Comments on: Dear Rookie Moms, Should I have a baby?

By: MnJnR

MnJnR — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 20:04:08 +0000

p.s. – Heather I thought you gave great advice!!

By: MnJnR

MnJnR — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 20:02:16 +0000

I can’t imagine my life without my son. Its awesome knowing that I get to share a piece of myself with him.
When you have a baby you don’t just become MOM – you are now MOM and WIFE. You can still take that vacation to Paris – you might just have to alter it a bit to fit the baby in there too. My husband and I just recently took a week vacation for our anniversary to the East Coast with our at the time 6 month old son – i know it’s not Paris but it was still awesome – We still had a romantic dinner (planned it around the little one’s bed time) at a nice restaurant and a beautiful nighttime walk. Babies do change your life and if your husbands going to be 100% (or even 90%) with you and helping you when you have kids – you won’t notice a strain on your relationship because you will still be doing everything together – If its because your not sure you know how to be a mom or dad – it will come to you – mothering is pretty natural for most and if not – that’s what a support system is for.
You have to be able to give all of yourself to your child while at the same time being there for your husband – and the same goes for him. When you lose the balance – you get overwhelmed and lose who you are – Your life won’t just happen for you – you have to MAKE time for the things you love and the people you love. Its takes EFFORT – mother nature won’t do that for you.
I hope all these good tips from others have helped you and that deciding to have or not to have a baby comes a little easier for you. Good Luck

By: Al_Pal

Al_Pal — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 04:37:18 +0000

Good points. My man & I are still a ways off from being married [newly engaged] and definitely don’t want kids now. Whether we want them in the future? Time will tell! ;p

By: mama k

mama k — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 12:47:52 +0000

I guess the only thing I have to add is that having a child is not something you really do for “yourself” I mean, you are basically giving up a lot of your own life to create and nurture a new life. This is not a bad thing and actually makes you grow a lot as a person, but it is certainly not easy for most of us.
It irks me a bit when people think of children only in terms of what the child will bring to their lives… like having a child will fulfill their lives completely. But you can’t go into any relationship with those expectations. You have to go into it with a mindset of what you have to give not what you have to gain.
I guess my advice is that if you are that much on the fence, maybe you are not doing it because you really want children but rather because you feel your time to make that decision is running out.
Good luck whatever you choose!

By: mel

mel — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 19:52:38 +0000

RookieMom Heather

Think about the original question: Should I/do I want to have a baby. Everybody says your life will change forever, but advice like that is easy to come by. You need to “think about” all the things that you take for granted, and realize that pretty much every single one of those “things” will be put on hold for several years. Having children isn’t only 3AM feedings and sleep deprivation. If this website only wants to talk bout the obvious duties of motherhood and only hear the squeaky clean, holier than thou versions, then I guess this site is not for me. Having babies isn’t all pink and blue and marshmallow fluff.

By: RookieMom Heather

RookieMom Heather — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 16:42:53 +0000

Mel, I’m curious. When you say “think long and hard” what do you propose we think *about*? I’m also wondering how old your baby is. Redefining and new and good (better?) normal after the child enters your life is what we were thinking about when we started this site. Good luck!

By: mel

mel — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 15:03:45 +0000

Think long and hard. I had my first and only when I was 41. My husband and I were in a financial position where we could literally do anything.. Fly to Paris for the weekend, golf at Pebble beach etc… I also had a very big network of friends where in an hours notice I could be meeting for drinks or a nice dinner. I loved my life before baby, and I love my life after baby, but the world that had defined me, was gone, and I am struggling to find a new definition in my life other than just “mom”.

By: sander

sander — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 19:08:23 +0000

And your comment made me teary eyed. Thank you.

By: Whitney

Whitney — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 00:33:20 +0000

In case anyone was wondering if my dad’s comment made me cry, it did.

By: Rick Moss

Rick Moss — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 00:26:13 +0000

Lisa,

Not many old dudes log into Rookie Moms, but since one of my kids is one of the Rooks I check in from time to time.

Nothing in my life has given me more joy than my three kids. Yes, its been the best of times and the worst of times, and I agree with other respondents who say I could have had more toys and more time for myself. However, its the people in your life who really count not the things you have.

Now I have two of the greatest grandkids a grandpa could have. The circle of life is what it’s all about. I say, if it’s people you care about, jump in. It’s a lot of hard work and sacrifice but the joy is without equal.

Good Luck,
Grandpa Rick

By: Wondering

Wondering — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 20:30:18 +0000

My husband and I have a different situation. I’m in my mid-twenties and have been married for 2 years. I am more than ready to start a family but my husband doesn’t know if he ever wants to. Does anyone have any advice on how we should approach this situation?

By: Tracy

Tracy — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 18:21:50 +0000

We had twins last fall after 4-1/2 years of trying. I am 39. For so long we wanted to have kids but couldn’t…and then we got on the infertility treatment track, and after so much time and effort and MONEY, we finally got pregnant. I love my babies more than anything, and I have zero regrets, BUT…I also had ZERO idea how much my life would change. Some of it is for the better, some of it is for the worse. My marriage has been tested, I am exhausted, we don’t have the expendable income we used to have, we have no time to do the things that we like to do (if we happened to have the energy with which to do them) and I am 40 pounds overweight.

Like I said, I wouldn’t change anything, and I know this is all just temporary, but if you like your life now, and really aren’t sure you want an 18-year (plus) commitment like being a parent and making endless sacrifices, you’re doing the right thing to think long and hard about it.