Comments on: Dear Rookie Moms, Should I have a baby?

By: TodaysMama.com - 2009 Blogger Recap: Heather from Rookie Moms

TodaysMama.com - 2009 Blogger Recap: Heather from Rookie Moms — Mon, 15 Apr 2013 20:19:28 +0000

[...] Favorite post of 2009 (your own): Dear Rookie Moms, Should I have a baby? [...]

By: Romance | Should I Have Kids??

Romance | Should I Have Kids?? — Sat, 18 Feb 2012 02:16:34 +0000

[...] Now, take that thought and add it to this article and its comments I found online: http://www.rookiemoms.com/dear-rookie-moms-should-i-have-a-baby/ [...]

By: Josh

Josh — Mon, 01 Aug 2011 02:57:40 +0000

I would say that you should absolutely have kids. My wife and I have been considering having children for a while now and we have decided that we really do want to start a family. I thought I’d post on a few sites that asked the same questions we’ve been asking ourselves in the hopes that someone will find it useful.

In talking with people (both those with and without kids) two things really struck us:

1. Literally every person who had children said that it was the best thing they had ever done. It was repeatedly described as “a lot of work” but also as “the most amazing experience” and “the best decision” that they ever made. Apparently there must be some truth to that because most of the people we talked to that only had one or two children were planning on having more.

2. The biggest regret among (most) people who were past the age that they could have children was that they hadn’t had kids (or in some case that they hadn’t had more kids).

Something that one of my cousins said really stands out in my mind as well. He and his wife recently had their first baby and I asked him wasn’t he scared to have someone else who would depend on you for everything. He said of course he was scared, everyone is. He also said that there is never a perfect time to do anything in life. You always want to take just one more trip, or get one more raise at work, or get a bigger house, or fill in the blank. He said if you wait for everything to be perfect it will never happen and you will miss out on the best experiences that life has to offer.

We’ve decided that being able to share our lives and love with children would be too wonderful of an experience to pass up. Although we know it will be tough sometimes having everyone say they are glad they had children is a pretty good indication that the good times will outweigh the bad.

Also from a more egalitarian perspective the world could always use more good people in it and I’d say that anyone who has stopped to consider if they should have kids is well on their way to becoming a good parent and thus hopefully raising a good kid.

Hope this helps a little and good luck with your decision.
Josh

By: Jenica @ Pumpkin's Boutique

Jenica @ Pumpkin's Boutique — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 14:13:10 +0000

My husband and I also wondered if we should have kids or not. We were perfectly happy with out kids. I’m also not a big baby/toddler fan but enjoy older kids. However, when we pictured growing old with no kids and grandkids, it made us sad. So, we took the plunge and have two kids. Of course we are madly in love with them and have no regrets. But, I’m very much looking forward to the end of the baby/toddler phase, lol! While I still miss much of my prior life and even though I think I’d have been happy if I hadn’t had kids, I’m happy with my decision.

I think you gave a good answer. The 30 year “test” is a good way to think about it. Babies, toddlers and even childhood is so short compared to the 40 years of your kids adult life that you will (hopefully) get to enjoy!!

By: Daisy

Daisy — Sat, 26 Jun 2010 18:57:52 +0000

Embrace the fact that there really is no right answer to this one. I wish I had better advice to give, but I don’t. I have been in your shoes, however:

http://www.tootoomama.com/2010/06/13/to-breed-or-not-to-breed-that-was-the-question/

Perhaps my ramblings will help.

By: MnJnR

MnJnR — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 20:04:08 +0000

p.s. – Heather I thought you gave great advice!!

By: MnJnR

MnJnR — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 20:02:16 +0000

I can’t imagine my life without my son. Its awesome knowing that I get to share a piece of myself with him.
When you have a baby you don’t just become MOM – you are now MOM and WIFE. You can still take that vacation to Paris – you might just have to alter it a bit to fit the baby in there too. My husband and I just recently took a week vacation for our anniversary to the East Coast with our at the time 6 month old son – i know it’s not Paris but it was still awesome – We still had a romantic dinner (planned it around the little one’s bed time) at a nice restaurant and a beautiful nighttime walk. Babies do change your life and if your husbands going to be 100% (or even 90%) with you and helping you when you have kids – you won’t notice a strain on your relationship because you will still be doing everything together – If its because your not sure you know how to be a mom or dad – it will come to you – mothering is pretty natural for most and if not – that’s what a support system is for.
You have to be able to give all of yourself to your child while at the same time being there for your husband – and the same goes for him. When you lose the balance – you get overwhelmed and lose who you are – Your life won’t just happen for you – you have to MAKE time for the things you love and the people you love. Its takes EFFORT – mother nature won’t do that for you.
I hope all these good tips from others have helped you and that deciding to have or not to have a baby comes a little easier for you. Good Luck

By: Al_Pal

Al_Pal — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 04:37:18 +0000

Good points. My man & I are still a ways off from being married [newly engaged] and definitely don’t want kids now. Whether we want them in the future? Time will tell! ;p

By: mama k

mama k — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 12:47:52 +0000

I guess the only thing I have to add is that having a child is not something you really do for “yourself” I mean, you are basically giving up a lot of your own life to create and nurture a new life. This is not a bad thing and actually makes you grow a lot as a person, but it is certainly not easy for most of us.
It irks me a bit when people think of children only in terms of what the child will bring to their lives… like having a child will fulfill their lives completely. But you can’t go into any relationship with those expectations. You have to go into it with a mindset of what you have to give not what you have to gain.
I guess my advice is that if you are that much on the fence, maybe you are not doing it because you really want children but rather because you feel your time to make that decision is running out.
Good luck whatever you choose!

By: mel

mel — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 19:52:38 +0000

RookieMom Heather

Think about the original question: Should I/do I want to have a baby. Everybody says your life will change forever, but advice like that is easy to come by. You need to “think about” all the things that you take for granted, and realize that pretty much every single one of those “things” will be put on hold for several years. Having children isn’t only 3AM feedings and sleep deprivation. If this website only wants to talk bout the obvious duties of motherhood and only hear the squeaky clean, holier than thou versions, then I guess this site is not for me. Having babies isn’t all pink and blue and marshmallow fluff.

By: RookieMom Heather

RookieMom Heather — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 16:42:53 +0000

Mel, I’m curious. When you say “think long and hard” what do you propose we think *about*? I’m also wondering how old your baby is. Redefining and new and good (better?) normal after the child enters your life is what we were thinking about when we started this site. Good luck!

By: mel

mel — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 15:03:45 +0000

Think long and hard. I had my first and only when I was 41. My husband and I were in a financial position where we could literally do anything.. Fly to Paris for the weekend, golf at Pebble beach etc… I also had a very big network of friends where in an hours notice I could be meeting for drinks or a nice dinner. I loved my life before baby, and I love my life after baby, but the world that had defined me, was gone, and I am struggling to find a new definition in my life other than just “mom”.