Just getting away on a short flight to San Diego for a few days with my BFF might have been enough to carve a smile onto my face for a week. Add to that the kindness of bloggers and strangers (and a few generous vendors) to a 35-weeks pregnant chick, and it was an amazing experience.

Highlights:
Waking around 4am, we flew in one day early to attend pre-conference events. I went to a Sony Camera adventure day called #PhotoFunMom, It included a new CyberShot WX9; instructions on how to use it; full makeover; some decadent spa treatments (Hello, parafin foot booties!); a guided stroll around the marina, and a photo shoot from celebrity photographer Brian Smith. It was such a treat.

Photo by Kimberley Clayton Blaine

I returned to my roommates, Whitney and Wendy, all glammed up and I kinda felt like I was set for the whole conference… and then…

Ready for Mad Men themed party

What 30 minutes of makeup will do to me

Then I won an iPad at the #OCBloggerBash raffle to benefit Help a Mother Out. Wow. Thanks ywater for new toy.

Following the drinking-for-diapers party, Whitney and I headed over to the Clever Girls Rock Star party. I squished myself into skinny maternity jeans and wore a sparkly tube top she had brought along just in case. We danced with Madonna and Lady GaGa impersonators until our feet were begging for mercy (or was that just me?).

Yes, I finally changed out of that dress!

As of Conference Eve, I couldn’t imagine it getting much better. This BlogHer was massive — between 2600 and 3100 attendees– and being in a sprawling expo center, I felt every step of the bigness (or was I just feeling my own bigness? hmmm). Do you see the size of this lunch space? Dang.

Jane and I are due around the same time with third babies

Just after this stripey belly photo op, there was a Flash Mob at lunch! Can you spot me at the end of this video trying to get a better look?

Being in my third trimester, the saddest part of my weekend was probably that I had to admit that I just wasn’t up for everything. Anything that required too much walking was ruled out. And after a Friday full of too much walking and talking, I had to skip my favorite party. Looks like they had a fabulous, unicorn-butt-eating time without me:

Having missed Sparklecorn, I made myself shake my booty at the CheeseBurgHer party. And I’m so glad. I wore some ugly supportive shoes and danced around until after 11pm.

Heather, Whitney, Wendy at CheeseBurgHer party

I guess there’s always next year. My mind is already racing toward whether and how I can join BlogHer12 in NYC. Will I force my whole family to take a vacation to new york like last year? Will I come alone? Just me and the baby? Of course, it’s too soon to know, I haven’t even met the little guy yet.

Now that I’m back home and into my normal groove, reflecting on BlogHer feels surreal. Was I really there? I spent an amazing long weekend feeling totally B-List. And that’s a good thing (I felt neither invisible nor obligated to be the funniest person in the room). I know a solid handful of people, although admittedly it was tough to find them in the throngs. Here at home, I’m lucky to be on the D-List (somewhere between whichever child is screaming and the alpha chicken).

I told Whitney that I was stressed to write about the weekend for fear that I can’t do justice to my experience. There’s so much that happened and I’m not sure who cares about it. If I say too much, y’all will be bored. If I say too little, I’m leaving out something important.

So, I offer it in list format, because writing a list helps me relax. Here are 22.5 personal memories from BlogHer 2010 complete with links and pictures (just like being there!):

1. Listening intently to the Voices of the Year keynote (where 15 kick-ass bloggers shared some of their best work).
2. Being invited by Lisa Belkin to the New York Times for lunch with a few of her favorite bloggers (like Dawn Meehan, Victor, Lenore Skenazy, and Moxie). How did I get on this list? Not sure, but it was an honor.
   
3. Learning the hard way that pancakes should not wrap sausage on a stick.
4. Talking about diaper donation at the Huggies booth, spending time with Jackie, Amanda, Jenny, and Caroline (but where oh where was Jessica?!)
   

   Jackie, me, Jenny

5. Seeing dear friends Asha Dornfest, Anna Fader, and Julie Marsh who did not attend last year. I could spend a long weekend just talking with these fine ladies.
6. Running in a sparkly-skirt-tutu through Times Square with Siel for the #tutusfortanner 5k (Worth noting: the run was one day earlier in reality than it was in my head, so I overdid it the night before. Seeing all the bloggers gather in the lobby wearing tutus while Tanner smiled nearby was the best excuse for only 4 hours sleep that I’ve had in a while!)
   
7. Psyching up to organize the second season of Eat. Blog. Run. with Christine and Marie. Eating, blogging, and catching up after the run with some of my teammates.
   

   Eat Blog Run gals (minus Marie) me, Kari, Linsey, Christine, and Samantha

8. Having a slumber party with the Social Luxe Lounge girls the night before their huge partay. I met Jyl Johnson Pattee (AKA Mom it Forward) for the first time by sharing a bed with her.
9. Getting taken for a ride, literally, on a $63 pedicab ride with Whitney and Jyl. Frustrating at the time, but pretty funny after.
   

   Jyl, Whitney, me as seen by jerk pedicab driver

10. Getting a blue-toed pedicure with my sister who lives in New York with her big baby.
11. Test-driving a GMC Terrain with the family up to the Adirondacks.
    

    Terrain trunk filled with family vacation gear

12. Leaving said family in the Adirondacks so I could have fun at the conference. My husband is awesome.
13. Meeting people I’ve only known online.
14. Taking a “bangs and glasses” picture of Whitney and Danielle.
    
15. Wearing my new dress from Berkeley designer Lesley Evers and pretending I always dress like this. Since the stylish Lindsay Ferrier featured ME on her BlogHer fashion list, I guess I fooled her.
16. Dancing on top of a cheeseburgher-bed with Alma and Wendy.
    
17. Pretending to eat the butt off a unicorn cake. {See picture from Wendy}
18. Signing our book, The Rookie Mom’s Handbook, at the BlogHer bookstore next to Amy Wilson, Rita Arens, Carleen Brice, and Jan Sokoloff Harness (even if we sold only one book, it was to a very nice rookie-mom-to-be!).
19. Sneaking off-campus for a low-key dinner with some friends, new and old.
    
20. Meeting Meagan Francis (AKA The Happiest Mom), whom I was calling my sister from another mother because I totally wish we were related (and we kinda resemble each other).
    

    What do you think? Could we pass for sisters?

21. Fantasizing about a future girls getaway weekend to Portland with Isabel. (I realize that sounds like I’m dreaming of running off with her, but the plans involved other girl bloggers in a calmer, less humid place.)
    
22. Watching + cheering as a pregnant Kristen as she did the Running Man during the SparkleCorn party.
    
23. Pretending that the Pillsbury Dough Boy was really played by the hard-working Liz Gumbinner because she vanished (and he appeared) right after being in this picture. Hmmm.
    

Overall, I had an amazing time. Reflecting on my original goals for the conference, I feel victorious that I flubbed only one item: I totally spaced on going to the Aiming Low party. I’m bummed not only because I heard it was awesome, but also because I feel such a kinship with their mission site name.

Ok, now that I revealed all my dorky, fan-girl experiences at BlogHer this year, won’t you please say something nice in the comments so I don’t feel so ridiculous. Thanks!

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This was the fourth BlogHer Conference for me and Whitney. This year, we are grateful to the Huggies Every Little Bottom program for paying our travel and conference expenses (except for that crazy pedicab ride, of course!).

As I write this, I’m sitting in very Upstate New York enjoying the family vacation. I’m in an old tee-shirt and my “action pants” (some fast-drying capri length ready-for-anything pants that used to fit me). I’m fantasizing –just a bit– about hopping on a train tomorrow for five hours of “me” time so I can read my book.

That said, I’m super duper excited about the BlogHer conference too! I know I’m forgetting a lot of things, but this is what I’m looking forward to in no particular order:

1. sparklecorn. unicorn cake.
2. seeing eat blog run gals and running or run/walking in a sparkleskirt or  tutu for Tanner (I promise, this is my last sparkle item on the list!)
3. attending blogher business… and learning some stuff about bizness thanks to winning a free pass from BlogHer!
4. hanging out at the huggies booth to spread the word about every little bottom
5. signing our book in the blogher book store. Yeehaw!
6. riding (or watching like a loser) the mechanical bull while dining with pals from healthychild
7. visiting one of my best friends, ella, and my sister and only nephew, big shai during all that down time
8. meeting in person, and greeting with hugs, both alli worthington and meagan francis
9. going solo (aka sans whitney my security blanket) to the ezpz party
10. learning how to hone my writing craft. if there’s time, that is.

Basically, it’s a whirlwind of wonderfulness and exhaustion that I’m really looking forward to. But, for now, I have a few more moments of starry skies and the great outdoors!

Heather is on a family vacation right now, but in just a few days we’ll be meeting in New York City to attend BlogHer ’10, a conference for women who are bloggers.

This is, apparently, what bloggers look like. At certain hours.

This conference is unique in that it is about different things for different people. For many women, it’s about a hobby that’s introduced them to friends who they have never or rarely met. For these folks, it’s a girls weekend away/slumber party/mom’s night out. For some, it’s a professional conference as they earn a living by writing blog posts. For some, it’s even more professional as they’ll be representing not just themselves, but also the companies they work for, connecting with bloggers in hopes of identifying some with whom they might work on a social media campaign the future.

The three-day event is packed with parties and activities in addition to the conference panels and sessions.

As such, everyone is very very excited about being there, some to the point of crashing and burning because it’s all too much.  I pride myself on maintaining balance, sanity and saying “no” when something is more than I can handle, so I am going with a list of things I look forward to doing at BlogHer. If I do most of them, it will be a success.

1. Tell as many people as possible about the Huggies Every Little Bottom program and talk about my recent adventures with diaper donations. Huggies has gotten really involved with diaper donations and is paying my way for BlogHer.  I’ll spend some time at their booth on the Expo floor sharing information about diaper shortages and how we can all contribute.
2. Tell Kristen’s belly that I still feel badly that I didn’t cook large, healthy meals for her when she was secretly pregnant at my house for 24 hours.
3. Take a cute “bangs + glasses” photo with Danielle Friedland, who like me, wears bangs and glasses.
4. Introduce one of my favorite real-life friend bloggers, Wendy, who will be a BlogHer virgin, to people who will be kind and gentle to her.
5. Hug the friends I made from Portland over the past couple of BlogHers: Asha, Gina, and Katherine.
6. Steal Rachel from method‘s drink tickets because she is a rookie mom-to-be (and make sure that she meets Meagan “The Happiest Mom” Francis, who I am looking forward to meeting.)
7. Do something “off campus” even if it’s just eat middle eastern food from a street cart with my online fraternal twin Marketing Mommy whose two kids were  each born within two weeks of mine.
8. Be inspired to write better, edit more thoughtfully, and up my blogging game by attending all the sessions in the writing track of the conference.
9. Meet up with other women who produce local guides for parents like ours (such as Jessica, Christine, Erin + Rachael, and Anna) — and then roll around and smother myself in all their good ideas
10. High five everyone who has been working so hard on athletic and fitness goals (such as Amelia Sprout, Julie Marsh, and the eat, blog, run crowd)
11. Ride a mechanical bull for the first time and impress fellow Healthy Child Healthy World ambassadors like Whitney from Mommies With Style with my unexpected bull-riding abilities

P.S. If you don’t already read it, BlogHer.com is a site packed with good content from a bazillion passionate bloggers.  Today I have an article on the home page there: Back To School: 10 Great Rain Gear Choices for Kids

Some very hard-working and talented bloggers have put together a fancy party, complete with awards, for female bloggers in New York City in August. We are totally flattered to have been nominated in the Blog You’ve Learned the Most From category. It looks like there are about 75 websites in this category, so our odds of winning seem small, but we would be grateful if you voted for us anyway.

Beware, when you click over to the voting page, you may get lost in a sea of amazing links. More than anything, I am happy to be part of this little community of self-publishers.

In an attempt to convince you that RookieMoms.com IS possibly the blog you’ve learned the most from, here are a handful of extremely educational links.

1. How to make baby pants out of a tshirt
2. Babies. They CAN eat pickles.
3. What to register for; what to buy
4. When a toddler doesn’t nap: Create a naptime playlist or Treat yourself kindly
5. What to feed a picky toddler
6. How to make a puppet theater in two minutes or less
7. What to do if you forgot about Valentine’s Day
8. It is ok to swaddle an infant with a scarf.
9. Lots of women want a victory baby
10. Having fun and being on maternity leave do not necessarily go hand in hand. It’s on you to make it fun.

You see? We have so much to teach you.

Click the sexy button below to vote.

Having just returned from a 4-day trip to Chicago where I attended the BlogHer ’09 conference, an annual coming-together of women who blog, I want to sort my experiences into three categories: Things That Exceeded My Expectations, Things That Met my Expectations, and Things That Underwhelmed Me. Here goes:

Things That Exceeded My Expectations
- My Attitude. I expected more awkwardness from myself, and more moments of self-doubt when I introduced myself to people. Less ability to smile at strangers. Instead, I was friendly and generous with the hugs. Go me.
- The People. I was a virgin to consummating online friendships and I made an effort to attach faces (and bodies) to some of the names I know from blogging and tweeting. I have known Alma and Lisa via email and blogs for three years; meeting them in person was my most spectacular highlight. I am still smiling when I think about the time spent with each of them. And, I loved connecting with the chicks from Today’s Mama, Mayberry Mom, Amelia Sprout, BostonMamas’ Christine, Marie from Make and Takes, BabyCheapskate Angie, and mucho more. I certainly will gush more about these if you ask me in person.
- Awareness of our blog and book. I anticipated meeting fewer people who are familiar with Les Rookie Moms. Debbie from Mamanista was especially generous with sharing how our book inspired her, and Amy said that when people ask her “What do I DO on maternity leave?” she always says, “Read this book.” SO NICE!
- The method Party. I have been working part-time in the method office in San Francisco with their Brand Communication team. We imagined a small cocktail party at BlogHer that would allow some People Against Dirty to meet Rachel and Anna from method in a low-pressure drop-by suite setting. I was thrilled with the response and the party. Bloggers heart method. Did you know this?
- The Swag. There’s no question that seeding product with bloggers is likely to spread word of mouth for that product. We have big mouths and like to use them to influence others. The number of companies who jumped on the opportunity to get their products in our fast-typing little hands was astounding. And, specifically, the team behind the Social Luxe Party assembled a mind-blowing collection of goodies for us to take home. If you’re not jealous, you should be.
- The Sheraton. Very fast elevators, very comfortable bed linens, and a very generous water flow in the shower.
- Real conversations with real people. I tend to judge whether or not I can be friends with someone based on how much make-up and hair product they are wearing (Very little is the acceptable amount), so I was attracted to some cool chicks from Portland, Gina and Katherine. Danielle was the cutest pregnant person serving cheeseburgers. Tracey Clarke is like an old BlogHer friend at this point. I hung with Mike, sharing water and not dancing together at a party. Wild times. Susan Wagner shared her current work/life situation with us at a cocktail party and then later, at the airport debriefed on the whole conference. An unexpected pleasure at 7.30 am on a Sunday morning.

Things That Met My Expectations
- My packing job. I had enough clothes, shoes, and accessories to wear each day, and not too many that I felt silly for over packing. I will award myself a travel merit badge because I haven’t accomplished this delicate balance too many times.
- The conference keynotes. Great job with the jumbotrons, BlogHer, because we could really see the readers in the community keynote, which was a treat. The content was pretty good throughout. The community keynote featured inspiring writing, but frankly it went on too long. I think fifteen contributors would have been nice.
- Most of the panel sessions. I would like to see the bar raised higher for the both the panelists and moderators. Several were not as prepared or professional as I expect them to be. I’ll echo Susan’s request that the moderator works harder to control the content and not let the talkative audience derail the subject at hand. I also want to voice Lynn’s suggestion that greater emphasis on writing would be a good direction for BlogHer. Ironic, isn’t it, that there is a session on Search Engine Optimization, but not on What Makes a Good Blog Post? There is a session on Brands and Bloggers, but not on Good Blogger Etiquette: Appreciating Your Readers.
- The shapewear. I wore a Yummie Tummie tank top, as an experiment. It was given to me by the Clever Girls Collective in order to allow me to be a brand ambassador for Yummie Tummie. (See, aren’t they clever?) This non-binding undergarment gave me a gentle squeeze around my torso that would have made my profile appear a tad slimmer than it really is had I been wearing a more fitted top. The nice thing is that the squeezy part goes down pretty low, holding in the loose skin my 82 weeks of (total) pregnancy has gifted me, and the very bottom of this tank top is t-shirt material, so if I wanted it to look layer-y, I had that choice. (If you are intrigued, allow me to share a promo code.)

Things that Underwhelmed Me
- Tim Gunn’s advice. I had the chance to meet Tim Gunn, which I very much appreciate. He was sweet, just as he appears on TV. When I asked him for a tip for my blog about fashion for moms, specifically, “What should be part of every mom’s uniform?”, He he acknowledged that moms need comfort and the ability to be agile. “Ok, he gets it,” I thought, hoping he would turn this to a fashion-forward insight, like leggings under a tunic or dress or a sweat suit alternative that won’t embarass anyone. “Washable,” he said. “EVERYthing should be washable.” Um, frankly? That is uninspiring. Guess who sponsored his appearance? I’ll just stick with his Top Ten list as my point of reference.
- The Swag. The obsession with the swag was a little too much. By the end of day 2, I was done with hearing about it. I stood in the elevator with a group of young bloggers, arms full of swag, talking about swag. As I listened to their conversation, I was wishing it would stop. There was a vacationing family in the elevator with us. I was embarrassed by the swag-related conversation taking place in front of this lovely family. I asked the mother if she thought her daughter, about five years old, would like the pink boa I was wearing around my neck. She told me that her daughter would love it. I gave away the boa and exited the elevator, trying to remove that dirty, guilty feeling from my body and distance myself from the event.
- My ability to sleep in. Although the two-hour time difference and lack of childcare duties should have encouraged me to sleep until 10 AM Central Time Zone, I was awake at 6 AM two out of three days and 7.30 am one day. Do the math and ask yourself why I was unable to sleep past 5.30 AM on my body’s clock. I do not know, but clearly this was a missed opportunity to get some sleep that is not possible in my house.
- Ragu-sponsored lunch. What can I say? I am both a food snob and a packaged-goods brand snob, and Ragu is not in line with either of these unfair biases. May the hearts and bellies of those BlogHers with more democratic palates have been won over by the extra large servings of chicken parmesan prepared with Ragu. Next year, let it be Newman’s Own, please.

Fair or unfair, this is my review of BlogHer 09. And now for the pictures >

After an exciting travel day, we arrived at BlogHer in time for the wrap up of our first party. The word for today is “intense“. I couldn’t stop using it.

Even getting here was intense. All of Oakland Airport was calmly evacuated after we had gone through the security checkpoint. Alarm sirens and flashing lights directed weary travelers to exit and wait en masse across the street. After a few minutes, every last person had to go through security yet again. I assume it was a false fire alarm but we never did find out the cause.

The swag bags at the Social Luxe Lounge parties were intense. The bag itself is very cool and it was packed to the brim with a shoulder-straining load of goodies including a Kodak pocket video camera thingie and more makeup than I already own have ever owned! Dang girls, you set the bar pretty high!

The size of the event is intense. I don’t want to paint the picture that we’re some olde timey bloggers of yore, but the first time we came to this conference in 2006, I think there were about 400 people and we were shy then. Now it’s more than 1400 registered participants plus a gajillion more support staff, spouses, and “lobbycon” folks. Eep. Being a sleepover guest rather than a go-home-at-night guest makes this year feel like a bigger deal too.

The main conference begins tomorrow, but there were three pre-parties to get things rolling or one giant progressive party with different themes and sponsors. I mentioned Social Luxe (missed the manicures, but got part of my arm sugared — ouch!) and then we headed to the People’s Party (performance by Chris Mann, really odd goodie bag) before completing the night at the sex-toy-themed Room 704 after-party (missed the bag but enjoyed a cosmo in a wine glass).

Most shocking part of the night for me was not seeing the streaker at the party but meeting two women who recalled things I’ve recently written.

I hope I’m not the goober that keeps saying “intense” all weekend but maybe I am. And maybe I’ll say goober all weekend too. Sweet, there goes my social anxiety again…

I love me some Project Runway and I love the host, Tim Gunn. In fact, reflecting on this reminds me that I haven’t used his catch phrase, “Make it work!” nearly enough.

Although I am too lazy to select all of my outfits for a conference/vacation in advance, photograph them, upload them to the web, I do indeed want to be considered for the contest Tide is running. Writing this post about what I will be wearing at BlogHer ’09 will qualify me to win a private style consultation with Tim Gunn. I would be peeing-in-my-pants excited to get lucky on this one.

I have watched enough Tim Gunn to know that he is a big fan of The Dress. I have recently embraced The Dress myself as a wonderful wardrobe solution. I have finally accepted that dresses are not just for weddings and I can wear them to work or to the movies. You see? Me and Tim, we were meant to be.

So I plan to bring at least three dresses to BlogHer. They are all fine for day or night, as I have no plans to get super sexy at night. I mean, this is a giant slumber party, after all, not a sorority party.

I will not lie. One of my dresses is from Target. I wore it for the first time to a memorial service. Then it shrunk in the wash. Therefore, it is now a party dress, cause it’s pretty dang short. I wore it on a date with my husband and I think he really appreciated the shortness. I think it looks better on me than in this picture, but I could be fooling myself.

My other dress is this super casual plaid number, and it’s from Anthropologie. It’s actually a tunic, more than a dress; I wear it with leggings. I have good feelings about this dress because I was mistaken for being in my 20s when I wore it to a concert. Hells yeah.

And the latest addition to my dress collection was acquired this week from Macy’s. It’s a wrap dress that’s not totally “me” but I think it’s flattering and was stunned that an affordable wrap dress was properly designed to not reveal my entire chest. I have not had luck with this style in the past, but this one came in a petite xs, so apparently that makes the difference for a short girl. (Although I bought it this week, I cannot find a photo online!)

And finally, here’s a shot that Aimee took of me on day 2 of BlogHer last year. Apparently I went with a tshirt, hoodie, and floral skirt combo. Please don’t tell Tim Gunn. I’ll chalk it up to geek chic.

If you have never heard of this book, well, welcome to the blogosphere. You must be new here.

The multi-talented Rita Arens, who blogs at Surrender Dorothy, has edited an anthology of writings from other parent bloggers. And she did a damn good job.

After reading Sleep is for the Weak, I thought, You know, I don’t really want to bother reading mommyblogs anymore. All that clicking and scrolling is just too much work. I am just going to let Rita Arens collate the best writing she can find, wrap it up in a bow, and present it to me each year. Then, as I did with this first volume (the first of many in my fantasy world), I will snuggle up on the couch and read myself some most excellent essays.

The writing is so clean and clear, I devoured the book within two days. Each time I finished a piece, I wanted to go email the author and send her my reaction. It was so tempting, knowing that these are people who I either sort of know or could get to know, via their blogs. I wanted to thank them for taking the time to articulate their thoughts in such a way that I knew exactly what they meant.

I especially liked the work of Susan Wagner, Finslippy, 3-Kid Circus, and Fussy, writers that I don’t usually read, but whose words were so well-chosen, that I will now.

As I always say about my own book, for your new mom friends who are not going to become blogaholics, give them the gift of these essays, which originated on the web, but are definitely fit for print.
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Giveaway! Since Heather and I already purchased our own copies of this book, the review copy given to us by the Parent Bloggers Network will go to one commenter on this post, randomly chosen on September 5, 2008.

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COMMENTS ARE NOW CLOSED!

Dear friends,

We Rookie Moms try not to blog about blogging because we believe that our readers are more likely to be fellow mamas, not fellow bloggers, but since there are definitely a handful of savvy bloggers reading our site, I want to address an issue some of us may be facing this week. This ego boost is brought to you by my husband, by the way.

The marketers who pitch their products to us everyday, hoping for free advertising on our site, can be ignored or gently told, “no thank you.” Heather and I have a hard time ignoring, but when someone is pitching us something crazy off-topic, we do it, or if it’s just not quite on-topic enough, maybe we’ll send the “no thank you” message. If we’re feeling energetic and want to say, “Hey, company with a marketing budget, please tell me why I should give you something valuable for nothing?” then we might go ahead and craft a really smart email to send them. (Like, if you think we reach your target audience, why not pony up a whopping $35 to advertise to them?) But it’s not an obligation. Deleting their message is just as easy.

Now as BlogHer is approaching, some marketers are contacting us and saying they’d like to meet. They’d like to have coffee and learn more about what Mom Bloggers want from marketers. It’s flattering, sure. But is it okay?

Now here is my main point – a realization I came to only after my husband recently asked me some probing questions about why a corporation should be able to take up my time while I pay $15/hr for childcare.

We are not obligated to deliver our consulting services to corporations for FREE! Especially those of us who make our livings doing marketing strategy and/or execution. Why should we give our services away gratis? We are worth more than that.

I am personally excited to go to BlogHer, to meet a lot of cool people face to face, to thank them for nice reviews they’ve written about my book, to tell them that it’s been cool to participate in their projects, that I appreciate their thoughtful writing. I know there won’t be enough time in the weekend to squeeze in all the talking and listening and card-exchanging and jumping up and down hugging that I’m looking forward to. Should I give an hour to a for-profit company who wants to craft a smarter marketing strategy? No. I’d rather give that hour to myself. Maybe I’ll find a quiet corner, rest my feet, call my house, take notes on my thoughts, or just stare into space. Maybe I’ll find some other bloggers with whom to exchange entrepreneurial ideas. Maybe I’ll sit down with my bloggy partner and discuss usability or leg-shaving techniques.

I just want to remind all of us that our time is valuable. Just like the real estate on your web site. It’s not fair for other people to make money off of it without giving us something in return.

So, note to publicist and marketers who are reading this. We are no dummies. We are available not for whoring, but for hire.

And note to others who I’ll be seeing at BlogHer, who contribute to the community, who are slaves to their labors of love, or slaves to their children, or slaves to comfortable shoes for that matter, (or who would like me to stop using the very upsetting word “slave” because it carries so much baggage and what do I know about it) I am so looking forward to hanging out and learning more from you.

Signing off…

Photo by betsythedevine.

We made these shirts on Zazzle and wore them at Blogher. We were like make-up free booth babes without a booth.

The panelists are:

• Sarah Gilbert and Asha Dornfest of UrbanMamas.com
• Sheena (age 15) and Iris (Age 16) of SmashCast.org.
  This is a summer honors program for math and science for high school students. More info on the program at: lpfi.org/education/smash.shtml
• Mandy Moore from knitting blog yarnageddon

Q: How to maintain content standards across multiple contributors?
Sarah: it’s a challenge. We started with five women who are close friends, and already had a common passion and interest. Wanted to provide more resources for local moms. Nothing was meeting the needs without being really commercial. We wanted to come at it from a content standard. We had a common goal. We’ve added bloggers since then, and we try to find people who share the vision.

Asha: I found them and was enthusiastic and emailed them. When I post there, I internalize the voice that was already there and use that voice accordingly. I try to respect what they started as founders.

Q: How do you manage releasing multiple posts a day – a few hours apart? How do you give time to each post to be commented on?

Sarah: Urbanmamas does not do a schedule. We blog whenever we have time. We do have multiple posts going up around the same time. We try to encourage commenting on each others posts, but we don’t have a policy on it. We are friends and we want to talk about these things. Some of the other blogs I participate in do have a schedule, for example, every hour during the weekdays. It’s hard to incent someone to comment. We’ve never had rules on “you have to comment”. You get comments if you spur discussion, and that’s motivation for you.

Q: How do you get your posters to reliably post? How do you keep them encouraged?
Sarah: A question for the ages! I’ve tried different things. Letting them go, sending them an email, sometimes encouragement is all it takes. I don’t have quotas on any of the blogs. I do have expectations. No one is doing this out of a contract or responsibility for UrbanMamas. We feel responsible to our readers, and giving them content has given us great benefits.
Asha: I have been an MIA poster. I think it helps for there to be a committed core of posters, and then a sattelite group that injects a fresh voice.

Q: I’ve got the reverse, with an overenthusiastic poster, who is making it look like its her blog.
Sarah: I focus on encouraging the lesser posting people to post. But another idea is to come up with a quota for maximum as well as minimum.

Q: What if the content is not quality? Do you edit?
Sarah: On UrbanMamas, we are struggling with a poster who seems to be out to promote their own business more than the site itself. The more that people post on one theme, the fringe posters will get the idea of what the theme is. We might say go post that on your own site because it’s clear that your trying to build that community.

Q: For the high school girls, how do you work together given that one of you lives in CA and one in KY
A: We are in a summer program in the Bay Area. We all share the same interests in science, math and technology. We started this blog based on podcast. They get together twice a month and make podcasts about their interests, and I moved recently, but we would do phone conferences and web cam and students from our program would get us all connected.

Q: What are the communities and how do you define them? Who are your audiences and how do they find you?
A: Our audiences are teens like us because we create podcasts and put it on our web site, and whoever wants to hear can listen.
Q: Do you ever hear back from the audience?
A: Our podcasts are by 2, 3, or 4 people. We organize our ideas, pick a topic and talk about it. People our age reach for it and we get to share what we know. We want to tell them they can do the same thing we do.
A: The knit blogging community… There are a lot of group projects that happen, so it’s like a group blog, but spread over thousands of blogs. Charity initiatives. People donate money or knit stuff to donate somewhere or to send somewhere. One of them has raised over $117,000 for Doctors without Borders. There are also knit-alongs where people all work on the same pattern at the same time.

Q: is the knit blogging community international?
A: yes, totally international.

Sheena: To add to that, when we created our podcast, a group from Agua Calientes, Mexico responded to us with another podcast.

Sarah: A commonality of these communities is that they are inclusive and supportive. There’s not flame wars. There’s something special about the organic nature of these groups that keeps people from getting into these judgemental situations.

Asha: Although parenting can be controverisal, for Urban Mamas because it’s local, people are accountable because we’re going to come across each other on the playground or at the pool.
Mandy: In Knitting, there can be bitchiness.
Sarah: I think in knitting, there’s accountability because people are artists. With a knit-along, there is accountablility because you want to make your friends proud. That keeps everyone supporting each other.

Q: Do you think that accountability is if you don’t do the right thing then you won’t have any comments?
Mandy: I don’t think so. A lot of bloggers that are popular are quite opinionated. In the sex blogging panel, it came up that if you censor yourself too much then you won’t sound sincere and people won’t come back. You’ll find people who want to hear what you have to say.

Iris: Our audience never says we don’t like what you’re saying or doing. We do have controversy within the group to agree on our topic. I thought I wasn’t getting into this top school because of my last name because I had the grades and everything. This guy just kept saying maybe they don’t have space. We had a controversy. Let’s hear the podcast.

Q: For knitting, is the controversy around crochet vs knitting?
Mandy: Yes, crochet can be a bad word for knitters, but I do both. Anyway that people can find to make cultural divides, they do.

Sarah: On UrbanMamas, we have cultural divides with East versus West

Q: Can you give suggestions on the best way to find people to blog on the site? Approach people who are already blogging?
Sarah: I find that it’s a good idea to approach those who are already blogging. You have to evaluate how busy they already are. If they are a popular blogger, they can be an asset to your traffic, but if they are too busy, it won’t work. Don’t start with top names. They might come to you later when

Asha: On ParentHacks, I am the only poster, but much of my content comes from people sending me content. The first place I would look is the commenters on my web site. We already have a relationship and I feel like those people already respect the culture of my blog.

How many bloggers do you think is good for a core group?

There are five in Portland Urban mamas, which I think is a really good number.

Michelle from MomSquak, for new and expecting mothers. We have 5 core bloggers. We are struggling with a diversity, a conservative homeschooler, a breastfeeding babywearing advocate. Those two have conflicts and I can’t help but wonder if that’s going to turn off readers. How do we celebrate diversity without conflict?

Sarah: On Blogging Baby, we ask people to get into it in the comments. Do you want to broadcast to the world that you like to fight? Or just that you can express your opinion?

Asha: If you are setting up a group blog, you want to start with your core bloggers to agree upon a mission statement. Set up an email back channel.

Jillian from Redbook Magazine oversees group blogs. We allow the participants to take their shots, but we are struggling with how to coach the commenters on how to talk to each other.

Asha: I’m a fan of written policies. Put out there to people what your expectations about what their discourse on your site will be. As a leader of a site, you have a responsibility to take it back to a respectful place. People won’t feel safe getting involved if you don’t protect it.

Whitney from RookieMoms: On my site, I work with one other person. This helps relieve some of the pressure to produce new content. Some of the challenges are maintaining a consistent editorial voice. Our solution has been to come up with a checklist of qualities that each post must have.

Iris: How can blogging help under resourced communities?

Mandy: Do you have a blog?

Iris: Yes, I have MySpace, but their interests are not the same. They talk about music or movies, but not a real connection like you get if you have your own blog.

Audience: When I was looking for a knitting group, I searched on Yahoo! groups, and you can also look at Meet Up to find people with interests like you have with Math, Science, Technology.

Smash program mentor: The challenge for Iris is that Teen Geeks of Color are not a group with a strong identity that has been claimed. We look, but we’re not going to find anything by searching. We have found a few groups but they are in other countries.

Sarah: Start it yourself and people will come. They will find you. Start it on Google or MySpace.

Women Matter: We have such a wide diversity of issues, that it doesn’t reflect one niche.

Asha: Maybe find a lead blogger for each topic. There’s a wonderful book about designing for communities by Derek Powazek.

Jill: When we started Silicon Valley Moms Blog, we thought we would find tons of people to join and contribute. We now have over 40 writers, but starting out, when we searched, we didn’t find anything. I suggest that for the teens, they start by looking for a couple of like-minded people and start there, it will grow.

I have a daughter who’s thirteen, and I have a passion for girls becoming geeks. I admire what you’re doing, because I would like to see the bar raised for girls, for the Internet to be more than just My Space to them.

Terry: I’ve been doing a team blog for 10 months. I have made some mistakes, but also some good things. When you are the blog administrator, what’s the best way to part ways with one of your contributors?

Sarah: Keep it short. Say I think we are going in different directions.

Jill: Set up really strict guidelines on how you expect posts to be constructed.

Q: Do you think a real-life proximity is important so that you can resolve conflicts with the group?
Sarah: Email can actually be great for conflict resolution because you think before you send an email.
Sheena: For Smashbox, our dedication came through in arranging physical meetings.