A huge thanks to Kimberley Blaine from MommytoMommy.tv for sharing her experience on connecting with girlfriends and bringing mama mojo back.

I have been inspired to jot down steps to help mommies boost their confidence, find that perfect balance and get back the energy that fuels motivation. It’s easy to get caught up in the family trap, where we focus all our time and energy on children, work and chores. I do hope you watch the posted videos, they too will motivate you to find you inner peace.

How often do you feel sexy? I mean ‘full of energy’ sexy — where you feel confident and satisfied? My tips on the inner mojo and playfulness are in this video with intimacy expert, Allana Pratt, How a Mom Can Be and Stay Sexy.

How do you take care of your delicate mommy soul? The very heart of who you are? If we neglect our most precious asset, then we will eventually burn out. And who wants to be around a cranky and whiny mommy? I need all the help I can get and depend on resources that make me a better mommy, wife and friend.

Mommy Confidence from Kimberley Blaine on Vimeo.

Here are some steps to reclaim balance, motivation and your inner diva. If I can follow the steps, I know you can.

1. Avoid comparing yourself to other mommies
2. Bond with your child by choosing a parenting style that makes you feel comfortable.
3. Make life happen now. Stop postponing your dreams.
4. Avoid obsessing over post-baby body image: Fake it. Act as though you have all the confidence of a super model.
5. Leave the guilt behind and become proactive
6. Break the cycle of mommy competition
7. Create your life wish list
8. Meditate, practice yoga, or quiet yourself daily

As moms, we should pursue our dreams now. It is never too late to be our children’s best role model by showing them how we take care of ourselves and actively seek optimal well-being.

[Photo and videos provided by Kimberley Blaine who also has a gajillion inspiring videos and a book on this very topic: Mommy Confidence: 8 Easy Steps to Reclaiming Balance, Motivation, and Your Inner Diva]

Reader Alana shared a terrific tip for keeping an at-home date night creative for less than five bucks:

Head over to the thrift store and buy a few new board games. Play with your partner after your baby goes to bed. Done and done.

Nala’s games were all half off at the thrift store

She added a favorite family recipe of Fettuccine Alfredo to the date. When I try this assignment over the weekend, I plan to add a fancy dessert (I would do anything for Whole Foods’ chocolate cream pie) turning the grand total of the date from about $5 into about $11.

Please share your fun at-home date night ideas with us in the comments!

New Year’s Eve can become like Prom Night if you let it: fraught with expectation and pressure. But instead of dropping an extra $150 on a limo ride through the McDonald’s drive-thru, you’re spending an extra $150 on a babysitter. Ugh.

Whitney and I have had a long-standing date on New Year’s Eve and we like to keep it low key. Because, on most nights, staying up until midnight is exciting enough.

Now that children are in the mix, we have had to modify our plans a bit. But not as much as you might think.

Option A: when someone has free childcare.
If you have loving grandparents in town, this is your best option. Absolutely say “yes please” to any offers of free babysitting and get the heck out of your house. Hang out with other friends with kids or pretend you’re still child-free, care-free and awesome.

Option B: A semi-sleepover.
Whitney coined the term, half-sleepover, for our method of putting kids to sleep while our party continues in the other room. Like a true frat boy, Julian never wakes up when he gets transferred to the car.

Since our children are still preschool age and younger, we can get away with an 8:00 bedtime, even on a night as awesome as New Year’s Eve. Find a YouTube video of the ball dropping from last year or of fireworks in Australia to show the kids whenever it’s time for them to head to bed. Let the visiting kids sack out in sleeping bags on the floor (or pack-n-plays). Hope for the best.

Once we’ve put the kids to bed, we try to mix it up so that New Year’s Eve is more special than any other Thursday night we’re stuck at home (while still being cheap and easy). Here are a few ideas:

— A game night. This year, we’ll dazzle our friends with Beatles Rock Band as well as old classic board games. Charades is optional.

— Blind taste test. We’ve done chocolate- and wine-tastings. It is fun to play the critic and determine the group’s favorite.

— A fondue party. Guests bring the dippables. You melt the chocolate.

— A movie binge. I’m hankering for the LOTR trilogy but I won’t subject my guests to that. Maybe if they all go home early.

Need more ideas? Here are a few more suggestions from “Ringing in the New Year on a budget” from an article I contributed to last year because those ideas are timeless.

I’d love to hear other ideas for hosting a cheap and easy (FUN) New Year’s Eve. Please share yours in the comments!

My fellow Americans, history is upon us. It’s an election year. If you have a newborn in the house, it can be like living under a rock for several months. But you can still be in on the fun.

I suggest you throw a debate-watching party to reconnect with your childfree friends. You supply the house and TV, your guests bring the pizza or real food and dessert. TiVo makes this kind of event easier, but it’s not essential.

Here are some games you can play to keep the party lively:

• Baby chooses the president. Take note of which debater makes your baby more fussy. Vote for the other ticket.
• Mommy bingo. The good folks at Mom’s rising have put together a bingo game. Score when someone mentions a key word for moms. Fun and informative.
• Old school drinking game. Suggest everyone drink when the moderator has to say “now be specific.”

The final presidential debate is Monday October 22 at 9pm eastern/6pm pacific time and last for 90 minutes on many many channels. For upping the nerd factor, follow along on twitter at #debate or #2012debate.

It’s social, it’s political, and it’s no fuss for you. No cooking, no dishes, good times. Go ahead and compost those paper plates and biodegradable corn “plastic” ware.

You’ll see from the comments that I originally posted this in 2008!

My very good friend, Crystal, lives in Chicago as a writer with her two sons, Harry and Max. She wrote about starting a Ladies Poker Club when Harry was an infant. Harry is a mere one day younger than Milo and sadly they’ve never met in person. We fully expect that one day they’ll be using Crystal’s instructions in poker for their own mis-education.

Poker is not very motherly. But that’s exactly what makes it so great. Every once in awhile, it feels good to stretch outside the current identity the world has assigned to you. All those people in the grocery store line who think they have you sized up after noting your messy ponytail, baby-weight-disguising clothing, tired eyes and wee little one in hand? They may think that screams MOM, but they don’t know your secrets

So here’s how to develop your sinful side even while watching the little one:

BEFORE POKER NIGHT:

• Find your gang. To get started, you will need a group of willing ladies (at least 5), a few decks of cards and some poker chips. Emphasize that babies and nursing moms are welcome.
• Learn the rules. Even if none of the members of your Ladies Poker Club has played before, you can get up to speed in no time. Start with Little Black Book Of Poker. The book walks you through different poker games step by step. So what if you read from the book the first few rounds? You’ll all be card sharks soon enough.
• Make it easy. Print out some small, easy cheat sheets that give quick definitions of a full house, a straight, a flush, etc.. List the hands in order to show the best hand you can have, followed by the second best hand, and so on. The list will make it easy for newbie poker players to quickly determine whether their royal flush beats two pair.
• Really easy. Make sure the cheat sheets include a quick rundown of what each poker chip represents. (For example, white chips equal 10 cents, red chips are 20 cents)
• Set up baby areas. Erect a pack-and-play if anyone may need to nap. Make sure the poker club is a nursing-friendly zone so the moms don’t have to disrupt play by leaving the room to nurse.
• Shop for drinks. Be sure to add fun non-alcoholic beverages to the menu. Not just water. Pregnant and nursing moms will appreciate having something special to drink like a sparkling limeade or sassy tea.

DURING POKER NIGHT:

• Pass the babies around. Spread out the love so the new moms get a little break from holding the baby, or maybe just from holding THEIR OWN baby.
• Betting doesn’t have to be big. This is not Vegas. Start with $20. After awhile of playing this way, a $2 bet seems like $2,000. And it’s easier to talk smack or practice bluffing with $2 at risk instead of $50.

Take turns hosting Ladies Poker Night to spread around the work. When it’s your turn to host, don’t be shy about ordering up some pizza. At each poker club, set the next meeting date while everyone is there. It cuts down on emails later.

Have fun and enjoy the time to bond with other females while being a little bit bad. I’ve been part of a poker group that has been together for three years. We’ve had three weddings, four babies and many other life events during those three years, and the poker club has been a great escape and lots of fun.

Thanks Crystal, wish I could join you!

Related Rookie Moms activities:
>> Host a Margarita Mommies Group
>> Paint a onesie to be this cute
>> Take your bambino to the casino

Nine months on, nine months off? Something like that.

Your 46th weekly challenge is to obtain some new-to-you clothes that you’ll enjoy along with an afternoon of girlfriend hilarity all for the cost of some cucumber-scented spa water. The end of the year is a perfect time to plan a clothing swap.

Whitney totally hates this photo series but I love it. To be fair, she was trying on outfits from the “pass-through” pile.

We’ve mentioned this idea here and there, but here are the instructions for how to throw a clothing swap on your own.

I have hosted no fewer than nine clothing swaps with my stylish friends and spawned at least three known copycats. For the record, this is better as a a no-kids-allowed event (or just pre-crawlers), so let Daddy take the bambino out for a hike while you get some well-deserved girlfriend-time. The whole event can take less than two hours.

Here’s the step-by-step to planning and hosting:
(kind of long, but I want to make it mindless for you)

1. Stake out a day. Work with your partner or a babysitter to find a good day for the swap. Plan around naps and try to avoid mealtime so that you are not trying to be Martha Stewart while you are running around your living room half-naked.
2. Invite the ladies. Send out an evite to all your potentially willing friends.
3. Purge. Set aside a good hour and clean out your closet of stuff you haven’t worn in a year or wouldn’t want to wear right now even if the proper situation presented itself. Be brutal. If you’re feeling those flipping annoying post-partum body issues, get a good friend to help. (Do your marriage the small favor of not asking your husband if your “butt looks big in this” because it probably does!)
4. Merchandise. Clean and fold the things for the swap. Bust out the iron even. Create a separate bag of clothes so ugly you’d be embarrassed for your friends to see (stained t-shirts for instance) — these can go in the pass-through pile (modeled by Whitney as “Before”)
5. Think about how you’ll set up your space for the event. Is there a mirror handy in the living room or will you have to tidy up your room too? Is there space for hanging clothes? If you have room to “merchandise” your stuff, it is a little more fun to “shop”.
6. Make little signs — use the computer or write on index cards what the categories of clothing are so that guests can sort their offerings. (Download our labels here.) And, have a few blank labels available for the day of.

On the day of the event: tidy up, wear cute underwear, get some appetizers or have your friends bring them, and wait for everyone to bring you new clothes! We usually start out browsing the piles casually enough and trying stuff on here and there. Once you try on a cute spangly dress, it is fair game for someone else to have a go at it. Let your friends decide who really looks best in it. I am notorious for trying to get my hands on everyone’s good stuff.

Afterward, get someone to help you load the car or take stuff directly to the charity.

Note: we often have a grab bag category, maternity, men’s clothes, shoes, and baby clothes.

If you’re still not convinced, here are my top eight reasons to host a clothing swap:

1. eat drink and be merry (just easy snacks and spa water)
2. enjoy a fun afternoon with friends
3. feel good about donating to a worthy cause
4. get a heap of new clothes for free (especially good if you have a changing-mom-body!)
5. get a license to buy a couple new pieces for all your thrift
6. play dress-up and get silly
7. purge yourself of unwanted clothes
8. re-gift your recent holiday loot (I like to hold mine in January)

… I’m getting off my soapbox now.

So, do you love or shove the clothing swap for moms?

I was driving down the street yesterday when a friend, Andrea, pulled out in front of me in her station wagon. I was only driving behind her for only a couple of blocks, but we rolled down our car windows to wave at each other and grin like goofballs at the simple coincidence of seeing each other on the road.

Andrea Scher, co-creator of Mondo Beyondo (Google it!)

Andrea is one of the most thoughtful and inspiring women I’ve met, and though we’ve only hung out ten times or so over the past few years, some of the things she has said are the things that have stuck with me or changed my perspective in fantastic ways. Andrea was a rookie mom to baby Ben when she wrote this at her blog SuperheroJournal.com.

After my post about friendship, my friend Kalah shared something that I loved. She said,
“When you’re feeling most isolated, remember that you can always bring the party to YOU. Friends without children might not have an idea of your daily goings-on and may put off calling because they don’t want to be intrusive. Inviting them into your fold reassures them that you still appreciate their friendships and they feel like they’re saving you some time and energy when they make the effort to meet you where you are. It’s ok to let go of perfectionism when it comes to the state of your home when it comes to visitors–most people understand that you’re living the real, visceral life.”

In the spirit of bringing the party to me and my favorite SARKism “Invite Someone Dangerous to Tea,” I decided to invite the owner of Speesees, Rachel Pearson for tea. (We had only “met” via email after I ordered some goodies) She is pure color, creativity, fun and talent. I was SO inspired by our conversations about business and dreams and love. She made my day and reminded me that one of my greatest pleasures is connecting with other creative women/kindred spirits/people I admire.

It’s funny, since that event took place, I’ve had Andrea over several times, and by pure coincidence, met Rachel, who she dared herself to meet.

Can you invite someone dangerous to tea this week? This is your 19th rookie mom challenge. Take a chance on a person you don’t know well.  “Tea” is the perfect invitation for a mid-day meet up and can be at your breakfast table with tea and fruit or at a cafe where you don’t have to clean up anything.

Tell us, who do you have in mind? A mom you’ve met a few times at yoga? Your old boss who you miss? A friend of your mom’s who always tells funny stories?

This sweepstakes is now closed. Random winner is… 55.

This not-so-Secret Santa post is part of a sponsored series from Ubisoft, celebrating “12 Days of Giveaways.” See below for how you can enter up to 12 times to win fun and family-friendly video games.

I was sent a copy of Just Dance 2 to review. I started immediately playing the games in party mode (with an adult in my household who wishes to remain nameless) and had a very awkward evening. I grew more and more frustrated trying to earn points and shake my booty in a manner resembling a real dance while he destroyed my score by mastering the remote and barely moving his body.

If you factor in that he was forced to dance (and crush me!) to Big Girl (You Are Beautiful), rather than a song of his own choosing, you’ll understand why he begged me never to reveal his identity in this here blog.

A couple of days later — once my dignity had returned when everyone was still asleep — I tried it alone at 6AM. I used the “just sweat” mode to challenge myself to a week of dance-video-game fueled exercise. Though I still struggled with some of the moves, I got better at it each day. I reached the goal (3-4 songs per day for a week!) and enjoyed doing it. By the next weekend, when my kids walked in on me, I was ready to show off.

With 44 songs to choose from, I found a few old favorites and learned moves to some current songs (in addition to the ones I had never heard of): Vampire Weekend – A-Punk, Wham! – Wake Me Up Before You Go Go, The Jackson 5 – I Want You Back, and Rihanna – S.O.S. to name a few.

Bottom line: Good clean fun for an evening in with the ladies or a morning of performing for your kids and calling it a workout. Less fun to play with your husband.

Want to win a copy? To enter for a chance to win Just Dance 2 and Raving Rabbids Travel in Time for the Wii (approximately $90 value), tell us in the comments what games you love to play (video or analog, anything goes!). Comments close on December 2 and winner will be randomly selected on Friday, December 3. Continental U.S. Residents only, sorry!

For more ways to win games for the whole family, visit each of these blogs now through December 2 for more chances to win games (including Just Dance 2 (Wii), Battle of Giants: Dinosaur Strike (Wii), Petz Fantasy (DS) and Petz Nursery (DS)!

motherbumper
DaDa Rocks
Crash Test Mommy
Scraps of My Geek Life
Mommies With Style
The Fairly Odd Mother
All Things Fadra
The Lemonade Stand
Mom to the Screaming Masses
Beccarama
Romy Raves

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I was selected to participate in this sponsored series by Ubisoft and Clever Girls Collective. I received a video game and compensation for my participation in this program. We all believe in Blog With Integrity.

With the economy totally sucking, we’ve modified our babysitter retainer model slightly and are trying to have a few more date nights at home. If you thought it was totally unrealistic when I told you to put your kids to bed before 7pm and have a date-night, I feel you.

Here are six slightly more inventive ideas for dating during your kids waking hours, because let’s admit it, things just ain’t what they used to be.

Dates involving the kids
It can be a tricky balance to let the kids participate and still have it feel like a date, or at least a special occasion.

1. Serve me. Get the kids to serve you somehow. Big kids can prepare dinner, little kids can walk on your back and we can call it a spa/massage.
2. Join us. Throw a wintry picnic in the living room, a silly way to celebrate that you’re more than a couple, you’re a family.
3. Class it up. Order the best takeout in town, serve it on the good china with cloth napkins. Light candles.
4. Play Rock Band where you do the instruments and singing and your kids accompany with egg shakers and tambourines from their kits. (Rumor has it that Lego Rock Band has kid-friendly tunes.)

While the kids are distracted
These can be a little hard to pull-off but here are some ideas to sneak in a date while your kids are looking the other way.

1. Elmo sex. As described by Mom101, “in which you plop the kids down in front of Elmo, race into the bedroom for 15 minutes, then get the 2 minute warning when the theme music comes on?”.
2. Drug ‘em. Benadryl the kids and make out while they’re passed out. Naw, I wouldn’t. But tell me if you you’ve tried it.

We use a few different strategies to double dip on childcare we’re already using. For example, Alec and I can sometimes have coffee date before work or sneak in a matinee when the boys are at preschool.

What kind of things do you do to have a “date night” at home?

Somewhat-related thoughts: Over on our BabyCenter column, I extol the virtues of video games for parents. If you’re up all night with a baby reading this post — sorry! — I’ll suggest our new sponsor, Baby Sleep Site to the rescue.

It’s no secret that I think that new moms should let the party come to them as often as possible. When I was in my rookie year, I hosted potlucks, game nights, TV screenings, and Wii karaoke events as often as I could.

Invite a few friends, get them to bring the food, put my baby to bed whenever I need to, and I’m a happy mom!

When I heard about House Party, I got excited. Not only do these folks give you an excuse and theme for a party, but also really cool swag for you and your guests as thanks for your time.

An upcoming one is for The Fisher Price “Perfect Playdate” — the host mama gets some new toys and all the guests get toys, too.

I’m pretty sure that you still have ask someone to bring the pizza and beer.

• Find out more details about Perfect Playdate. Apply now for parties Saturday and Sunday, September 18 and 19, 2010.
• Sign up for their email list to keep an eye out for future House Parties that you might like even more (board games, make-up, TV, food, condoms, whatever you’re into).
• For those mamas who are into green, non-toxic living, hop over to Healthy Child and sign up for one of their House Party kits.

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Disclosure: No, this wasn’t a sponsored post in any way. I just think it’s a cool idea. Let me know if you love it or hate it in the comments.

Here’s a fun little activity to squeeze in during naptime this week. This suggestion was excerpted from the book If You Give a Mom a Martini…100 Ways to Find 10 Blissful Minutes for Yourself:

Update your Netflix queue–it’s surprisingly relaxing. “Accidentally” delete any movies chosen by your husband that feature Angelina Jolie wearing leather. Intentionally add any movies with George Clooney wearing anything.

Use your discretion about moving Disney films up or down the list, depending on whether your kids are being nice to you at the time. And remember to look surprised several days later when three Nora Ephron comedies arrive in the mail.

To celebrate this activity, I am watching The Outsiders in little ten- and twenty-minute chunks all week.

[I had this poster on my wall all throughout college! Do it for Johnny!]
Read my complete review of the book, If You Give a Mom a Martini.

New parents owe themselves date nights. Regular, frequent, child-free nights of enjoying each other’s company. If the kids must be around, I think its fair to dress them up as waiters or maids and have them serve you.

When some nice folks at Nintendo offered to send me the Nintendo DSi new game from America’s Test Kitchen (Let’s Get Cooking!) along with groceries to try some at-home dinner date fun, I jumped at the chance. America’s Test Kitchen is already one of my favorite sources for how to cook food right the first time, and they did not disappoint. Thanks guys!

What was awesome
I loved having a creative, sneaky, geeky date night all planned out in advance. The Let’s Get Cooking! game divided up our jobs based on timing and our skill level (so you could make your older kids cook for you – yay!) and the chicken turned out really delicious.

all the steps for indoor bbq chicken

What was not awesome
The voice-activated instructions from the game were also activated by the ambient noise of us talking and cooking; the ceaseless prompts from the DS were both hilarious and annoying.

Imagine the voice of your GPS on a romantic roadtrip

Once the homemade barbecue chicken was finished, there was no side dish, salad, starch, or dessert so it was a lonely little plate of food. I would have really liked for the “game” to suggest appropriate side dishes and incorporate their preparation at the same time (like my Dinner Dates book does).

We added toast and broccoli at the last minute

The dessert that we had in mind (chocolate pot de creme!) required four hours of chilling, so it was not ready until later in the week. Boo.

Bottom Line
We enjoyed our cooking experience and the food, albeit on separate days. We will probably try it again next time we need a little guidance on date night. If you already have a DS or DSi, I think this game is a fun addition to your arsenal.

Related:

• Take the 52 Date Night Challenge
• Reconnect in the Kitchen

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Disclosure: Representatives of Nintendo sent me a DSi, this game, and groceries. I appreciate their kindness.