:59:33 +0000

There is a long convoluted reason why I changed my name after getting married (turns out I have a name doppelganger who just happens to do the exact same thing as me – we can’t have that!), doing the maiden name as middle name thing and defending my choice for a long time. I could care less now and am so used to my “new” last name it’s hard to remember a time when my middle name now was my last name.

The thing is, at the end of the day, you probably have a man’s last name either way (either your father’s or your husband’s unless your parents were hippies). And what’s interesting about this is my brother and I had a different last name than our parents growing up (and yes, back then it was a hassle but I would imagine that’s less the case now especially depending on where you live), but for totally different reasons – divorce and remarriage, not women’s lib.

By: Amber @ Backwards Life

Amber @ Backwards Life — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 14:16:51 +0000

I’m still torn. We’re not married yet but our daughter has my last name as her middle…and his as her last. I do not like is last name and it makes me twitch when using it for my daughter.

I’m pregnant again and we’re and a standstill on what to do about it. I’ve suggested taking on a brand new last name for all. He wants just just combine both of our last names into a new one. I still think mine is the best name out of all the choices….why won’t he just take mine? HMRPH

I’m not really concerned about having issues with a different last name than my kids, I just don’t want to do that. I want to “match”.

By: RookieMom Heather

RookieMom Heather — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 22:12:13 +0000

I love reading the comments here. I find that I identify with the minority over here.

As a child, I liked my name well enough. I decided that I’d keep my given last name unless a married name would be an improvement, an upgrade.

When it came right down to it, I found that I preferred to change my name to demark a new chapter in my life (the married or team chapter like Team Copley above) but I really wanted my fiance to want me to do it. Professionally (resume, linkedin, facebook), I use my maiden name as my middle name. We do also use a blended version of our family name informally and that makes me happy.

By: Lauren

Lauren — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 14:36:40 +0000

It’s interesting to read everyone’s decisions and reasoning. I felt very attached to my uncommon last name as part of my identity. I decided to include my husband’s last name and changed mine to Hislast Mylast. The kids have his last name – though he was fine with giving them my blended name instead, I find that I wish I’d just left it as Mylast and saved myself some trouble.

By: Genevieve M-K

Genevieve M-K — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 18:30:45 +0000

My husband, our kids and I all have hyphenated last names combining our two names! It was his idea. It’s cumbersome and I won’t mind at all if the kids want to change later. We are not attached to either surname – you could say they were both “made up” by previous generations coming to this country.

By: Christine (Cook the Story)

Christine (Cook the Story) — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 16:12:28 +0000

I also haven’t changed my name and have not met with any real difficulties. Although, it has happened that people have referred to my son with my last name, under the assumption that his name is the same as mine. Also, whenever I travel with the kids without my husband, I carry our marriage certificate just so that I can show that I am married to someone who has the same last name as the kids travelling with me. Nobody has ever specifically asked for that document but they end up seeing it because the border control ALWAYS asks to see a letter from my husband saying that I can travel with the kids. When I give the letter, I also give the marriage certificate. I have no idea if they ask for such a letter as frequently when the kids and the parent have the same name.