According to Mr. Dad, “kids who grow up with actively involved fathers are happier, healthier, smarter, and better adjusted than those who don’t.” Ok, sign me up. The added payoff is that I get a break, right?
We had a few different break-throughs in our house and I want to go on-record as suggesting the sooner the better.
- For Holden’s first two weeks, Alec was chief diaper changer to allow me time to lay around and recover (and nurse eight hours a day). He was and still is the diaper expert. Nice!
- Around four months old, Alec got in the habit of taking the baby out for a short bjorn-walk when he got home from work to give me a little break. That was wonderful; I would check my email and enjoy the relaxation that comes with being Off Duty. Something about solid foods and bad weather got in the way of that ritual, but I highly recommend it. Find a variation that works for you.
- And some time around 14 months, Alec became the chief bather and to-bed-putter of our little guy. Before then, we did it all together. Lock step. Let me tell you that it is very liberating to diversify your skills in this regard. If you’re comfortable trying it sooner, go for it!
Basically, your partner needs your support in order to be successful (but not by controlling or bossing, I learned). Let the other parent take the lead in diaper-changes, baby-bathing, and massage-giving while you go in the other room and put your feet up. Try your very best not to micro-manage – they’ll get along just fine without you.
Sometimes, it’s easiest to leave the the house completely so you don’t have to watch or listen… the happy biproduct being you can take a break already!
Two awesome resources for new dads are based right here in Berkeley: The Father’s Forum (Dads, check out the Yahoo group) and Mr. Dad.
My husband does the bathing, While I cook dinner, and the putting to bed. We used to alternate the putting to bed, but my 5 year old knows she can “play” me more than dad. So it works out great!
And I totally agree with not telling them how they didn’t do it like you would, that is the best way to have a dad who won’t do ANYTHING!
Great TIP!
Great site BTW! My baby’s only 6 weeks old, but I’ve already done this w/ my hubby. He’s the main diaper changer when he’s not at work. I’m nursing so all the feeding is my responsibility. Our baby is a little colicky and (one of) his main fussy times seems to be right when DH gets home. DH was kinda offended by this. So, I gave him bath duty too since baby is actually calm and happy in the tub. I think it gives them a chance to bond a bit. And it gives me some time to go take a bath myself.
My husband has been wonderful from the start! He changed the first diaper and many more since then. He reads to and puts our son to bed every night. Because he works and gets home at 7 at night, he only has a couple of hours each day with our boy so he makes the most of it. I feel so lucky to have him.
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