In eight months, my now 4-year old son will be ready to enter Kindergarten. He can already read hundreds of words, type the names of all of his friends at school, sit and listen to a performance for over an hour, and follow a series of directions to accomplish a task.
But he’s not going to Kindergarten next year.
Why not? Because no one else is going.
His birthday is in the last week of October and the trend of redshirting Kindergartners seems to be rampant enough amongst my peers that I am convinced that he would be the youngest child in his class.
When we began toying with this decision and I thought, “That’s weird – he’ll be in a different class than the other women I was pregnant with at work,” only to learn that even one of those women, whose daughter was born in July, was considering deferring Kindergarten for a year.
My local parenting discussion board is overflowing with anecdotes from parents who say that holding back a fall baby is the best choice. Is it the best choice for every individual kid? No. But, if MOST people are doing it, the average age of Kindergartners is edging towards 6, not 5, and so the group with whom my son will be competing or compared against will be older.
In our school district, the rule is that a child must turn 5 before December 1 to enter Kindergarten. Private schools, however, use September 1 as their cutoff. This is one more thing that swayed me. We are not considering private schools, but this fact indicates that someone out there believes that kids should be 5 by the first day of school.
Ok, back to why I allowed my decision to be influenced by what other people are doing. I am convinced that my child himself will thrive in the public Kindergarten setting next year. However, I am not convinced that it’s as easy to be 12 when everyone else is 13. When the other boys start liking girls and listening to rap metal or whatever genre of music will be delivered intravenously to their brains, what if my year-younger boy doesn’t “get it”. Will he be as equipped to go away to college at 17 as he will at 18? I don’t know, but I’d like to give him the chance to be more mature before he flies the coop.
Certainly there is a socioeconomic thing going on here. By deferring the Kindergarten year that we are entitled to, we are opting in to another expensive year of preschool. (Side note: we found a wonderful preschool program designed for fall birthdays, and it calls itself Kindergarten, but the children are expected to move on to a new Kindergarten after this bridge year.) Other students in public Kindergarten will certainly be 4 years old on the first day of school because their parents are embracing the free education that they are entitled to, as quickly as possible. So, for the teachers, the graying of Kindergarten, which is likely more prevalent amongst the middle class and above, results in a classroom with more than a one-year age span amongst the students. Some be 4 years and 10 months, and some will have turned 6 in August or even July.
It doesn’t make me happy to perpetuate this trend, and I wish I could say I was bucking it, but this is what we’ve decided to do, in hopes that it will be best for our child. And that’s our job here.
I haven’t seen any red-shirting in my community, where the kindergarten cutoff is September 1. Quite the opposite. I put my 2.9 year old daughter in a Montessori school for 3-5 year olds and my friend is having her Sept 4th child tested to see if she can start kindergarten this fall. If she can’t, she’ll enroll her in a private school kindergarten.
Considering what’s happening in your community, I think you’re doing what’s best for your kid– I completely understand not wanting him to be the youngest and at a disadvantage.
Wow thank you for your thoughts here, my son was also born the last week of October and although he won’t be ready for school for a few more years I was just faced with this new trend during a “Moms” group last week. I totally thought that almost five was still the trend and now it seems six is the case..so daunting and confusing, especially with the boys because they tend to mature a little slower..I appreciate your thoughts and hadn’t really considered their level of social maturity at say age 12 and 13 so I would have to agree with you.
Thanks for this post. I love what you’re “doing for Julian” but that’s because I totally selfishly want Julian and Holden to be in the same class.
Luckily, with a May birthday and a February birthday, I don’t have to make such a tough decision. I think you weighed the pros and cons and went with your gut. You may have been bullied but you didn’t go down without some really deep thinking.
I’m sure things have changed in 25+ years (and maybe it’s different for boys), but I was born 5 hours before the cut-off in my community. I was 4 for the first month of kindergarten. I turned out just fine and any social problems that came along during my schooling probably would have happened even if I had been held back. It was difficult to be one of the last to drive, but it was nice to be 17 and in college. It was nice to have a “real” job at the age of 21.
It’s unfortunate this is happening in many communities. I can imagine it’s difficult to not succumb to the peer pressure. I just wanted to say that I turned out okay!
Wow, our cutoff is October 1…December seems SO late! As a developmental psychologist, and considering the fact that this specific kid is a boy, I think you’re making a great choice. I’m considering it for my August 17 boy, if only so that he has a chance to outgrow his impulsive nature a bit
Glad you turned out ok, Rebecca
I know Julian would turn out fine either way. I guess I should look at it as having the option to go either way – ahead or behind. I do think things have changed re: this trend.
Oh god — sometimes it feels like this is all I ever think about.
This is *such* a tough issue. We’re in the same community as you (well, pretty much) so I know *exactly* the kind of peer pressure you’re talking about. My son’s turning five at the beginning of October. Many (but not all) of the boys with fall birthdays at his preschool are delaying starting kindergarten. We were planning on sending him next fall, but the more I talk to people and read articles about it the more doubt I have. Academically, I think he’s ready to go now. Socially, things are a little more rocky as he leans to the sensitive side. I was the youngest kid in my class and while I didn’t have any trouble academically the social stuff did come up. I was the last to lose my front teeth, interested in boys later than my friends, and the last to get my driver’s license. Junior high was especially tough (though it seems like it sucked for everyone, so there’s that…) My mom (a teacher) told me a few weeks ago that if she had it to do over again she would have delayed starting me and my brother (who also had a Sept. birthday). Sigh.
Some weeks I think we’ll definitely wait. Other weeks, I feel like he needs the intellectual stimulation of kindergarten. For now we’ve got him registered and we’re hoping to send him, but we’re going to keep a close eye on his development, check in with his preschool teachers frequently and reserve the right to change our minds at the last minute.
@Wendy I’m with you in the “all I ever think about” category. I also reserve the right to change my mind last minute as we entered the public K lottery as well. Also, I can revisit this whole thing next year when I choose if Julian goes from the bridge K to regular K or to 1st Grade!
As a Kindergarten teacher let me tell you…. WAITING is best for 90% of kids. Intellectual readiness is VERY different from emotional readiness. Most kids Thrive when they are older instead of Survive when young.
My son is still little, but he’s a Sept baby, and I’m pretty glad about that. I just see so many boys in my daughter’s prek class that would really do better running around for an extra year than being asked to sit and do worksheets. For my son, I am considering asking if he can repeat the 2 year old class at daycare instead of being faced with doing prek twice. That way, he’ll never know the difference, and won’t be in the regular 3 and 4 year old preschool type setting until he’s closer to being ready. The way that I look at it is- nobody would EVER say you “flunked” preschool, preK, or even kindergarten. But if you realize your mistake in first grade and the child really needed (emotionally, physically, academically or otherwise) to be heldback, that would be very traumatic.
My Aunt, a retired public elementary school teacher said that Hawaii decided to change the cut off date from Dec 31 to Aug 1 in 2006 primarily to save money. But I can see where everyone is coming from. Because of our traditionally late start date, all kids in my generation went to school early, then, when we went to the mainland for college had to wait three years to go to bars legally while everyone else in our class got to go. Some private schools would accept some kids only if they repeated a year. I think most kids were ok with it, but one friend of mine never really got over it. I don’t know how old he was when they held him back, but he always says that he should have been in my grade.
I just have to chime in on this. My daughter who is now 9 is a fall baby (November 22) and because we live in Houston where the cut off is (and has been for at least 32 years as I started as a fall baby at 5 in 1976) September 1 she is one of the older kids in class. I don’t have any close friends here who have opted to keep there children out an extra year due to there August birthdays though.
I will say this, my daughter, although incredibly strong willed and challenging at home has been a pretty easy kid for the teachers and always straight A’s but that first year was incredibly difficult for her. She had such a hard time adjusting to the difference in the way the teachers related to her in Kindergarten as apposed to pre-K and this alone has led me to give serious thought on keeping my son who was born in June out of kindergarten for a year. I have seen it go well with children both ways but it is something to consider. BTW, we moved to NYC when I was finished with elementary and it was not easy being a year older than every one there. The cut of in NYC was Jan 9 if I remember correctly.
I’m not sure when you wrote this post, as I just found your blog, but I wanted to share with you my mother’s experience. She a retired kindergarten teacher – she taught kindergarten for 20+ years, and I don’t know anyone who is better at this job than she is. She’s a big advocate of what you call “red shirting” kids. Her observation is that even though kids may be academically ready to enter kindergarten, if they are not socially ready, they will likely struggle at some point in school. It might not be until 4th or 5th grade, but the struggle will happen. I think her point is that there’s a lot more to school than academics, and if your son is struggling with higher expectations from teachers or has more responsibility than he’s ready for, than the academic side of things will be affected as well. This maturity issue is often a bigger concern for boys than girls. The take home message is you want you child to be one of the older ones in his class. He’ll likely have an easier time with things, and enjoy school more. I wish you and your son the best as he prepares to go to kindergarten.
Wow, my husband and I have this discussion all the time. I have a summer birthday and was the youngest kid in my class until I went to college. I had no problem being the “baby” of my group. I honestly didn’t notice until I had to wait to drive. My husband has a fall birthday and repeated Kindergarten because he was small for his age, and his parents didn’t want him to be picked on later. He had a really positive experience and feels that he was more of a leader with his peer because he was older. So, where our September 3 daughter is concerned, we have opposing opinions on this issue. Until this year, I was lucky enough to teach at an elementary school with on-sight, multi-age daycare for teachers, so my daughter has been in a true school setting (the tot class has a curriculum, does exhibits, and the kids go to art, music, PE, etc just like all the “big kids”) since age 1. She does well socially at her current pre-school and in play groups. After considering all of this and her academic readiness, we are planning to send her to Kindergarten in the fall. However, we are going to keep a close eye on her to see how it goes. She may be like her dad and do Kindergarten twice!
Check out Malcolm Gladwell’s “Outliers” and read the first section about the birthday of professional hockey players. It proves the point that redshirting does make a measurable difference, especially if it’s the norm in your community. For the record, it’s happening in my community, too. Good luck!
As a January baby, I started private K at 4.5, since I was already reading.
When we moved towards the end of 1st grade, I ended up going for a 2nd year of 1st in my new school system, and I am *so* glad that I did!
I really enjoyed being 16 and able to drive in 10th grade, and 18 as a HS senior & college freshman. (and my parents enjoyed having me able to ferry around my younger siblings! I guess that isn’t allowed anymore, though, under CA driving laws?)
Also, some friends of mine were put into K too young, and ended up repeating grades later in elementary school — not at all fun for them!
Good luck with whatever decision ends up happening!!!
Wendy, I think you should go with your gut instincts. You are the parent of your child and you know your child the best. You have to remember that there are exceptions and that some Fall babies actually do fine, even in the communities where redshirting is encouraged. My son has a Nov birthday, but I’m sending him to kindergarten. He’s a very cerebral boy who needs a lot of stimulation. Worst case scenario he could just repeat kindergarten again. He’s definitely academically ready, but my concern is his social maturity which is why I’ve been keeping a watchful eye on how he compares socially to the boys his age as well as the oldest kids in the class. The truth of the matter is, none of the boys appear to be super mature in his preschool class (maybe that’s just how boys are) and he always seem so much more mature than any boys who do have a Fall birthday. Although he is on the smaller side, based on his parents’ height, he will always be smaller (even in the grade below) so we are ignoring that fact. Just my two cents to throw out there. My main point: there are exceptions who do well and the only way to find out if your son is an exception is to have him try it, but go with your gut, not everyone else’s. Good luck!
We are holding out oldest back also. Its not about what others are doing but what I want for her in the long term. I don’t want her to be 17 and graduating only to go off to college at 18. One more year to grow up before having to be a grown up I’m keeping her till she is 19.
[...] year will look like. With Scarlett at Julian’s current preschool, and Julian moving on to a bridge Kindergarten, it will be a more complicated morning routine. (But oh, the stuff that mommyblogs are made [...]
Thanks for writing your comment on my blog Whitney. I think I’m leaning toward the young fives program for the same reasons you have chosen to red-shirt Julian. I just worry about losing a place in this whole public school lottery thing. (another topic that merits a blog post…ugh). I’m glad you are at peace with your decision. I’ll get there too. Appreciate the support.
Thanks for sharing this perspective Whitney.
As someone who lives in a diverse community that is surrounded by wealthier communities, and who is a little put off by the affluence and privilege at Laurel’s pre-school (yes, I recognize that we also send Laurel to school there…does it help if I tell you we’re a one car family that drives a beat up, aged Honda amidst the Audi, Mercedes, and Lexus SUVs?), I tend to get a little tweaked by the concept of red shirting. But it occurs to me that it tweaks me when presented in the vein of “gaming the system” — wanting your kid to be bigger and stronger and smarter than the other kids so they can squash the competition.
However, put in the context of individual differences and social, emotional, or intellectual development, I get it. Certainly when I go to Laurel’s classroom and see the boys bouncing off the walls and the girls sitting quietly coloring I think, how can all these kids be in the same class? In an ideal world kids would be evaluated on scales of intellectual, social, and emotional development (maybe motor too) and an assessment would be made as to whether they were ready to enter K that particular fall.
Laurel is a September birthday. Had we still lived in our neighboring town she would have missed the kindergarten cutoff by a handful of days. Now she makes it in in our current town with several months to spare. These cutoffs are arbitrary and there are pros and cons of being the youngest or oldest of a class. I guess I just sort of assume that everything works out in the wash.
-Christine
[...] school that Julian attended for his bridge-K year asked us not to use time-outs at home. We stopped using that term, but called it “taking a [...]
Here’s what I don’t get: In the Seattle Public School district, the cutoff is Aug 31st birthdays for Kindergarten. They will do early entrance testing for Sept and Oct. birthdays only. So my daughter is a Nov 18th birthday. She is a smart girl, but more importantly a confident girl. With an older brother, she hangs out with a pile of boys – and keeps up with them mentally, physically and often has more of an emotional maturity! But her friend with an August birthday is often a few steps behind. Because she has a birthday a mere 3 months earlier – she can enroll in Kindergarten now? It’s so silly. And those 3 months are going to make middle school easier on her? Despite the fact that my daughter has a sibling 6.5 years older, will have experiences that her friend hasn’t had. 3 months will ease puberty?! 3 months is the difference between having sex and not having sex? So silly, imo.