My former nanny is 9.5 months pregnant as of this writing. She posted this lovely photo of her San Francisco apartment on Facebook last week.

The flags above the birthtub were made by her friends to welcome her baby.

As part of a partnership with Philips AVENT, I attended a super amazing event in Los Angeles last month. The Biggest Baby Shower is an expo-style event where attendees pay for tickets to access a beautiful room stuffed to the gills with the stuff a pregnant woman needs to know about in her first year of motherhood. Stylish baby gear and opportunities to win fabulous prizes greeted guests at every turn. I probably said, “Wow!” twenty times.

I was helping the Philips AVENT team introduce their new double electric Comfort Breast Pump to expectant moms; the space we created was an oasis that included free massages and comfy chairs to take a break from walking the floor. We also talked about breasts. I won’t lie: it does get a little awkward to talk breast pumping with a man who is not yet on the other side of the childbirth experience.

The ballroom space offered moms a chance to check out strollers, baby carriers, designer high chairs, and cribs. Resource providers, such as LA baby coach Jenni June, Urban Sitter, and giggle — along with a bajillion cupcake bakeries — were on hand to introduce themselves to the pregnant women and woo them with free samples.

I’m not even kidding you guys, there was a red carpet entrance and a crapload of awesome gift bags.

It was simply adorable to see all the guests sporting their round bellies. Partners walked alongside, carrying bags, dutifully listening to marketing folks explain the features and benefits of all the baby gear.

So what does one say to an expectant rookie mom who has arrived at such an event?

I felt pressure to strike the right tone, to be positive, encouraging, and also useful without being scary. I mean what’s the point of telling someone that childbirth is excruciatingly painful? There’s no way around it. We may as well focus on the cupcakes.

Should I say, “Look, you don’t need all this stuff in advance. The price of your stroller does not reflect your love for your baby.” Or say, “Here are ten things I learned in the first month that I want to pass on to you, ” and risk that she can hardly understand what I’m saying and will come away feeling overwhelmed? Or maybe the startled-looking pregnant woman doesn’t even share my values and will be 100% fine going in another direction without my guidance.

Ignorance is bliss. And so are cupcakes. (Did I mention the cupcakes?)

I am extra cautious when talking to pregnant strangers whom I truly, sincerely want to help. Multiply that by 500. Certain factors impact each woman’s experience of early motherhood, but I can’t guess where a new mom lands on the spectrum without getting to know her better. Here are the obstacles that prevent me from doling out buckets of unsolicited advice:

• Support system. I don’t know how much support she’ll have at home. Is she single? Does her husband travel a lot for work? Will they have hired help? Does her mother live in town?
• Work situation. I don’t know if she’ll be back at work within 6 weeks, 6 months, or ever. One adorable woman I talked to had already given birth. She was wearing her 11-day old in a Baby Bjorn carrier and said she had already worked a few shifts at the restaurant where she was a waitress.
• Shopping preferences. Does buying stuff make her feel good? Some of us like to acquire beautiful things, gadgets, or just get a little head start in providing for the baby to practice feeling like a parent. Some fear spending money on the wrong things or don’t have room for loads of “stuff”. I can’t tell by looking at your belly if you like to shop or hate to shop.

We tried to write The Rookie Mom’s Handbook so that it would speak to all new moms, and it’s challenging to not start every sentence with “if.”

“If you live in an urban area…”

“If you have a flexible work schedule…”

“If you’re bottle feeding…”

“If your baby sleeps in a crib…”

There are so many different variables! Though I post a lot of tips on this website, when I’m in person with a new mom, I’m actually pretty quiet. I mostly listen to what they say and agree with them. I wait for them to ask me specific questions.

If you have five minutes with a first-time mom-to-be, what do you like to tell her?

Note: this same event is coming to San Francisco on April 25, and I’ll be there again to help answer questions about the Philips AVENT comfort pump.

photos: The really good pictures in this post are by photographer Danielle Wang. The rest are from my Instagram account.

Did you or do you keep a pregnancy journal? Unless you count this here blog, I did not. Geralyn Broder Murray created a diary with sweet illustrations and thought starters to help you remember the agony and — in dreams with Ryan Gosling — ecstasy of pregnancy.

Because those memories fade (which is why some of us go on to have more children), Geri shares her illustrations and some tips for remembering to remember the small moments.

Here are a few ways mamas-to-be can get the most out of their pregnancy journals:

- Carry the pregnancy journal in your purse - this way you can jot down a few notes very quickly while waiting at a doctor’s appointment/car wash/check-out line.

- Collect those little scraps of pregnancy memorabilia to attach inside the journal later – an ultrasound pic, a belly pic, a shower invite or kind note from a friend.

-Be candid. This journal is for you and you alone. Don’t be afraid to share what’s really happening with you and your baby; you don’t want to look back on simply a good pregnancy story – you want to look back on your pregnancy story.

I have a nine-year old and a six-year old. What that means is that I was pregnant FOREVER ago; before sleeping through the night and first steps and first bites and potty training and swim lessons and T-ball. It also means that what I remember of being pregnant – those precious months – are pretty much that my stomach was huge (both times!) and that I was by turns nauseous and ravenous.

I wish, truly wish, that I remembered so much more – more of what it felt like when the baby was moving, hiccupping, rib-tickling me, and what it was like to attach dreams to a little person who was still only theoretical and fully contained. I really think those nine months deserve to have a sweet little chronicle of their very own.

From Pea to Pumpkin can be found at www.peatopumpkin.com and on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/PeaToPumpkin

If you want to know the accurate results of the very expensive stick you just peed on, wait the full three minutes. Maybe even longer.

Both of my pregnancies were difficult to detect with store-bought pregnancy tests. I never did get a positive test with Julian, but since I was working with a fertility doctor, my pregnancy was confirmed by a blood test. It was not the moment I had imagined – welcoming my husband home from work by waving an E.P.T. in his face, wrapping it in a gift box, or placing it on his dinner plate –  based on all the television I had watched in my life. Instead of all that, I was informed by a nurse over the telephone that I was pregnant, then I ran into a private phone room at my office and called Ryan to share the news.

The second time I was pregnant also lacked an element of surprise because of the secondary infertility treatments. (Is it called “secondary infertility” if your fertility was never good to begin with?) At the end of that month’s cycle, I waited as long as I could and then took a pregnancy test.

No positive test line appeared, not even when held directly under my reading lamp. The next morning, I tried again. Still nothing. Well maybe something really faint that could only be seen in sunlight while squinting. But maybe not. I was feeling ridiculously hopeful and knew that hope may bring on hallucinations.

That night, Ryan and I were going to a wedding in San Francisco. I can’t remember who was babysitting Julian, who was turning two the next day. I’m sure one of his grandparents was staying with him and had no idea that I was peeing on test sticks every twelve hours. It was my own private anxious hell. I took one more pregnancy test before putting on my cocktail dress, even though I knew it was a waste of money and I should be waiting another day or two. When nothing showed up after a minute, I tossed the stick in the trash can and returned to primping, trying to focus on the positive: I could drink at the wedding, guilt-free. My closest friend at the wedding was quite pregnant and I really wanted to be able to tell her that I was, too. But as any of you who had a hard time conceiving know, wishing doesn’t make it so.

Right before we ran out the door for our evening event, I returned to the bathroom to put on lipstick again. The trash can caught my eye, reminding me what was inside of it. I stomped on the foot pedal of the small silver can, and peeked inside. The pregnancy test was on top and when I pulled it out, I saw the faintest line, like a tiny vein under the skin of the pH-measuring paper, flowing with my happy news.

Here we are that night: Ryan and me with our little secret.

This post was inspired by an email I received about a book called Confessions of a Cereal Mother. I have not read the book, but according to the author’s website, “Don’t throw away your pregnancy test until the three minutes is up,” is one piece of advice inside, along with “Never throw up in a cookie sheet.”

Natalie Gordon runs an amazing resource for expectant moms and dads: BabyList (babyli.st) is a totally custom baby registry that let’s you ask for anything that you want: maid service, spare batteries, those cute hand-crocheted booties from etsy, and a crib? Yes times four. She offered us her best insight in how to get your baby shower attendees to get you the stuff you really need. And we said, yes times four!

I was already obsessed with keeping your friends and family from going rogue when I received this email from one of our baby registry users:

“With our first baby, hardly anyone used our gift registry and we ended up with a lot of… well, a lot of crap. Do you have any advice on how to get people to actually use the registry?”

Yes! There are things that you can do to nudge people into buying off of your baby registry. We have a lot of data (over 8k baby registries created with over 400k items and over 55k purchases).

1. Choose stuff at different price points
Your co-worker who isn’t coming to the baby shower still wants to get you small gift. Having “gifty” things at the $10-15 price-point is perfect. Great ideas – board books, bubble bath, baby hats, cute onesies, bath-time toys. Here are a few good ones:

• Burt’s baby bee bubble bath
• Sticky bellies monthly milestone stickers
• Dandelion baby mittens
• Soft bath toys
• Adorable Xylosaurus onesie
• Cloth peek-a-boo forest book

30% of items purchased off of baby registries are less than $15.

Someone (maybe your grandma or your mother-in-law) will get you the big-ticket items. Cribs, crib mattresses, bedding, highchairs are all things that those close to you want to help out with. Make sure to ask for the big things so a generous relative doesn’t end up getting you 20 different small things. Here are a few bigger ticket items to consider:

• Dwell Studio mid-century modern crib (vintage style not actual age)
• Skip Hop polka dot mod crib bedding
• Graco car seat
• Ergo baby carrier
• Beaba Babycook baby food maker
• Stokke Tripp Trapp high chair

10% of items purchased off of baby registries are more than $100.

2. Add a note
Some registries let you add a note to each item. Use it! If you were buying a gift for a precious newborn to welcome it to the world would you really get it something “boring” (aka useful) or something “lovely” (aka impractical). Does anyone really want to buy you a humidifier? Not really. But with a note like, “This will be a huge help if Junior gets a cold. And we’ve even heard that it helps babies sleep better!” Now your friend is able to get you the gift of SLEEP! It’s priceless.

If an item has a note beside it, it is 50% more likely to be purchased off the registry compared to an item with no note.

3. Ask for gift certificates
Do you have friends who leave things to the last minute. Give them an out by asking for a gift certificate. They can print it out the morning of the shower and avoid a last-minute rush to a store.

9.0% of baby registries include gift cards.

4. Make sure everything is in-stock
Before you send out your registry info check that everything on your registry is still in-stock. Baby clothes are notorious for going out-of-stock when the seasons change.

Huge thank you to Natalie for sharing her insight. Natalie’s awesome site, BabyList, is an online baby registry that lets you put items onto it from any store. She is obsessed with keeping your friends and family from going rogue. Find out what your budding family really needs with their new personalized baby registry checklist.

Cara is a contributor to our other blog, {510} Families, and is fast becoming an expert not on “what to do with (and without!) your baby,” but rather, “what to do while pregnant and on bedrest when you have another child.”  She offered to share her lessons learned with us.

At exactly 26 weeks pregnant, I had pre-term contractions. Thankfully with medicine and IV hydration, they slowed and eventually stopped.  However, I have been on bed rest ever since (almost 6 weeks now) and will be until I reach 36 weeks.  So how does one keep from going crazy while on bed rest and with a 4 year old?  The biggest credit goes to my awesome husband  for adjusting his work schedule (he’s a PhD student and is teaching this semester) as much as possible, so he is here almost every hour that my daughter isn’t in preschool.  Lifesaver!

Here are the rest of the ways I keep from losing my mind and going completely stir crazy about the fact that I haven’t been outside my house in a month other than for doctor’s appointments.

Try not to think about the fact that you haven’t been outside your house in a month.

Write a guest post for one of your favorite blogs. (Editor’s note: Yes!)

Shop online.  The combination of bed rest with holiday shopping and deals has been a bad, bad combo over here.  My neighbor recently said, “I have a box show up every day with all this holiday shopping!” and my husband and I just laughed, since we have many boxes showing up every day. It keeps me entertained! (This is my favorite site for finding the best deals)

Catch up on photo albums/scrapbooking. When my daughter was born, I began using a scrapbooking system called Project Life.  It makes documenting every day (or less often if you wish) totally easy and yet, not surprisingly, I had fallen way behind.  I am seizing this opportunity to print hundreds of photos to fill in the gaps on 4 years’ of life and get them all into the album, as well as captioning them. It has been a much-needed emotional boost as I see all the fun my daughter and I had when she was tiny and I imagine what this little guy I’m working so hard to keep inside will do.

Journal.   Most of my writing has been catching up on my Project Life albums, but I have also done some writing in a pregnancy journal as well as writing letters to my little guy.

Play with your kids.  When my 4-year-old daughter is at home, I try to do things with her other than watching TV. Just because Mommy has to stay in bed, that doesn’t mean I can’t do anything good. My daughter and I have done LOTS of coloring, paper dolls, crafting, reading, game-playing, and movie-watching. The key to our sanity is ensuring that she go stir-crazy, so my husband takes her on lots of outings and we’ve kept her enrolled in activities, just like I normally would during the week (I’m a stay-at-home mom).

Watch a lot of movies/TV shows.  Netflix streaming is a must if you are on bedrest.  You’ll thank me, I promise. When nobody is home, I power through television like nobody’s business. Among other things, I’ve watched almost three full seasons of Cheers (often while working on photo albums) and a handful of documentaries.

Do crafty things. I already liked hands-on projects so I made an advent calendar, sewed Christmas ornaments, and have colored in a coloring book a LOT.

Read and read and read and read.  A friend loaned me four books, and when I returned them a week later she said, “Wow, you do have a lot of time on your hands!” And that wasn’t even the sum total of what I read that week!  I’ve read both fun books and more “serious” books since I have the time.

Take your friends up on their offers of help.  People are SO willing to help, seriously.  I don’t ever like feeling like a burden.  I like doing things myself and helping others, so this one was a little hard at first, but then I realized that people were offering because they cared and really wanted to help.  So yeah, I’ll let you watch my daughter while my husband and I go to the doctor.  And, yes, please do come knock on my door and invite my daughter out to play with your kids.  And chocolate cupcakes delivered to my door?  Thank you!  One friend offered to bring me lunch — when you’re on bedrest and experiencing cravings from restaurants, this is a delightful offer.

Stay social. Thank goodness for e-mail, the phone, and Facebook to keep from feeling completely isolated from the outside world.  I’ve also read many more news articles and blogs than I normally do, letting myself follow the rabbit trails that an article posted on Facebook takes me down.

Crossword puzzles.  I like crossword puzzles (and all those kinds of word and logic puzzles) and always buy a magazine of them when I travel, so I have many on hand that are only partially completed — it’s a way to keep my brain stimulated. (Editor’s note: A book of puzzles is a nice, specific response for those who ask “What can I bring you?”)

Blog.   The grandparents would disagree, I’m sure, but I’ve tried to keep up with our private family blog a bit better while I’m on bedrest. Yeah, I’m failing, but my heart is in the right place.

Let yourself feel just a little bit bad for yourself every once in a while.  It’s okay to feel a little bummed out that this is happening.  It’s a bummer.  It isn’t normal, and that’s always a little hard.

Live vicariously through others.  After telling me about her dinner plans, my mom said “I’m not trying to make you feel bad about not getting out of the house!”  Hardly!  I wanted to know all the details of where they were going and had fun living vicariously and looking forward to the day when my husband and I will celebrate either my being off bedrest or our little guy’s arrival with a dinner out…maybe just at Rubio’s or something quick and cheap, but still OUT!

Enjoy the restful/alone times while they last.  This is the one I’ve tried to stay focused on. While it can be boring and crazy-making, it is also a really restful time in my life.  Those moments when my daughter is at preschool and my husband is at work, I can play music, read, nap, or watch something with no internal guilt over “I should be DOING something.”  Those busy days will come again. There will be a newborn and I will be washing dishes, doing laundry, cooking and cleaning again — for now, I rest.

Thank you, Cara! Heather wrote about finding the fun in bedrest in the past but she was totally speculating.

Were any of you on bedrest during your pregnancy? If you’re on bedrest right now, be sure to say “hello”!

Five years ago, I received two incredible emails on the same day, both from men whose wives are my friends, describing the surprising delivery stories of their children who were born the day before. Last month, we shared one of them: Sabine’s birth story, which took place just outside the doors of the hospital. I think when you read the second, Glenn’s experience of his son Levi’s birth, you’ll agree that little Sabine and little Levi may be soul mates.

Here’s the email Glenn sent:

Hi All,

Shayna and I are blessed to announce the birth of our son, Levi. Mother and baby are doing great. Father is still in shock. Under ordinary circumstances, I would probably not offer details of our baby’s birth experience; but this story is kinda remarkable.

On Friday afternoon at 3:00 PM, we had a weekly appointment with our midwives in Las Cruces. As Shayna’s due date was November 16, we were hoping this would be our last check-in before delivery. In passing, I commented to Shayna that it would be easier for all of us if she just gave birth right then and there to save us another trip to Las Cruces, which is 77 miles from our house in Truth in Consequences. Our birth plan had been to labor in T or C and then drive to Las Cruces to have a home birth at our Midwife’s house. Turns out my tongue-in-cheek comment was quite prescient.

Many of you are aware that this pregnancy had not been an easy one. Actually, that’s an understatement – it’s been awful. Shayna was in the unlucky 1-2% of women who experience extreme nausea and vomiting throughout the pregnancy. At the beginning, it wasn’t uncommon for Shayna to throw up 15-20 times per day. She was even hospitalized one time when the puking got totally out of control. Over the past few months, it’s gotten a little better – but she was still throwing up every single day.

So, the appointment on Friday went well, Shayna was 3 centimeters dilated – which is in indication that things are in process, but not imminent. We left Las Cruces at around 6:00 to attend a friend’s 40th birthday party back in T or C; we had a great time and left the party around 9:00. We played some backgammon and then went to sleep.

At around midnight, Shayna experienced her first real contraction…then she threw up. 20 minutes later another contraction and she threw up again. Once more 20 minutes after that. This brought us to around 1:00 AM and we were getting concerned that Shayna was entering into one of her out-of-control situations and I thought she may need an IV. I called the midwives to give them an update and they told me that labor for first-time mothers can last up to 72 hours and that we should start to pay closer attention when she has 2-3 contractions in a 10 minute interval lasting for 1 hour. This is called “active labor”. I hung up the phone, gave Shayna the update, and grabbed a pad to document the contraction pattern. I gave her some medicine to treat the nausea and that’s when the fun began.

The contractions intensified immediately, lasting for a minute each and occurring every 3 minutes. After an hour of increasing discomfort, it was time to call the midwives again. They confirmed that against the odds we had skipped the entire first phase of labor and were already in the active stage. We were thinking it was time to get in the car to start the journey to Las Cruces but the midwives assured us that active labor for first-time mothers usually lasts at least 6 hours so we had plenty of time to pack our bags and hit the road.

At this point, with the contractions still intensifying, we made the call to play it safe and leave immediately. It’s now 3:00AM.

It was a typical New Mexico night with a pitch black, starry sky. I was driving our Subaru Forrester, Shayna was in the back seat. In order to minimize the pain of the contractions, Shayna negotiated herself into a downward dog-like posture with her face buried in some pillows to muffle her screams. Around 20 minutes into the ride, her water broke and the contractions had taken on a new dimension of intensity. It felt to Shayna like the baby was coming.

I called the midwife again to let her know the update and she heard Shayna’s screams. Though she tried to assure me that we’d have plenty of time to make it to her house, something in her voice made me realize I better drive faster. So, now I’m driving 100 MPH and the midwife requested that we stay on the phone – another indication that we were farther along than we hoped. The midwife and I were calculating whether it made sense for her to meet us on the road or for us to keep driving. In agony, Shayna instructed me to keep driving. The midwives, Shayna and I all knew that this was now a race against time.

As many of you know, we live deep in the New Mexico desert – it would be fair to say we live in the middle of nowhere. So, the drive from T or C to Las Cruces brings us into the middle of the middle of nowhere. Cell phone reception on Highway 25 is spotty at best and we ALWAYS experience dropped calls on this ride. I was petrified that my call with the midwife was going to drop and that Shayna may really have the baby in the car. At this point, I asked the midwife what to do if the baby came, and she told me that wasn’t going to happen, but if it did, just wrap a blanket around him and keep driving.

Now, at this time, what I think is one of the most amazing parts of the story happened. Amidst the absurdity of Shayna in the final stages of the final stage of labor, still driving 100 MPH and still 15 minutes from Las Cruces, I look up in the sky and see the most beautiful shooting star I have ever seen. This wasn’t a faint shooting star that disappears after a fraction of a second. This looked more like a comet and it was as if time stood still. At this point I knew 2 things: the baby was about to be born and that everything was going to be OK.

Five minutes later, near the off-ramp of the US70 exit, Shayna could not longer keep him in. Still on the phone with the midwife, after the mother-of-all-contractions, I heard the cry of a baby. Shayna and I were both hysterical as we finally pulled into the driveway where we were met by our 3 midwives. One went right to the baby, one went immediately to Shayna and one enveloped me with the mother-of-all-hugs. I cut the cord and baby was detached from momma. As I said above, mother and baby are doing great. I am still in shock.

We named him Levi Akasha after 3 grandparents who are no longer with us.

This experience, once again, reinforces my sense of wonder and admiration of Shayna’s beauty, strength, determination, focus and resolve. She is the love of my life.

Levi weighed 6 lbs and 4 ounces at birth. He was 18.5 inches long. He is absolutely gorgeous. The buzz is that he looks just like me.

Glenn

Thank you, Glenn and Shayna, for sharing your amazing story! My dear readers, are you guys feeling as weepy as I do every time I read this?

So, this pregnant woman walks into a bar… No, no, that’s not right. But pregnant people DO walk into things all the time. Ba-dum-bum.

Not funny now, but funny later.
When I think about what’s funny about pregnancy, it helps to take the long-view.

So many of the oddities and discomforts are actually quite hilarious when you’re not in the thick of it. For example: flatulence that a middle school boy would envy is mortifying in real life but terrific as an anecdote (“and then everyone exited the elevator at the next floor”). What about the amusing places we throw up (like the fancy restaurant that shall remain nameless or in my best friend’s driveway)? Gross now, funny later.

I asked other moms on twitter to weigh in on the lighter side of gestation and here are a few of my favorites.

Charly Baby Ts read my mind and tweeted: Getting stuck between stuff you thought you could squeeze through!

Sarah P (AKA @SARG814) said: Trying to tie your shoes Word. Frustrating now, funny later.

Sarah Whitten tweeted: Having to ask your husband to assess the bikini line before putting on a bathing suit b/c you can no longer see it. Eww.

Alice Daer said: Wearing a breathe-right nasal strip, a mouth guard, and compression socks to bed while holding a pregnancy pillow! Aww.

When the Baby Sleeps tweeted: The toothpaste dribble you always get down the front of your bump. Cracks me right up.

If anything jumps to mind, please share a funny memory in the comments to make our other readers giggle.

[Photo of me 8 months pregnant and laughing from Brian Smith]

I love these pictures of us.

They are in reverse chronological order. On the left, Whitney is 6 months post-partum and I am 9 months pregnant. On the right, Whitney is 9 months+ pregnant and I am secretly 12 weeks pregnant.

My husband and I both read some parenting books before our first child was born. He enjoyed Be Prepared: A Practical Handbook for New Dads, and eventually recommended it to expectant dad friends. I will estimate that compared to him, I read five or ten-fold the amount of educational material available to pregnant people, just because I had the fetus with me at all times and found it difficult to think about much else. The products the company for which I worked launched that year were a bouncy seat and a baby gym, so even my full-time job was giving me insight into the mechanics of life with a baby.

I don’t exactly remember having a sit-down conversation about how we would handle our new responsibilities; who would do the research about hiring a nanny; where the baby would sleep; or if we agreed that Jewish sleepaway camp is a rite of passage every child should experience; but it’s not a bad idea to talk about these things in advance.

If others are like we were, and the pregnant person in the relationship is holding a bunch of parenting knowledge, forming opinions about how things ought to be done, it could create some conflicts when upon baby’s arrival, Mom starts bossing everyone around, using terms like “nipple confusion”.

Yesterday Heather told me about hearing a story on NPR that instructed parents to talk about parenting issues before having a child, and we agreed that it’s impossible to anticipate what those issues are. And who cares about sleepaway camp or discipline when their firstborn has not yet discovered his own fingers? There has to be some degree of play-it-by-ear, although it would be ideal to talk about expectations ahead of time.

Perhaps labor and delivery is a good place to start. Who would you like to be present? What role do you expect grandparents and aunts and uncles to play? Perhaps you imagine having privacy during recovery, while your partner would like his parents to be there all day celebrating with him? Do you want your mom around, while your spouse is hoping to be your number one supporter without help from others? Do you both think the time you’re taking off from work will be dedicated to learning how to care for the baby or do you have other projects you’re hoping to squeeze in? Are there religious traditions you are assuming you’ll follow to welcome the baby into your culture? Where will you spend Christmas, Easter, Passover, three-day weekends?

Yes, it does seem like there are some things to clear up.

If you could instruct expectant parents, based on your own experience, on which topics to discuss before baby arrives, what’s on the list?

There are many choices of bras with little hooking flaps. How does a rookie mom decide? Allow me to help. With my 30+ months of breastfeeding experience and access to a dozen different kinds of bras, I have a few strong opinions for you.

At a bare minimum, you need three nursing bras. One to sleep in, one for daytime, and one that can do either in a pinch. Here are my personal guidelines on your nursing bra wardrobe:

1. The sleeping bra. The main job is to keep your breast pads in place. I like the Bravado basic thingie (top) and this bamboo one from bellabumbum (lower). The Bravado has more support but the bellabumbum is barely there and was perfect for the hospital.
   
2. The daytime bra. I like this one from Anita but wish that I didn’t buy white because it feels so culinary-school issue. It is comfortable and supportive. There’s also the DIY option nursing bra made from your favorite regular bra.
   
3. The specialty bra. Do you need a nursing bra for jogging or swimming? Maybe so. I got a Moving Comfort Fiona sports bra with velcro straps for use during and after my exercise class. Let’s just say that a regular sports bra is very inconvenient for breastfeeding. Picture it.
   
4. The sexy one. Whether you want to feel extra pretty during the day or on a date or if you still need to keep pads in place during business time, a sexy bra is a worthwhile purchase. I love this one from Cake. Also, our friend the mominatrix shared her favorites here.
5. The nursing tank. Ladies, I’m up in the air about tanks and shirts with such a singular focus to the extent that I wrote a nursing top smackdown about just them. In this context, let’s call them optional and move on.

Other hard-earned tips I have for you:

• Buy a soft-banded sleep bra before the baby comes around week 37 or so. But wait until about 4-5 weeks afterward to purchase the others. Get fit by a professional if possible. Here is a handy buying guide from consumerreports.org.
• Buying a bra online is tricky but possible. Many of the better websites will help you through the process and accept returns.
• White is boring and depressing. Nude is also boring and depressing but will show less under white tops. I prefer black and fun colors.
• Make sure to jump in your sports bra before purchase. After your six week appointment, of course.
• And, anything that can’t be opened and closed with just one hand is bullshit. Try the one-hand closure with each hand.

I’d love to hear what you think, either here or in our Facebook discussion.

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Disclosure: I received some Bravado bras as a gift but bought the rest. All opinions are mine. All pictured boobs are not mine.

Yes, you deserve a beautiful (dare I say “sexy”?) nursing bra that makes you remember you’re a curvy woman and not a cow. The thoughtful people at Cake Lingerie sent me the one below, called Licorice, and I love it.

The good: The bra is super pretty, comfortable, and it has a flexible wire that lifts things into place while maintaining optimum health.

The bad: No complaints but these bras (and matching undies) are a bit of a splurge. I think they make a great gift from the partner who still thinks you’re beautiful.

The ugly: Because I don’t look like this model, I’m not going to try it on for you (though they do have a terrific campaign in progress called Real Moms, Real Fit that shows all kinds of body shapes). If you want to see me in it, the best you can hope for is that I might flash you by mistake when feeding my little guy. Which is not altogether unlikely (Umm, sorry about that, Whitney and Wendy).

Bottom line: I recommend it highly for a special occasion or every-day treat. If you like, you can buy online (which is really really hard for bras because good fit is so important) or find a store near you.

Related:

• You’re good enough, you’re smart enough and you deserve a nice bra or two
• 5 Sexy nursing bras by the mominatrix

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Disclosure: Cake sent me sample products for editorial consideration.