Comments on: 3 parenting tips that have completely failed me

By: Rachel

Rachel — Mon, 25 Feb 2013 19:35:10 +0000

Ha, just realized I’m two years late to this conversation, but oh well!

By: Rachel

Rachel — Mon, 25 Feb 2013 19:28:43 +0000

Great post and all of these are spot on in my experience. My mantra these days is that every family should do what feels most natural to them and if something doesn’t work, do something different rather than continuing with the insanity.
To add my anecdote on top of the ones you have mentioned, I am tired of hearing everyone’s unsolicited advice about my child’s fear of dogs. They seem to often think that reasoning with her with words like, “Oh, this is a (friendly, small, quiet, gentle, kid-loving) dog (cat)” will do just the trick to solve the whole complex problem. Or that I should somehow calmly ignore my screaming, trembling child as she climbs me like a tree so I don’t “validate” her fear. Arrrgh! Thank you for providing me a venting venue.

By: Heather Flett

Heather Flett — Mon, 25 Feb 2013 17:49:44 +0000

I suspect we have more empathy with picky eaters if we are or were picky eaters ourselves. The apple not falling far from the tree, etc. My husband cannot fathom some of my son’s preferences but I remember wanting only peanut butter no jelly for years so I understand.

By: Heather Flett

Heather Flett — Mon, 25 Feb 2013 17:48:24 +0000

Game on, indeed!

By: Brandy

Brandy — Mon, 25 Feb 2013 17:44:23 +0000

Food struggles are power struggles. Getting them excited about a food doesn’t mean a thing. They want to win the battle. we, as parents, decide if the battle is worth it to us. I live by the eat it or go hungry. Harsh to some but whatever. Works for us…he is really a good eater for the most part. Puts the control back in my court. Game on, kid.

By: Erin Judd

Erin Judd — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 02:43:39 +0000

OMG THANK YOU!! My 6 month old will NOT sleep through the night for the life of me. AND when I do get advice, asked for or not, the think I hate it the most when overly opinionated people throw reasons for or against cry-it out in my face. I didn’t ask to be rail-roaded with your judgement of how I try to get my child to sleep. All I’m doing is looking for some sympathy that my child wakes up 4 times a night to nurse still. I know they’re mostly well meaning people but really, do you need to shove an article in my face that tells me that if I let my child cry they will feel abandoned or if I don’t let them cry, they will never be independent. Trust me, if one of these methods worked, I’d be doing it. AND I TOTALLY AGREE, I would rather get up and nurse then be awake for an hour trying to get him to sleep! THANK YOU!!!!

By: rahilya

rahilya — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 23:05:21 +0000

Hi
Thanks for your post. I really totally agree that well meaning, logical advice does not work for all kids.
My dd refused all sleep trainings. I tried the baby whisper method, the cry it out a lot method, the cry it out then you pick her up, comfort her without nursing, then put her back on her crib and she’s supposed to stay sleeping method, the rock your baby till she’s almost asleep then put her to bed still slightly awake and she should drift off, the nurse her till she’s sleeping then put her down while slightly awake (eyes closing more than opening, lethargic, unmoving limbs) and she should stay sleeping method… etc etc… i gave up and just prayed that she will learn to sleep and you know what, she got the hang of sleeping when she was ready, and NOT ONE MINUTE BEFORE! lol.
what did work? co-sleeping, leaving the breast out for her to drink from while i slept (and no, i never rolled or crushed or somehow hurt her thank God). when she was around one year. dd breastfed till she was more than 2 and honestly, once i stopped following the “logical” advice and noting the “proper” steps she was supposed to follow and just rolled with what she could handle and did the program that worked with her and caused the least stress and i became a much happier momma and she a much happier baby.
today she’s a little girl of 4, sleeping 12+ a night, smart, happy, and enjoying what 4 year olds enjoy.
so in my opinion, its always a GREAT idea to try new strategies but to not feel bound or stressed by them. instead, know that each child IS different and each child will put you through a different wringer but each mother is already equipped with what their child needs, caring for them, loving them, teaching them gently, working and strategizing with them, helping them gently, and just supporting them through every stage of growth, from birth till they are ready to fly from your nest.

By: Ava Parnass (@ListenToMePleas)

Ava Parnass (@ListenToMePleas) — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 22:25:08 +0000

Of course the article is funny. We’ve all been there, and I understand that what you’re describing is just a snapshot of a moment in time. After reading your blog, I know you’re both great Moms. You may have already done all the things I suggest here. However the child psychotherapist in me can’t resist commenting, as your article provides a great teachable moment.

Just so your readers know, my child cried her way through every doctor’s appointment — and we went every 3 months for many years. It was a stressful, embarrassing nightmare. During each visit I kept reminding myself of all the things I learned in 15 years of child psychology practice, such as: it’s okay for kids to cry, many kids are scared at the doctor’s office, I am teaching her to be brave, and it will decrease in time.

The most important thing not mentioned in the “great advice” you’ve gotten (and you may have already done this!) is the need to address the feelings underneath the child’s behavior. Don’t be surprised if your child doesn’t yet have the language to articulate their emotional state. Many kids will say “I don’t know” if you ask them what they’re feeling. But with practice they’ll be able to name and express their feelings, and eventually the behavior will change.

In the beginning — which may mean years — it’s helpful to give kids choices of feelings they may be experiencing. For example, try saying, “I know this is scary. It’s okay to be scared. You’re brave to do this, and even if you cry, you’re still brave.”

And yes, continue to role-play doctor! It’s helping your child process their fears bit by bit. Even if you can’t see the results now, that doesn’t mean it’s not working. Most parents give up too soon, which is understandable. To read more http://owl.li/80UNt

By: Will Role-Playing DR. reduce kids’ fear of Dr’s visits? Effective Distract-Ivities & Strategies - Listen to Me Please

Thu, 15 Dec 2011 22:16:24 +0000

[...] From Whitney@Rookiemoms Blog ( Thankyou Heather and Whitney for letting me share the story:)) http://www.rookiemoms.com/3-parenting-tips-that-have-completely-failed-me/ Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/rookiemoms Twitter: [...]

By: Tasha

Tasha — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 22:06:53 +0000

I 100% agree with you. I have a three, two year olds and a seven month old. When it comes to eating of coarse I have no problem yet with my seven month old but my two year old will eat anything I eat but my three year old is so stubborn and wont eat as much. If I give him something I am sure he will like he will disect it first and then only eat what looks good to him. He even does it to food has eaten before. It can be so difficult and I have tried a lot to get him to eat. He has helped me make meals, shop for groceries and let him watch me trying to show him that what he is eating is going to taste good. I don’t know any more.
Doctor appointments are unbare able. All though I try to asure my children that not all doctor visits will end with them getting shots they still freack out. I did find one thing helpful though when it comes to getting the kids not to be so scared is I don’t let the doctors or nurses say shots around the kids when we go in. I then just have my kids sit on my lap while they get there shots. I also give them something to distract them while the nurse brings out the needle and then I just hold my kids’s hand while they hury and give them the shot. I found that for my kids it was the whole experience of being held down and then having a needle jamed into there leg. From beging to end its a bad experience. Since I just figured this out my two and seven month old are ok going to the doctors office but my three year old still throws a fit every time. Good luck

By: Kasandra

Kasandra — Fri, 13 May 2011 22:22:19 +0000

Don’t feel bad about your toddler not eating new foods, it is an instinct that stops them from poisoning themselves. By eating only foods that they recognise when they are exploring they are less likely to put a poisonous plant in their mouth.

By: Ann-Katrin

Ann-Katrin — Tue, 10 May 2011 11:37:30 +0000

Hei – i have also heard this. I have also read (can’t remember where)
that if a “tongue” is exposed to a new taste it can take up til 13 times before the “tongue” excepts the new taste as good. Average is 6 times.