I struggle with figuring out what to wear. Before kids, I didn’t know. And ten years after buying this What Not to Wear book (and gestating three humans) I sure don’t know any better.

So, I’m on a quest to figure out my style along with realistic, affordable ways to get there without shopping. And then I found this blog: My Year of Fabulous!

Wow! Holly is a girl after my own heart and totally doing something about it. After having her three children, she grew tired of dressing like a meth addict every day and came up with a plan (a kind of nutty “one activity for every year of your baby’s first life” kind of plan, but that’s why I love it!).

Each month, she’s going full-force into a new style. This month, she’s knee-deep in American Classic wearing the styles of the preppy and the presidential. January was sexy tough Rock n Roll, February was eclectic Euro Chic, March was Mod, and April was Bohemian. And we don’t know what’s next!

She’s got photos of her different outfits and reflections on how they make her feel. She’s having fun but keeping the goal in mind. And ps she lives on a FARM.

How does she keep it affordable? Read her secret to letting her $500 clothing budget last all year.

I discovered My Year of Fabulous from Ain’t No Mom Jeans.

A huge thanks to Kimberley Blaine from MommytoMommy.tv for sharing her experience on connecting with girlfriends and bringing mama mojo back.

I have been inspired to jot down steps to help mommies boost their confidence, find that perfect balance and get back the energy that fuels motivation. It’s easy to get caught up in the family trap, where we focus all our time and energy on children, work and chores. I do hope you watch the posted videos, they too will motivate you to find you inner peace.

How often do you feel sexy? I mean ‘full of energy’ sexy — where you feel confident and satisfied? My tips on the inner mojo and playfulness are in this video with intimacy expert, Allana Pratt, How a Mom Can Be and Stay Sexy.

How do you take care of your delicate mommy soul? The very heart of who you are? If we neglect our most precious asset, then we will eventually burn out. And who wants to be around a cranky and whiny mommy? I need all the help I can get and depend on resources that make me a better mommy, wife and friend.

Mommy Confidence from Kimberley Blaine on Vimeo.

Here are some steps to reclaim balance, motivation and your inner diva. If I can follow the steps, I know you can.

1. Avoid comparing yourself to other mommies
2. Bond with your child by choosing a parenting style that makes you feel comfortable.
3. Make life happen now. Stop postponing your dreams.
4. Avoid obsessing over post-baby body image: Fake it. Act as though you have all the confidence of a super model.
5. Leave the guilt behind and become proactive
6. Break the cycle of mommy competition
7. Create your life wish list
8. Meditate, practice yoga, or quiet yourself daily

As moms, we should pursue our dreams now. It is never too late to be our children’s best role model by showing them how we take care of ourselves and actively seek optimal well-being.

[Photo and videos provided by Kimberley Blaine who also has a gajillion inspiring videos and a book on this very topic: Mommy Confidence: 8 Easy Steps to Reclaiming Balance, Motivation, and Your Inner Diva]

We put this little tip at the beginning of The Rookie Mom’s Handbook because as discussed earlier this week, it’s easy to put your love life on hold when you have explicit instructions from the doctor to do so.  But remember: Dr. Obgyn never said you couldn’t make out.

The Rookie Mom’s Handbook is available on Amazon.com.

First comes love, then come marriage, then comes baby, and then another baby, and then HOLY HELL what happened to us?

When I was about to take my first maternity leave, a senior executive at the company where I worked called me into her office and then got misty-eyed as she told me how magical the first month with a new baby is for two new parents to share.  She described awesome joy and pride and compared it to a second honeymoon. My husband had planned to take four weeks off from work, and I’m so glad he did.  We were so pleased with ourselves and even though I felt like I had been run over by a truck between my C-Section recovery and my excruciating nursing pain, I felt the love for my husband that had been predicted by that veteran mom. When I tell expectant moms about it now, I get teary-eyed myself. It’s an amazingly special feat to create a child together and enjoying that bond is truly a great pleasure.

When my second child was a fussy newborn, the honeymoon– and paternity leave– was shorter. My husband had the same compassion and sensitivity for my recovery and renewed job as a mama cow, but with a two-and-a-half-year old in the mix, I spent more time thinking about him as another set of hands than as a fantastic guy that I had chosen to marry. I suddenly started to suspect that all the times I heard my own divorced parents and other divorced parents say, “It is not about you,” to their child, might not be entirely true. How could it not be? Children impact a marriage. Even if they’re not a strain, they’re certainly a distraction, and if we don’t acknowledge that, we’re in serious denial.

It’s never surprising to me when a reader or friend, especially one with kids under four years old, asks what strategies will help keep a relationship on track during the most intense, hectic child-rearing years. When such a question came in recently, I was inspired to share some wise words from our friend Asha of Minimalist Parenting.  She made this video for Kids in the House and I think it offers some great perspective: Tips for maintaining a strong marriage while parenting.

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Reader Alana shared a terrific tip for keeping an at-home date night creative for less than five bucks:

Head over to the thrift store and buy a few new board games. Play with your partner after your baby goes to bed. Done and done.

Nala’s games were all half off at the thrift store

She added a favorite family recipe of Fettuccine Alfredo to the date. When I try this assignment over the weekend, I plan to add a fancy dessert (I would do anything for Whole Foods’ chocolate cream pie) turning the grand total of the date from about $5 into about $11.

Please share your fun at-home date night ideas with us in the comments!

I’m pleased to present this guest post from our good friend and rookie mom, Karen, who invented her own way to get fit with a baby in the house:

After I gave birth last year, I lost a lot of my baby weight pretty quickly without a huge amount of effort. I did a lot of walking and hiking with baby and continued taking Pilates a couple times a week, plus I nursed around the clock- all of which helped a lot. But I’m still not quite as trim and toned as I want to be. My son reached a big milestone this past weekend: he turned one. I decided that a year was long enough to wait without getting a little more serious about attacking my baby flab. But like pretty much everyone in the world, I’m really busy, don’t have a lot of time to exercise, and find it hard to get motivated.

My solution? The surprise-laden exercise bingo jar! First, I spent a little time googling good exercises to target both post-pregnancy belly and my other bete noire, that flappy underarm flab (or “chicken nuggets” as my Pilates teacher colorfully calls them.) I picked 12 exercises and wrote them down on little slips of paper. I put the target number of sets and reps on each slip as well. Then I put the little papers in a jar in my kitchen. Every day I have to pull out five slips and do whatever they say. This makes it fun because I never know what I’m going to get, and it only takes about 15 minutes to get through all five exercises. Plus, I don’t have to do the most hated exercises every day –side plank, I’m looking at you– or get bored by doing the same routine over and over.

I only picked exercises that required no equipment or equipment I already own (which is one set of weights and one magic circle) Also I only picked exercises you can do in your PJs, since I’m planning to do them on the living room rug right after I wake up each morning. I’m not expecting Jessica Alba results, but I feel great that I’ve come up with a solution that sounds doable and targeted… and maybe even a little bit fun. And I’d REALLY love to kiss those chicken nuggets goodbye before the weather warms up enough for tank tops.

Sample exercises for your jar of surprises (copy/paste/print or hand write like Karen did):

• Alternating arm and leg lifts: 8 count / 2 sets
• Bicycle crunches: 30 count / 2 sets
• Mountain climber: 10 reps / 3 sets
• Scissor kicks: 10 each leg / 3 sets
• Single leg circles: 10 reps / 3 sets
• Magic circle (ooh, where do you put that and for how long?)
• Plank: hold for 15 seconds / 3 sets
• Side plank 10 seconds / 3 sets on each side
• Deep plies 16 reps
• Standing kicks (front then side then back) 10 count each leg / 2 sets
• Cherry pickers (reach high, then put ‘em in the basket): 20 count / 3 sets
• Floor effers: 20 count / 2 sets
• Boxing for 2 minutes with jabs and uppercuts

Suggest more in the comments, ladies, this is a team effort!

Related: Naptime workout ideas, just add technology
[Photos by Karen Merzenich]

The teeny tiny bubble wrap is perfect as a physical outlet for moms trying not to scream at their kids. (Confession: I have done this dozens of times)

This is how it works:

1. Get frustrated or annoyed to the point of wanting to scream.
2. Gently, set baby in crib or other safe place.
3. Walk over to the desk with the little bubble wrap.
4. Squeeze and pop until everything is funny again.

I learned this little trick from a post-partum stress class, so it must be true, right? Ripping tissues should also work but won’t have that satisfying snap-snap sound.

I love to spend a long evening out with my friends eating off of each other’s plates and splitting three desserts (unless there are more than two of us, in which case, I expect more desserts). If leisurely nights away from home have become a ridiculous fantasy like jetting off to Paris for a pedicure, then it is time to bring girls night out back home for a while.

Invite a few of your best ladies over for a specific themed gathering that starts after you put your child to bed. Here are five ideas to get you started:
1. Craftapallooza: you supply the project ideas and a few odds and ends, your friends bring their extra bits and you leave with some fun new treasure (or trash) and some giggles. Example: turn your old clothes into scrappy plush toys or kids pants. (We have a gajillion and two ideas in our crafty section or in our book for this).

2. Fondue Party: you supply the chocolate and cheese and your friends bring the dippables. When’s the last time you brought a pineapple and a bag of marshmallows to a party? We thought so. Funny and cheap.

3. Movie Binge: sitting in front of the TV is much more fun if you have a mission. Watch a coordinated double feature like Knocked Up and This is Forty or three back-to-back episodes of Downton Abbey. Choose a current TV show that you are storing on your DVR or stream a new release from amazon, hulu, or netflix. Convince your friends to make it a weekly event and your husband might start to look forward to his night off.

4. Clothing Swap: for a girls-only party. Clean your closet out and invite your pals to bring the good stuff over to see if someone will appreciate. Trade in your outfits for some that will suit you better. Please do not bring a shirt from a 10K you did in 2003.  Please DO bring a shirt from Anthropologie that is totally cute, but would look better on someone whose shoulders are broader, wrists less bony, skin darker, or likes to dress sluttier.

5. Cooking party: Invent an elaborate menu and assign different ingredients to different guests. Boss them around when they arrive. Eat a several course meal that lasts until midnight. Assign clean up duties as well.

I hope that you still get to sample three desserts and you have so much fun that you make it a regular event!

How cute is this DIY softie? Our new bloggy and RL (that’s, real life people!) friend Wendy made this adorable “taggie monster” for her baby son, Auggie, and it was too flipping adorable not to share.

Apparently the design came to her in a dream. Cool. Milo is in a very loving phase right now and I know he’d like to pat one of these bad boys to sleep or have it watch him (not) eat his dinner.

Gather materials during an outing with your baby and crank out the sewing during nap. For a full tutorial, check out the instructions on Wendelonia.com

Related activities:

Activity #225: Make baby stuff or ask someone else to do it
Activity #425: Craft a stuffed toy ball

==== scouring the interwebs to bring you cool crafts since 2005.

Something bums me out about assembling a cute outfit and then putting a dreary jacket over it. Over the past few years I’ve become a huge collector of coats, fancy sweatshirts, and jackets, and I want to share my enthusiasm for this fashion investment. The right coat is a wonderful thing to turn to before you head out the door. The wrong coat feels shlubby and can totally ruin your look.

Since Heather wrote the other day about her pursuit of cuter clothes, perhaps this is a word of warning. When you buy that adorable A-Line dress, think about what you’re going to wear over it, should the temperature drop below 60 degrees. There’s nothing wrong with an athletic-style zip up jacket; it just doesn’t go with a party frock.

Here’s my further justification for why you should make sure you have a couple of different loveable pieces of outerwear in your closet, along with a few selections to which I will link.

1. A  piece of outerwear can hide everything else you’re wearing. Wearing the shirt you slept in and need to head out the door? We can work with that. Got to work and realized your buttons are pulling tighter than they should? Unless you work at an amusement park in Florida, I think it’s okay to leave certain jackets on while at your desk. This yellow number says, “Is that the same exact black v-neck and jeans you’ve worn since 2005? I didn’t even notice.”

2. Add color to something that’s otherwise bland. If you have a jeans and a grey tunic uniform (my cousin-in-law, mom of two little monkeys, knows that I’m talking about her) a colorful jacket can be fun.

I love this green one from ModCloth (which is $31.99!)

I bought a pea coat in this same shade of nearly-neon red from Target last month and I love it with jeans of every color. I’m being seduced by the ruffly nonsense that this crimson one offers. (Also from ModCloth, because we are new affiliates of theirs and I love how many affordable jackets they have! This one is around $50.)

3. Coats are forgiving. They can fit most post-partum bodies and some are even designed to mask your muffin top. I posted this sweatshirt from Target on Pinterest and could tell instantly that it resonated with the mamas. It’s casual, but cute, and doesn’t showcase the gut.

4. Jackets are warm and cozy. When I was a nursing mom, my boobs really felt better with an extra layer hugging them. Of course, that just made one more thing to take off and carry around when I was already laden down with stuff, but I remember wanting to protect my chest from any chill. I’m all in favor of a soft sweatshirt that has a few interesting details. When I get a new one, it becomes my daily uniform for working at home and in cafes.

If your sleeves are frequently used as face-wiping devices by your loved ones, a good collection of washable outerwear seems like a wise strategy. I had my eye on this Prairie Underground hoodie (above) for over a year, but the price gets in the way. Over $200? WTFleece!?

If my closet could magically fill itself with well-fitted (pressed!) clothes that suited my shape and whims without me ever having to set foot into an apparel store, I would be a very happy girl. I hate shopping; I like having cute stuff but not all the picking and sore feet that goes along with it.

I also want all new clothes. Following about eight years of gaining and losing 50 pounds in the name of building my family, I feel like I deserve it. (Money, we will speak of you another day. A girl is allowed to want things.) Realistically, I want to prune out the clothes that don’t suit me and strategically purchase classic pieces I will love. But what? So that’s my dilemma.

Step One: Speed-pinning. I was trying to follow Shana’s method for discovering my personal style by speed-pinning everything I like from any source, but I lost patience and interest around Step Two. (If you have time, you should totally try her process!) I wound up with a board stuffed full of “what I think looks cool” without regard for price or practicality.

So, yeah, it’s a lot more dresses than I wear in real life but it certainly shows a pattern. Ha ha. Patterns.

While creating a visual inspiration board of clothing I like did not make Zooey Deschanel appear on my doorstep with a bag of stuff to try on, the exercise was worthwhile. Here’s how my style Pinterest board has helped me:

1. Remembering what I like. With my style board around, I can be inspired by friends and strangers and not forget those fleeting thoughts. I have a place to save my ideas like “I love these red shoes” or “Must wear more A-line dresses” (this is where Whitney would like to me make a note to self about a brown cardigan that is more current than Y2K. Ha, I love that sweater!). Simply creating a board is the first step toward figuring out what I’d like to add to my wardrobe. I can “me too” with a click of the mouse by repinning my well-dressed friends.
2. Speed up my real life shopping. Shortly after this exercise, I walked into a shop with Whitney and invited the sales person to understand my fashion hopes and dreams and make them come true by flashing my Pinterest iPhone app in her face. Immediately, she could look past my Old Navy jeans and see the kinds of things I really like. She brought me cute stuff while I sat there snacking in the fitting room. Pretty easy and successful. Score.
3. Remove pain from my husband’s holiday shopping. My excellent husband hates shopping so much he makes me look like I love it. But armed with a link to my board, he, too, was able to look around and see what I’m coveting without having to take my girlfriends into a store. Nevermind, he said he didn’t even look at it.

And here’s where I still feel stuck: I work from home, occasionally going to in person meetings and conferences, and ideally on a date with my husband once a week. Yet, I keep pinning 40s-inspired frocks as if I work in a Los Angeles graphic design studio. It’s both too cold and too casual to wear such dresses on a daily basis in my current life. So here’s the challenge I’m now issuing myself: What do I want to wear at 10 am on a Tuesday?

Do I need a separate board for this? A 10 AM Tuesday Pinterest board? What do you normally wear at 10 on a Tuesday? Will you share it with me on Pinterest?

New Year’s Eve can become like Prom Night if you let it: fraught with expectation and pressure. But instead of dropping an extra $150 on a limo ride through the McDonald’s drive-thru, you’re spending an extra $150 on a babysitter. Ugh.

Whitney and I have had a long-standing date on New Year’s Eve and we like to keep it low key. Because, on most nights, staying up until midnight is exciting enough.

Now that children are in the mix, we have had to modify our plans a bit. But not as much as you might think.

Option A: when someone has free childcare.
If you have loving grandparents in town, this is your best option. Absolutely say “yes please” to any offers of free babysitting and get the heck out of your house. Hang out with other friends with kids or pretend you’re still child-free, care-free and awesome.

Option B: A semi-sleepover.
Whitney coined the term, half-sleepover, for our method of putting kids to sleep while our party continues in the other room. Like a true frat boy, Julian never wakes up when he gets transferred to the car.

Since our children are still preschool age and younger, we can get away with an 8:00 bedtime, even on a night as awesome as New Year’s Eve. Find a YouTube video of the ball dropping from last year or of fireworks in Australia to show the kids whenever it’s time for them to head to bed. Let the visiting kids sack out in sleeping bags on the floor (or pack-n-plays). Hope for the best.

Once we’ve put the kids to bed, we try to mix it up so that New Year’s Eve is more special than any other Thursday night we’re stuck at home (while still being cheap and easy). Here are a few ideas:

— A game night. This year, we’ll dazzle our friends with Beatles Rock Band as well as old classic board games. Charades is optional.

— Blind taste test. We’ve done chocolate- and wine-tastings. It is fun to play the critic and determine the group’s favorite.

— A fondue party. Guests bring the dippables. You melt the chocolate.

— A movie binge. I’m hankering for the LOTR trilogy but I won’t subject my guests to that. Maybe if they all go home early.

Need more ideas? Here are a few more suggestions from “Ringing in the New Year on a budget” from an article I contributed to last year because those ideas are timeless.

I’d love to hear other ideas for hosting a cheap and easy (FUN) New Year’s Eve. Please share yours in the comments!