The best advice Ryan and I got during our first days with Julian came from a source that I can no longer remember, perhaps the pediatrician who made rounds in the hospital. It was this:
Babies need to go from 0 to 10 on a daily basis. A sleeping baby is at 0 and may spend most of his day that way. At 10, loud and incessant crying, your baby is also doing his job. At 0, 1, and 2, you probably feel like a pretty good parent, while at 8, 9, and 10 you assume you are doing everything wrong, your baby is in terrible pain, and wish that someone, perhaps the real mother of this baby, would come show you what the problem is.
Remember this scale, rookie moms. Your own baby’s crying is surprisingly difficult to endure. And it’s not because you’ve been reinvented as the most empathetic person on the planet or because you are so completely bonded with your baby. It’s because the sound is blood-curdlingly horrific and you know that no one else is responsible. Whatever the problem is, it’s yours to solve.
There might not be a problem is the point, however. It might just be your baby’s daily visit to the number 10. Rock her, change her, shush her, swing her, feed her. Even put her down in her crib and leave the room. Hey, for some kids, that works!
Remember this tip, pregnant readers, so that when your baby is at 5, 6, or 7, you can maintain a little perspective and save some energy for the rating of 10 that typically arrives around 4 or 5 pm.
Toddler and preschooler moms, are you still reading? Here’s my advanced patented theory of parenting: Your walking, talking child also needs to go from 0 to 10 on a daily basis. That’s why he’s hyperventilating over a light switch that you flipped on when he wanted to DO IT BY MAH SELF! He’s just exercising his ability to get to 10.
Maintaining perspective for the preschool set: When your kid is bouncing off the walls with glee, rolling around in the laundry you just folded, and hurling plastic tractors down a slide toward other kids, at least it is a happy 10. Isn’t it more pleasant than a tantrum about getting in the car seat that forced you to brace your knee against your child’s torso while you buckled him in? What? I do this to my daughter on a regular basis.
Find some positive ways to help your child get to 10 every day, to run around like a maniac; to jump on a pile of pillows, stuffed animals, and scarves; to throw rocks into water; and to scream “HOORAY!” and “POOP IS FUNNY!” loud enough for the neighbors to hear. Then hope that you’ve bought yourself another day.
Does your child reach 10 every day? What tip have you passed on the most to new parents?
I have a second grader, and we’re still hitting 10 each day around 5:00 p.m. This is a good way to think of it. I wish I’d had this information 7 years ago!
Thank You! I have a 2.25 year old and a 2.25 month old and this is exactly what I needed to hear.
That is great advice. My kiddo was a really easy-going baby and now that we’ve rounded the one-year mark he is turning into quite the strong-willed toddler. I am definitely going to have to find ways to make getting to “10″ a positive experience for both of us.
My preschooler is at a 10 several times a day! ha. She is usually in need of a nap after hitting 10 more than 2-3 times:-)
I’m not even a parent, and I found this perspective incredibly helpful and interesting. Great post!
This is fantastic advice. When my first son, who is 4 now, hits his 10, it’s manageable, but with my 2nd it’s a different story. He’s almost two and totally independent; wants to do everything himself and can hit 11 (is that possible) if we don’t let him do things himself. This post is a great prompt to remember to find positive ways to get him to 10.
Great advice, and lovingly written post, Whitney. A great reminder for all of us. Thanks for the boost.
10 is when I am thankful that I live in a two story house! And that I have wine.
My advice to new parents is to sleep where you sleep best. Whether that’s with your baby tucked in beside you, in a cradle in the same room, in a crib in another room doesn’t matter and don’t let anyone make you feel bad about your sleeping arrangements.
hear hear! good post, it’s the same tip my mom gave me when our first was born nearly 2 years ago. and how true! my advice usually goes to recently office-bound moms, now home-bound, and it’s to carve time for yourSELF. with or without baby. it’s scarily easy to forget to do early on. …and I remembered later in the game.
I am a mother of three grown kids, and a grandmother of five babies and toddlers. And this is great advice. In my generation we called 4 to 5 pm the Arsenic Hour! Perhaps that is why so many of us went to crock pot meals so we could take the little ones outside during this hour.
“…tantrum about getting in the car seat that forced you to brace your knee against your child’s torso while you buckled him in? What? I do this to my daughter on a regular basis.”
I went through this for the first time a couple days ago with my just-turned-two daughter and the whole thing left me rattled! Good to know that I’m not alone
)
Thanks for a great post. It is so easy to fall under the impression that you are the only one with a child that regularly reaches a 10!
This is hands-down the best way that I have ever heard to explain the wild fluctuations in my sons’ behaviour – EVER.
0 to 10. Simple, so it must be true.
Traveling was a challenge because my boys had to reach 10 in the line to clear customs. I wish I’d read this first.
My youngest RARELY got to 10. When he got even the tiniest bit cranky I’d just pop my boob in his mouth. Worked every time.
[...] next day, up popped this blogpost on my Google reader. A kindly doctor told one of the Rookie Moms that every baby needs to go from [...]
[...] I also like this advice. Remember: sometimes kids just need to cry. [...]
[...] this under “Info I Wish I Had YEARS Ago”. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again, Rookie Moms [...]
Thank you thank you thank you for posting this! Every evening around 5-6pm my 2 year old starts running in circles around the dining room table and squealing at the top of her lungs (thankfully always with a smile on her face). I always thought that there must be something that I was doing wrong to make her do this. Now I can see that most likely it’s just her reaching 10 in her own little spunky way!
Wow, what a great way to look at it! I wish I’d had this insight when my little one (now 6) was born, because her crying made me CRAAAAZZZY! Even now I don’t love it when she’s getting her ya-yas out, but there is something about looking at it as something she needs every day that really does make it a whole lot easier. Normalizing childhood, I guess.
Thanks!
[...] Brace yourself. The Zero to Ten Scale. Sometimes I really need to read that a baby has to cry and a toddler has to scream. Every. Single. Day. This post is an excellent stupendous reminder that I’m not doing anything wrong if my children have to get their ya-yas out. Still. [Related: write down your best advice before you forget it. Email it to yourself.] [...]
Awesome. Wish I had you ladies around when I had newborns!
Wow, that is great advice. I’ll be sure to pass it along.
A great reminder of our need to tolerate our babies/children sometimes strong energy and emotions. Thanks!