Comments on: Finally, the case against family dinner

By: Kate

Kate — Sat, 04 Dec 2010 02:26:13 +0000

If you haven’t seen it already, you MUST check out the blog “Dinner, A Love Story”. You will love it.
http://www.dinneralovestory.com/about/
Click the “About” tab and you will see that this is someone who supports the idea of a family dinner while still being realistic and dealing with the challenges of her own real family.

As for my family, it is a priority. It ain’t always pretty, but we try. And in my book, your description kind of would count as a family dinner b/c you were all there. At least you scored 90 out of 100 I think. : ) I try to make everyone eat the same thing just so I don’t have to cook multiple meals or play short order chef, but there are other nights (like tonight) where the kids got leftovers and went to bed, while we (the adults) are ordering takeout for ourselves.

I get it that nightly family dinners can’t work for everyone, but the research is there to back up the importance of it. Now, I don’t think that means a 15 month old only child must dine with both of its parents nightly as much as it means older children need to have an established pattern of family dinners before entering those all important teen and tween years. But I think part of the point is that if you start working on establishing the pattern earlier, it will become more routine by the time your children are older.

One question that’s never really addressed by the research I’ve seen: does it count if people instead have family breakfasts?

By: Carrie

Carrie — Fri, 03 Dec 2010 19:29:29 +0000

This post is so well timed for me. I have been feeling guilty over the lack of family dinner time. But my oldest son is nearly 3 and my youngest is 6 months. So when am I supposed to start attempting it? There’s no way to do it on the weekdays…Husband doesn’t get home until 7 and by that time, everyone is starting to unravel. Anyway, thanks so much for this! I feel absolved of my guilt.

By: Katrina

Katrina — Fri, 03 Dec 2010 05:41:38 +0000

My problem with the family dinner is that

1. my 3 yr. old wants to eat hot dogs
2. my 7 year old has declared herself vegetarian
3. my husband has a serious gluten allergy

If I want to eat normal grownup food (preferably something spicy sandwiched between two slabs of delicious gluten), that means preparing 4 separate meals. It doesn’t work to get it all on the table at the same time.

I console myself with the fact that the kids eat in the kitchen and we talk about our day while I putter around making food. That counts for something, right?

By: RookieMom Heather

RookieMom Heather — Thu, 02 Dec 2010 22:26:33 +0000

@Wendy, one thing we do — that only sometimes works — is serve the kids the dinner from the night before. Now that I write that here, I realize it couldn’t possibly work unless I screw up dinner a few times in a row. Hmm.

By: Wendy Copley

Wendy Copley — Thu, 02 Dec 2010 22:24:07 +0000

I think sitting down for family dinner works great for some families and not so well for others. In a perfect world, I would eat dinner with my husband and kids every night, but that doesn’t work out for us most of the time. My husband’s schedule varies a lot from day to day. Some days he works at home and we can eat right at 6, other days he doesn’t get home from work until 7:30 or 8:00.

The real challenge for me is figuring out how to split dinner into the two shifts without having to prepare two meals and clean the kitchen twice. I don’t mind serving my boys “freezer dinners” (frozen meatballs, frozen peas, etc.) now and then, but I don’t want to do it every night.

By: Globe trottin' mama

Globe trottin' mama — Thu, 02 Dec 2010 20:09:02 +0000

my husband is from a country/culture where it’s not just family dinners, but family breakfast and lunch. it’s just a different attitude over there towards family and meals. family meals are important to us, therefore we arrange other priorities to make it work. it doesn’t mean that it ALWAYS happen. sometimes our family meal is the adults drinking tea while watching our daughter eat. sometimes our family meal is just me whipping together a bunch of stuff out of the freezer. however, in our family we really do desire to have that time to come together.

disclaimer: just because it’s a priority in our family, doesn’t mean it has to be in yours.

By: CM

CM — Thu, 02 Dec 2010 19:09:10 +0000

We only do family dinner on weekends. While I agree with sarah that the family dinner is a good idea that establishes family time as a priority, it’s just not realistic for us. We have staggered our work schedules so that our child spends less time in daycare, which also means we get less time all together as a family. For us, the tradeoff is worth it and we enjoy our whole-family time together on weekends.

By: Renee

Renee — Thu, 02 Dec 2010 18:27:12 +0000

I guess I don’t understand why family dinners seem to be seen as the only time and place that a family can sit down and talk together. My daughter is 18 months so I feed her and then my husband and I eat, sometimes together and sometimes in shifts to keep her occupied while the other eats. But we usually take the time to sit on the floor with her, all three of us and we play. At this age her level of conversation isn’t really effecting us yet, so I don’t think it’s important for her to sit and eat at the same time as us. Especially since often I’m still spoon feeding her or stabbing her food with her fork for her; I don’t get a single bite in my mouth usually while she’s eating.
Sundays we eat at my in-laws and we all sit together so she is still learning the concept of being with us at the table. Other than the fact that the meal corresponds with her naptime she is usually very well behaved.
I think family dinners are something to aim for when the kids are older (upper middle school to teenagers) and they don’t require “care” or assistance with their meals anymore.
I feel like the focus shouldn’t be about getting everyone to the table at the same time but rather to get everyone spending time together and communicating. Set aside time after or before dinner to communicate together. My husband gives our daughter her bath every other night and that gives them one on one time together.

By: Hanna

Hanna — Thu, 02 Dec 2010 18:26:12 +0000

Now that the baby is eating solids, we actually eat together every night at a table for the first time in our 8 years of marriage. So for us, it seems quite doable. But, she’s still at a totally different stage than your family.

By: sarah

sarah — Thu, 02 Dec 2010 18:09:37 +0000

Not to be a hater or anything, but I have 4 kids under the age of 8 and up til 2 months ago was a career mom as well, running a succesful non-profit. We have always had family dinners. It doesn’t always get done on time, sometimes it has to be fast and yes there is almost always a huge mess or pile I have to throw from table to floor before we can eat. But we still do it! In my opinion it consistently teaches children that family is never perfect but is always a priority- which is one of life’s most important lessons.

By: Terra C

Terra C — Thu, 02 Dec 2010 17:34:12 +0000

The family dinner is something i really strive for too. Before I started staying home with the kids it felt impossible because the kids were starving the minute we walked through the door. So, they got fed, then I started the real meal.
Now that I’m home, we usually eat between 4:00 and 5:00, as a family. That doesn’t mean that the kids don’t start first, but we all eat together.

By: JD

JD — Thu, 02 Dec 2010 17:24:11 +0000

Are you a mind reader? Because I was just thinking about this today. Family dinner for me means:

1) I overeat because I munch while cooking and then scarf too much food as fast as I can while getting up and down to get my girls food, napkin, chocolatier milk, etc.
2) I don’t get quality time with anyone because of all the getting up and down stuff.
3) We wait for my hubby and eat too late for the girls. So they are either starving and cranky, or full from too many snacks and then whine the whole time I am trying to get them to eat dinner.

I much prefer giving the girls their kid food, sitting down with them, and having a glass of wine while they eat. Then hubby gets home and joins in. We eat later. So we’re still having family time, just not all eating at the same time.