From the oldies files!

We threw a real birthday party for Holden this year and we tried to do it on the cheap. The funny thing was that we had a great plan — some of it was even well-executed — and we still spent more than $150. Ouch!

I think with hindsight, I could cut that to $55ish.

So, learn from my successes and my mistakes and throw a super-cheap birthday party for your three-year old!

1. Limit the guest list. It cannot be overstated that the easiest way to cut costs is to cut guests. Holden wanted a “big party” so we started off with an evite of all his friends (who come with parents at this age), our whole family (most of whom live out of state and wouldn’t come), my coworkers, and all our friends with kids (who, of course, come with kids).The evite was up to 37 adults before I asked WTF: Is Holden’s idea of a BIG PARTY even this big? On the brink of sending the message; we decided, no, and chose a few kids who were his close friends (the ones he would choose) and their folks. Ahhh, better.
2. Choose a free place! We’ve been to some super fun third birthday parties this year: an all bouncy house party, a play space rental party, a pirate themed party (also with bouncy houses), a kickas$ backyard festival, and had our own fantasies of petting zoos and king cobras. Luckily, we asked the kid where he wanted to celebrate and he chose the local (and free!) playground with picnic tables. Yeehaw.We had a biking theme and brought Holden’s trike and “wobbly bike” for others to try out and encouraged his guests to do the same. It was terrific. Between the kids, we had a scooter and another tricycle to add to the mix. Kids were great about sharing and trying out the different sets of wheels.
3. Let the kid choose the menu (within reason) After all, kid food is cheap food. I offered some choices I could live with: sandwiches, pizza, or Mexican and Holden chose (emphatically) sandwiches. When pressed for specifics, he wanted PBJ. Hecka cheap. He also asked for dry cereal, but I decided that was too weird.The morning of, we cut about 5 sandwiches into quarters and then panicked about what the adults would eat. I went to the grocery store for a last minute run on beverages (water bottles, juice boxes, milk boxes), berries, water melon, green salad to the tune of $83. I think a little pre-planning might have helped.You don’t need to cater the party to the taste of the adults. Worst case, they leave a little hungry and don’t think that three-year olds eat very well. So what. Maybe they’ll snack before coming next year. Best case, they appreciate your simplicity and think that the kid planned a menu of his favorites (in this case it was true!).
4. Limit the decorations.
   Again, this is a place where you can go unnecessarily overboard. For about $30 at the party supply outlet, I got 3 helium balloons (best investment!), blue plates, blue cups, blue napkins, plastic cutlery, a teensy 3 candle, and a white table covering. The solid blue stuff was good because it can all be reused (Hanukkah!!) but we really only used the plates. All the food was finger food (only one mom touched our green salad with a plastic fork, the rest was undisturbed) and drink boxes. I could have probably gotten away with spending $5 on just the balloons, plates, candle, and table coverings.
   (However this pad of animal face placemats is $8 on Amazon and I still use them occasionally to entice my kids to sit down at their spots.)
   
5. Bake your own mini cupcakes. For $5 rather than my $42, you can bake some tasty mini cupcakes if time permits. Instead, I went to one of my favorite bakeries and custom ordered (the minimum) 24 cupcakes. We also baked cookies (because he very specifically asked for cake and cookies, but the kids didn’t go for them, so they were tragically wasted.

My grand total was $257ish = $83 (food) + $30 (decorations + $42 (cupcakes) + $0 (location) + $7 (favors of sand toys to use today and take away) virtual $100 (invitations)

My revised grand total $55ish = $45 (less food) + $5 (less decorations) + $5 (cheaper cupcakes or $12 for a dozen brownie bites) + $7 (reusable favors) $0 (for location and invitations)

We are at a conference for the rest of the weekend, so I am re-posting this one from a couple years ago.

Heather and I both live in Berkeley where houses are small, and expensive nonetheless. Our neighboring city Oakland is pretty much the same.  If you’ve seen the show Parenthood, which is set here, well, let’s just say that the houses in which those characters live would be in the top 5% for spaciousness.

The other day I went over to my friend Karin’s house for the first time since she’s been married and had two sons. When she opened the front door, the first thing I saw was a queen-sized air mattress taking up her entire living room floor. I asked if she had weekend guests, and she sheepishly explained that she and her husband actually sleep on the air mattress and let their baby sleep in their room while their toddler hogs the room that is intended to be shared by the brothers. Eventually.

They were struggling to figure out how to put two kids in the same room such that they would allow each other to take their naps and sleep at night.

I had no advice for her, although since my kids are older and have been sharing a room for a long while now, I could hardly register the situation as a problem.  I remember letting Scarlett cry it out and Julian, age 3, just slept right through it.  I now realize every toddler does not sleep as soundly as Julian, who could be carried into a playdate if he had fallen asleep in the car, plopped on the host’s couch, and be jumped on by his excited little friend, and sleep through the whole thing. As I drove home from Karin’s, however, I suddenly remembered a few scenarios that may have comforted her.

When Heather’s baby #2 Milo was born, she worried that his night wakings would disrupt Holden’s sleep, yet she and Alec had learned from their rookie parenting stint that they prefer not to sleep in the same room as the baby. Therefore, baby Milo slept in his infant “bucket” carseat in the office area just outside their room. Every night. For four months.

When my own second child was born, we made half of our bedroom into a babycentric space, expecting her to stay with us for a couple months.  She tricked us by being a good sleeper for about a month, but then lost her knack for staying asleep past midnight. Taking a cue from our good friends who called their children “swing babies”, we set up the automatic swing in our bedroom, and there she slept, swinging at full speed, all night long. For three months.

And Julian? He slept swaddled and strapped to a changing table pad on the floor when we visited our parents for the first few months.

My point is that we do a lot of crazy shit as new parents. We sing potty songs, attach electric pumps to our breasts, and read books to kids who can barely hold their heads up. Sleeping in your own living room is the least of it. (That reminds me…  my second cousin’s husband used to sleep on the porch.)

If you’ve got two children who share a room, tell us more.  How did you do it?

This post about putting my children to bed was sponsored by Huggies.

We recently asked our fabulous facebook community what you’d like to read from us and Kristal said “Bedtime routines, specifically for multiple kids of varying ages and stages without going nuts.” Welp, Kristal, this one’s for you though I can’t promise the without going nuts part.

5:32 Walk in the door. I like to rewind my getting to bed routine back to coming-home-having-dinner because it happens so fast you could miss it. We return home from our various jobs, after-school programs, and daycare between 5pm and 6pm. Ideally, I plant my children — age 19 months, 6, and nearly-8 — in front of a Curious George show (either one mini-episode for 12 minutes or two depending on the time I need to prep dinner).

Around 6:10, my big boys start their table-setting jobs and by 6:15, we’re eating. On a normal night — if there is such a thing — my husband gets home at 6:35 just as the first of us are finishing up. Sawyer is always done first; in fact, we’re lucky if he eats anything but that’s a story for another day. He is allowed to run around for a little while, literally, until I am ready to whisk him off to the next phase.

6:40 moving on. Depending on time available, level of dirtiness, and recency of last bath, I will bathe him or not. Regardless, he will ask for “BATH, BATH, BATH.”

If bath is a go, my toddler throws every toy in the tub as I strip him. I start washclothing as the tub fills. I begin draining the tub once it’s full. And I rarely wash his hair because Daddy does it. He hands me back the toys as the last water swirls away. Done. Sawyer will run around the downstairs in his towel while the other guys finish their food.

By now, it is 6:53. Sawyer and I will head upstairs saying ‘night ‘night to everything we see including the menagerie of animals in the neighbor’s backyard (when it’s time to wake up and return to breakfast, we get to say good morning to all the different items again). Once we make it upstairs, we might ‘night ‘night a few more toys. I find that it helps with his transition toward sleep to say these goodnights a la Goodnight Moon. There may be a song involved. I do what it takes.

I couldn’t resist snapping a picture of the neighbor’s backyard, the ever-changing scene is a constant source of delight to Sawyer.

Speaking of “whatever it takes,” all activities are intended mellow him out: he gets a fresh diaper with booty cream, pajamas, snuggling, 4 oz. milk, books, a huge yawn — I make sure to yawn until he does! — and a song. I hold firm at two books. Lately, I’ve been putting him to bed with a sippy cup of water in the crib (PRO: no more whining for water at night or in the morning; CON: must use the hard core diapers or he wakes up with wet pajamas!).

If all goes well, bed is between 7:00 and 7:15 for the little man. I pat his back as I tuck him in. If he’s happy, I leave him face down with butt in the air snuggled between two loveys by either cheek. If he’s in a bad mood, he may be standing and yelling as I leave the room (just keeping it real, people). I leave the dark room (AKA windowless closet nursery) while loudly shushing him and anyone else who might be within earshot.

Reasons he might be in a bad mood? I gave him the green water cup instead of the blue; I chose the books instead of letting him pick; I wouldn’t let him read while balancing on one foot on the glider ottoman; he’d rather stay awake and play; I sang the wrong song; or just “Daddy do it” on anything. He usually settles himself rather quickly once he realizes I mean business.

If he’s still fussing after 12 minutes, I’ll check on him and make sure he’s okay. That happens very seldom.

Meanwhile, the big kids start their bedtime responsibilities around 7:00. If Rookie Dad Alec is home, we play zone defense and he moves the older children along. They bathe or shower, pee, brush teeth, and read books until 7:40 then pee again. When their dawdling happens — and it does — it cuts into the book-reading time which they treasure. At 7:40, he leads a guided meditation in their beds to dial down the energy level even further.

At 7:45pm. It’s lights out for the big boys. Usually Daddy reads and tucks in the Bigs. When I’m doing their tuck-in, I remind them of their sleep rules. I’m pretty sure they keep whispering for a while afterward, but if that’s the worst that happens, I’m okay with that.

And if it’s just me? One or two nights a week, I’m on my own or vice versa. Most of the routine is the same with a few shortcuts: I skip baths if possible; the big boys finish eating on their own while I put Sawyer to bed; if they’ve cleared up the kitchen, I offer a tiny dessert.

Reasons I might be awakened at night? And our preventions.

• Potty accident. Big kids double-pee before bedtime to increase the likelihood of nighttime dryness. Little one gets super tough diapers.
• Water break. Big kids can get their own small cups in the night. Little one gets a sippy in the crib.
• Nightmares or night terrors. Not much we can do there. We give la pause when we can and rub backs as needed.

Phew. I get tired just thinking about it.

What does bedtime look like at your house?!
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This is a sponsored post written by me on behalf of Huggies®. To get coupons and other great rewards, visit the Huggies Test Town! Or check out the Huggies® Facebook fan page to learn more now!

Thanks again to Huggies Snug & Dry Diapers with NEW SureFit Design for sponsoring this post and the very true story of how I put my children to bed.

My friends, Magnus and Cheryl, are amazing nomads who have been around the world and back only to set off again with a baby and another time with two toddlers. They have chronicled their journeys, triumphs and tantrums on a blog, with loads of tips on touring the world with young kids. Since they’re expecting baby number three any day now, I caught up with them and asked them to share some stories and advice. Merci!

Lessons learned from international trips with tots

We planned an 8 month soiree from August 2011 until March 2012, with hopes to travel from Scotland to Barcelona, dip into America, zip across Japan and Korea, traverse New Zealand, dot around Australia, take time out at Thai beaches before ending up in scrumptious Sri Lanka.

Traveling the world with young kiddies – exhausting chaotic craziness, yes, but with the payoff of a close-up view as our two tiny people grow and change with each passing day.

Destinations: Where’s safe & fun to go with the wee ‘uns?

Recommended child-friendly itinerary:

• Camping across Western Europe: safe, manageable but a lot of driving miles.
• Drive the U.S. East and South: family friendly but again, large distances to cover.
• Japan: Nuclear reactor cooling down (though we kept south to be safe) and a country that can use our tourist cash as it rebuilds.
• South Korea: Diverse, safe, user-friendly and not widely visited.
• New Zealand: Stunningly beautiful and family friendly parks and barbecue spots everywhere.
• Australia: Sunny beaches and familiar culture but scary poisonous critters to avoid.
• Thailand: Asia fun-style with great tourist infrastructure, lovely people and no malaria in the south.
• Sri Lanka: Cool varied culture, civil war in the past, a bit like India-lite!

{Read how and why we picked our Destinations}

Packing: What to pack on a world trip with toddlers

We found packing to travel with kids worked out fine: just keep your grown-up kit to a minimum. Also remember the obvious fact that there are children everywhere: you can most likely find any essentials wherever you are in the world. Be ready for a few embarrassing interactions, though, like Magnus mistaking the label for ladies sanitary pads for nappies (diapers) in a Japanese store!

Of course, some things have worked out better than others: the pram turned out to be a god-send, giving control over our crazy kids in busy train stations (but less handy going up and down subway stairs); the child-carrier allowed us to take the kids on a multi-day trek in New Zealand and the ukulele has brought joy to neighboring rooms in hotels across Japan and Korea. On the downside, e-books are not as easy to use as an old-fashioned print, we couldn’t survive without running shoes to keep us in shape and the kids needed a regular refresh of their toys and books to keep them interested.

{Read our actual Packing Lists and how they changed}

Travel Days: Surviving long transit days with toddlers (planes, trains, & automobiles)

Japanese trains are particularly cool because you can sit in the front carriage and look through a glass window to watch the driver pull his knobs and turn his dials to drive the train – great for inquisitive youngsters.

However, the magic lasts for but a few minutes until their tiny attention spans turn to the rest of the carriage. The cool, polite silence of the carriage with the people and occasional children sitting with restraint and impeccable manners.

Books, toys, treats and threats can also buy you a little time but, again, a journey of over 2 hours made the train carriage seem like a prison, with us the inmates being punished with the shame of damning eyes as our uncontrollable toddlers charged up and down, climbed the seats, fought and wailed when reprimanded. {read more Travel Days}

Even more reflections on our world trip with toddlers:

• The Fear Factor: Founded and unfounded fears when traveling with toddlers
• The Jabs!: Kiddy inoculations/vaccines

I excerpted this post as part of our series on traveling with babies, toddlers, and small children. Sheryl and Magnus have been some super amazing places. Go visit their blog to see inside more of their adventures. 

[All photos from MagnusandCheryl, all rights reserved]

At ages five and seven-and-three-quarters years old, my children were sleeping in matching toddler beds from IKEA. On one hand, I thought “Poor Julian. Almost eight and still sleeping in the tiny bed he got when he was three.” And on the other hand, I thought, “Kids in other countries don’t even have their own beds. It’s not a big deal.” As his birthday approached, my Western sensibilities won out and I felt strongly that it was time for a real bed.

My kids, by their own choice, share a room, and the most logical solution was to upgrade them both to bunk beds.

I coveted this twin-over-full bunk bed from Room and Board that I saw at my friend Quyen’s house, but the price tag stopped us. $1800, which does not include mattresses. Um, no.

I also had my eye on this beautiful bunkbed from Oeuf, which has a really small footprint, and because it can be “unbunked”, I began convincing myself it would last forever, even when my kids decide they want their own rooms. When Ryan heard the price, he still made a face. $1500 without mattresses. I was in favor of it, but this is a partnership, so um, no.

Soon my friends let me know that they had moved their kids into a new set of  beds and had an IKEA set in their garage which I was welcome to have. The price, zero dollars, was right, and even better because it wasn’t 100% disassembled, the beds were just 27 steps away from being put together instead of the 427 steps it would have taken if we had gotten them straight from IKEA.

With my dreams of a fancy bunkbed put to rest, I turned my attention to The Big Reveal. We plotted to let our children fall asleep “camp-out” style on our playroom floor at 8 pm on the night before Julian’s birthday. With them out of the way, we would work on putting the beds together into the night so that when they went to their bedroom to get dressed in the morning, they would discover The Most Amazing Bunk Beds in the world.

I ordered mattresses and began searching for linens. I had some pretty specific ideas in mind, wanting them to be both matching and gender neutral. This is a challenge because boy bedding tends to be very boyish and girl bedding tends to be very girlish. To say I spent way too much time on this endeavor is an understatement, especially when, at the end of the day, after combing Pottery Barn Kids, Garnet Hill, The Company Store, Overstock.com, Bed Bath & Beyond, and Pinterest, what I ended up with was grey jersey sheets from Target and duvet covers from IKEA.

I ambitiously imagined that I was going to “hack” the bunkbed as well, having seen these images online. I gathered the materials to execute my fantasy customization.

Source: flaxandtwine.com via Rookie Moms on Pinterest

Source: ikeahackers.net via Kaylan on Pinterest

Source: samplesalemom.blogspot.sg via Rayna on Pinterest

Alas, time ran out and the bed was revealed to two thrilled children, dressed in the bedding with which I was quite pleased and customized only with a tension rod and piece of fabric which provided the bottom bunk dweller with a privacy curtain. Victory!

Almost.

This story is not over. I got even stupider as the month progressed and invited 11 kids over to our house for a playdate during  a school holiday. Though we had ample activity in the backyard, they all wanted to be inside, and I did not enforce any limits on how many kids could be on the top bunk. Do you sense where this is going?

Three boys were sitting on the top bunk and one was climbing up. Three little girls were camped out underneath, enjoying the dark cave of the bottom bunk. With a crack, the wood frame of my free IKEA bunk bed broke, hurting no one, but becoming unusable and unsafe.

Now, just a week or two after assembling the bed, it was our task to disassemble and dispose of it, as well as deciding on a bed to replace it. Exactly how my husband wanted to spend another Friday night. NOT.

For the next month or so, the kids slept on their mattresses on the floor. So much for my fancy pants bedroom fantasies.

Finally, we found a happy medium with this affordable, metal-frame bunkbed set. Not free, but not thousands of dollars.  After a ridiculous amount of delay and missed delivery windows, the bed arrived for our assembly pleasure, (one more Friday night of hot Allen wrench activity – the last one, I swear!)

Here’s how it looks in my house.

The children are happy with their new big kid set up and I am happy that the saga is over. Whenever I visit someone’s house who has those popular IKEA bunks, however, I feel a tinge of bitterness.

When I unpacked this 2010 ornament (below), I felt bummed out that I hadn’t made one for last year, 2011, when the boys were all in their matching jammies and Sawyer was barely out of his fourth trimester. The prior year, in an “I have my shit totally together” moment, I created this ornament on mpix.com — a local-to-me business that makes the best of the best photo prints and some durable nice ornaments too. This year, I wanted to go back in time and create a 2011 photo ornament, but when I browsed some of the photo sites, they were only selling 2012 ornaments. Whoops.

You see, last year I had a little baby and creating photo ornaments was low on my list. I’m excited to share that I figured out how to do this. It wasn’t too hard. It only costs about $10 plus shipping.

So I got in my time machine and created a very sweet ornament in minutes.

1. Process the photo on picmonkey.

I picked my favorite photo of the boys that would work as a circle, uploaded it at picmonkey.com and cropped it as a SQUARE. I centered my holiday message with last year on it. I saved it in the highest resolution I could.

2. Create round ornament on mpix.

Christmas ornaments are rather buried on the MPIX website under the heading “Decor”. Find ornaments, choose the DIY custom option and follow instructions for uploading the image. OMG so cute, right?

I got so excited to see my preview that I created another ornament for 2012 (and wrote this post while the thing is still being made and shipped!). Because my Superhero photo is tightly packed with awesome, I skipped the holiday message just included the year.

In future years, I won’t have to lament that we missed commemorating Sawyer’s first Christmas because I made this flipping cute ornament. If I had more time, I might go back and create these ornaments for ALL my children’s Christmases. It would certainly be faster than making them baby books or year videos.

Then again, maybe I’ll wait ’til next year.

This is part of our Makin’ It series of fun crafty projects for parents. Not all are photo things either, we make food too! See more projects here.

[This post wasn't sponsored or anything. I paid about $23 plus shipping for these ornaments and a heap of blown-up prints]

Updated 12/13 The ornaments arrived today and look terrific!

Amy Corbett Storch is the mom of three little guys living in the DC area and a busy blogger for amalah.com, mamapop, and alphamom among others. In addition to writing about realistic post-partum outings, she also said she liked our book once in her cool pregnancy countdown. I love what she shared in this profile of her life in a boy-centered house as part of our Rookie Moms Boys Club.

What are the names and ages of your children?
Noah, just turned 7, Ezra, just turned 4, and Ike is 17 months. We live in Maryland, just outside DC.

What has most surprised you about being a boy mom?
How crazy affectionate and loving they are! You hear stories about boys being all spastic energy who think girls/kissing is “gross” and would rather beat on everything, but all of my boys are cuddly snugglers who want hugs, kisses and physical affection from me (and their dad) all the time. It’s awesome.

What is the most fun thing about being a boy mom right now?
Being with all three of them together, seeing how much they look like brothers while each being completely unique little people.

What is the hardest thing about being a boy mom right now?
I doubt this is strictly a “boy thing,” but man, they fight a lot. They are ALWAYS antagonizing each other and even fun playtime escalates into someone getting hurt sooooo fast these days.

Also, the clutter level in my house is ridiculous. I swear they all just walk around leaving a never-ending toy and junk trail behind them, like slugs.

What do you do to stay girlie in a house of boys?
Around the house I’m usually in jeans and no makeup, but whenever we’re heading out — even if it’s just to the super family-friendly pizza place — I usually will wear a dress and ALWAYS do my hair and makeup. Cute shoes, lots of big fun jewelry (bonus because it amuses the baby), etc.

That’s always been the extent of my girlie-ness, though. I have the taste, interests and humor of a 12-year-old boy otherwise.

Do you have any tips to share?
For me, going from one boy to two was WAY harder than going from two to three. We more or less kept doing everything we were doing before, just hauling a newborn in a sling everywhere like it was no big deal. (I also learned to streamline my diaper bag to only the bare essentials.) It’s a bit of a game-changer when the third baby started walking, but since we were pretty good about not becoming new-baby hermits earlier, it wasn’t quite the shock it would have been to suddenly be attempting trips and outings with SO MANY FULLY-FORMED CHILDREN.

Also: date nights. We gotta have our date nights.

Is there another mom of many boys you look to for advice or inspiration?
My mom had two boys of her own before becoming a stepmom to my dad’s two sons. They were practically grown by the time I was born so I only remember our house being calm and orderly, and my mom being the perfect picture of patience with me. She regularly reminds me that it wasn’t like that when she had all four boys, and that my house (and patience level) won’t be like that either. And that’s OKAY and I’m still doing a good job.

Thanks so much to Amy for answering all my random questions; I really love what you said about your mom.

Here are three of my favorite boy things right now:

1. How much my littlest son is starting to reciprocate his big brother’s feelings
2. The LEGO advent calendar is so fun; Star Wars or City are both cool but Star Wars costs about $10 more
3. (Temporary) tattoo monster hands, good for snowy days inside

Did you notice that the very second Halloween was over the holiday mayhem was already in progress? I suppose it makes sense because Thanksgiving is as early as it can possibly be. And, well, once that’s over, IT’S ALREADY CHRISTMAS. “Black Friday” even starts on Thursday. Seriously.

While I’d love to share my tips about keeping it all together, that’s not happening this year. Since Whitney confessed she doesn’t want to buy her kids special holiday clothes, I thought I’d tell you a few of my Good Enough Christmas confessions.

1. I always forget how we do Santa Claus from one year to the next. Does he wrap stuff? Does he only give one thing? Does he buy the one thing that the parents would never give? Yeah, that sounds good.
2. Now I remember, Santa doesn’t wrap fancy. He uses plain brown paper that comes as protective stuffing from our online holiday shopping. We save any pretty paper for presents from us, because we deserve the credit. Or something.
3. I color-code my kids. Yes, I do this with socks but also wrapping paper. Therefore, I don’t have to label the packages to know who they’re for, and my kids can’t shake the gifts early.
4. Gingerbread houses are adorable, but it really bugs me to build them. I think I’m too uptight for that kind of fun. Last year, I asked the babysitter to do it with my sons. Win win. I do, however, like smashing it and eating the village.
5. I’m a sucker for matching holiday jammies. I have loved the super expensive jammies in the past and have bought them for the next year on December 26. Since I forgot to do this last year, I bought some cheap holiday longjohns from Old Navy and called it Good Enough.
6. Babies can skip Christmas. Call me a scrooge, but my newborns do better when they nap through the chaos. They eat less wrapping paper and ribbon that way too. In fact, with all the joyous family gift-giving, I don’t even buy the baby a present.
7. I only cook or bake what I like. I am quite content to buy prepared Thanksgiving or Christmas meals from Whole Foods and just cook the stuffing or sweet potato pie to make myself happy. My sons may eat a ton or literally NOTHING so why stress myself out cooking for them?
8. I prefer other people’s decorations. I love a sparkly Christmas tree and put one up regardless of other family member’s interest, but in recent years, I have become even more excited to drive around to other people’s homes like the decorated streets in Alameda. It’s so much less effort. And electricity!
9. I stuff my own stocking. Not exclusively, but I have come to accept that my husband is much less stressed if he doesn’t have to come up with little trinkets for me. I have been known to buy other presents for myself to put under the tree, but that has been awkward.
10. Photos last forever so I force them. I don’t care if they’re feeling festive, my children will be subjected to numerous forced photo opps. I’ll pile them all in the yellow chair and snap the pictures ’til they’re cute. I’ll also try to get a snapshot of the kids pointing at the stockings. And at least one of me.

Whitney told me that she cut up last year’s holiday cards — you know the part that says Happy Holidays or Tis the Season — and uses the card stock scrap as gift tags. Clever girl.

Hopefully, my true confessions give you permission to be the perfectly imperfect parent you are this holiday season. I’d love to hear any cheats of yours in the comments!!

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This reflection on perfectly imperfect holiday confessions was sponsored by Hallmark! This series has been appearing monthly on Rookie Moms, and will continue through the end of the year.

It’s Birth Story week. If you’re new here, my third baby Sawyer was born in 2011. Whereas Holden’s birth was a highly scientific 44-hour ordeal and Milo’s was a quick and easy four-hour walk in the park, Sawyer split the difference at 24 hours and a new kind of medical drama.

The pregnancy had new challenges for me — advanced maternal age, extended diabetes test, half marathon, a cough that lasted my entire party trimester – but I entered my final month of pregnancy healthy and radiant. People were so nice to me. At 34 weeks, I had this awesome series of pictures taken by photographer Brian Smith at the BlogHer conference in my favorite blue dress.

The itching starts
Monday after the conference, I was exhausted. I also noticed that my skin was feeling itchy and my hands were red and puffy. I assumed it was from the extra heat, walking, and flying. I called in a lovely at-home mama masseuse who gave me a chamomile massage and suggested that I drink tea and take it easy.

Soon after drinking the tea, my skin became even more itchy especially my hands and feet. The itching subsided after a few days.

On Friday night, we were on a double date with friends. I remember it was a special night because Karen and Ross told us they were expecting their first baby, so we all headed to a tea shop after dinner for our after-dinner drinks. Again I ordered the chamomile because I thought it was the most mild/gentle tea available. Again, the itchy hands and feet came back. This time, I wondered if there was a connection between the tea and my extremely itchy extremities. It did not subside.

My whole body was itchy but my hands and feet were the worst. I looked like a crazy monkey. On heroine. At night, the feeling was more intense. I wished I had a metal brush to scratch at my palms and soles of my feet.

I had heard that itchy skin was common toward the end of pregnancy but this felt different.

By 35-weeks pregnant, after fervent googling and trolling the babycenter boards, I discovered a condition and asked my doctors to test me for it: obstetric cholestasis.

It takes about a week to get results for the bile acid test. My own favorite OB was on vacation so I met with others in the same practice. The dr. who confirmed my suspicions made it sound very grave while the next dr. I saw made it seem like no big deal. My bile acid levels were tested at 41 (and they said anything over 20 is cause for concern).

Cholestasis is a liver condition that happens to 1 out of 1000 pregnant women. Basically my liver couldn’t breakdown bile acids so they end up in my blood stream causing me to itch all over endlessly 24 hours a day. It has the potential to put the baby at high risk too. Very high risk. Like still birth high risk.

I was given a prescription for Urso and asked to come in for biweekly non-stress tests (fetal monitoring for 30 minutes laying flat on my back) in addition to my weekly appointments around 37 weeks. I took the Urso medication which didn’t seem to help; stopped eating all food with fat in it (which is everything!); and purchased this special anti-itch Sarna lotion. The lotion made my skin feel better, but I couldn’t shake the image that everything I was eating was attacking my baby. Time seemed to be the enemy.

After freaking out on the babycenter birth club boards I learned that bile acid levels over 40 are a strong indication to deliver early. These levels can double overnight and do not seem to be helped by standard anti-stress testing or fetal monitoring.

On some level, I had hoped that I was overreacting. Once my doctor came back from her vacation, she said that we needed to get the baby out before 38 weeks or risk stillbirth. My liver enzymes were attacking the fetus and birth was the only remedy. We chose 37.5 weeks for the induction.

I kept it pretty quiet on the internets and among my real-life friends too but the night before my scheduled induction, I sent out a fleet of “pray for me” emails to the many people in my life who I would want to know if the worst happened.

My induction was scheduled for Holden’s second day of 1st grade while Milo’s preschool was closed for the week. Luckily, my mother was able to come in on short notice. Her main job would be juggling my two boys and keeping them happy and fed.

The morning of the induction.
I was dropped off alone at the hospital to start the process and Alec joined me (by bike) once the morning logistics were sorted.

It was weird being at the hospital but not in labor. I checked in on foursquare. I read my depressing book on the iPad. I was bored. Worried for the baby, but bored.

Alec and I hung out while we waited for labor to begin. He remembers me taking a pill to kick off contractions; I was also hooked up to an IV drip of something. We watched I love you, Man on the iPad. I ate a ton of red Jello and slurped chicken broth. We debated baby names, we were down to two names that we both liked. We walked the halls together with me clutching my IV stand on wheels.

I heard shrieks and screams from down the hall. The woman had run out of time for her epidural. F that.

Every time a new doctor came on shift, I repeated my fervent interest in having an epidural: Blah blah, third baby, last one came fast. “Oh yes,” the nurses would definitely keep that in mind.

Around midnight, after taking induction meds all day, the doctor told me I wasn’t even in labor and I should be eating real food. What the hell? Seriously, what had I been doing if this wasn’t even labor? I was not pleased. But I did have dinner.

Ultimately, I spent about 12 to 15 hours hooked up to the IV drip of pitocin before anything resembling labor started happening. Contractions and labor pain began in earnest around 3am the next day. I got the epidural in time. I pushed for around 20 minutes. Sawyer was born healthy and strong at 8:18am on Thursday.

We texted our loved ones the details: Baby boy!! 21″ 8#5oz no name yet.

What a big boy! I had feared that he would be tiny or his lungs would be immature because he was coming so early. Neither of those fears came to pass. Instead, he was so swollen from IV fluid that he didn’t regain to his birth weight for abut 4 weeks.

Can you see how puffed out all his little skin is? So many rolls.

My recovery was all about the swelling. The sheer size of my feet, ankles, calves, and all the way up past my knees due to pregnancy water retention capped off with IV fluids from my birth had me convinced I was in kidney failure. I nearly checked myself into the ER. Cankles past my knees, people!!

I never found out if drinking the chamomile tea had anything to do with my liver problems but I haven’t touched it in over a year.

It’s Birth Story week.  If you’re new here, Milo was born in 2007. Spoiler alert: This is the birth story every mom dreams of — kinda — it starts with a party, includes some laughs along the way, has a happy ending with a healthy baby and a whole pie!

This time I was most nervous about childcare for my son, Holden. My mom was planning to come in the weekend before the baby’s due date so I established a complex matrix spreadsheet of who was on call if the baby came up to one month early. The on-call person would either come to my house to sleep or receive instruction on how to pick up and care for my 21 month old.

Luckily, when my mom arrived from Ohio the Saturday before my due date, there was still no baby. After a day spent wolfing down jump-start-your-labor ginger cookies and an evening enjoying the Oscars at Whitney’s house (I don’t know what I wore to the party but I left in one of Ryan’s old tee-shirts because I felt so bad), I went to bed feeling a little yucky.

Sometime in the middle of the night, around 3am, yucky turned into crampy. Hmm, I wondered, could this be labor? I hadn’t had a traditional labor the first go-round, so I wasn’t totally sure.

Just in case, I went to clip my toenails, since it looked like I would have to skip my traditional “due date pedicure” scheduled for Tuesday. That’s where Alec discovered me and started timing my waves of discomfort, probably-contractions. 2 minutes apart. Oh crap.

We called the doctor on call, and she gave us the go-ahead to head in to our local hospital.  We woke my mom and bid her a nervous goodbye. During the three-mile drive to the hospital, I went from, “I can totally do this” to “God oh God, where is my epidural already?!” By the time we pulled into the emergency parking lot, all I could think was, “DRUG ME!”

I breezed through triage with my contractions being pretty close together. Being a second-time mom seemed like a fastpass through the rigmarole of the admissions process. Sweet. Alec started up the birth playlist on the iPod and I asked the nurses if I could pee before getting my epidural. They reluctantly allowed me to pee fearing that I would have a toilet bowl baby or something. The anesthesiologist gave me my epidural before checking my progress.

Some medical personnel had their hands up in my business before we remembered to re-park the car. During my first exam, they discovered I was already to nine centimeters. High fives all around.

After the epidural started to have its way with me, I felt very calm and relaxed. I offered cookies to the nurses. I elected to pause until my doctor arrived on shift at 7:30 to to continue. When she arrived, she examined me and then MY WATER BROKE IN HER FACE. I was embarrassed but what are you gonna do? Again, comfy on my epidural, we waited a little bit so she could clean up before continuing. Whatev. I probably texted Whitney again.

I was feeling so chill.

When she returned, it was time to push. In less than 15 minutes, my baby was born around 8:30am, and I was stunned. Having psyched myself up for another 44-hour labor, I was honestly in shock. See this 15 second video for proof. It’s a little icky but not graphic.

Alec’s dad said, “Are you seriously going to call him Milo?”

“If you want to complain about it, talk to your wife,” I replied to him. (Side story: I thought if you waited until the kid was born to reveal the name, nobody would challenge you about it. Wrong.)

Later in the morning, once Holden was busy with his nanny, my mom joined us at the hospital with chocolate cream pie and cold Guinness, the breakfast of champions!

A few hours later, Holden visited us at the hospital to meet his new baby brother. All of a sudden, my toddler looked like a teenager to me.

Especially in comparison to my first 44 hour labor, this four-hour labor and delivery was a breeze. Amazing! I worried that if I ever had a third child, that baby would come in about four minutes. Eek!

Our friend Deborah offered to tell you the bittersweet (mostly sweet) story of weaning her second child minus the part about cabbage leaves. Thanks Deb!

“I’m never gonna nurse again. Guilty boobs have got no pumping…” is what I sang this morning, to the tune of Careless Whisper by Wham!, when I nursed for the very last time.  OF MY LIFE!  I’ve struggled with this moment for the past few months, but after weeks of gradual weaning, I am more than ready.

I nursed my first child until she was one.  The kid didn’t have an ounce of formula until she was 11 months old.  Flash forward to kid number two who turns nine-months old next week.  He had formula at eight weeks, and as of this morning, will never nurse again. I have been ready to throw in the (burp) towel – and throw the pump out the window –for months but I was hanging on because I felt guilty that I wasn’t giving kid #2 the same treatment as kid #1.

[Related: How to introduce formula]

Well, when my son doesn’t get into the college of his dreams and his sister does, he can blame me for depriving him of three months of precious breast milk.  Yes, I know this sounds ridiculous and that is why I finally felt comfortable quitting.  But there are other reasons, too.

I am ready to take my body back.
I have been pregnant or nursing for the past three years straight. I got pregnant with number two within minutes after I stopped nursing number one.  I have gone from small to big to small to even bigger back to small again too many times. I don’t want another human being dependent on my body. I want to wear a regular bra.  And yes, I want to buy some new clothes.

I am ready to be less scheduled.
We are militant about naps in our house, so between two kids, two nap schedules, two breastfeeding sessions and two pumping sessions a day, I could barely find time to eat a sandwich in peace.  I am fortunate to have private rooms accessible at my office to pump, but it was getting more and more difficult to find time to escape twice a day.  It was even harder on the weekends because I was always rushing back home to pump or trying to find a semi private place to do it while out. I’m exhausted just thinking about it.

I want to spend more quality time with my family.
Trying to play with my toddler while nursing was never an option because the baby got too distracted and trying to play with her while pumping just wasn’t fun.  I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry when my daughter started dancing to the rhythm of the pump. And maybe I’m weird, but I actually enjoy giving my son a bottle more than nursing him because we can make eye contact and it makes me focus on him.  Reading email while nursing doesn’t feel like quality time.

So, that’s it.  I’m done. We are not having any more kids which means I will never nurse or pump again.  And I’m never looking back.  Unless, of course, my son ends up being a few points shy of genius on an IQ test.  Because we all know the formula is to blame.

Was weaning cause for tears of joy or sadness for you?

When I first became a mother of two, I was afraid to be left alone at home with my newborn and almost three-year old. Unfortunately, I was also afraid to take them both out of the house. I have come to believe that I’m-a-rookie-again anxiety is totally normal and that my fear of outings was not unfounded: I only have so many arms.

My second-baby-having local friends and I established an arsenal of fenced-in playgrounds that were our safe spaces. While fenced in, our older children could not wander off too far while we were stuck on a bench nursing the baby or changing a diaper.

Today, Stef from Ask A Nanny suggested another safe place for taking two kids: the library. I asked her for the hows and whys, and here’s what she said.

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As a longtime nanny, cavorting about on my own with two kids as a job is a no-brainer; I am ready for anything. I am professional, prepared and chipper! At home, however, when the kids are my own, it’s another story. I’m tired from working all week; I am annoyed that “sleeping in” is the same as my “getting up early”; and I lost my coffee somewhere in the house again – so we need to get OUT!

I love going to the library with my oldest. At four years old, he’s very curious about all sorts of things like rain-forests, sharks, dinosaurs, and poop. But today was my six month old’s first visit to the library. I couldn’t wait to see what on the board book shelf brought a grin to his face: a hungry caterpillar? A carrot that wouldn’t grow? Maybe some busy penguins? Nope, it was babies eating, of course!

Tips for going to the library with a baby and a big kid:

1. Find the best library. If there is a library near you with a totally separate children’s section, go there – your toddler will wander and climb things. In the kids’ section, you can blend in.
2. Go at lunchtime. When you have a baby with you, the fewer big kids there, the better. For us this meant it was safe enough for me to peel off my youngest and set him up on a blanket in the baby section. Then I could scout out some books for my oldest without worrying a 6-year old would come running by.
3. Bring a stroller. I, unfortunately, had forgotten to load it into the trunk, so it was a good thing I had the the Ergo (yes, along with the 2 tons of books and the diaper backpack, all somehow attached to me).
4. Drop off your returns outside (if you can) where you can be loud about it, because 2 tons of books being returned one by one by a 3 year old can a) take a while and b) get a bit noisy.
5. Limit the number of board books you check out. Those buggers are heavy!
6. Sit, read to your babies, and enjoy the powerfully calming atmosphere of the library.

I knew it was time for us to leave when more kids began to filter in, so I strapped the baby back onto my body and hauled our pile of what seemed like 40 lbs of books over to the self check out and patiently waited (i.e. bounced around the now unraveling 6 month old) for my oldest to scan each book. We then headed home, where amidst the drama of preschooler hunger pangs, a light appeared at the end of the tunnel: I find it – my coffee – in the microwave, right where I had left it.

Stef is the expert nanny behind the parenting advice website AskaNanny.com, where questions about your zero to three-year old get answered for free. She lives in San Francisco with her hardworking, loving, and very supportive husband (who is also her editor) and her two angelic children.