There are many choices of bras with little hooking flaps. How does a rookie mom decide? Allow me to help. With my 30+ months of breastfeeding experience and access to a dozen different kinds of bras, I have a few strong opinions for you.

At a bare minimum, you need three nursing bras. One to sleep in, one for daytime, and one that can do either in a pinch. Here are my personal guidelines on your nursing bra wardrobe:

1. The sleeping bra. The main job is to keep your breast pads in place. I like the Bravado basic thingie (top) and this bamboo one from bellabumbum (lower). The Bravado has more support but the bellabumbum is barely there and was perfect for the hospital.
   
2. The daytime bra. I like this one from Anita but wish that I didn’t buy white because it feels so culinary-school issue. It is comfortable and supportive. There’s also the DIY option nursing bra made from your favorite regular bra.
   
3. The specialty bra. Do you need a nursing bra for jogging or swimming? Maybe so. I got a Moving Comfort Fiona sports bra with velcro straps for use during and after my exercise class. Let’s just say that a regular sports bra is very inconvenient for breastfeeding. Picture it.
   
4. The sexy one. Whether you want to feel extra pretty during the day or on a date or if you still need to keep pads in place during business time, a sexy bra is a worthwhile purchase. I love this one from Cake. Also, our friend the mominatrix shared her favorites here.
5. The nursing tank. Ladies, I’m up in the air about tanks and shirts with such a singular focus to the extent that I wrote a nursing top smackdown about just them. In this context, let’s call them optional and move on.

Other hard-earned tips I have for you:

• Buy a soft-banded sleep bra before the baby comes around week 37 or so. But wait until about 4-5 weeks afterward to purchase the others. Get fit by a professional if possible. Here is a handy buying guide from consumerreports.org.
• Buying a bra online is tricky but possible. Many of the better websites will help you through the process and accept returns.
• White is boring and depressing. Nude is also boring and depressing but will show less under white tops. I prefer black and fun colors.
• Make sure to jump in your sports bra before purchase. After your six week appointment, of course.
• And, anything that can’t be opened and closed with just one hand is bullshit. Try the one-hand closure with each hand.

I’d love to hear what you think, either here or in our Facebook discussion.

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Disclosure: I received some Bravado bras as a gift but bought the rest. All opinions are mine. All pictured boobs are not mine.

While I understand the family pride that some might feel when they refer to themselves as “The Lees” or “The Browns”, I have not been persuaded that changing one’s last name to match her husband’s is important. I did not change mine, and my children have my husband’s last name. (My son has my last name as his middle.)

When I was dating my husband, I never fantasized that his last name would one day become mine. I don’t think that he did either, because he never suggested I start calling myself something else. About half my friends maintained the surnames they were born with after marriage. The tradition of name-changing is simply not one I was interested in continuing, and fortunately, there is no rule that says one has to.

I hear people say that they wanted the same last name as their children so that when they’re in school, there is no problem. Now that I have a first grader, I can say with authority that there is no such issue.

There is always a space on the form for the first and last names of everyone in our family. When I make appointments for my children, I use their names for them, just as I would if mine happened to be the same. When we buy airline tickets, we are seated together because the order is on the same credit card. I have never been asked to prove my relationship to my children in any out-of-the-ordinary manner due to my last name.

So while I have sacrificed the opportunity to purchase a return address label with our family monogram on it, there have been no moments during parenthood where I felt my choice was a bad one.

Do your children have your last name? If not, is it a problem?

Christine Koh is the founder and editor of Boston Mamas and a great friend. I asked her to share her experiences coordinating (umm, I mean “being the guest of honor at”) a second-hand baby shower. Voila:

After wading through what seemed to be the waters of secondary infertility for several years, my second pregnancy came as quite the surprise. And of course I learned I was pregnant not long after finally coming to terms with being a three-person family and donating most of my baby stuff.

When my girlfriend Heidi offered to throw me a shower, I asked whether she would be willing to coordinate a secondhand baby shower since I already had mom friends asking me to take baby gear of their hands, and because it seemed like the perfect idea for this eco-obsessed mama.

Here’s how Heidi and I made it happen:

1. Get jiggy with Excel. Since it had been so long since I was in the baby zone (my older daughter Laurel was almost 6 years old when I found out I was pregnant with Violet), I looked at one of those giant (absurd) “must have” baby gear/items registry lists and culled the essentials. I created a spreadsheet listing the essentials and noted what I already had.

2. Provide needs and guest list (including email addresses) to hostess. I sent Heidi my lists and she crafted an evite and shared my needs list and asked guests to tag in for specific hand me downs. If people did not have hand me downs or want to bring them, she welcomed them to simply come and hang out, or bring gift cards or diapers.

3. Mingle and be merry! I think showers are all about the people — refreshments can be as simple or fancy as people desire. Heidi ended up having brunch catered and it was super elegant and delicious (you can see additional pictures from the shower here). She was also kind enough to check in advance as to whether I was experiencing any food aversions. She’s thoughtful like that.

4. Open gifts and freak out appropriately. I’m sort of kidding about this but sort of not. We did the traditional gift opening and there was plenty of freaking out over cute little baby things.

5. Get help getting things home. This is something that ended up working out fine for me on the fly but I recommend planning in advance. I received a lot of large, bulky items that would not fit in our little car and Heidi lives about half an hour away from me (so, multiple trips back and forth would be a bit time consuming). We ended up having several friends offer to load up their cars and drop by my house, which worked easily since many of the guests live in close proximity to me. If your attendees are more spread out and the shower is not at your home, it would be a good idea to check in with nearby friends to help get gifts back to your home.

And that’s it! The most challenging planning involves going through your list and having the hostess keep on top of emails to avoid duplicate hand me downs. And I found that the cool thing about a secondhand shower is that it not only helps friends who want to clean out their basements of baby gear, but also can result in the passing down of some items that would be cost prohibitive to gift brand new.

I was truly overwhelmed by the generosity – among the secondhand items I received were a car seat/stroller system, crib mattress, jogging stroller, high chair, and giant crates full of baby clothes and toys (literally, 4 of them). There also were new baby clothes and toys and spa gift certificates. I was so touched, and above all, it was so utterly lovely to celebrate Violet’s impending arrival with such a fantastic gathering of mom friends.

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In addition to everything else mentioned above, Christine is also the designer behind Posh Peacock and writes a personal blog at Pop Discourse. She tweets about it all at @bostonmamas. Thank you big time, Christine!

When Whitney and I “coordinated” a secondhand shower, it went a little differently since none of my pals seemed to want to give used presents. See our lovely eco-geeky baby shower story and pictures.

Most breastfeeders agree that a nursing pillow is a must-have in the first months of motherhood. Whether your loyalties lie with My Breast Friend or the Boppy, you may find that you need to wash the slip cover eventually. Having an extra Boppy cover is not a bad idea. Crafty mamas — or crafty grandmas — might enjoy making their own.

Here are some helpful tutorials for making your own Boppy and/or cover.

Make Baby Stuff shows how to make a basic U-shaped pillow.

Hannah is a Palindrome used the pattern from Lotta Jansdotter’s Simple Sewing for Baby book

This pattern was also used by Dee Wilcox to make the pillow she shared on her blog.

And Huckleberry Prairie made one that looks like a donut. (Not removable, but cute idea.)

A couple years ago, before this new little baby was a twinkle in my eye, I reached out to Erin Chase from 5 Dollar Dinners to ask her for her EASIEST tips for new moms trying to get dinner on the table.

She went one better. Rather than a few handy tips, she shared with us her strategy for avoiding cooking during the witching hour altogether.

At the time I reached out to her, she and I both had two little guys, age two and four. Soon after, she added a third baby boy to her family (congratulations!) along with all the challenges of feeding her family healthfully, cheaply, and with an infant (and toddler and preschooler) hanging off her at all times!

Luckily, she stocked her freezer before baby Tyler arrived and we can learn from her planning. She worked with (and highly recommends) Tricia from Once a Month Mom to plan, make, and stockpile all the foods she’d need for feeding her boys.

I don’t know how large her freezer is, but can I just say Wow?! In addition to baked goods, snacks, side dishes, breakfasts, homemade jams (!), she also cooked up 13 main dishes (some of them doubled up!) like Chicken Parmigiana, Taco Soup, and Zesty Slow Cooker BBQ.

We wish her an easy recovery and hope that her hard work means she can rest a little more this week.

Read her entire freezer stock up list.
Learn the way of the Once a Month Mom.

Another trick for filling the freezer, rookie mom style, is to freeze little cookie dough balls and then eat them one at a time as needed.

Some friends and I hosted a very casual 3rd baby shower for Heather last weekend.

The theme was eco-geeky which was meant to encourage guests to bring gifts of their gently used gear, but apparently no one really felt comfortable with that but me.  Here are some photos with my tips sprinkled in.

My current formula for a party includes making little printed details. I learned it from crafty bloggers on the Internetz.

Of course, it’s not a party without a little:

And a banner.

This was a co-ed family-friendly shower, and five of the guests were children. To keep them busy, I offered up this marble track, an awesome toy for big boys like our rookie babies who are now going into first grade. Eventually they escaped to the playroom and did god-knows-what for the duration of the party.

Just like at Heather’s first baby shower, I forced a crafty activity upon her friends. I hung a clothesline’s worth of blank onesies outside and provided stencils and fabric paint.

I have learned not to force people to be creative. They like the safety of the stencils, and the results are usually better as well. (More about decorating onesies here, like exactly what to do.) Overachievers can use hole punches and scissors to create their own stencils from freezer paper.

There were gifts.

Heather’s current youngest helps out. Where ever did he get that hair? Hmm?

Hecka cute (organic!) outfit from little seed.

Last but not least, we offered a DIY burrito bar, plus cupcakes. I ordered the burrito fixings from a local taqueria and made fruit salad and crudite for side dishes. Easy as third-time childbirth pie.

Thanks for stopping by!

We’ve got a new column over at giggle GAB and are excited to share. Our giggle gig is called Parent Talk and it’s stuffed with tips and lessons learned for expectant new moms.

As I spent time on the giggle site during the process of getting to know the brand, I began coveting certain products, most of which weren’t around when I had my first two babies. I can’t help it. Although I dread lunchpacking on a daily basis, baby feeding gear lures me in with it’s promise of making food prep more fun. Am I right?

1. Bib clip. We use cloth napkins in my house, and this would allow me to use one for the baby, too. I’ll just clip it around his neck.
   
2. Owl lunch bag from Skip Hop. Insulated, adorable, practical, and a good deal. Whitney’s daughter carries this to preschool everyday.
   
3. Mash & serve bowl. The easy answer to making quick baby food mashes at home or a restaurant. Bash, smash, done. I bet my older boys will like to help with this job.
   
4. thinkbaby food storage system. BPA- and bad-stuff-free with bright orange bento styling.
   
5. Big splurge: BabyBjorn high chair is clean, safe, and collapses down to save space.

Do you have any of those things? Which ones are worth the money? (Oh, and giggle now has daily deals, too.)

This month, Whitney and I have three posts over on giggle GAB. Check them out:

On Rookie Motherhood (and what you won’t get at your baby shower!) A few observations about what’s cute vs. what’s practical. Yes, I get a little graphic here. But, how else will you know what these weird things are for?

Helping Hands: how to get the help you need (and want) in the early days. From her earliest memories of juggling well-meaning offers of help, Whitney shares what worked and what totally didn’t.

5 tips to survive the night shift. Yep, newborns are not like the rest of us. We have tips to optimize your late-night hours.

note: this post is part of relationship with giggle who pays us for our work on giggle GAB.

Oooh, look at my maternity dress (on the right)

I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty and itchy and twitchy. Yes, I’m pregnant, and it is not so easy to feel pretty these days. I waddle, I whine, and my midriff is too long for most shirts. Yoga pants = good. Leggings = good. Tight stuff = bad. This dress from 2Chix = amazing.

Because it’s so much fancier than my every day, I’ve been saving it for dates and special occasions so far; it is so comfortable that I plan to wear it every day of August following (and maybe including) the BlogHer conference. The color is gorgeous. The style with cap sleeves is totally practical.

Anyway, I love it! Friends have asked me if it will also work as a post-partum dress. We’ll have to wait and see since I don’t know how nursing-friendly it is.

Same dress as worn by a model

Huge thank you to 2Chix for sending me such a lovely treat! I am so grateful to Brooke at 2chix.com for choosing and sending this dress just for me. At about $100, this dress is a splurge, but if you live in an appropriate climate, I highly recommend it.

Taking the baby in the pool is both scary and funny.

A kid’s gotta stick his toe into the water at some point, right?

Baby Anneliese is having a blast with Erin

Buy a package of disposable swim diapers or a reusable one, and plan your outing. This is our 27th rookie mom challenge.

If you are alone, think carefully through the logistics of how you are going to change your clothes, change baby, get in the pool, get out of the pool, get on dry stuff and get back in the car. You are not as smart as you used to be and you will probably mess up part of this process and end up walking out to your car in just a bra and towel holding your baby in one arm and a diaper between your teeth. Let me just help you out: Take your stroller with you into the dressing room. That way you have someplace to put the baby, towels, wet bathing suits and diaper bag while you get dry yourself.

This is also a fun activity with a very pregnant friend.

Do you plan to take your baby into the pool this summer? Have you done it already?

Heather looked so cute in her bold colors and pattern mash-up today, I forced her to pose for some photos.

This is what 26 weeks looks like.

Miss Heather says her current cravings are brownies, watermelon, and fresh pickles. Also? Going to bed early.

Side effects include heartburn and excessive weepiness.

The shirt is from Motherhood Maternity, the skirt is non-maternity from American Apparel, and the scarf is from Tea Collection and was a gift from them. (Did you know they have a Women’s collection?!)

P.S. The t-shirt material skirt is only $15 on Amazon right now and is good postpartum wear. I’ve got one, too.

When I was a kid, Whitney was not amongst the names represented on any rack of pre-personalized kid gear. I was being raised right alongside my cousin Xan (yes, that is her full name), and as you can imagine, she also couldn’t find her name when we went to pick out souvenirs from the gift shop at the Grand Canyon or at Venice Beach. The advent of iron-on shirts with lettering, available at the mall, was revolutionary for us. We felt validated.

I still see name-emblazoned knickknacks at toy stores and postcard stands, and my own kids names, Julian and Scarlett are sometimes there, sometimes not. But does this matter anymore? With the birth of home printers and DIY kits, seeing one’s name in print is not nearly as unusual as it once was.

Here are some things that recently made me think this issue is on it’s way out.

1) This bedroom door sign from Melissa and Doug. I bought it for a friend of Julian’s named Xoxa. (I was so excited that the alphabet stickers that came with the sign had two X’s, I thought Xoxa probably doesn’t get the chance to spell her name with a standard set of stickers very often.)

2) Everything on PaperCoterie.com, Land of Nod, and LL Bean among other custom print vendors and monogrammers. From growth charts and wall hangings to backpacks and towels, you can order your child’s name on everything you buy. Named your kid Scarlet instead of Scarlett? No problem. You’re the boss. I’ll take two Ts, though.

3. My own printer. Make your own name labels to stick on everything or order from a place like Mabel’s Labels. With a sticker sheet full of your kid’s name, every lunchbox and water bottle becomes personalized.

Cry no more, Declan. Your cup has your name on it.

Do y’all agree? If your kid isn’t represented in every gift shop across America, that’s ok, right? Were you influenced by a concern that your child’s name wouldn’t be found on a keychain?

Tomorrow I’ll be having some tests to determine our baby-to-be’s gender. I don’t know how soon we’ll get the results, but probably sometime in April. I’ve tried to avoid daydreaming about names until we know for sure. But, Whitney can attest to the fact that I’ve been earmarking “my third son’s name” for years now.

For my rookie baby, we didn’t find out. We kept gender — and all manner of realities about newborns — a total shock and surprise until his birth. We named that kid Holden. When I look back at the list I made of boy and girl names, there’s not a lot I can use from it.

We found out our second baby’s gender because I figured, if you’re going to stick a needle in my belly, you might as well tell me. Our second son didn’t get any of those original names because they were all too matchy-match with Holden (Holden and Nolan? Nah. Holden and Colin? Nuh uh.). We named our second boy Milo.

But those girls names? I guess they’re still on the short list. Sadie was our chief girls’ name contender.

What about you? Do you have a list of Other Gender names on stand-by? Any I can borrow?

[photos from flickr, blue ribbon by meaganjane and pink ribbon by linasmith]