My friend Samantha (mom of twins) said to me, “The valuable mom is the one who is six to eight months ahead of you in parenthood; any bigger gap than that and they’ve forgotten what you’re going through.”
As a new mom of a little wobbly baby, I woulda thought 2 to 3 weeks max. I remember looking at my friend with the youngest baby in moms’ group (by a week!) and pitying her for having the last baby to go through “the famous six week peak of fussiness.”
Whitney really seemed to have it all figured out by the time my firstborn Holden arrived (6.5 months after her rookie baby, Julian). At the time, I thought she knew everything and had left me in her dust. But time is elastic. I also thought I’d have a crying six-week old forever.
Julian, Whitney, Holden (making it look easy)
A few years into parenting and I see the beauty of Samantha’s theory. A six-months-more-seasoned mom has the best you-only-needed-it-for-five-months gear, the best hand-me-downs, and the greatest tips on what mistakes to avoid. She has already researched the playgrounds with the shady benches and clean bathrooms as well as which coffee shops look at you funny if you wheel in a stroller.
When you hit toddlerdom, she’s freaked out about researched preschools before you even thought about it. But, unlike your annoying sister-in-law, she still remembers your nap schedule and why separation anxiety is normal and not a fault of your crappy version of parenting.
How could anyone forget what you’re going through? Isn’t this the most life-changing event ever? Yet now, if a friend hands me her 6-week old so that she can tie her shoe, I think Holy wobbly head! Were my babies ever this small?
Your assignment: go forth and find thee a mentor mom! Or tell me why this theory is bunk.
This is a great idea! My “mentor” mom / friend who I ask a lot of questions of has one little boy who is 4 years older than my little one and a daughter who is 9 months older. This works out really well because while the babyhood is fresh in her mind, she also has the perspective of having an older child.
I think it is a fantastic idea. My question is how to go about doing it? None of our friends have children or had them long ago.
My mentor mom moved! *tear* She was the ultimate friend-her first daughter was 8 months older than my son, and her second daughter is 7 months older than my daughter. So I could use her both times around! I have to find another one, because packing up and going to visit her 3 hours away with two kids under two is not an appealing idea.
Fun post.
My mentor mom has changed — it used to be another twins mom, then a preschool mom, now it’s a neighbor. I didn’t buy one single school uniform for my son this year: they showed up in a bag on my front door step.
Last weekend I took ours to the mom that is about six months behind me — she got a load of kids clothes and gets a truckload of advice (poor thing picked me to mentor her).
Pay it forward, I guess.
xo
I will never forget the friendship of one Stacey Closser, mom to a same aged baby boy as me. We shared a similar parenting style, except she had a huge sense of humor that I loved. Any new parents needs a laugh and she and I cracked up daily. We pal-ed around at parks, picnics, coffee, shopping, museums. We did it together, we were each other’s mentor. I miss her so much- she moved two years ago, but she will remain in my heart forever.
Networking with moms is no bunk idea. It’s survival!!!!
Mommy Mentors! What a great idea for new moms, moms that are expecting… even for moms of toddlers! We love reading your blog posts and think this site is inspirational, insightful and great for the (occasional) laugh and cry!
What a great idea (and suggestion). In my situation there were 2 groups of friends – the ones who had teenagers and the ones who were just beginning their families. Unfortunately I was the first in the second group to have a baby, so I had to pretty much figure things out on my own. But trust me, I tried to encourage and help as much as I could when my friends started having babies!
That 6 month time frame is perfect. Because even now, I have a hard time remembering specifics and my youngest is only 2.
My mentor mom is my best friend, Stephanie. We have been friends since the ninth grade (we just had our 20 year high school reunion) and her daughter is 10 months older than mine (and coincidentally we are 10 months apart in age!). She lives in Boston now, but she has been a lifesaver with helping me from letting me know that a crying 6 week old is normal to now giving advice on how to introduce solids. I don’t know what I’d do without her, on many levels, and feel very lucky to have her (even though we’re 3000 miles apart).
Alas, I do not have a mentor mom, but my consolation is that I get to be one soon. We were the first in our circle of friends to have a baby (now 3 months) and it’s been lonely out here on the frontier. We have several friends expecting in the next few months, and I love sorting through all my maternity and newborn stuff to give away. For my closest friend, I’m making something for her that I wish I’d had – a list of things not to worry about.
[...] Find a mentor mom The best part of this article to me is the quote: “the most experienced mom is the one who is six to eight months ahead of you in parenthood; any bigger gap than that and they’ve forgotten what you’re going through.” I have a December ’09 moms group and moms from the various activities we do each week, but we’re all in the same boat. I have a few friends with kids considerably older than Olen, so they’ve forgotten. And I’ve got friends who had their babies after I did. Maybe that’s what I was missing in our first few months with The Overlord, a mentor mom. I could still probably use one, as we head into the first year. Any April-June ’09 mamas want to be my mentor? I’ll return the favor to someone else too, any June-August ’10s want to buddy up? Fair warning, I’ve got a pretty bleak view of the first 8 months, but you’re more than half way through it now! [...]
My mentor mom is my daughter’s preschool best friend’s mom. She has an older child (3 yrs older actually) than I do. She taught me play dates- She taught me carpooling, she taught me swapping child care, she’s now teaching me the world of elementary school. Most of all she let’s me know it’s all possible and I can do more than I think I can.
Aww, that’s so sweet, Rebecca!